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Americans With No Abilities Act; New Legislation - MUST READ LMAO
Tweet Topic Started: Nov 14 2008, 01:48 PM (168 Views)
Mr Gray Nov 14 2008, 01:48 PM Post #1
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Washington, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation that
will provide new benefits for many Americans.

The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major
legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any
real skills or ambition.

'Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and
drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in
society,' said California Senator Barbara Boxer. 'We can no longer
stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over.
With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant
special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have
some idea of what they are doing.'

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy
Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of
the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing
opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of
postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single
largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination
against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry
(68%), and home improvement 'warehouse' stores (65%). At the state
government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an
excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million 'middle
man' positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but
little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose
and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so
as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable
employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to
corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability
into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and
medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for
every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more
difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example,
discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or
experience that relate to this job?'

'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who
have something going for them,' said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her
position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due
to her inability to remember rightey tightey, lefty loosey. 'This new
law should be real good for people like me,' Gertz added. With the
passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens
will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Dick Durban (D-IL): 'As a Senator with no abilities, I
believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be
extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as
lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his
or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great
nation and a good salary for doing so
Posted Image
The body knows what fighters don't: how to protect itself. A neck can only twist so far. Twist it just a hair more and the body says, "Hey, I'll take it from here because you obviously don't know what you're doing... Lie down now, rest, and we'll talk about this when you regain your senses." It's called the knockout mechanism.
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md11flyer Nov 14 2008, 01:55 PM Post #2
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:yourock:
:rofl:



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HoosierLars Nov 14 2008, 02:31 PM Post #3
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The Messiah will fast track that one, maybe even issue an executive order.
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Cattman96 Nov 14 2008, 03:13 PM Post #4
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md11flyer
Nov 14 2008, 01:55 PM
:yourock:
:rofl:



I second that!!! :rofl: :rofl:
The nine scariest words in the english language. " I'm with the government and I'm here to help" - Ronald Reagan
"When the people find they can vote themselves money, that will herald the end of the republic." -Benjamin Franklin
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boilergrad01 Nov 14 2008, 03:18 PM Post #5
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aaronk2727
Nov 14 2008, 01:48 PM
Washington, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation that
will provide new benefits for many Americans.

The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major
legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any
real skills or ambition.

'Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and
drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in
society,' said California Senator Barbara Boxer. 'We can no longer
stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over.
With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant
special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have
some idea of what they are doing.'

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy
Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of
the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing
opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of
postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single
largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination
against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry
(68%), and home improvement 'warehouse' stores (65%). At the state
government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an
excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million 'middle
man' positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but
little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose
and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so
as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable
employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to
corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability
into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and
medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for
every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more
difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example,
discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or
experience that relate to this job?'

'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who
have something going for them,' said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her
position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due
to her inability to remember rightey tightey, lefty loosey. 'This new
law should be real good for people like me,' Gertz added. With the
passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens
will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Dick Durban (D-IL): 'As a Senator with no abilities, I
believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be
extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as
lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his
or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great
nation and a good salary for doing so
SO UB and the Nage will have jobs soon
Nothing beats an Astronaut
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boilergrad01 Nov 14 2008, 03:19 PM Post #6
Working on the last 5
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aaronk2727
Nov 14 2008, 01:48 PM
Washington, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation that
will provide new benefits for many Americans.

The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major
legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any
real skills or ambition.

'Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and
drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in
society,' said California Senator Barbara Boxer. 'We can no longer
stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over.
With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant
special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have
some idea of what they are doing.'

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy
Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of
the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing
opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of
postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single
largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination
against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry
(68%), and home improvement 'warehouse' stores (65%). At the state
government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an
excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million 'middle
man' positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but
little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose
and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so
as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable
employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to
corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability
into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and
medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for
every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more
difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example,
discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or
experience that relate to this job?'

'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who
have something going for them,' said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her
position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due
to her inability to remember rightey tightey, lefty loosey. 'This new
law should be real good for people like me,' Gertz added. With the
passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens
will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Dick Durban (D-IL): 'As a Senator with no abilities, I
believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be
extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as
lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his
or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great
nation and a good salary for doing so
Does this cover people like NLA that just repeat others ideas and keeps his job because they know he would sue if he ever got fired
Nothing beats an Astronaut
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IUCOLTFAN Nov 14 2008, 03:23 PM Post #7
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Hell , NLA doesn't need to work............with the Messiah, he has no mortgage and wont have to worry about his heating bills ever again!
Posted Image

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Mr Gray Nov 14 2008, 03:36 PM Post #8
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Quote:
 
banning, for example,
discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or
experience that relate to this job?


