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Joke Thread
Topic Started: Jan 14 2014, 04:24 PM (29,085 Views)
Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
Me likey, a lot. :yipee :clap:
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Disorder
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Lt Paddy 'Chancer' Boyle
:wub: :wub: Paradise :wub: :wub: :grin:
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Mark M
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Hawk T1
Where is this Valhalla?????
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
Mark M
Mar 24 2017, 09:56 PM
Where is this Valhalla?????
apparently the pic was taken in a model shop in japan called Tam Tams
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Cimmerian
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Lt. Ken 'Albatros' Jeffrey
Nice and local then.
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mac1677
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Lt Mac 'Shocker' McSheffrey
Posted Image
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jelly071
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Rivet Counter
I like that
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Yuma, Arizona . They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents." They look at each other, and then go in, thinking, This is too good to be true.

The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the Room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll It be, gentlemen?"

There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a Martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced Martinis - shaken, not stirred - and says, "That'll be 10 Cents each, please."

The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.

Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the Bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a Dollar yet.

Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve Martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?"

"I'm a retired tailor from Phoenix ," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer - it's all the same"

"Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says.

As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.

Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the Men asks the bartender, "What's with them?"

The bartender says, "They're retirees from Scotland: they're waiting for Happy Hour when the drinks are half price".
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mac1677
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Lt Mac 'Shocker' McSheffrey
:rolf :rolf :rolf
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve


Little Johnny does it again !!!!!!!!!

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”
Michael said: “Just a minute I have to go for a leak”. The teacher responded by saying: “That would be rude and most impolite”.

The teacher then asked of another student “What about you, Sherman, how would you say it”?
Sherman said: “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back”.

“That's better”, said the teacher, “but it's still not very nice to say the word ‘bathroom’ at the dinner table”.

Then the teacher looked at our mate, little Johnny, saying “and you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners”.
Little Johnny said: “I would say: darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, to whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner”.

The teacher fainted!


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Cimmerian
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Lt. Ken 'Albatros' Jeffrey
:rolf
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Disorder
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Lt Paddy 'Chancer' Boyle
:rolf :rolf :rolf
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jelly071
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:clap: :clap: :rolf
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
A man washed up on a beach after a shipwreck and only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed-up with him.

After looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. The sheepdog, ever-protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed-by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.

The only survivor was Nicola Sturgeon, Leader of the Scottish Nationalists.

That evening, the man brought Nicola to the evening beach ritual.

It was another beautiful evening - red sky cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nicola and told her he hadn't had sex for months.

Nicola batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him?

He said, 'Take the dog for a walk.'
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
lol!
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