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Joke Thread
Topic Started: Jan 14 2014, 04:24 PM (29,151 Views)
beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
mrvr6
Jul 15 2015, 12:15 PM
NSFW!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPD_RHVFlys

i was in tears watching this
hahahahahaha hilarious......as funny as the classic rainbow xmas vid
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Disorder
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Lt Paddy 'Chancer' Boyle
Absolutely hilarious. :rolf
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mrvr6
Lt. john 'Buzz Kill' burton
the blind bungee joke got me the most
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Nikon User
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"BEAVER"
A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian Coast

He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.

Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of police officers, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.

The Sarge says, "Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news."

"Well," says the bloke, "I guess I'd better have the bad news first."

The Sarge says, "I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead."

The bloke is naturally distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn.

But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is. The Sarge says, "Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized lobsters and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share."

He hands the bloke a bag with a couple of nice lobsters and four or fivecrabs in it.

"Gee-whizz thanks. They're proper beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... So, what's the other possible good news?"

"Well," the Sarge says, "If you fancy a quick trip, young Bill and I get off duty at around 11 o'clock... and we're going to shoot over there and pull her up again".
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
Nice.................................................... :rolf :rolf
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Cimmerian
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Lt. Ken 'Albatros' Jeffrey
:rolf
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandfather in the hospital.

"How are you grandpa?" he asks. "Feeling fine," says the old man.

"What's the food like?" "Terrific, wonderful menus."

"And the nursing?" "Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."

"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?" "No problem at all --- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a light."

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the Sister in charge. "What are you people doing," he says, "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"

"Oh, yes," replies the Sister. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The hot chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."

_______________________________________________________________________________
I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw my missus walking down the aisle towards me.
My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable.
It seemed to take an age, but eventually, there she was, standing beside me.
I gave her a loving smile and said,

"Get that trolley over here, Love. They're doing 3 cartons of beer for the price of 2 !!"
_____________________________________________________________________________________
A young girl walks into a supermarket and on her way round she sees the bloke with whom she had sex the previous evening, after they met in a pub.

He is stacking washing powder boxes on shelves. "You lying sod!" she yells. "Last night you told me you were a stunt pilot!"

"No," he says, "I told you I was a member of the Ariel display team."
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tc2324
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LCDR Tony `Banana's` Clay
Posted Image
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
:like
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
Posted Image
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stevescan
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Airbrush master
:rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf that's me trying to build aircraft.
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
:rolf :rolf Brings back so many memories. :whistle
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
I see the inventor of WD-40 has died.
May he rust in peace
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
beowulf
Jul 27 2015, 08:57 AM
I see the inventor of WD-40 has died.
May he rust in peace
Doh......................................
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Nikon User
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"BEAVER"
A tramp walks into a pub and asks for a toothpick. the barman sees no harm in this and so gives him a toothpick. The tramp then leaves the pub.

A couple of minutes later another tramp enters the bar and asks for a toothpick. The barman obliges and the tramp goes on his way.

The same thing happens three more times in the next 10 minutes. The barman is perplexed. Another tramp walks in, this time asking for a straw.

The confused barman's curiosity gets the better of him so he asks "For the last quarter of an hour, tramps have been coming in asking me for toothpicks, then you come in asking for a straw. Why?"

The tramp replies "Well, someones been sick outside and all the best bits have gone."
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