D&D random adventure table

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D&D random adventure table
Topic Started: Aug 4 2008, 01:56 AM (81 Views)
Koal	Aug 4 2008, 01:56 AM Post #1
Advanced Member Posts: 67 Group: Global Moderator Member #2 Joined: March 26, 2008	1. Thieves break into houses, steal nothing, refuse to leave. 2. Thieves break into houses, redecorate poorly. 3. Threat of orcs. 4. Threat of shooty and choppy orks from distant future. 5. Threat of distinguished and articulate orks from Victorian era. 6. Virgin succubus cursed to never get laid desperately seeks assistance, slowly goes apeshit crazy. 7. Map discovered on back of portrait of hideous man. Turns out portrait is map of Hideousmanface Mountain; map is portrait of guardian Map Golem. 8. Rain of frogs plague town. Man discovers frogs to be competent dance troupe. Man conquers national performance circuit. 9. Local baker seeks perfect ingredients for ultimate cake, secretly constructs powerful Cake Golem. 10. Philosophical zombies ponder meaning of love, pester passersby. 11. Noble wedding interrupted by aggressive eel salesmen. 12. Attacked by snakes in wilderness environment. 13. Attacked by snakes in urban environment. 14. Attacked by urban environment; allies found in form of friendly snakes. 15. Sorcerer, for shits and giggles, trains ethereal filchers to interrupt people during sex. 16. Party helps marauding demon warrior realize childhood dream of becoming stageshow dancer. 17. During daily tour, prestigious magic academy looted by goblins disguised as ugly children. 18. Ancient lich seeks new thrills by competing in mixed martial arts tournament. 19. Advancements in magically powered musical instruments climaxes with crew of grunge rock pirate bards clashing with clan of heavy metal viking bards; town threatened by collateral damage from killer solos. Crafty punk rock gypsies armed with enchanted accordions seek to capitalize on ensuing mayhem; all are united in effort to stick it to uptight paladins trying to bring them down. Powerful vibes attract glam rock demons and dirty hippies. 20. Dungeons give chase. 21. Bees get organized. 22. Party endlessly pursued by screaming fans, accompanied by catchy 60s rock. 23. Inaccurate historical re-enactment attracts ire of necromancer history buff. 24. Passive aggressive druids extoll virtures of peace, love, substance abuse. 25. Captain Hampton attempts to use violence to stop the Halfling Pirates of Willygoat, who, although they are wee men, have big swords. 26. Dwarves threatened by serial barber. 27. Half-ogre lint merchant and half-drow nobleman's hot jailbait daughter harbour forbidden love. 28. Effeminate prince mistaken for princess and dragon who has kidnapped him harbour forbidden love. 29. Earth elemental and gelatinous cube harbour forbidden love. 30. Society plagued by freakish crossbreeds. 31. Awakened animated door develops delusion of being world-class gourmet and tirelessly hunts for keys to sample and critique. 32. Trio of skeletons discover their bones are pitch-perfect xylophones, start traveling percussion band, overcome prejudice, learn valuable life lessons, get laid. 33. Ancient lich seeks new thrills by competing in biathalon; disqualified for using machine gun. 34. Clinically insane duke hires party to kill invisible bugbears that turn out to be invisible hobgoblins with bad haircuts. 35. Desert-dwelling cactus dryads pine for romance with travelers, endlessly complain about how their spiny bodies prevent intimacy, get kidnapped by group of masochistic yuan-ti in ironic twist. 36. Tornados plan uprising. 37. Volcanos plot revenge. 38. Meteors get their shit together. 39. Fire, Water, Wind and Earth Elementals use lifedraining magic ring in attempt to create Heart Elemental and complete ancient summoning ritual. 40. Kobolds blow it all up. 41. Obnoxious scouts run around hitting people with bats. 42. Elderly grave digger has chance meeting with Grim Reaper; heated weapon debate escalates to destructive duel. 43. Gentlemanly british marksman hunts party for sport using only sheer grit, determination, and steam-powered railgun. 44. Sinister duststorms herald hobo revolution. 45. Party stalked by assassin rumoured to dual-weild katars, in actuality dual-weilds keytars. 46. High priest is secretly complex musical animatronic. 47. Desert warlord sends party to blue dragon's lair to retrieve the keys to his camel. 48. Mass pandemonium ensues when travelling troll barbarians pitch their tent in slightly inconvenient spot. 49. Reformed illithid working as hair stylist falls under suspicion. 