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The Official NWV Thread; News of the weird and absurd
Topic Started: Apr 21 2007, 11:19 AM (9,070 Views)
Ro-Dan
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I'd chew those gun-blazing bastards out.
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Various stories that definitely belong in Sparkie's "crypt":

-in Vallejo, CA a man at a Six Flags theme park, and with apparently nothing better to do, entered a restricted area and punched a camel. He subsequently fled when theme park security officers tried to detain him. The suspect was later caught and arrested by police: Animal attraction: man arrested for punching camel at Six Flags theme park

-two New Zealand women were briefly sickened after being served dish washing liquid instead of wine at a local cafe: Fluid dynamics: New Zealand cafe serves patron dishwashing liquid instead of wine

-while most city dwellers are understandably, and usually, concerned with local issues like taxes, crime and the job market not so for Denver(CO) resident Jeff Peckman, who has petitioned for the city to form an eighteen member task force to study how to deal with a hypothetical extraterrestrial space alien invasion of the city: Local Denver resident wants to form commission to study potential for alien invasion
very funny
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The Illinois State Police's latest addition to their firearm owner registry is, needless to say, unusual: ten month old Bubba Ludwig. The infant's father, Howard Ludwig, applied for a FOID, or Firearm Owner Identification card, after his baby boy received a 12 gauge shotgun. The infant's application was processed and the ten month old baby is now officially licensed to carry firearms: The gun that rocks the cradle: ten month old Illinois baby now registered gun owner

Houston(TX) authorities have arrested two men on corpse abuse charges after the two allegedly used a skull from one of the disturbed graves as a makeshift bong, in order to smoke marijuana: Reefer sadness: men arrested for using skull to smoke weed

Local police in Calumet, Michigan are no doubt scratching their heads after an envelope, with no return address on it, and a $20 bill inside it, was mailed to them by a female who decided to pay the $1 parking ticket...originally issued back in 1976: Ticket to ride: Michigan female pays 32 year old parking ticket
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Been awhile since I updated this thread so without further ado...

-a Romanian court has awarded $795,000 to a man whose penis was accidentally removed, during surgery, in 2004: Cut to the quick: Romanian man awarded $ after accidental removal of penis during surgery

-a man in Manchester, CN was arrested by police after witnesses reported seeing him walking along a local highway wearing only a thong, fake breasts and a wig. The man was charged with disorderly conduct and is free on bond:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25465986/
very funny

-in Deland, FL a 46 year old man has been charged with simple battery after allegedly assaulting his own mother, while inebriated, with a three pound sausage: Wieners and losers: Florida man arrested for sausage attack on own mother

-in St. Leonard, New Brunswick(Canada) a truck carrying twelve million honey bees overturned on one of Canada's busiest highways, loosing 330 crates of the insects to the adjacent countryside. Efforts to contain the bees have been aided by rain: Stinging comebacks: Canadian truck overturns on highway releasing twelve million bees

-in Coney Island, NY Joey Chestnut has reclaimed the title of World's Hot Dog Eating Champion, defeating his rival, and former champ Takeru Kobayashi. The two men consumed fifty nine hot dogs in ten minutes and then competed in a five hot dog "eat off" to determine a winner: Let's be frank: Joey Chestnut is hot dog eating champ again
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More unusual news from the crypt:

-in Acapulco, Mexico Celsa Aleman undoubtedly saved her own life, and that of her seven year old niece, after fighting off a 500 lb lion with a machete. The enormous cat attacked Aleman's donkey as she and her niece walked along a road. She was able to drive off the lion, the animal recently escaped from a local zoo and later captured by authorities: Road warrior: Mexican woman fights off lion with machete

-Paul Parrish II of Charleston, WV might qualify as the world's dumbest criminal after his botched attempt to rob a video rental store...with an empty cheesecake box. Parrish entered the store and set the closed box on the counter, declaring to a store clerk that a bomb was set to go off inside it unless he was handed $. The clerk refused, Parrish II was later caught by police and the bumbling thief confessed to the crime after being shown store video tape: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080808/ap_on_fe_st/odd_dessert_bomb_hoax;_ylt=AjrFDZO3CGRHtH2FfFj..MYuQE4F

-a 54 year old grandmother was arrested by police in Marathon, FL after she was spotted driving around a Marathon grocery store parking lot with her three year old granddaughter on the roof of her car: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080807/ap_on_fe_st/odd_child_car_ride;_ylt=AnBdUHoX4SiWj.bK9TDh8UjtiBIF
Nono

