Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Add Reply
Blaze Oshira
Topic Started: May 20 2018, 05:35 AM (88 Views)
Gao Mikado

Name: Blaze Oshira

Age: 16

Race: Human

Gender: Male

Home World: Earth

Deck World: Dragon World

Buddy: Lance Gal Dragon

Year: 7th Grade

Physical Appearance


Core Deck Case


Buddy skill


Questions to Answer:

- Personality
He's a Person that always attracts girls with his dark looks and socializing with other buddyfighters. All buddyfighter always wants a match with him and always accepting their challenges. He always likes to look tough in school so that students won't try to mess with him.

- Backstory
Blaze Ohira was born on earth living in Polaris with his older brother, He is in 7th grade playing Buddyfight with his friends, Blaze doesn't have a buddy cause he never got a buddy rare card and even without a buddy, he wins alot of matches, when the day he after school was over, he goes to the card shop and bought a pack of buddyfight cards, and when he opens the packs he found no buddy rare cards and that's when he became depressed that he didn't got a buddy rare, he sat down in his secret place near his house to think on how can he get a buddy rare card but there was no hope for him until he saw a light deep in the forest and that's when he found a card that says "Lance Gal Dragon in it's name and when he touched the card a mysterious light appeared and that's when Gal Dragon appeared in the light, Gal asked what Blaze's wish and Blaze replied to Gal that he wanted to have a buddy and Gal Dragon said to Blaze that he decided to become his buddy and that's when Blaze was happy they felt a strong bond that they would be buddies forever and he saw some floating cards going towards Blaze and saw cards that never existed and that's when Blaze realized an idea to make a new deck with those new cards and that's how Blaze and Gal became buddies.

- Family and relationships
Father and Mother(Deceased)
Brother:Kage Oshira

- Buddy's backstory
Lance Gal Dragon was born in dragon world training with the Deity Gargantua Dragon, He is one of the True Deity Tribe, he was training with his Deity lance given by Gargantua Dragon, He trained day and night to become stronger like Gargantua Dragon, when the day Gragantua Dragon asked Lance Gal Dragon, what is your true wish, Gal wishes to become stronger like Gargantua, and Gargantua recomended he find his own buddy, Gal went to the Dragon Zone to look people on earth to find his true buddy, and that's the night when he saw Blaze in his secret place and saw Blaze's desires, Gal Dragon desides to be Blaze's buddy and he went to earth and landed deep in the forest and form into a card, and that's when Blaze found Gal's card and when he touched the card a mysterious light appeared and that's when Gal Dragon appeared in that light and Gal asked what Blaze's wish and Blaze replied to Gal that he wanted to have a buddy and Gal Dragon said to Blaze that he decided to become his buddy and that's when Blaze was happy they felt a strong bond that they would be buddies forever there were floating cards going towards Blaze and he saw Gargantua Dragon in it's name and he realized he's gonna make a new deck with those cards and that's how Blaze and Gal became buddies.

- Likes, Dislikes, and Fears
Likes:Buddyfight,Winning,and Takoyaki
Dislikes:People who talks too much, Losing, Being Treated like a Kid
Fears:Losing his Buddy

- Hopes, dreams, desires, and plans for the future
Playing Buddyfight with his friends and Become the best buddyfighter in the world.

- Extra details
N/A
Edited by Aran, May 21 2018, 04:36 PM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Aran
Member Avatar
A mad(?) man (rarely) with a plan.
Ok so after fixing the profile template screw up, I can now review the profile.

- Your backstory is a gibberish pile of mess. The entire thing is one run-on sentence with terrible grammar.

- Putting aside the grammar, there are several issues with the writing of it. How would he forget about the game entirely? You make no mention of him moving, so that would mean he would have had to have lived in Polaris all his life, so monsters would be common-place, so he should at least remember the game exists.

- Why does he want to be the best swordsman in the world? Why did he forget the game? Elaborate on these points more

- While I don't mind the buddies appearing from the cards like that, but I have an issue when it happens out of nowhere for no reason. Why does Lance Gal Dragon decide to become buddies with Blaze? Elaborate on this.

- I am SURE he has family and friends outside of Lance Gal Dragon. Give details about them.

- Give more detail into his personality. What you wrote tells me nothing about him.

- Explain what all his buddyskill does. Even if you have a visual image of it, I need to know what it does.

- Fix your images.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Aran
Member Avatar
A mad(?) man (rarely) with a plan.
More Issues.

- Your buddyskill can't be a literal dragon. Some dragon features, like claws or wings, sure, that would be fine. But not the entire dragon. Also be more descriptive on its uses and appearance.

- The entire backstory is still one giant run-on sentence.

- His personality STILL tells me nothing about him! Go read my profiles or Nyao's profile and see how to write a personality

- Your Grammar is still terrible

- You still seem to be ignoring the lore. You don't have to pull the card to get a buddy. You can just go and sign up with your friend thats a buddy monster at the buddy police station.

- Why does Lance Gal Dragon want to be buddies with Blaze?

- Is Lance Gal Dragon's entire backstory just Drum's?

- Why is Gargantua Dragon the one who decides this?

- Give some details into his family. What was his parents named? How did they die? What did they do before they passed away? What's his brothers name? What does he do for a living? How old is he? Who are Blaze's friends?

- Why did Lance Gal Dragon enter the human world illegally when he could do so legally? Why did he end up in card form when he entered the human world?

- Why is his Core Deck Case still a sword when its no longer relevant to the character?
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Aran
Member Avatar
A mad(?) man (rarely) with a plan.
Round 3

- the backstories are STILL one long run on sentence.

- Give us some insight into his life! Describe some notable moments in his life, such as his parents dying.

- Consider the garga cards to have always existed, not some new never before seen cards.

- There is still no indication as to why Gal and Blaze form such a strong bond right off the bat. Elaborate on this.

- Put some effort into the family! Tell us about them! Don't just write them off as irrelevant info!

- Please word the personality better.

- Fix your grammar already!

- you do realize that 16 is usually 9th or 10th grade, right? If he was held back 2 or 3 years, that would be something to describe in the profile.
Edited by Aran, May 21 2018, 09:19 AM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
« Previous Topic · Character Profile · Next Topic »
Add Reply