50. Threat of mechanical war machines powered by steam. 51. Threat of mechanical war machines powered by clockworks. 52. Threat of mechanical war machines powered by love. 53. Miraculous self-replenshing canned food ration "Salient Blue" challenges ethics when discovered to be made of trolls. 54. Twin beholders come to town and make everyone feel self-conscious. 55. Ancient lich seeks new thrills seek recruiting for rock band, records hit single "Hopeless Necromantic". 56. Sinister cult believes key to peace and happiness is painting everything blue. 57. Bored Thor throws killer pool party in Valhalla. 58. Bored Eris throws killer rave on Mount Olympus. 59. Bored Buddha launches aerial raids. 60. Threat of communists. 61. Disgruntled rebel fighters attempt to crash airship into king. 62. Ambitious rebel fighters attempt to crash moon into king. 63. Philosophical rebel fighters attempt to crash king into himself. 64. Undead army ravages countryside with well-choreographed dance numbers. 65. Evil tyrant outlaws eyebrows. 66. Large, upscale inn terrorized by wildly dancing yet stoic man. 67. Gnome enforces guarantee. 68. Fiend hunter paladin declares he must kill all the tieflings; later discovers, no, he is the tieflings. 69. Ancient lich seeks new thrills by becoming ramp-jumping daredevil, succeeds in jumping bulette over 27 ill-tempered kythons. 70. Threat of goblins with guns. 71. Threat of goblins with artillery. 72. Threat of hobgoblins with artillery that launches goblins - who have guns. 73. Eccentric dictator outlaws all weaponry; decrees international issues will be resolved by giving each other high-fives. All world problems are solved. 74. Impregnable floating fortress seiged by orcs with hang gliders. 75. Rogue ties bundles of Rods of Wonder together to create Wonder Shotguns. 76. Powerful sorcerer born with single large fang believes himself to be reincarnation of legendary demon king, begins war to end the earth; turns out the rest of his teeth are just kind of small. 77. Powerful barbarian who's moustache grows to look like clock hands believes himself to be the one true clock, endeavors to smash every other timepiece in the world in order to become the Highlander. 78. Powerful cleric who continuously manifests stigmata-like supernatural wounds believes himself to be second coming of a god, incites holy crusade; turns out he's just a clumsy fucker. 79. Empire seiged by macho, sideburned elves; kingdoms fall one after another, as no one believes they exist. 80. Gibbering mouther aspires to become famous scat singer. 81. Master thieves break into museum and steal priceless portrait. 82. Master thieves break into castle and steal crown jewels. 83. Master thieves break into showbusiness and steal our hearts. 84. Ancient lich seeks new thrills by challenging party to race around the world. 85. Face-scalded mad man goes on serial axe-gnawing spree. 86. Barbarian hordes burn down capital city. 87. Barbarian hordes burn down the ocean. 88. Barbarian hordes burn down the sun. 89. Spunky teenagers travel through time to stop cosmic porcupine-looking thing from annihilating planet; become their own grandparents. 90. Gentlemanly cleric sends party on suicide trip to retrieve rare plant, makes world's strongest medicine. 91. Gentlemanly cleric sends party on suicide trip to retrieve rare plant, makes world's gnarliest blunt. 92. Gentlemanly cleric sends party on suicide trip to retrieve rare plant, makes world's tastiest tea; enters berserker rage when one party member adds milk. 93. Nation becomes infested by sandworms who are attracted to things with no rhythm; entire continent becomes perpetual dance number. 94. Fledgling lich captures our hearts with story of ambition, hot blackguards, and flying zombie sharks. 95. Fire-breathing, hammer-throwing tarrasque kidnaps princess; local sewer worker heroically pursues. 96. Party endlessly pursues dastardly villain who wields a bronzed hammerhead shark and bleeds shotgun shells. 97. Halfing monk just starts punching people in the crotch, all the fucking time. 98. Notorious mummy sorcerer defeats paladin nemesis by dousing self in lamp oil, igniting, and tackling him into a black hole. Everyone else in universe realizes that this is the most awesome thing that will ever happen, and falls into deep depression. 99. Paladin achieves ultimate power by replacing stick up his ass with immovable rod. 100. All of the above. _____________________________________________________ Yes, theres another table for random adventures. 1. Celestial stadium crashes down, holds a "Mr. Multiverse" pageant. 