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Joke Thread
Topic Started: Jan 14 2014, 04:24 PM (29,129 Views)
RJ Tucker
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
Blonds huh? Well, alrighty then.

Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlanta.

The brunette team rides on the bottom of the bus. The blonde team rides on the top level.

The brunette team down below is partying having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs.

She decides to get up and investigate. When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

The brunette asks, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"

One of the blondes looks up at her, swallows hard and says, "YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!"
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Cimmerian
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Lt. Ken 'Albatros' Jeffrey
:rolf
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Cimmerian
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Lt. Ken 'Albatros' Jeffrey
When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.

One of the questions asked us to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered spine are doctors today. The rest of us are sending jokes via email.


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Disorder
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Lt Paddy 'Chancer' Boyle
:rolf
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Cimmerian
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Lt. Ken 'Albatros' Jeffrey
Senior tax return

I just received an audit on my tax return for 2013 back from the Tax Office

It puzzles me!!!
They are questioning how many dependents I claimed.
I guess it was because of my response to the question: "List all dependents?"
I replied: 2 million illegal immigrants; 1 million crack heads;
2 million unemployed people on the dole,
25,000 people in over 123 prisons, 26,000 boat people, 535 persons in the Aust Parliament and Senate."
Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.
I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO The Hell DID I MISS?
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
:rolf :rolf :rolf
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RJ Tucker
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon."

The other drunk stops and look at his drunk friend. "You are wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun."

Both started arguing for a while when they come upon another drunk walking, so they stopped him.

"Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?"

The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."

Posted Image
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Cimmerian
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Lt. Ken 'Albatros' Jeffrey
My wife, had been after me for several weeks to varnish the wooden seat on our toilet. Finally, I got around to doing it while she was out.

After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned.

She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry ​ epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.

About that time, I got home and realized her predicament. We both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation, I undid the toilet seat bolts, she wrapped a sheet around herself and

I drove her to the hospital emergency room.

The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her
(Try to get a mental picture of this.) Wife tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before."

The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them......I just never saw one mounted and framed."

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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
:rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf
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stevescan
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Airbrush master
:rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf Keep em coming.
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
A bit sick but what the hell.


Tragedy In Newfoundland

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Twillingate, NFLD man answered his door to find two grim-faced RCMP officers.

"We're sorry Mr. Flynn, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the officers.

"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Cedric Flynn asked.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, Mr. Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first."

The RCMP officer said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay."

"Lord have mercy!" exclaimed Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?"

The officer continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking Atlantic Lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

Stunned, Mr. Flynn demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"

The officer replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."

:sofa
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RJ Tucker
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
I broke my leg dancing. My new nickname is Saturday Night Femur.



Pretty punny, huh?
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
Doh!
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Nikon User
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"BEAVER"
I've got a new job. I'm helping out a one-armed typist whenever she needs to type a capital letter.





It's shift work.
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
God they are getting worse.............................. :rolf
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