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Joke Thread
Topic Started: Jan 14 2014, 04:24 PM (29,053 Views)
Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
I went to my nearby Pharmacy, straight to the back, where the Pharmacists' high counter is located.

I took out my little brown bottle, along with a teaspoon, and set them up on the counter.

The Pharmacist came over, smiled, and asked if he could help me.

I said, "Yes! Could you please taste this for me?

Seeing a senior citizen, the Pharmacist went along with my request.

He took the spoon, put a tiny bit of the liquid on it, put it on his tongue and swilled it around.

Then, with a stomach-churning look on his face, he spat it out on the floor and began coughing.

When he was finally finished, I looked him right in the eye and asked: “Now, does that taste sweet to you?"

The Pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled: "HELL NO!!!"

I said, "Oh, thank God! That's a real relief! My doctor told me to have a Pharmacist test my urine for sugar!"

I’m not allowed to go back to that Pharmacy, but I really don't care, because they aren't very friendly there anymore!
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity.
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RJ Tucker
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
Punny I suppose.... :cool:
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
Oh definitely a bit crusty that one. :whistle :rolf
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
My Australian friend, learning about the Scottish culture, asked me for my idea of the perfect Scottish breakfast.

"A bottle of whisky, a haggis and a collie dog" I replied

"Why the collie?"

"To eat the haggis..."
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their chequebook, then decides to take their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "If I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, comfortable."

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you just write, comfortable?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's a blonde. She'll read it slowly."
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Disorder
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Lt Paddy 'Chancer' Boyle
:rolf :rolf :rolf

Posted Image
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
Took a minute Paul then I read it slowly. :rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf

Paddy, I use that all the time.
Edited by Olde Farte, Jul 8 2018, 09:13 AM.
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TomTheCat
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airbrush beginner
What he really thinks of your car...

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1/24 Model kit, lol

(Master Box item #24049. Apparently they don't like direct linking to their site's pages)
Edited by TomTheCat, Yesterday, 5:54 PM.
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
Link comes up 'Page not found at this address' Tom
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
AFTER MY RECENT PROSTATE EXAM, WHICH WAS THE MOST THOROUGH & INVASIVE EVER HAD, THE DOCTOR LEFT THE ROOM AND THE NURSE CAME IN.
AS SHE SHUT THE DOOR, SHE ASKED ME A QUESTION I DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR.

SHE SAID; "WHO WAS THAT BLOKE?”
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robunos
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Plastic fiddler
I'm told this is a 100% true story . . .

"One of my favourites concerned renowned actor, bon viveur and wine tank Peter O'Toole.
Peter was appearing in a production in The West End, and had just finished the matinee when some of his drinking pals came to the dressing room. They decided to go the pub for a few liveners. By seven o'clock they were completely bladdered.
They decided to see a play at the theatre near by. In they went, totally incoherent, and got great seats in the front of the stalls. The play progressed, and one of Peter's pals said, rather loudly " This is rubbish." Peter replied " Hang on a minute, there's a good bit coming up soon when I come on stage............. Oh bo**cks. "

cheers,
Robin.
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