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Joke Thread
Topic Started: Jan 14 2014, 04:24 PM (29,131 Views)
RJ Tucker
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
One day a physics professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept.

A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"

"To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.

A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So, how does physics save lives?" he persisted.

"It keeps the idiots out of medical school," replied the professor.

:ohmy
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FTS
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Lt. Steve 'Gun Show' Harrison-Green
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
Ouch.... these are getting worse but keep them coming, very funny. :rolf :rolf :rolf
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
The value of a Catholic education and a pencil.

Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School .

Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.

'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?'

When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

'God Almighty!' shouted Susie.

The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class..

A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'

But Susie didn't stir from her slumber.

Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.

'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie.

And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep..

The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'

Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in Half!'

The nun fainted !
Edited by Olde Farte, Dec 7 2015, 11:26 AM.
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
lol!
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RJ Tucker
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
Mars..... Venus; you get the picture.

Posted Image
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Disorder
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Lt Paddy 'Chancer' Boyle
:rolf :rolf :rolf
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stevescan
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Airbrush master
:rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf love em.
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
:rolf :rolf
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Nikon User
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"BEAVER"
At election time a coach load of politicians were on their way to a meeting when the coach had a punctured tyre, left the road and crashed into a field.

When the emergency services arrived the coach was empty and there's no sign of the passengers.

The farmer is there with his tractor so they asked what became of the politicians.

"I buried them." he said.

"They were all dead then?"

"Well, some of them said they were alive, but you can't believe anything a politician says, now can you?"
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Nikon User
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"BEAVER"
Jim was a huge fan of tractors from the moment he could walk and talk. Tractors were his life. His bedroom had tractor wallpaper, he slept in tractor themed pj's and with tractor themed bedding. Nearly all his toys were tractors. On family days out he would make his father stop the car every time he saw a tractor working in the fields.

As he grew up he studied tractors, learning almost every tractor inside and out, he could identify every make and model and tell you all sorts of interesting and obscure details.

On his 18th birthday his family organized a trip to a tractor factory, and on hearing how dedicated to his obsession Jim was, the owner of the factory decided to let Jim drive the prototype of the very latest new model of tractor the company had produced.

Unfortunately there was still a design flaw in the steering and an accident occurred while he drove it round the test circuit, trapping Jim in the cab for over two hours and badly hurting him. He was traumatised. Jim gradually started to lose his obsession and fascination with tractors following the accident and he eventually gave away his childhood toys, and everything else tractor related was removed from his home. It was quite sad.

Some years later, Jim walked into a pub and was horrified to find the room was filled with cigarette smoke. In the corner sat a very attractive woman, visibly choked by the smoke in the room. Jim had never quite managed to have a relationship with a real actual lady before, what with his tractor obsessions, and he wondered how he could get her attention and impress her.

After gulping down a large Vodka, he steadied himself and took in a huge breath, sucking in all the smoke in the room and walked outside where he exhaled, blowing the smoke into the night air. Returning to the bar, he nervously approached the target of his affections and sat down near to the woman.

"That was amazing", said the woman.

"Think nothing of it" said Jim...



(Wait for it...)





















"I'm an ex-tractor fan"
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Nikon User
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"BEAVER"
I switched off my ex-wife's life support machine last night and realised how strong a person I am.



You try unplugging something while four doctors are trying to wrestle you to the ground!!
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Nikon User
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"BEAVER"
Went to our local pub with my wife last night.
Some of the locals started shouting "Paedophile!" and other vile names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 70.




It completely spoiled our 10th Anniversary.
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RJ Tucker
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
Two fish are in a tank. One fish turns to the other and says, "Do you know how to drive this thing?" :cool:
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
Wonderful................................. :rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf
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