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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 14 2014, 04:24 PM (29,099 Views) | |
| mrvr6 | Jun 19 2016, 08:15 PM Post #1276 |
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Lt. john 'Buzz Kill' burton
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taxi for rj lol |
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| tc2324 | Jun 20 2016, 07:19 AM Post #1277 |
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LCDR Tony `Banana's` Clay
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A friend of mine has won tickets to see France beat Germany in the Euro 2016 final. Unfortunately it's on the same day as his wedding and he can't go. So if you want to go instead of him it's Sunday, 10th July St Mary's Church, Humberstone. Her name's Louise. |
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| tc2324 | Jun 20 2016, 07:19 AM Post #1278 |
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LCDR Tony `Banana's` Clay
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A Scotsman walked into a bar. Normally there is also an Englishman, Welshman and Irishman but they were at the Euros. |
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| Olde Farte | Jun 20 2016, 11:58 AM Post #1279 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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A school teacher asked her students to make a sentence containing the expression, "I presume ..". One little girl held up her hand and said: "Yesterday, my mother hand washed the dinner dishes, and I presumed that the dishwasher was broken." "Very good," said the teacher. Another one said: "This morning, my father drove the Volkswagen out of the garage. I presume that the BMW wouldn't start." "That's excellent," says the teacher. Little Johnny, at the back of the classroom, gets up and says: "Yesterday, I saw grandpa leave the house with a newspaper under his arm and headed for the bush. I presume that....... The teacher interrupted him and said, "I stopped you because you have no idea what your grandfather was going to do, so you can't presume anything. Johnny says, "Please, Sir, let me finish my sentence." The teacher says, "Very well. Continue." "As I was saying, I saw my grandpa heading for the bush with a newspaper under his arm. I presume he was going for a s**t because he can't read." The teacher is still undergoing counselling. |
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| Olde Farte | Jun 20 2016, 12:01 PM Post #1280 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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OLD PEOPLE'S SEX After his exam, the doctor said to the elderly man: 'You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?' 'In fact, I do,' said the old man... 'After I have sex, I am usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty.' After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: 'Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?' The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then said to her: 'Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time; and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?' 'Oh, that crazy old fart!' she replied. 'That's because the first time is usually in January, and the second time is in August.' |
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| Mark M | Jun 21 2016, 10:00 AM Post #1281 |
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Hawk T1
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| Olde Farte | Jun 21 2016, 11:00 AM Post #1282 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumour that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family." No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet. Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets." The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared. Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth. Give me an Amen, Brother!! |
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| beowulf | Jun 21 2016, 03:12 PM Post #1283 |
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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lol |
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| beowulf | Jun 23 2016, 06:07 PM Post #1284 |
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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| Johni044 | Jun 24 2016, 02:43 PM Post #1285 |
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Lt John "bullet" Irwing
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Someone told Donald Trump that Boris Johnson was a bit like him but with a thesaurus. Trump relied "where'd he get the dinasaur?" |
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| beowulf | Jun 26 2016, 11:54 AM Post #1286 |
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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| Olde Farte | Jun 26 2016, 01:07 PM Post #1287 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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Now that I like as it's SOOOOOOO close to home. |
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| mrvr6 | Jun 26 2016, 01:37 PM Post #1288 |
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Lt. john 'Buzz Kill' burton
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| beowulf | Jun 27 2016, 07:16 AM Post #1289 |
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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| Olde Farte | Jun 27 2016, 07:56 AM Post #1290 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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2:39 PM Jul 11