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Joke Thread
Topic Started: Jan 14 2014, 04:24 PM (29,084 Views)
beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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mac1677
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Lt Mac 'Shocker' McSheffrey
:rolf
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
i like this one


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DevilFish
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LCDR Paul "Voodoo" Carter
beowulf
Apr 23 2017, 09:09 AM
i like this one


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Never a truer word. :rolf
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
Golden Syrup....... Brilliant !!!!

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Xmas fancy dress party. He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit.
The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate. The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint.. A week passes and he receives another parcel and note:

Dear Sir,
Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit.
The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part. The man is really incandescent with rage now because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really strong letter of complaint.. A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.
We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, let it harden, then stick your wooden leg up your arse
and go as a toffee apple.
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Cimmerian
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Lt. Ken 'Albatros' Jeffrey
:rolf :rolf
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went to play golf.

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A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!' The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

****************************** *******
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' 'Can you read this?' the optician asked. 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

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Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.' 'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonnay.

****************************** **************
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'

The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'

The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

****************************** ****************************** ***
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

**************** ***************************
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve

The seven dwarfs always left to go to work in the mine early each morning. As always, Snow White stayed home doing her domestic chores. As lunchtime approached, she would prepare their lunch and carry it to the mine.

One day as she arrived at the mine with the lunch, she saw that there had been a terrible cave-in. Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that the dwarfs had somehow survived.

'Hello...Hello !' she shouted. 'Can anyone hear me? Hello !' For a long while, there was no answer. Losing hope, Snow White again shouted, 'Hello! Is anyone down there?'

Just as she was about to give up all hope, she heard a faint voice from deep within the mine,

"VOTE FOR CORBYN "

Snow White fell to her knees and prayed, 'Oh, thank you, God! ...At least Dopey is still alive !'
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mac1677
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Lt Mac 'Shocker' McSheffrey
:rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf that is great Del :cool
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
hehehe,,,,,reposted on facebook,......that will irritate a few lol
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
from an aussie mate......who was army lol

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Edited by beowulf, May 7 2017, 01:01 PM.
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Mark M
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Hawk T1
:rolf
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