Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]

CLICK HERE to see posts in last 24 hours

Welcome to Mainly Military modelling. We hope you enjoy your visit.


You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Joke Thread
Topic Started: Jan 14 2014, 04:24 PM (29,099 Views)
mrvr6
Lt. john 'Buzz Kill' burton
taxi for rj lol
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
tc2324
Member Avatar
LCDR Tony `Banana's` Clay
A friend of mine has won tickets to see France beat Germany in the Euro 2016 final.

Unfortunately it's on the same day as his wedding and he can't go.

So if you want to go instead of him it's Sunday, 10th July St Mary's Church,
Humberstone.

Her name's Louise.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
tc2324
Member Avatar
LCDR Tony `Banana's` Clay
A Scotsman walked into a bar. Normally there is also an Englishman, Welshman and Irishman but they were at the Euros.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Olde Farte
Member Avatar
Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
A school teacher asked her students to make a sentence containing the expression, "I presume ..".

One little girl held up her hand and said: "Yesterday, my mother hand washed the dinner dishes, and I presumed that the dishwasher was broken."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Another one said: "This morning, my father drove the Volkswagen out of the garage. I presume that the BMW wouldn't start."

"That's excellent," says the teacher.

Little Johnny, at the back of the classroom, gets up and says: "Yesterday, I saw grandpa leave the house with a newspaper under his arm and headed for the bush. I presume that.......

The teacher interrupted him and said, "I stopped you because you have no idea what your grandfather was going to do, so you can't presume anything.

Johnny says, "Please, Sir, let me finish my sentence."

The teacher says, "Very well. Continue."

"As I was saying, I saw my grandpa heading for the bush with a newspaper under his arm. I presume he was going for a s**t because he can't read."

The teacher is still undergoing counselling.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Olde Farte
Member Avatar
Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
OLD PEOPLE'S SEX
After his exam, the doctor said to the elderly man: 'You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?'

'In fact, I do,' said the old man... 'After I have sex, I am usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty.'

After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: 'Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?'

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then said to her: 'Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time; and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?'

'Oh, that crazy old fart!' she replied. 'That's because the first time is usually in January, and the second time is in August.'
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Mark M
Member Avatar
Hawk T1
:rolf
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Olde Farte
Member Avatar
Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumour that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."


No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

Give me an Amen, Brother!!
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
beowulf
Member Avatar
Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
lol
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
beowulf
Member Avatar
Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Johni044
Lt John "bullet" Irwing
Someone told Donald Trump that Boris Johnson was a bit like him but with a thesaurus.

Trump relied "where'd he get the dinasaur?"
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
beowulf
Member Avatar
Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Olde Farte
Member Avatar
Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
Now that I like as it's SOOOOOOO close to home.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
mrvr6
Lt. john 'Buzz Kill' burton
beowulf
Jun 23 2016, 06:07 PM
Posted Image
:rolf
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
beowulf
Member Avatar
Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Olde Farte
Member Avatar
Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
:rolf :rolf
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
Go to Next Page
« Previous Topic · General Chat · Next Topic »
Add Reply