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Joke Thread
Topic Started: Jan 14 2014, 04:24 PM (29,113 Views)
RJ Tucker
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common?

They're both fun to ride until someone you know sees you on one.

:blink:
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RJ Tucker
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
Boy: "I love you so much, I could never live without you."

Girl: "Is that you or the beer talking?"

Boy: "It's me talking to the beer."

Posted Image
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve


Women's logic and the Perfect Answer!!

I can't believe that you've been visiting prostitutes for sex," screamed his wife. "I'm really disappointed."

"You can hardly blame me," He answered. "It's not like I was getting any sex from you.”

"Well that's your fault," she replied. “You never told me you were willing to pay for it”
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
Why teachers drink............

What hope is there....????

The following questions were in last year's examination

(These are genuine answers).

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head. Once an Arab boy reaches puberty,he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head.

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a house, they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
(Shoot yourself now, there is little hope.)

Q. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
(So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.

Q. What is artificial insemination?
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow.
(Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)?
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.
The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U (WTF!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
(That would work.)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section.'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit.)

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.
(Irrefutable)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
(brilliant)

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
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RJ Tucker
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
Look at the bright side, Del. There'll be no shortage of lawyers for years to come!

(Hmmmm Posted Image....maybe that's the dark side!)

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RJ Tucker
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
A man says to his friend, “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years.”

The friend asks, “OH! Why not?”

The man replies, “She doesn't like to be interrupted.”

:ohmy
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
think we have all been there.............


Posted Image
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
After a few too many visits to the "Pleasure Parlour", a chap called Bill notices green lumps on his willy.

So off he goes to the doctor.

The doctor explains, "You know how wrestlers and Rugby players get cauliflower ears?"

"Yes" says Bill, nodding seriously.

"Well" says the doctor.... "You've got Brothel Sprouts."
_____________________________________________________________________________________
You can now get insurance for sex in the UK!

So make sure you get the correct insurance for the sex you are having.

Please find a list of companies below catering for most tastes:-

Sex with your wife - Legal & General

Sex on the telephone - Direct Line

Sex with your partner - Standard Life

Sex with someone different - Go Compare

Sex with a lady of generous proportions - More Than


Sex with a prostitute - Commercial Union

Sex with your maid - Employer's Liability

Sex with an oap - Saga

Sex resulting in pregnancy - General Accident

and finally

Sex with a transvestite - Confused.com

Make sure you are adequately covered!

Edited by Olde Farte, Feb 14 2016, 09:37 AM.
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Mark M
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Hawk T1
:rolf if just spat my tea over the computer
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Nikon User
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"BEAVER"
Astronomers got tired of watching the Moon go around the Earth every 24 hours...







...So they decided to call it a day.
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
God they get worse. :rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf :rolf
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RJ Tucker
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
Wife to husband: "My mother says I should never have married you. She says you’re effeminate."

Husband: "Compared to her everyone is."

:whistle
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
Posted Image
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
Posted Image
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
Posted Image
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