-the ages old question of "why did the chicken cross the road" has taken on a new meaning after Jerry Sleater, of Kennewick, WA found his 5' tall, 400 lb yard ornament, "Rudy", lying in the road next to his mailbox. "Rudy" is an ornament patterned after an adult rooster, and someone attempted to steal it in the overnight hours from Sleater's property. Sleater speculates that the thief (or thieves) gave up because "Rudy" was too big to carry or haul off: Chicken not so little: thieves give up trying to steal man's yard ornament
very funny
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-Don Gorske of Fon Du Lac, WI blames obsessive compulsive disorder, often referred to as "OCD", for his fondness of McDonalds Big Macs. Some might call it an obsession, including Gorske himself. The reason? Gorske has consumed 23,000 Big Macs in 36 years: Burger King: Wisconsin Man Consumes 23,000 Bic Macs over 36 years

-Fresno, CA police have arrested a 22 year old man after he allegedly burglarized the home of two sleeping farm workers, stealing money and stopping long enough to strike one of the sleeping workers in the head with a sausage. Police later arrested 22 year old Antonio Vasquez in a nearby field: Wiener take all: burglar detained by police after sausage attack on victim
very funny

From Chuck Shepherd's News Of The Weird police "blotter":
Quote:
 
Charlie Van Wilkes Jr., 31, was arrested in Danielsville, Ga., in August and charged with possession of drugs and burglary tools. The arrest report noted that Wilkes had a "large lump in the front of his blue jeans, with wires running from inside his pants and hanging down dragging the ground" as he walked. Wilkes explained that he was wearing a "homemade vibrator," hooked to a battery. Wrote the officer, "(A) small motor had been removed from an item and placed inside a pill bottle, and then wrapped in a piece of pipe insulation before being placed inside (Wilkes') pants for a pleasurable sensation." [Madison (Ga.) Journal, 8-9-08]
very funny
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A Lincoln, Nebraska judge has thrown out a lawsuit filed by State Senator Ernie Chambers, who sued God for making terroristic threats. The judges' reason for tossing the lawsuit seems, at least to me, fairly well justified: the defendant in the lawsuit has no known address and therefore couldn't properly be served with the suit paperwork- Not so legal eagle: Nebraska politician's lawsuit against God tossed loco2

A Brooksville, FL deputy named Joseph Tibor learned, to his chagrin, that a Taser does not work very well on wild boars. Deputy Tibor, responding to complaints of a "wild pig" churning up neighborhood yards, encountered a 450 lb leviathan boar, and quickly used his Taser on the enormous swine. The jolt of electricity had little effect on the animal. Fortunately the large critter was later corralled in an adjacent yard:
Boar zone: huge swine shrugs off police taser groink!
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Those of you like myself who enjoy eating huge hamburgers should be most impressed with twenty one year old Brad Sciullo of Uniontown, PA who sat down in Denny's Beer Barrel Pub, in Clearfield(PA) and consumed the "Beer Barrel Belly Bruiser", a leviathan burger weighing in, with toppings, at just over twenty pounds. Sciullo managed to consume the mammoth burger in under five hours, winning $400 cash and some t-shirts.

There's no word on whether Mr. Sciullo stopped at a local pharmacy on the way home after this meal and picked up some Pepto Bismol or Maalox but it wouldn't surprise me if he did: Glutton for punishment: PA man consumes 20 lb burger
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CrowMagnumMan
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Oh yeah. I actually heard about that guy. Very impressive. Very stupid, but I am still impressed. I could never eat that food, even if I wanted to.
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Public skepticism of the Illinois voter registration process may understandably increase in the coming months after a Chicago(IL) homeowner's dead goldfish received official voter registration material in the mail - Fish out of water: Illinois homeowner's dead fish receives voter registration paperwork in mail

very funny
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Haha yeah. I heard about that on Paul Harvey. That's awesome.
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In West Virginia a horse named "Gracie" managed to get her head stuck in a tree last week, and might not have survived were it not for the actions of passerby and Pullman, WV native Jason Harschbarger, who used a chainsaw to carefully cut away enough wood from the tree in order to free the animal from its predicament: Horsing around: equine manages to get head stuck in tree

