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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 14 2014, 04:24 PM (29,149 Views) | |
| Olde Farte | Aug 8 2015, 08:36 AM Post #526 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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I have just wet myself over these last few, poor old Aussies, tail firmly between their legs and money grabbing wives? no such thing is there................. |
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| Olde Farte | Aug 8 2015, 08:39 AM Post #527 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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Sorry Paddy............................ Paddy, who was on holiday from Ireland on Bondi beach couldn't seem to make it with any of the girls. So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice. Mate, it's obvious,' says the lifeguard, 'you're wearing them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer, they're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. "I'm tellin' ya mate...you'll have all the babes ya want!" The following weekend, Paddy hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, and laughing, looking sick! So Paddy went back to the lifeguard again and asked him, 'What's wrong now?'' The lifeguard replied 'Maaaaate. ...........The potato goes in the front! |
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| Disorder | Aug 8 2015, 08:41 AM Post #528 |
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Lt Paddy 'Chancer' Boyle
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| beowulf | Aug 8 2015, 08:42 AM Post #529 |
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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bwahahahahaha |
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| Olde Farte | Aug 8 2015, 08:45 AM Post #530 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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The other day my neighbour, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy. I thought, what the heck, and I starting jumping up and down along with her. She said, “Sally, I have some really great news!" I said, "Great. Tell me why you're so happy." She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant! I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier for you!" Then she said, "There's more." I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?" She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have twins Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said... (You're going to love this!) “That was the easy part. I went to ALDI and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!” |
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| Disorder | Aug 8 2015, 01:18 PM Post #531 |
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Lt Paddy 'Chancer' Boyle
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Brilliant!
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| beowulf | Aug 8 2015, 03:52 PM Post #532 |
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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lol |
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| stevescan | Aug 8 2015, 05:44 PM Post #533 |
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Airbrush master
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brilliant.
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| Olde Farte | Aug 9 2015, 01:12 PM Post #534 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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The ins and outs of : Facebook Says it all for me............. At the moment I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook whilst applying the same principles. So every day I go into the street and I explain to passers-by what I have eaten, how I am feeling, what I did yesterday, what I’m doing now, what I’m going to do next. I give them photographs of my friends, my family, my dog and cat, of me doing the gardening and at the swimming pool. I also listen to the conversations of people and tell them “I like” or share what others have said. And it’s working, I have already got three people who are following me, two policemen and a psychiatrist ….. |
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| stevescan | Aug 9 2015, 05:09 PM Post #535 |
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Airbrush master
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| Olde Farte | Aug 11 2015, 07:32 AM Post #536 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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A CATHOLIC MORNING COFFEE Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square. The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'." The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'." The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'." Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well?..." She proudly replies, “I have a daughter, slim and tall, 38 DD breasts, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Jesus!" |
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| beowulf | Aug 13 2015, 09:07 AM Post #537 |
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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A woman brings 8yr old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her 8yr old daughter. Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age." "Curious about sex?!?!?!" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her ******g appendix out!" |
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| Olde Farte | Aug 13 2015, 10:35 AM Post #538 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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| beowulf | Aug 17 2015, 10:24 AM Post #539 |
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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| Olde Farte | Aug 17 2015, 10:57 AM Post #540 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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2:39 PM Jul 11