2. King is kidnapped by ninjas. Players take a temporary level in "Bad Dude" during the rescue. 3. Giant shapeshifting constructs wage war within civilization, disguising themselves as wagons, barrels, cottages and ballistas. 4. Warforged devises complex mathematic equation to reproduce biorhythm and becomes a seeker of the song 5. Taverns are swept up in competitive craze that uses a team of bards to produce an illusionary rhythm/dance game. Orcs begin to form teams and dominate. 6. Gnome bards and illusionists collaborate to invent the first raves. Morning commerce is brought to a screeching halt. 7. Bardic college sells out to rich, tasteless orcs seeking degrees. Causes media notoriety as their works revolve entirely around how big their hoards are. 8. Princess kidnaps a dragon. 9. Frost-themed lich freezes town, protection of his phylactery in the streets turns into a hockey match. 10. Drow men beg for help building self-confidence, attempt to form a masculinist movement. 11. Horselord attempts to cease equine oppresion in city. 12. King rules that all citizens wear masks in his likeness. King is actually a mask for his advisor, a master of masks, trying to mask the nation with his maskulinity. 13. Illusionist painter turns caricatures of the adventurers into ugly lopsided competitors. 14. Kobold New Year causes fireworks riot and brings chromatic dragons into the nearby city for distant family reunions. 15. Up and coming Treant band "Meaty Greens" causes plant uprising. 16. Earth elemental steps and sits on people to avenge his kin. 17. Giant's cloud castle blocks the sun, jeopardizing an entire region's crops. An arcane academy trains heroes as primitive astronauts to combat the giant in a magic ray firing ship. 18. Necropolitan street race circuit raises hell and illegal bets. 19. Heroes spy on hobgoblin battalion to track them to their hidden base. The battalion gets themselves and the adventurers lost in a desert. 20. Two rat familiars of an wizard's academy secretly plot world conquest. 21. Heroes become outcasts in a nation of carnies. 22. Metal construct runs laps full speed through walls, houses and castles without rest. heroes make various attempts to stop the metal. 23. Gnome-kobold marriage takes place, heroes try to prevent all-out war at the reception. 24. LOL GENDER SWAP. 25. An order of holy knights become despised by virtually everyone. They seek out people to help them learn the "pal" in "paladin." 26. Heroes manage a tribe. 27. Heroes manage a band. 28. Heroes manage their finances. 29. Magic item causes a man to become a versatile construct inspector. 30. Party explores an empty castle, only to find it in a completely different land every time they walk out. Discover it's being carried off by an indecisive formian colony 31. Potion brewers across the land have their memories of ingredients wiped and replaced with soda recipes. 32. Chaotic clerics of Fharlanghn tamper with town intersections to lead into completely different planes. 33. Obese head of a thieves guild sends jetpack riding assassin after adventurers. 34. Giants form a collectivist nation and invent cross-continent rock catapults. Mutually assured boulder fights loom over the horizon. 35. Prince runs away and becomes an escort. 36. Bachelorette sea witch starts hurricanes out of lonely rage. 37. Heroes are pursued by deadly mobs of housecats. 38. Warriors of the underdark fight tooth and nail in a tournament with their eyes exclusively on 3rd place. 39. Dwarf fighter competes in a dance-off to win back his wife. Old habits die hard and blood is shed. 40. Quickdraw goblins rule a desert town. 41. Wealthy dwarf avenges his parents' death by fighting crime in the night. 42. Tiefling, half-elf and half-orc youths swamp marketplaces with subcultures of self-harm, tight clothing and bad music. 43. Celestials and fiends take their eternal battles to the card tables. 44. Giant intelligent bastard sword crashes through royal castle and claims kingdom for his affiliates. 45. Low ceilings make for literal dungeon crawls. 46. Adventurer's new best friend is a Joystealer. 47. Elf and halfling boy bands square off. 48. Barbarian warlord's birthday approaches. Chaos ensues. 49. Aristocrats of a city popularly store all of their magic treasures at the top of tall spires. Magic feedback gives the spires arms, legs, sentience and a demand for rights as citizens. 50. An all-undead band by the name of "Lich's Bitches" returns to revive a demonic troll. 