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I think this legislation is already in force for governmental positions, because we clearly weren't allowed to ask this question of Mr. Obama
Posted Image
The body knows what fighters don't: how to protect itself. A neck can only twist so far. Twist it just a hair more and the body says, "Hey, I'll take it from here because you obviously don't know what you're doing... Lie down now, rest, and we'll talk about this when you regain your senses." It's called the knockout mechanism.
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Cattman96 Nov 14 2008, 03:44 PM Post #9
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I am going to hang this up at work.
Edited by Cattman96, Nov 14 2008, 04:23 PM.
The nine scariest words in the english language. " I'm with the government and I'm here to help" - Ronald Reagan
"When the people find they can vote themselves money, that will herald the end of the republic." -Benjamin Franklin
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troubleatiu Nov 14 2008, 08:58 PM Post #10
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THIS DESERVES HALL OF FAME STATUS. will our liberal-leaning moderater/decider of hall of fame worthiness see it in the same light?
my company will benefit greatly from this as they have recently instituted the "dumbass protection act" at work. thats right, dumbasses have now been afforded the same federal protection as minorities, gays, and other-than-christian religions. we can longer fire them or even call them dumbasses as we ourselves would be fired for being in violation of the act. i should know, my boss had this enacted in his honor. fucking dumbasses (damn, just violated it.)
Posted Image
"The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer."--Henry Kissinger
"What luck for rulers that men do not think."- Adolph Hitler
"Terrorists don't want your freedoms--they want your life. It's dictators and tyrants who want your freedoms."-author unidentified
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yawnzzz Nov 14 2008, 10:26 PM Post #11
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Pretty freaking hilarious. It's amazing how many people can get through life with zero valuable skills.
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troubleatiu Nov 14 2008, 11:19 PM Post #12
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Hoosier_Faithful_07
Nov 14 2008, 10:26 PM
Pretty freaking hilarious. It's amazing how many people can get through life with zero valuable skills.
all one has to do is look at congress. its the american dream. i can only aspire to be like them...in charge of EVERYTHING and down right FUCKING CLUELESS.
Posted Image
"The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer."--Henry Kissinger
"What luck for rulers that men do not think."- Adolph Hitler
"Terrorists don't want your freedoms--they want your life. It's dictators and tyrants who want your freedoms."-author unidentified
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boilergrad01 Nov 14 2008, 11:32 PM Post #13
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troubleatiu
Nov 14 2008, 11:19 PM
Hoosier_Faithful_07
Nov 14 2008, 10:26 PM
Pretty freaking hilarious. It's amazing how many people can get through life with zero valuable skills.
all one has to do is look at congress. its the american dream. i can only aspire to be like them...in charge of EVERYTHING and down right FUCKING CLUELESS.
:cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers:

2012 Trouble 2012

I Buyers steps down in 2012 you are up next. A small town guy with values Trouble in 2012
Nothing beats an Astronaut
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troubleatiu Nov 14 2008, 11:37 PM Post #14
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boilergrad01
Nov 14 2008, 11:32 PM
troubleatiu
Nov 14 2008, 11:19 PM
Hoosier_Faithful_07
Nov 14 2008, 10:26 PM
Pretty freaking hilarious. It's amazing how many people can get through life with zero valuable skills.
all one has to do is look at congress. its the american dream. i can only aspire to be like them...in charge of EVERYTHING and down right FUCKING CLUELESS.
:cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers:

2012 Trouble 2012

I Buyers steps down in 2012 you are up next. A small town guy with values Trouble in 2012
are you implying im clueless? cmon man, dont do me like that.
Posted Image
"The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer."--Henry Kissinger
"What luck for rulers that men do not think."- Adolph Hitler
"Terrorists don't want your freedoms--they want your life. It's dictators and tyrants who want your freedoms."-author unidentified
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BoilerNLA Nov 14 2008, 11:47 PM Post #15
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IUCOLTFAN
Nov 14 2008, 03:23 PM
Hell , NLA doesn't need to work............with the Messiah, he has no mortgage and wont have to worry about his heating bills ever again!
fuck all of you "ney sayers"

I am an independent contractor... I don't work for anyone but my self.

plus, I choose to live in Southern California, I don't need to worry about heating bills.

good night, and good luck.
Edited by BoilerNLA, Nov 14 2008, 11:54 PM.
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