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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 14 2014, 04:24 PM (29,088 Views) | |
| Olde Farte | Jan 12 2017, 01:50 PM Post #1441 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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It took him 19 years to find out...............................................mind is boggling. |
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| beowulf | Jan 15 2017, 01:11 PM Post #1442 |
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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| mac1677 | Jan 16 2017, 03:14 PM Post #1443 |
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Lt Mac 'Shocker' McSheffrey
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I like that one Paul
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| beowulf | Jan 17 2017, 10:26 AM Post #1444 |
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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| Cimmerian | Jan 17 2017, 01:07 PM Post #1445 |
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Lt. Ken 'Albatros' Jeffrey
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My puppy tries to sit like that. It's surprisingly painful. |
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| Olde Farte | Jan 17 2017, 02:17 PM Post #1446 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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I wonder who had the poly gloves on, army or RAF..................... |
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| beowulf | Jan 19 2017, 09:33 AM Post #1447 |
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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| beowulf | Jan 19 2017, 09:35 AM Post #1448 |
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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| Olde Farte | Jan 19 2017, 11:30 AM Post #1449 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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After meeting this gorgeous lady in a bar and after some conversation and drinks, I invited her to my apartment. I couldn't ask her directly if she's was going to stay over so I threw a question at her:"How would you like your eggs in the morning?" The smartass replied:"Unfertilized" |
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| Olde Farte | Jan 22 2017, 10:10 AM Post #1450 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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----- A SHORT... BUT BEAUTIFUL LOVE STORY A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.' 'I have a better idea,' she replied, 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married'. 'Wow! That's a great idea!' he exclaimed. 'Good,' she replied, 'Get your own bloody blanket!' After a moment of silence, he farted. The End. |
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| Olde Farte | Jan 22 2017, 10:17 AM Post #1451 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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You know there are so many TV channels, each one starved for new programs. In a rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who might have some theories on the matter. This “TRUE” interview went as follows: The lady reporter: “I am here to collect information on the possible sources of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?” The farmer stared at the reporter and said? “Did you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year”? Reporter: (obviously embarrassed): “Well, sir, that's a new piece of information but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?” Farmer: “Miss, did you know that we milk a cow twice a day?” Reporter: “Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?” Farmer: “I am getting to the point, Miss.” “Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day ... and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?” THE TV INTERVIEW WAS NEVER AIRED .... |
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| Olde Farte | Jan 24 2017, 10:56 AM Post #1452 |
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Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
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Ethel checked into a Motel on her 65th Birthday, she was lonely, a little depressed at her advancing age so decided to risk an adventure. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages." She looked through the phone book, found a full-page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony, a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six-pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a dime off his well-oiled buns.. She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call. "Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?" Oh my, she thought he sounds so sexy! Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, so she rushed right in, "I hear you give a great massage. I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go at it all night ... Tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I'm ready! Now how does that sound?” He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but I am the desk clerk, you need to press 9 for an outside line." |
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| tc2324 | Jan 24 2017, 03:17 PM Post #1453 |
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LCDR Tony `Banana's` Clay
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A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. "There" says the vet," Your hamster is dead". Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head. "It's definitely dead sir", says the vet. Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. "That will be £1000, please". "A £1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead" fumes the man. "Well", says the vet, "There's my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan". |
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| Disorder | Jan 24 2017, 04:56 PM Post #1454 |
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Lt Paddy 'Chancer' Boyle
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| beowulf | Jan 24 2017, 09:34 PM Post #1455 |
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Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
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2:39 PM Jul 11