Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]

CLICK HERE to see posts in last 24 hours

Welcome to Mainly Military modelling. We hope you enjoy your visit.


You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Joke Thread
Topic Started: Jan 14 2014, 04:24 PM (29,086 Views)
Olde Farte
Member Avatar
Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
With apologies to our friends across the pond.

During a lull between the speeches at the recent presidential swearing-in ceremony, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with the Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson.

"You know, I bought Donald a parrot for Christmas. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to pronounce over two hundred words!"

"Wow, that's pretty impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize that he just speaks the words, ...he doesn't really understand what they mean."

"Oh, I know," Melania replied, "Neither does the parrot."
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
beowulf
Member Avatar
Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Olde Farte
Member Avatar
Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
:rolf :rolf

Bloody Northern foreigners who can't speak the Queens English makes me glad to be South of Watford :whistle
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Olde Farte
Member Avatar
Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
A mother and her 5-year-old son were flying Qantas from Sydney to Auckland.
The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and
asked,“If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.

So the little guy walks up to the galley and asks the flight attendant,
“If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"

The boy said, "Yes, she did”.

"Well then, please tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Qantas always pulls out on time,
and ask her to explain that to you."
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
RJ Tucker
Member Avatar
Patrolling the MMM frontier
Posted Image

FREE THE VEGAN HOSTAGES!!!!!

:blink:
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
beowulf
Member Avatar
Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
beowulf
Member Avatar
Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Olde Farte
Member Avatar
Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
:rolf :rolf
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Cimmerian
Member Avatar
Lt. Ken 'Albatros' Jeffrey
THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:

1. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."

2. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."

3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."

4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."

5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."

6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."

7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."

8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."

9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."

10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."

12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."

13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."

14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."

15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."

16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."

17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."

19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

BE AWARE ...THEY WALK AMONG US and THEY VOTE!
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Olde Farte
Member Avatar
Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
Sounds like a couple of people I know.......................... :rolf :rolf :rolf
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
beowulf
Member Avatar
Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
beowulf
Member Avatar
Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Olde Farte
Member Avatar
Lt. Derek 'Smurfy' Reeve
A young lady was waiting for a bus and as the bus stopped it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn’t.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, “How dare you touch my body ? I don’t even know who you are !”

The Texan smiled and drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.”
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
mac1677
Member Avatar
Lt Mac 'Shocker' McSheffrey
Posted Image

Posted Image
Edited by mac1677, Mar 21 2017, 04:57 PM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
beowulf
Member Avatar
Lt. Paul 'Red Dog' Rose
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
ZetaBoards - Free Forum Hosting
ZetaBoards gives you all the tools to create a successful discussion community.
Learn More · Sign-up Now
Go to Next Page
« Previous Topic · General Chat · Next Topic »
Add Reply