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Joke Thread
Topic Started: Jan 14 2014, 04:24 PM (29,133 Views)
stevescan
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Airbrush master
:rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf
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Disorder
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Lt Paddy 'Chancer' Boyle
:rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf
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Nikon User
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"BEAVER"
:clap:
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
:rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf
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Cimmerian
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Lt. Ken 'Albatros' Jeffrey
Posted Image
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve


The Australian Virgin
A very nice, innocent Australian woman wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never had sex with another woman.

After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad.

She ends up corresponding with Scotty Greer who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback and has no experience with women.

They meet and she is very happy with him; she feels that they are perfect for each other.

Eventually they end up getting married.

On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the evening.

When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked.

All the furniture from the room is piled in one corner.

"What happened?" she asks.

"I've never been with a woman" he says,

"But if it's anything like a kangaroo, I'm gonna need all the room I can get!"
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
Skinny Dipping

An elderly man in Florida owned a farm, which had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed
it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange and lime trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned and said, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked, or make you get out of the pond naked. '

Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

Some old men can still think fast.
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RJ Tucker
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
I knew these Siamese twins. They moved to England, so the other one could drive. :blink:
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
:whistle :rolf
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Disorder
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Lt Paddy 'Chancer' Boyle
Olde Farte
Dec 1 2015, 02:46 PM
'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

Some old men can still think fast.
:rolf :rolf :rolf
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
​ A guy and a girl meet at a bar.

They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.

A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, says,

"Yes .... How did you figure that out?"

"Easy," she replies. "You keep washing your hands."

One thing leads to another and they make love.
After it's over the girl says, "You must be a really good dentist."

The guy, now with an inflated ego, says, "Sure - I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"

The girl replies....


"I Didn't feel a thing."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two Chimps and a Blonde

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back! Which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me?

I'll give you $100 ! For your trouble."

"I'd be happy to," said the blonde.

So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat
Belts.

Off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.

With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.

What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."

"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde," but we had money left over---so now we're going to Sea World."
Edited by Olde Farte, Dec 2 2015, 02:37 PM.
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Disorder
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Lt Paddy 'Chancer' Boyle
Pat says to Mick "I can't remember the name of that historical Greek film Brad Pitt was in"

"Troy" said Mick.

Paddy, "I feckin' am, but I still can't remember"!!!
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RJ Tucker
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"

:blink:
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
:rolf :rolf to both.
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