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Joke Thread
Topic Started: Jan 14 2014, 04:24 PM (29,097 Views)
Disorder
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Lt Paddy 'Chancer' Boyle
So it seems condoms don't offer protection anymore during sex.
My friend was wearing one when he was shot by the womans husband... :whistle
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RJ Tucker
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
Disorder
Jul 15 2016, 12:26 PM
So it seems condoms don't offer protection anymore during sex.
My friend was wearing one when he was shot by the womans husband... :whistle
He, probably, didn't read the directions & put it on the gun incorrectly.

:blink:
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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obviously photoshopped..............i mean, everyone knows the Incom T65 is drogue and probe! :whistle
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin..'

- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

<><>

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'

- Eleanor Roosevelt

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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..

- Mark Twain

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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible

- George Burns

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Santa Claus has the right idea.

Visit people only once a year.

- Victor Borge

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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

- Mark Twain

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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

- Socrates

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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

- Groucho Marx

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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

- Jimmy Durante

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I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

- Zsa Zsa Gabor

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Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

- Alex Levine

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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

- Rodney Dangerfield

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Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

- Spike Milligan

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Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .

- Joe Namath

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I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

- Bob Hope

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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..

- W. C. Fields

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We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

- Will Rogers

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Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

- Winston Churchill

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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..

- Phyllis Diller

<><>

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

- Billy Crystal

Edited by Olde Farte, Jul 21 2016, 12:13 PM.
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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Nikon User
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"BEAVER"
I accidentally passed my wife a tube of superglue the other day, when she asked for the lip salve.


She's still not talking to me.
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RJ Tucker
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:blink:
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beowulf
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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RJ Tucker
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A joke thread? That'll be pun!
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Olde Farte
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
This is what we seniors go through. The other day I went over to our Pharmacy.. When I got there, I went straight to the back of the store to where the Pharmacists' Counter is located and took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and laid them both onto the counter. The pharmacist came over smiled and asked if he could help me. I said, "Yes! Could you please taste this for me?"

Being I'm a senior citizen... I guess the Pharmacist just went along with me and picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid on his tongue and swilled it around.

Then with a stomach-churning look on his face he spit it out on the floor and began coughing.When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye asked, "Now, does that taste sweet to you?"

The pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, "HELL, NO!!!"

So I said, "Oh thank God! That's a real relief! My doctor told me to get a pharmacist to test my urine for sugar!"



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RJ Tucker
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YOU GO GIRL FRIEND!!!

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:blink:
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mrvr6
Lt. john 'Buzz Kill' burton
haha
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