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jokes
Topic Started: Feb 6 2008, 05:41 PM (1,610 Views)
D 2

Agents
what do you do with a dead chemist?

barium
Okay, so this one's a bit borderline ...
There was this mother and her son, and the mother was having an affair. Her son, unbeknownst to her, would hide in the closet during these 'interludes'. One day, the boy's father came home from work early, and the mother shoved her lover into the closet, not knowing that her son was in that closet.
The boy says to the man, "It's dark in here." The man says, "Yep" The boy says, "I have a baseball glove" The man, nervous that the woman's husband will hear, says, "That's great...shh!" The boy says, "Wanna buy it?" Eager to shut the boy up, the man says, "Sure, how much?" "$500" "Fine, just shut up!"
In about a week, the same situation happened. The boy said, "It's dark in here" The man sighs and says, "Yep." The boy says, "Wanna buy a baseball for $500?" "FINE! shut up, okay?"
In another week, the dad asks the boy if he wants to play catch, and the boy says that he sold his glove and ball. The dad asks how much he sold them for, and the son replies "$1000." He exclaims, "How could you take advantage of people like that?? Go to the priest and confess this instant!!"
So the boy goes inside the booth, and says, "It's dark in here!"
The priest says, "Darn it, don't start that again!!"
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Rebel
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W1 - Help
i dont kno if this belongs here or not, its more of a riddle but 10$ to whoever gets it right

What word can be written forward, backward or upside down, and can still be read from left to right?
There is no good or evil, just different ppl with different beliefs
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Daker3
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The Anthrartist
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- You have too much money. The answer is NOON. No, do not give me the $10.
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Rebel
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i have noting to do with my money so when bored i give it away for small things
it was as easy as 3.14159226535897932384626846246338327950288419716939937510......" makes gibberish numbers" i lost count
There is no good or evil, just different ppl with different beliefs
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Azure
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there are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary, and those who don't.
Through Chaos Comes order.

Dare to be different!
I am universal sharer #1
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Daker3
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The Anthrartist
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- Wait a minute. I thought I already posted that joke somewhere...Nevermind. I just used that joke in one old drawings last year. Now, I'll reuse it and delete your post later on so no one finds out what reminded me of the joke.
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D 2

Agents
jan that is 2 posts in the JOKES section without jokes you are slacking
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Gunny
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Agents
Two rednecks are hunting in the woods. One of them falls over and stops moving.
His buddy calls 911 and says"Gawd, you've got to help me, Billy just fell over and I think he's dead"
The 911 operator replies"Sir, Calm down. First we need to make sure if he's dead"
There is a short silence on the phone, then a loud gunshot.
The redneck gets back on the phone and says" OK, now what?"

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Rebel
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that sounds familiar to a world of warcraft joke gunny,
and jedi man if u delete my post....ill delete ur soul
if u still have one 0_o

There is no good or evil, just different ppl with different beliefs
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Daker3
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- Ok...then call me Master Jedi Man and I'll call you Padawan. Or Dr. Jan Medi. No, just Dr. Medi.
- Why would I delete your post?
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Rebel
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were u talkin about my easy as 3.14.....(u no wat it is) joke or just trying to incite havoc chaos and harmony in this hell bent world, or maybe its for gettin ur uber leet typing skills up,

and besides im not of the light side, im of the chuck norris side (uses pwnage to face force power)
There is no good or evil, just different ppl with different beliefs
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Gunny
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Agents
You all don't seem to realize you would get the :censored: beat out of you if you came at me with a lightsaber. Bring it on. I still have a couple of them laying around, and melee weapons are one of my strong suits. "Master" Jedi Man will fall to me. You do not know the power of the OD(Olive Green) side of the force. You will know who the true master is after that battle.

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Gunny
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Agents
Murphy's Laws of Combat 1-10

#1 If the enemy is in range, so are you.
#2 Incoming fire has the right of way.
#3 Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
#4 There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
#5 The problem with the easy way out is that it has already been mined.
#6 Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
#7 Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
#8 The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:

1. when they're ready for you .
2. when you're not ready for them.

#9 Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.
#10 If you can't remember, then the claymore IS pointed at you.

This is my theme, so nobody else can do this.

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Rebel
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i have found proof that zombies dont want brains, they just want to dance and rock out, for visual proof of this watch Thriller by Micheal Jackson ( this is when he was cool )
There is no good or evil, just different ppl with different beliefs
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Gunny
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Agents
The 1700's
A warship.

The lookout calls down to the captain"An enemy ship on the horizon"
The Captain says to his first mate"Bring me my red shirt"

The Battle rages for hours, with victory to the warship

The first mate asks the captain"Why did you want your red shirt?"
The Captain replies"so that if I was shot, the men would not notice and continue fighting"

The lookout calls to the captain"A dozen enemy ships on the horizon"
The Captain says to the first mate"Bring me my brown pants"


Also...


11. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
12. A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
13. If your attack is going well, then it's an ambush.
14. Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
15. Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
16. If you build yourself a bunker that's tough for the enemy to get into quickly,
then you won't be able to get out of it quickly either.
17. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
18. If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone.
19. When you've secured the area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
20. Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.

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