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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 14 2014, 04:24 PM (29,117 Views) | |
| RJ Tucker | Jan 22 2016, 09:25 PM Post #1006 |
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
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A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet. His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off. Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating. "How come you are sweating?" he asks. The parrot replies, "Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?"
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| Olde Farte | Jan 23 2016, 08:44 AM Post #1007 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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| beowulf | Jan 23 2016, 10:57 PM Post #1008 |
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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| beowulf | Jan 23 2016, 10:58 PM Post #1009 |
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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dont forget to wear that mask...........
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| beowulf | Jan 23 2016, 11:00 PM Post #1010 |
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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| beowulf | Jan 23 2016, 11:00 PM Post #1011 |
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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| RJ Tucker | Jan 24 2016, 12:57 AM Post #1012 |
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
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Little Bobby comes running into the house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," says his mom, "of course not." Bobby runs back outside yelling to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"
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| mrvr6 | Jan 24 2016, 04:26 AM Post #1013 |
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Lt. john 'Buzz Kill' burton
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| Cimmerian | Jan 24 2016, 02:48 PM Post #1014 |
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Lt. Ken 'Albatros' Jeffrey
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| RJ Tucker | Jan 24 2016, 08:25 PM Post #1015 |
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
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A guy finds his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house. He gives it a bath, blow dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes. A few days later, the neighbor asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?" The guy stammers and says, "Um... no... what happened?" The neighbor replies, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"
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| Olde Farte | Jan 25 2016, 10:15 AM Post #1016 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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| RJ Tucker | Jan 26 2016, 02:14 AM Post #1017 |
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
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First woman in space: "Houston, we have a problem." Houston: "What?" First woman in space: "Never mind." Houston: "What's the problem?" First woman in space: "Nothing." Houston: "Please! tell us." First woman in space: "I'm fine." |
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| Olde Farte | Jan 26 2016, 09:11 AM Post #1018 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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HOW THE INTERNET STARTED, ACCORDING TO THE BIBLE. ( PLEASE DO NOT GOOGLE THIS ONE OR CHECK WITH ANYONE ELSE. THEY WILL ONLY LIE TO YOU!) In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy (Dot for short). Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?" Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?" And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)." Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent. To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew to The People (HTTP). And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. Lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed, he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks. And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known, and he said, "We need a name that reflects what we are." And Dot replied, "How about Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators?" "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com. Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE). That is how it all began. And that's the truth. I would not make up this stuff. |
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| RJ Tucker | Jan 26 2016, 09:55 PM Post #1019 |
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
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Mattel started selling theme Barbie dolls. There's nurse Barbie, Beach Barbie, Flight Attendant Barbie & the best deal is Divorce Barbie. She comes with all of Ken's stuff.
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| RJ Tucker | Jan 27 2016, 07:24 PM Post #1020 |
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
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Two robbers were robbing rooms in a hotel. The 1st robber cocks his head & says "Listen! I hear sirens. We got to jump out of a window. They'll block the exits before we get out of here!" The 2nd robber protests, "But, we're on the 13th floor!" The 1st robber replies, " Aren't you a little old to believe those superstitions?"
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2:39 PM Jul 11