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| Americans With No Abilities Act; New Legislation - MUST READ LMAO | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 14 2008, 01:48 PM (166 Views) | |
| Mr Gray | Nov 14 2008, 01:48 PM Post #1 |
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Washington, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition. 'Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,' said California Senator Barbara Boxer. 'We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.' In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability. Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement 'warehouse' stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%). Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million 'middle man' positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance. Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires. Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?' 'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,' said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to her inability to remember rightey tightey, lefty loosey. 'This new law should be real good for people like me,' Gertz added. With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Said Senator Dick Durban (D-IL): 'As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so |
![]() The body knows what fighters don't: how to protect itself. A neck can only twist so far. Twist it just a hair more and the body says, "Hey, I'll take it from here because you obviously don't know what you're doing... Lie down now, rest, and we'll talk about this when you regain your senses." It's called the knockout mechanism. | |
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| md11flyer | Nov 14 2008, 01:55 PM Post #2 |
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Assistant Coach
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:yourock: :rofl: |
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| HoosierLars | Nov 14 2008, 02:31 PM Post #3 |
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3 in a row
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The Messiah will fast track that one, maybe even issue an executive order. |
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| Cattman96 | Nov 14 2008, 03:13 PM Post #4 |
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I second that!!! :rofl: :rofl: |
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The nine scariest words in the english language. " I'm with the government and I'm here to help" - Ronald Reagan "When the people find they can vote themselves money, that will herald the end of the republic." -Benjamin Franklin | |
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| boilergrad01 | Nov 14 2008, 03:18 PM Post #5 |
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Working on the last 5
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SO UB and the Nage will have jobs soon |
| Nothing beats an Astronaut | |
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| boilergrad01 | Nov 14 2008, 03:19 PM Post #6 |
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Working on the last 5
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Does this cover people like NLA that just repeat others ideas and keeps his job because they know he would sue if he ever got fired |
| Nothing beats an Astronaut | |
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| IUCOLTFAN | Nov 14 2008, 03:23 PM Post #7 |
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Hell , NLA doesn't need to work............with the Messiah, he has no mortgage and wont have to worry about his heating bills ever again! |
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| Mr Gray | Nov 14 2008, 03:36 PM Post #8 |
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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: I think this legislation is already in force for governmental positions, because we clearly weren't allowed to ask this question of Mr. Obama |
![]() The body knows what fighters don't: how to protect itself. A neck can only twist so far. Twist it just a hair more and the body says, "Hey, I'll take it from here because you obviously don't know what you're doing... Lie down now, rest, and we'll talk about this when you regain your senses." It's called the knockout mechanism. | |
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| Cattman96 | Nov 14 2008, 03:44 PM Post #9 |
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I am going to hang this up at work.
Edited by Cattman96, Nov 14 2008, 04:23 PM.
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The nine scariest words in the english language. " I'm with the government and I'm here to help" - Ronald Reagan "When the people find they can vote themselves money, that will herald the end of the republic." -Benjamin Franklin | |
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| troubleatiu | Nov 14 2008, 08:58 PM Post #10 |
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THIS DESERVES HALL OF FAME STATUS. will our liberal-leaning moderater/decider of hall of fame worthiness see it in the same light? my company will benefit greatly from this as they have recently instituted the "dumbass protection act" at work. thats right, dumbasses have now been afforded the same federal protection as minorities, gays, and other-than-christian religions. we can longer fire them or even call them dumbasses as we ourselves would be fired for being in violation of the act. i should know, my boss had this enacted in his honor. fucking dumbasses (damn, just violated it.) |
![]() "The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer."--Henry Kissinger "What luck for rulers that men do not think."- Adolph Hitler "Terrorists don't want your freedoms--they want your life. It's dictators and tyrants who want your freedoms."-author unidentified | |
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| yawnzzz | Nov 14 2008, 10:26 PM Post #11 |
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Pretty freaking hilarious. It's amazing how many people can get through life with zero valuable skills. |
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| troubleatiu | Nov 14 2008, 11:19 PM Post #12 |
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all one has to do is look at congress. its the american dream. i can only aspire to be like them...in charge of EVERYTHING and down right FUCKING CLUELESS. |
![]() "The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer."--Henry Kissinger "What luck for rulers that men do not think."- Adolph Hitler "Terrorists don't want your freedoms--they want your life. It's dictators and tyrants who want your freedoms."-author unidentified | |
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| boilergrad01 | Nov 14 2008, 11:32 PM Post #13 |
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Working on the last 5
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:cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: 2012 Trouble 2012 I Buyers steps down in 2012 you are up next. A small town guy with values Trouble in 2012 |
| Nothing beats an Astronaut | |
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| troubleatiu | Nov 14 2008, 11:37 PM Post #14 |
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are you implying im clueless? cmon man, dont do me like that. |
![]() "The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer."--Henry Kissinger "What luck for rulers that men do not think."- Adolph Hitler "Terrorists don't want your freedoms--they want your life. It's dictators and tyrants who want your freedoms."-author unidentified | |
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| BoilerNLA | Nov 14 2008, 11:47 PM Post #15 |
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Coach
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fuck all of you "ney sayers" I am an independent contractor... I don't work for anyone but my self. plus, I choose to live in Southern California, I don't need to worry about heating bills. good night, and good luck. Edited by BoilerNLA, Nov 14 2008, 11:54 PM.
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