In Valdez Chico, Uruguay fifty two cows were killed after the fence they were grazing by was struck, and momentarily electrified, by a bolt of lightning: Cows not coming home: fifty two cattle killed by lightning strike
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In Paramus. NJ a thirteen year old boy, wanting like classmates to participate in Halloween activities at his school, was instead sent home by school officials after arriving at school dressed up as Jesus Christ, wearing a robe, sandals and a fake beard. School officials justified their action by declaring that the boy was a distraction to other students, who were also in various costumes of their own: NJ boy sent home after arriving at school dressed as Jesus Christ

very funny
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packmule
Nov 2 2008, 09:54 AM
In Paramus. NJ a thirteen year old boy, wanting like classmates to participate in Halloween activities at his school, was instead sent home by school officials after arriving at school dressed up as Jesus Christ, wearing a robe, sandals and a fake beard. School officials justified their action by declaring that the boy was a distraction to other students, who were also in various costumes of their own: NJ boy sent home after arriving at school dressed as Jesus Christ

very funny
That's an awesome idea. I wish I'd thought of that. Don't know why they had to send him home, though. That seems like an overreaction.
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In Lawton, OK a 28 year old man is in jail, arrested for disorderly conduct and assault on a police officer after he tried to pay for his $32 bar tab with chewing gum wrappers: You can bill me: drunkard arrested after trying to pay bar tab with gum wrappers

very funny

In Cheyenne, Wyoming Linda Reid opened her front door on the morning of November 6th in order to retrieve the newspaper in her driveway. She couldn't. The reason: an enormous, five foot tall pile of tumbleweed that had accumulated against the front of her house: Weed be gone: Wyoming woman greeted by five foot tall thatch of tumbleweed against her front door
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A UK man found a horrific way to protest his eviction from his apartment flat by real estate developers: he sawed off his own head.

UK man protests eviction by sawing off his own head
shokked

In Raleigh, NC a 30 year old man who robbed a gas station and then fled to a Harris Teeter(grocery store) parking lot across the street looking to carjack someone got more than he bargained for when, attempting to steal a grocery store patron's car, he was clubbed upside the head by another customer brandishing a frozen turkey. Police apprehended the thief and he is facing numerous felony charges:
Bird brained: Raleigh, NC thief stopped by frozen turkey to the head

very funny

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A thirty eight year old Japanese woman has been jailed after allegedly making 7177 phone calls to police between 9/14 and 10/13 to protest what she claims was indifference by a police officer, in 2005, to an assault complaint she filed against another person. The calls, many in which the woman allegedly said nothing more than "Drop Dead!" before hanging up, prompted Osaka(Japan) police to arrest her on a charge of obstructing police work: Phoning it in: Japanese woman calls police 7177 times in a month

very funny

In Brisbane(Australia) a 42 year old man facing multiple traffic charges denied in court that he resisted arrest, claiming he was too fat to exit the car after being ordered by police officers to exit his vehicle. Damien Gerard Hannigan, 42, was also charged with resisting arrest, on top of other charges which included drunken driving and fleeing the police: The Weight Is Over: Australian man claims he was too fat to exit vehicle after traffic stop
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A Sedalia, Missouri hunter who shot a large male deer on November 19th during hunting season, and with a .270 caliber rifle, discovered, upon close inspection of the animal, that it wasn't dead. The nine point, 240 lb buck managed to get to its feet and attack the man, injuring him in the scalp with its antlers before staggering off and finally dropping dead yards away. The hunter, 49 year old Randy Goodman, was treated at a hospital for a scalp injury and mild concussion: The buck doesn't stop here: Missouri hunter attacked by not so dead deer
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A 74 year old Riviera Beach(FL) commercial real estate seller named E.T. Strickland recently returned to work despite the fact he has a bullet lodged in his head. Strickland, earlier this week, was struck by a stray bullet fired by someone attempting to rob a Walgreens pharmacy. Doctors have urged Strickland not to have the bullet removed but the commercial realtor has said he plans to consult a neurosurgeon about having it removed: FLA commercial realtor returns to work despite having bullet in head
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Think you've seen an unusual critter in the wild? The citizens of Stubbington, Hampshire(UK) probably did as well...until a purple colored squirrel was observed prowling the trees of this southern English town. Wildlife experts are, admittedly at a loss as to why the arboreal critter has purple fur: A Nut's Tale: Southern English town home to purple squirrel

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They say cats have nine lives. If that's the case then "Voodoo", a seven year old cat, has definitely used up one of his: this cat recently survived a 34 story fall, about three hundred feet, from a high rise apartment building in Queensland(Australia). Apparently some shrubbery broke the animal's fall enough and helped the animal escape more serious injuries, or death. The cat has been treated for minor injuries: Legends of the fall: cat survives 34 story plunge
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A 140 year old lobster named "George" has been freed from the confines of a New York city seafood restaurant lobster tank after PETA(People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals) contacted City Crab And Seafood and formally requested the venerable crustacean's release. Lobsters are thought to live well past one hundred years by marine biologists and "George's" age is believed to be one hundred and forty years because of his weight, which is twenty pounds. This lobster is scheduled to be moved to an area off the coast of Maine where lobster trapping is prohibited: Pincer movement: venerable lobster freed from restaurant menu
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In a dated story, butchers in Bucharest, Romania attempted to construct the world's largest sausage on Saturday, 12/27/08, the enormous sausage to be presented to the locals, and a representative of the Guinness Book Of World Records, during holiday festivities in the Romanian city. The sausage, called "wors" in Romania, was 392 meters long(1286 feet), weighed 330 lbs and took two weeks to make.

