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Joke Thread
Topic Started: Jan 14 2014, 04:24 PM (29,167 Views)
beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
A sergeant was passing the barracks after lights out, when he heard some voices from inside. He slammed open the door, and shouted:
"Listen, you guys! A few minutes ago, you all heard me say good night. What you must realize, is that when I say "Good Night," what I really mean is "Shut the f&%k up!!!"
The room instantly fell silent. After a few seconds, a small voice could be heard from somewhere in the back of the dark room:
"Good Night, Sergeant"
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
:rolf :rolf Got it on third read.
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mrvr6
Lt. john 'Buzz Kill' burton
lol
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stevescan
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Airbrush master
:rolf :rolf :rolf
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve


The British Penny


European Union Directive No. 456179

In order to bring about further integration with the single European currency, the Euro, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be made aware that the phrase “ Spending a Penny” is not to be used after 31 December 2014. From this date onwards, the correct term will be: “Euronating” ..

It is hoped that this will be a great relief to everyone.
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
lol
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Mark M
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Hawk T1
:rolf
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
A blonde is playing Trivial Pursuit and lands on a Science and Nature square.


The question-master asks her the question, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, would you be able to hear them?"


The blonde ponders this for a minute, then says,


"Is the vacuum on or off?"
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stevescan
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Airbrush master
:rolf :rolf :rolf
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
bwahahahahahaha
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
Life just gets better as you get older, doesn't it?

I was in a coffee shop recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realised that I desperately needed to fart. The place was packed but the music was really loud so, to get relief and reduce embarrassment, I timed my farts to the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me. Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my IPod.

This is what happens when senior citizens use technology!
Edited by Olde Farte, Oct 18 2014, 12:46 PM.
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
Prime Minister David Cameron was visiting a primary school where he visited one of the classes.
They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked the Prime Minister if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy".
So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy".
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field & a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a 'tragedy'".
" No," said Cameron, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explained the Prime Minister "that's what we would call a great loss."
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. David searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of tragedy?"
Finally, at the back of the room, a small boy raised his hand...In a quiet voice he said: "If the Aeroplane carrying you and Mrs Cameron was struck by a "friendly fire" missile & blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaimed David Cameron. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?"
"Well," said the boy "it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be a friggging accident either!"
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
Posted Image
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Mark M
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Hawk T1
:rolf
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
:rolf :rolf :rolf
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