Random Jokes ^^

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Random Jokes ^^
Topic Started: Jul 11 2008, 03:56 PM (56 Views)
cavellia	Jul 11 2008, 03:56 PM Post #1
Wandering Soul Posts: 598 Group: Impossible to Gauge Admin Member #1 Joined: December 21, 2007 Skype Name fatalillusion501	I've been checking my email again, and got a few jokes I figured I'd share ^^ At the exact same time there are two young men on opposite sides of the Earth. One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers. The other is receiving oral sex from a 98 year old woman. They are both thinking to themselves the exact same thing. What are they both thinking? The answer is below, but think about it first... ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? Answer: Don't look down. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jokes \| All Jokes Presents for Mother Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it." Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." "Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!" "Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "You have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out... a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop some wood for her. Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house. The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown hadn't shown up. After a half an hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic, and would probably not make the party at all. The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself. She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did midair flips, and leaped high in the air. She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!" The other bum says, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him - HEY WILLIE! FOR $50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"



cavellia	Aug 17 2008, 01:37 AM Post #2
Wandering Soul Posts: 598 Group: Impossible to Gauge Admin Member #1 Joined: December 21, 2007 Skype Name fatalillusion501	What do you call a bloke with a one inch dick? Justin! ------------------------------------------------- What do you get if you have two nuts on a wall? Walnuts! What do you get if you have two nuts on your chest? Chestnuts! What do you get if you have two nuts on your chin? A mouth full of cock! ---------------------------------------------------- Have you heard about the new salad for wankers? It tosses itself! ---------------------------------------------------- A group of wives were sitting in a bar, discussing the pet names for their husband's cocks. "I call my ol' man's cock the Curtain," laughed the first wife, "Because it comes down at the end of each performance!" "I call my husband's dick the Basque Terrorist," added the second wife, "Because I never know whether it will attack at the front or the rear!" The third wife shrugged, "Myself, I call my husband's The Rumour!" "Why is that?" asked the other two. "Because it passes swiftly from mouth to mouth!" --------------------------------------------------------- Two brothers enlisting in the army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. "How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers. "It's hereditary,sir!" the older one replied. "I see," said the doctor, "Your father is the reason for your elongated penises!" "No sir, our mother is!" the younger one replied. "Your mother? Don't be stupid, woman do not have penises!" "I know sir" replied the older brother, "but she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bath, she had to manage as best as she could! --------------------------------------------------------- After not having sex for years, a woman begins to get more and more upset so she decided to seek help from an oriental sex therapist. When she entered the examination room, Dr. Chan looked at her and said, "Take of your crows! Now 'get down on your hands and knees and craw velly, velly fast away from me to the other side of the room. Hokay, now turn aroun an craw velly, velly fast back to me." The woman did exactly as she was told and Dr Wang walked to his desk shaking his head. "Ah," said Dr Wang, "You have vey bad probrem. You are suffering from Ed Zachary disease! The worse case I have ever seen! That why you not have dates. That why you not have sex!" "But doctor," replied the woman, "What is Ed Zachary disease?" Dr Wang replied, "It's when your face rook Ed Zachary like your ass!" ------------------------------------------------------------



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