The link(no pun intended)-- Not so missing link: largest sausage on Earth prepared in Romania

A man in Denton, TX expecting a shipment of hand tools instead received a brick of marijuana. The contractor, understandably surprised to see the brick after opening the UPS delivered package, immediately contacted police. The marijuana brick had a street value of $10,000. There was, not surprisingly, no return address on the package: The grass is greener on the other side: Texas contractor awaiting tools in the mail gets weed instead

very funny
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Some of the strangest news around the world involves animals and this story is certainly one of them: in Lagos, Nigeria local police have arrested and detained a goat for armed robbery. A street patrol of vigilantes spotted a group of men trying to steal cars and gave chase to the fleeing thieves. All of the thieves got away...until the patrol appeared in a local police station in possession of a black and white goat, and claiming one of the thieves used black magic to transform himself into the animal to avoid detention and arrest.

...no word as to whether the goat has hired an attorney.

The link: Nigerian police detain goat for armed robbery

very funny
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In Boynton Beach, FL 46 year old Elvis Alonzo Barrett has been jailed and charged with cocaine possession and fleeing police. Barrett also was given fifty(5) traffic citations, all accrued in a single day, after leading police on a chase in which Barrett ran red lights and crashed into several cars as he attempted to elude the police. Police found cocaine in Barrett's car after arresting the man: Ticket To Ride: Florida man receives fifty traffic citations in single day
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Richland, WA resident Juan Zamora pulled into a local gas station and opted to use his Paypal debit card, loaded with $90, to cover the expense of filling up the tank of his 1994 Camaro. The problem: after getting his receipt Zamora was charged $81 billion dollars. Zamora, understandably distressed by the number, managed to get the billing glitch fixed after calling Paypal: Richland, WA man billed $81 billion for fill up at gas station

loco2

In Elyria, Ohio a group of teenagers who broke into a judge's home got more than they bargained for when confronted by the judge's wife, seventy year old Ellen Basinki. Basinki, angry at the youths trying to burglarize her home, wielded a sauce pan and managed to hit one of the youths squarely in the head with it, prompting the young burglars to flee. These young miscreants were later caught and detained by police.
70 year old Ohio woman fights off burglars with sauce pan

very funny
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A Pets Plus store in northern Philadelphia received an unexpected delivery this past week: a human corpse. The store, expecting a delivery of fish, instead received a coffin with a recently deceased 65 year old man inside it. US Airways, the carrier involved, attributed the mix up to a communications error among its employees and has apologized for the mistake - Dead reckoning: Philadelphia pet shop receives delivery of corpse

A man in Myrtle Beach, SC has been issued a citation by police for owning a hyena. Twenty six year old Nicolas Petock was given the ticket by police for possessing a wild or exotic animal, which is illegal. The hyena was confiscated by authorities and turned over to a nearby animal refuge facility-
Every dog has his day: South Carolina man cited for owning a hyena

loco2
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In Lakeland, Florida a fifteen year old boy named Jonathan Locke has been suspended from riding his school bus for three days because of causing flatulence(farting) that was allegedly so bad the bus driver told school officials it constituted a "disturbance" on the bus. The student accused of causing the stink has denied breaking wind and has said another student is the guilty party: It's a gas: Florida teen suspended from bus riding due to flatulence

loco2
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In Cottonwood, Arizona patrons of "The Chapparal Bar" got an unexpected visitor when a bobcat wandered into the central Arizona establishment, attacking three people. Police, receiving reports of the aggressive animal previously near a Pizza Hut, arrived at the bar to find the animal in the parking lot, where it was shot and killed. The bobcat is being tested for rabies because it bit and scratched several people before being killed by authorities: Unhappy hour: bobcat makes unexpected visit to Arizona bar
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In Oakdale, California the town's annual Testicle Festival is set to kick off on Monday(3-30). During this annual event members of Oakdale's Rotary Club fry 400 lbs of bull testicles and serve up the privates as a $50 a plate meal. Fried bull privates, sometimes referred to as "mountain oysters" by Oakdale residents, are considered a delicacy among those who participate in the festival. The event proceeds go to a local museum: Balls To The Wall: CA festival serves up fried bull testicles

very funny
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