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Joke Thread
Topic Started: Jan 14 2014, 04:24 PM (29,067 Views)
tc2324
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LCDR Tony `Banana's` Clay
So what`s the distinction between Guts and Balls?

Guts is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

Balls is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, with lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt, and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
After the first one I wouldn't have any balls to be able to do the second. She might be little but she does pack a punch.
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tc2324
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LCDR Tony `Banana's` Clay
I see the new Facebook page for Chinese Nazis is up and running.

It has three reichs already.
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
???
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RJ Tucker
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
tc2324
Dec 7 2017, 11:44 AM
I see the new Facebook page for Chinese Nazis is up and running.

It has three reichs already.
Ruh-roh! :blink:
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside and the lift is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, press my doorbell, OK?"

"Grandma, that sounds easy but why am I pressing all these buttons with my elbow? .........

"What . .. . .. .. You're coming empty handed?"
___________________________________

Wise Italian Grandfather

An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, "Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated ...38 revolver so you will always remember me." "But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos.”

"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'Times up!' "?
__________________________________

Irish blonde...

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, ... but all men... stupid!

___________________________________


Global Facts About Sex

At any given moment:

FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex - right now.
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT: 1 old person is reading emails.

You hang in there, sunshine!

______________________________

Porridge

A tough old cattle farmer from Gloucester gave some good advice to his granddaughter. He told her that the secret to a long life was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder onto her porridge every morning.he granddaughter followed this dictum religiously until her death at the venerable age of 103. She left behind, 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great -grandchildren, 25 great great grandchildren and a forty foot hole where the crematorium used to be!
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
Posted Image
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RJ Tucker
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
Posted Image

:wicked
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
Sexy..................................
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
tc2324
Dec 5 2017, 11:29 AM
So what`s the distinction between Guts and Balls?

Posted Image
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TomTheCat
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airbrush beginner
Olde Farte
Dec 7 2017, 12:04 PM
???
I needed some time too, but I think I got it: reichs = "likes"
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RJ Tucker
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Patrolling the MMM frontier

These mutts would fit in right with my fur clad idiots:

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:ohmy
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Mark M
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Hawk T1
Yep, blaze is the same
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
TomTheCat
Dec 9 2017, 10:20 PM
Olde Farte
Dec 7 2017, 12:04 PM
???
I needed some time too, but I think I got it: reichs = "likes"
Of course :bang: :bang: :bang: Thanks Tom :redface
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Disorder
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Lt Paddy 'Chancer' Boyle
Paddy was talking to Mick,
"I went to the Off License last night, on my bike, to get a bottle of whiskey.
I was just about to put it in the basket and cycle home, when I thought to myself - What if I fall off? I'll break the bottle.
So I decided to drink it there and then cycle home. It was a good thing I did, I fell off seven times on the way back!"
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