51. Epic barbarian hosts a "heaviest motherfucker alive" contest. Participants pack as much crap as they can carry to win. Tiebreaker is a foot race. 52. Horselord/blackguard terrorizes land with manless cavalry. 53. Svirfneblins invent bouncing rubber cannonballs. 54. Barbarian hordes discover the hot air balloon. 55. Teenage prince and princess of separate lands create long and angst-ridden drama. The people call out for a dragon. 56. Metropolitans become necrosexual. 57. Necropolitans become metrosexual. 58. Sahuagin queen becomes ruler of all pirates. Ports are pillaged of only their fish, jewelry and chocolate. 59. Dwarf lord and a dragon have a steamy affair, leaving both their hoards unguarded. 60. Sea hags pick up sunbathing. Coastal trade comes to a screeching halt. 61. Hextor clerics monopolize postal service by riding Achaierais. 62. Newbie vampires get stuck in clocktower. 63. Clocktower gets stuck in Tarrasque. 64. Tarrasque gets stuck in ice. 65. Ice gets everyone stuck. 66. King picks up steambike riding, goblin bikers attempt kidnapping. 67. Mountain colony of dancing, spectacle and suit wearing dopplegangers fight against an aberration invasion. 68. Heroes enroll in adventuring academy, cue highschool drama. 69. Fire elemental becomes a cleric of Heironious. Hextor clerics immediately finance a fire brigade. 70. Mimics invade town, people are afraid to open their doors at the risk of a surprise punch to the face. 71. Lizardfolk steal sizable amount of the bananahoney produced by a howler wasp colony. Entire jungle turns to hell. 72. Mindflayers with magic crossbows! Ray gun massacre! 73. Blackguard raids 40 villages of their cakes, and that's all kinds of terrible. 74. Four psionic juveniles with clubs wage all-out war on animals, aberrations, property and the elderly, believing themselves to be the sole hope of an alien invasion. 75. Sea trolls learn to windsurf. No ship is safe. 76. Dragon Turtle kidnaps myconid royalty, Adventurers not sure which castle she's in. 77. Wereboar bugbear lord attempts to topple a small elven province with 88 of his finest men. 78. Halfling militia forms when many are sick of being picked up and cuddled and incite a race war. 79. New continent reveals stone age culture. Adventurers rule tribes and fight dinosaurs. 80. Class of warmages seek conquest and derive their power through their excessively styled hair, but are helpless in the presence of baldness. 81. Gnome effigy master by the name of Dr. Wire wreaks havoc with multiple theme-oriented constructs. 82. Barbarian holds a "hugeness" contest followed by a wrestling match. 83. Devil rises from infernal depths in search of the most "metal" man alive to imbue with his powers. 84. Orcish tribes "reinvent the wheel" as a rolling death machine. 85. Dwarven king is dying without an heir and looks for the most rugged looking man alive to take his place. 86. Circus full of cat burglars and bomb jugglers comes to town. 87. Evil monastery attempted to train a rust monster in their ways, instead creating a rust monster on speed. 88. Kraken wizards construct giant flying bathtubs to terrorize landdwellers. 89. Socially inept commoner finds a +2 keen "exotic bastard sword" and immediately goes out to become an assassin. 90. Warlocks all over the land bend over in preparation of their simultaneous pact renewal. Demons flood the world but commit no horror other than public indecency. 1. Anthropomorphic cultists invade and do the unspeakable. Heroes just happen to find a slew of fire-producing weapons and items. 92. Necropolitan pimp writes a best-selling self-help book. The damning ritual of his unlife becomes available on coffee tables the world over. 93. Performer somehow becomes a military adviser and turns bootcamps into schools of dance. 94. Enemy marshal "Harry Pep" trains invading soldiers to charge into combat in barrels. 95. Adventurers are assigned to "rid the kingdom" of the lecherous and clearly insane cleric "Grigor Tinrasp," but the man somehow survives every attack on his life. 96. Young fiend commits violent and terrible acts on the world and hides away in a dungeon made out of permanent dimension doors and bags of holding. 97. Masked lord plots gunpowder assassination against the wrong monarch. 98. Rocks die, everyone falls. 99. Dice falls. Everyone rocks. 100. Reroll. Roll a d3 to determine whether you reroll 1- normally, 2- on secondary table (The one before this one), or 3- the table from Book of Erotic Fantasy. _____________________ Hats to those who can guess some of the References.
	Mah character profile Karron HP: 50 MP : 30


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