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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 14 2014, 04:24 PM (29,096 Views) | |
| Olde Farte | Jul 29 2016, 08:20 AM Post #1321 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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Ah a Grannie with a sense of humour and I love it. |
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| beowulf | Jul 31 2016, 08:44 PM Post #1322 |
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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| beowulf | Jul 31 2016, 08:45 PM Post #1323 |
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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| beowulf | Jul 31 2016, 08:46 PM Post #1324 |
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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| beowulf | Aug 6 2016, 08:06 AM Post #1325 |
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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| Nikon User | Aug 6 2016, 12:11 PM Post #1326 |
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"BEAVER"
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Unfortunately, true... |
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| RJ Tucker | Aug 7 2016, 12:14 AM Post #1327 |
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
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A hungry traveler stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips. "Are you the friar?" he asks. "No. I'm the chip monk, Father Francis is the fryer; right over there." he replies. |
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| Olde Farte | Aug 16 2016, 10:27 AM Post #1328 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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Senior Password - this may help We’ve all gone through similar experiences trying to set a password I assume. WINDOWS: Please enter your new password. USER: cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. USER: boiled cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. USER: 1 boiled cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUp YourBumIfYouDon' tGiveMeAccessNow! WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. USER: ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledC abbagesShovedUpYourBumIfYouDon tGiveMeAccessNow WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use. |
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| Disorder | Aug 16 2016, 11:33 AM Post #1329 |
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Lt Paddy 'Chancer' Boyle
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What's Blue and not heavy? . . . . . . Light Blue !!! |
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| RJ Tucker | Aug 16 2016, 04:18 PM Post #1330 |
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
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AND......who's the smartest blue in the room? BRIGHT Blue! |
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| beowulf | Aug 16 2016, 05:49 PM Post #1331 |
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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A hunter walking through the jungle, found a huge, dead elephant, with a pigmy standing beside it. Amazed, he asked, "Did you kill that?" The pigmy said, "Yes." The hunter asked, "How could a little bloke like you kill a huge beast like that?" The pigmy said, "I killed it with my club." The astonished hunter asked, "How big is your club?" The pigmy replied, "We have about three hundred members." |
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| RJ Tucker | Aug 17 2016, 12:03 PM Post #1332 |
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Patrolling the MMM frontier
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Would you our join our club? There's a short line to get in.
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| Olde Farte | Aug 17 2016, 02:47 PM Post #1333 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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A plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning. One woman lost it completely. She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, 'I'm too young to die,' she cried. Then she yelled, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?' For a moment, there was silence. Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then a man from Australia stood up in the rear of the plane. He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time. No one moved. He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest. She gasped... Then, he spoke.................'Iron this -- and then get me a beer !' |
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| beowulf | Aug 19 2016, 11:48 AM Post #1334 |
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. So he reduced altitude and spotted another man below. He descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet them an hour ago but I don't know where I am". The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude". "You must be a technician." said the balloonist. "I am" replied the man on the ground "How did you know?" "Well" answered the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk." The man below responded, "You must be an officer!" "I am indeed" replied the balloonist "But how did you know?" "Well," said the technician "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems." "The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my f****** fault!" |
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| Olde Farte | Aug 24 2016, 08:01 AM Post #1335 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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THE BLONDE MAN HAS FINALLY ARRIVED A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo? He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine." A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me." The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet." A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ". He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up. A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!" A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road. The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!" A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic. His wife says "Why don't You put an ad in the paper?" He does; but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy!" he replies. A blonde man is in jail. The guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "Just WHAT are you doing?" the guard asks. "Hanging myself," the blonde replies. "The rope should be around your neck" says the guard. "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe." (This one actually makes sense.) An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat." A friend told the blonde man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The blonde man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th." Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two." A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you & your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday." |
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2:39 PM Jul 11