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Joke Thread
Topic Started: Jan 14 2014, 04:24 PM (29,071 Views)
RJ Tucker
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
Quote:
 
REMEMBER, THESE PEOPLE CAN VOTE...


Vote, 'ell! They breed too! :angry:
Edited by RJ Tucker, Oct 17 2017, 12:24 PM.
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
A senior citizens group charters a bus for an overnight gambling casino trip.

An elderly woman comes up to the bus driver and says, 'I've just been molested!'

The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream.. So he tells her to go back to her seat and sit down.

A short time later, another old woman comes forward and claims that she was just molested. The driver thought he had a bus load of old wackos, but who would be molesting these old ladies?

About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that she'd been molested too.

The bus driver decides that he'd had enough and pulls into the first rest area.

When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his hands and knees crawling in the aisles.

'Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?' says the bus driver.

'I lost my toupee. I thought I found it three times, but every time I tried to grab it, it gets up and runs away!'
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RJ Tucker
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
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:barf
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Grayhawk
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Doug Summers
Remember, Vegans are people too - just like Vegetarians - and Vegetarian is Indian for "POOR HUNTER". I'm just sayin'...
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
Grayhawk
Oct 21 2017, 05:35 PM
Remember, Vegans are people too - just like Vegetarians - and Vegetarian is Indian for "POOR HUNTER". I'm just sayin'...
ive got nothing against vegetarian food............makes a nice garnish on the side of a steak :whistle
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RJ Tucker
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
beowulf
Oct 21 2017, 06:58 PM
Grayhawk
Oct 21 2017, 05:35 PM
Remember, Vegans are people too - just like Vegetarians - and Vegetarian is Indian for "POOR HUNTER". I'm just sayin'...
ive got nothing against vegetarian food............makes a nice garnish on the side of a steak :whistle
WELL! I'M OFFENDED Your food is my food's food. :blink:
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Disorder
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Lt Paddy 'Chancer' Boyle
A Garda stopped at a farm in Co Galway and talked to an old farmer. He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs." The farmer said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed out the location. The Garda verbally exploded and said, "look mister, I have the authority of the garda Síochána with me!" Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant garda removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the farmer. "See this badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want... On any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?!"
The farmer kindly nodded, apologized, and went about his farm work. Moments later the farmer heard loud screams, he looked up and saw the garda running for his life, being chased by the farmers big Bull Mc Cabe With every step the bull was gaining ground on the garda, and it was likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The old farmer threw down his tools, ran as fast as he could to the fence, and yelled at the top of his lungs......

"YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!"
Ya fecking eejit
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
:rolf :rolf
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.

He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”

“No,” he replies, “Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.”

The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch! What’s so special about it?”

Bond explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”

The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”

“Well, it says you’re not wearing any knickers.”

The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing knickers!”

Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, “Bloody thing’s an hour fast.”
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RJ Tucker
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I was in that pub! Yer' watch is an hour slow, double-oh 7! :wicked
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Disorder
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Lt Paddy 'Chancer' Boyle
:rolf :rolf :rolf
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DevilFish
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LCDR Paul "Voodoo" Carter
Which of the Spice Girls can carry the most fuel?













Geri can!
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RJ Tucker
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DevilFish
Oct 24 2017, 10:09 AM
Which of the Spice Girls can carry the most fuel?

Geri can!
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Edited by RJ Tucker, Oct 24 2017, 12:53 PM.
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
Doh!
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