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| Claire Critquing; Yet to be better named... | |
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| Topic Started: May 25 2009, 05:08 PM (34 Views) | |
| Vincent Valentine | May 25 2009, 05:08 PM Post #1 |
Avatar of Insanity
  ![]](http://209.85.117.197/static/1/pip_r.png)
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Since the desktop I was writing APOCA on has deteriorated, I have yet to retrieve the APOCA story from here. In the mean time, though, I had been working on a new stort so far titled, "Claire." I will, of course, give it a better name in the near future. As of now, though, it is to remain titled that. It is a medieval-fantasy based story, dealing about a mage named Gerard. He is the Arch-Mage of the Mage's Society, a large organization founded decades ago to help school other mages in the proper use and instruction of magic. While greeting his new flock of students for the new year, he recalls some painful memories, and tells the new students that no matter what may happen, if they have a problem, they may come to him about it, although his right-hand disagrees with such a term. Hearing what the Arch-Mage Gerard had said, this peaks Alexander's interest, a young mage fresh from the local guild halls. He goes into Gerard's room and inquiries about what the Arch-Mage was reffering to. Gerard gladly obliges, and is forced to recall his days in the guild halls. The happiness, the sorrow, heartbreak and pain. These emotions are all as familiar to him as his own heartbeat, but remains fond of them as long as he may live. If you wish to make comments or suggestions on the story, please do so here, as was done with APOCA. If you've any questions I shall try my hardest to answer them. |
Too much hope is the opposite of despair. An overpowering love may consume you in the end.. More nightmares will come to me now. More than I previously had. | |
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| The Lieutenant | May 26 2009, 01:44 PM Post #2 |
Super Villain
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Just read the prologue, it's pretty good, but it'd be more readable if you placed some space inbetween paragraphs. Apart from that, there's just a couple minor mistakes in wording and spelling. |
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My LastFM My Metal-Archives Profile (Album reviews and collection) Rate Your Music Profile Amplitude-X Forums looking for members. | |
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| Vincent Valentine | May 26 2009, 01:58 PM Post #3 |
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I did notice that it all seemed a bit cluttered together. I couldn't help that, seeing as how I couldn't tab (which is how the actual story is). I do appreciate the idea of double-spacing it, though. I may do that. As for mistakes, those happen often with me. I get on an idea streak and I start typing too fast to realize what I'm putting. It's not until later that I find this mistakes and fix them. I thank you for pointing them out, though. And I'm glad you enjoy the story! |
Too much hope is the opposite of despair. An overpowering love may consume you in the end.. More nightmares will come to me now. More than I previously had. | |
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5:15 AM Nov 27
