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| Anxiety over a girl | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jun 18 2018, 02:31 AM (81 Views) | |
| Zach | Jun 18 2018, 02:31 AM Post #1 |
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Nihilist
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| Warlizard | Jun 18 2018, 02:52 AM Post #2 |
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Yeah, why do females tend to be so damn passive? It's probably because they don't need you as much as you need them, so they aren't reliant on you for entertainment. But it really seems that if a girl is so engaging with you and compliments you and wants to watch movies or play video games with you, she probably really does enjoy spending time with you. But women definitely prefer to be the ones pursued, but at what point does that stop? Shouldn't it be a two way street? I've started a text conversation with a female friend numerous times in a row now, and she will be quick to respond and very happy and engaging, but if I stop messaging her first she might feel something, but she'll be too damn passive to message me so we can have fun together. |
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| Plus | Jun 18 2018, 03:21 AM Post #3 |
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Question 1: It depends on the girl. Some text first and initiate first, some don't. It's just like approaching. It's generally accepted the guy will approach first, but sometimes the female will approach first instead. With setting up dates, girls love men who take charge and are assertive. In many cases, they want badly to hang out, but they have 2 problems. 1 is they don't want to seem clingy or annoy you. 2 is they want you to do to show you can be the go-getter in the relationship. Of course, it goes far deeper than this, and many factors play a role, but this is the "short and sweet" version of it. Another reason she may be acting the she does (and I get this vibe from the second half of your post) is that you feel a bit insecure and she's placing her value ahead of yours in the relationship. She doesn't need you as much as you need her, and your addiction to her is only going to destroy you if you don't go cold turkey. |
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| Subliminal | Jun 18 2018, 02:07 PM Post #4 |
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Violet Vixen
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![]() Sounds like the problem is all you, honestly, and not trying to sound mean. I know what it feels like myself. Most of the time, getting too attached to someone you love leads to nothing but heartbreak, especially if it leads to codependency. What is your goal with this chick? Just to be with her? Do you want to push things further and ask her out? (Assuming she's single). Are your feelings towards her romantic? And.. if so that can be verrrrrrrrrrry bad. lol I know this sounds shitty, but I can sort of see where your relationship w/ this gal is going, and I'm warning you to opt out of it if things get worse. Never allow yourself to become too emotionally attached to someone. All you're going to do is feel like shit. The best way to break the cycle is to stop seeing this person, honestly. You have to get used to not spending all day with her, and ease back into your life. Get some hobbies, improve yourself! Learn to enjoy just being you independent of others. |
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| Zach | Jun 18 2018, 03:21 PM Post #5 |
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Nihilist
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Can't say much right now but all of your posts are appreciated. Sometimes I feel like life is just pointless and I should just get rid of myself to avoid future pain like this, but I won't. |
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| PartyChan | Jun 18 2018, 05:03 PM Post #6 |
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Uh boy... This is what heartbreak sounds like, and it's more common than you'd think. I truly think at least half of the world has experienced it, only naturally prevailing in relationships. Fear, worry, anxiety, depression, and a lot of other negative emotions come with love. I used to cope by listening to sad songs with relatable lyrics, but really the best medicine is to get over the person. The joy they give you isn't worth the torture of unrequited love, or obsessiveness. Heh. |
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| MapleLies | Jun 19 2018, 03:16 AM Post #7 |
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I used to feel this exact same way with my boyfriend.. aha. I would literally cry every day for a while, and I felt so pathetic. So thank god I learned to be patient. X'D So I think what helped me was figuring out how to enjoy my avocations & of course my friends while fighting through the stress-(learning stress management techniques, and learning how to meditate and relax my mind and body). But it's all about maturation, and a skill you'll usually learn as you get older; I don't usually let things bother me that much and have a pretty high tolerance to stress and pain |
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| Zach | Jun 19 2018, 07:23 AM Post #8 |
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Nihilist
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Oh it's bad guys. She likes to isolate herself, and seems a little flakey. She hasn't messaged at all now. Every time we talk I feel euphoric, like I just ingested a fuck ton of heroin or some shit. But when she's not on and doesn't want to come on and I have no idea when she will come on and talk to me, I get extremely impatient and I lose my appetite and desire to do anything, and the anxiety is insane. Sad songs are great and all, but I want out of this mess. I liked some of your posts, and I'll read any suggestions people have for me and comment further when I'm ready to. |
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| Bobblesapp | Jun 19 2018, 02:06 PM Post #9 |
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Administrator
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I agree with Maple in that you shouldn't just cut all ties with her yet. Make sure that you can save your relationship with her, and if it doesn't seem to work out all too well with a shorter schedule then cutting ties might be the only good option. It's shit, but it's normal and common for people to experience heartbreak at least once in their lives. Growing out of it by bettering yourself is a key competent to establishing a healthy balance without it spiraling you down a path of anxiety and depression. Try to learn how to enjoy her without requiring her for your enjoyment and make her a complimentary rather than fundamental part of your life. |
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| Winter | Jun 19 2018, 10:03 PM Post #10 |
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How long did you know this girl? Where did you meet her? Y'all gonna start dating?! I know I should be asking this in DMs but I'm curious, and would be happy to meet her myself! Everyone deserves a companion so glad you've finally found someone who seems to really appreciate you. :') Anyway, there's not much I feel I can add to this thread because much of my thoughts have already been said! I fall in with the general consensus here which is that you'll need to learn how to deal with her not always talking to you. The future is very unpredictable, and there's a good chance that she'll make less time for you as time progresses. >.> Cherish all the time you spend with her, and when she's away utilize coping strategies that work for you. For some people it helps to submerse themselves within said person; you can read their messages, listen to their voice, look at their pictures, read any letters they sent you, etc. |
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