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| Joke Thread | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 14 2014, 04:24 PM (29,178 Views) | |
| Mark M | Jun 5 2014, 07:57 AM Post #91 |
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Hawk T1
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brilliant |
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| Olde Farte | Jun 5 2014, 11:01 AM Post #92 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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You decide who is right............ A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. 'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.' A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?' Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic; 2 The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it. (THIS GETS BETTER!) The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because: 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on; 2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have got a better model. The women won. |
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| stevescan | Jun 6 2014, 02:11 AM Post #93 |
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Airbrush master
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excellent Del and unfortunately so bloody true.
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| Cimmerian | Jun 6 2014, 05:07 PM Post #94 |
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Lt. Ken 'Albatros' Jeffrey
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A blonde holding a baby walks into a drug store and asks the clerk if she can use the store's baby scale. "Sorry, ma'am," says the clerk. "Our baby scale is broken. But we can figure the baby's weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the second number from the first." "Oh, that won't work," says the blonde. "Why not?" asks the clerk. "Because," she answers, "I'm not the mother - I'm the aunt." |
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| Olde Farte | Jun 7 2014, 08:10 AM Post #95 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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Excellent and I bet Auntie is a blonde.
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| mrvr6 | Jun 7 2014, 10:02 AM Post #96 |
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Lt. john 'Buzz Kill' burton
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erm yes mate it said so in the joke
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| Olde Farte | Jun 7 2014, 10:07 AM Post #97 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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Oh B^*x$£!S
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| Olde Farte | Jun 7 2014, 10:10 AM Post #98 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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Well worth a look. Edited by Olde Farte, Jun 8 2014, 09:13 AM.
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| stevescan | Jun 7 2014, 11:21 PM Post #99 |
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Airbrush master
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Nice to see skilled craftsman who follow health and safety rules to the letter, seriously some people should not be let out.
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| tc2324 | Jun 9 2014, 03:16 PM Post #100 |
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LCDR Tony `Banana's` Clay
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Four men went golfing one day. Once on the course, three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, "My son is a homebuilder and he is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free." The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend a new Mercedes, all the extras." The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a stockbroker and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio." The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, "We are just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?" The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay and dances in a gay bar." The three friends looked down at the grass trying not to laugh. The fourth man carried on, "Admittedly I'm not totally thrilled about the dancing job, but he must be doing pretty good. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new Mercedes, and a stock portfolio. |
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| stevescan | Jun 10 2014, 02:17 AM Post #101 |
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Airbrush master
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| Olde Farte | Jun 10 2014, 08:04 AM Post #102 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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| Olde Farte | Jun 10 2014, 03:07 PM Post #103 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM I would have given him 100% for his wit!!! Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?* his last battle Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?* at the bottom of the page Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?* liquid Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?* marriage Q5. What is the main reason for failure?* exams Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?* Lunch & dinner Q7. What looks like half an apple?*The other half Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?* It will simply become wet Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?* No problem, he sleeps at night. Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.. Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?* Very large hands Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?* No time at all, the wall is already built. Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack. |
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| Mark M | Jun 10 2014, 03:28 PM Post #104 |
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Hawk T1
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Fab |
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| tc2324 | Jun 13 2014, 01:57 PM Post #105 |
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LCDR Tony `Banana's` Clay
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2:40 PM Jul 11