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Unfair; While taking a break from his relationship with Takuma to focus on his school, Yuuki realizes his heart has moved on.
Topic Started: Mar 21 2018, 02:33 PM (5 Views)
basketkitty
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Everything was a lot harder than you thought it would be. Telling him goodbye, promising you'd return, asking him to wait for you... It sounded so easy on paper. It sounded so easy in your head. Who would have thought that she'd suddenly...just...appear like that? But it wasn't suddenly at all, was it? She was always there. She'd always been there and it was only recently that you started saying 'Don't think about her.'
'Don't think about her smile, don't think about her laugh, don't think about her voice, don't think about her eyes, don't think about her hands, don't think about her hair, don't think about her jokes, don't think about her teases, don't think about the way she purses her lips when she thinks...'
'Don't think about her.'
'Think about what an awful brother-in-law her brother would be. Think about how happy your parents would be that you got a girlfriend. Think about how thoroughly you would break your promise. Think about him. Think about his smile, his laugh, his eyes, his lips on yours. Think about his hands and his hair and his teasing and his furrowed brow. Think of the way he bites his lips when worried, about the way he spends forever in the bathroom, about the way he dresses and loves hats... Think about his moving, about him sighing, about him breathing beside you...'
'Think about how much he loves you.'
'And how much you love him.'

But here she sits, beside you, her hand resting only a hair's-breadth away from yours. You can smell her scent in the evening breeze and you can feel her hair lightly brush your back. And she can say those words so easily, as if they mean nothing at all. And they can completely ruin everything you've built up in yourself.
And she says you're unfair.
And you sit there and you think and you wonder what can you do about this? How will he be? How hurt would he be? How much would he cry? And it tears at your chest, the idea of him crying over you, and you want nothing more than to run away and cry as well.
But you can't.
Because she's sitting here. And more than anything, you don't want her to cry, either.
And you realize you've been silent for too long.
And that she might change the subject.
And this opportunity, that you never asked for, would be lost forever.
And you panic.
And all your brain can think of is how soft she is. How beautiful she is. How sweet she smells. How pleasant her lips look. How warm she must feel. How much you want her.
And you close your eyes and you silently say you're sorry to him...

And your hand falls on hers and out loud you murmur,
"I know."
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RainyMemory
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As you drive over to the place where he's called you to meet, your palms grip the steering wheel so tight your fingers cramp. A secret place that only the two of you know about, where it's grassy and there's a big tree to read under. The place you two exchanged 'I love you's and kisses and stories. The place he told you to wait. To wait for him. You've been waiting for him for years, and you don't want to wait anymore, but you might lose him completely if you don't. So after a small argument and biting back tears, you agreed. There are only two reasons he would call you back here. To say the waiting is over and you two can be together again, or to say that you're over completely.

And even though you heard two people talking in whispers in the green room the other day, about him dating one of their sister's now, you convince yourself you misheard it and you convince yourself he wants you back.
So when he says it's over, he doesn't think it'll work out, that you have better things to do than waste time with him; for a moment, you're stuck. You stare at him, across the grass, and you barely get out a questioning sound. He says that it was a lot of fun, but the two of you should start thinking about the future. Your heart burns up and turns to ash in your stomach.
So you storm over to him.
You take him by the collar.
You want to be angry, and you don't want to show him anymore weakness. But you're crying so hard already, it's amazing you can see past your tears.
You feel about ready to collapse, and you set your foreheads together.
He's forced to face you, just like you're forced to face him.

You grit your teeth, and you want to say something, but the words get caught in your throat, and it makes you feel weak. So you close your eyes, because you can't face him, and you slide to your knees and drop your hands on the ground. The sobs break your voice into pieces, and you barely get out her name. You can tell it shocks him, and it makes you hurt more, to know that it's true, and you start to yell, because you can manage anger now.
How could he do this? Who did he think he was? Your heart was not a toy for him to play with. How could he make you wait so long, only to make you wait again. Wait for him, with a promise that it'd be alright. That you would get back together. How could he call you here today and try to ease you out of it? How could he not just tell you first, that he'd fallen for Erika? How could he do something like that? What kind of person had you been admiring all this time? Who exactly are you in love with?
And you want him to leave, because you're crying so hard you've nearly curled into yourself. But you grab hold of his pant leg, and you lean your head against his leg; because memories are strangling you, and because you don't want him to leave, and you want him to love you back again, and you hate yourself for all of this.

So you quiet down and ask what you did. Just like when he wanted to take a break, you ask if you did something wrong. He says it's not his fault, and you can't keep from screaming at him.
"THEN WHY?!"
Why do you have to wait and wait and wait? Why do you have to fall further and further in love? Why do you have to wait even more, with a promise of returning together, only to be broken up with?! Why do you lose to Erika? Why do you get all the pain, while he can have more of the pleasure? If you never did anything wrong, then it's he who did, right? Where's his punishment?! How could he say that it was just fun? How could he say they should think about the future? What did he think you were doing?! What was he doing?! Was this all just a short time game to him?! Were you the only one that was serious?!

But you don't hear the answer over your own pained sobs, and you finally let go of his pant leg. You choke out for him to leave. Then you yell it, and then you scream it three times, and you beg once. When he's gone, you cry like your heart is being ripped out, because you feel like that's what happened. That when he walked through the grass and past the building to his own car, he took your heart with. You want it back, but you can't go get it. So you sob and scream and huddle into your knees with your hands on your head.
You hope he heard you, but you hope he didn't.
You lay there for a while, and for a moment you wish this would kill you.
But you know it doesn't, and you don't really want to die in a shameless way.
You look at the grass across from you, because you're laying on your side. The tree makes you cry harder again, but without the pained sobbing, because your throat feels numb.

But looking at that tree, the memories wrap around you again, and they threaten to crush what's left of you. What he didn't take with him and didn't return, both times he walked away from you.
You wish you could desert yourself, because you don't want to feel the memories like you are.
You can feel his fingers laced with your's.
You can feel one of his arms wrapped around your waist.
You can feel his chest against your back.
You can feel his lips gently kiss the back of your head.
You can feel his cheek rest against your head.
You can feel his breath against your ear, as he promises it'll be ok.
You can hear his voice whisper he loves you.
You turn around and cover your ears to make it stop.

You want to pick yourself up and leave. But you can't even sit up. You wish you would at least stop crying, but you can't do that either. After some time, you get a text from the only one out of five that might have no idea what's happening. You get yourself to call him, and you ask him if he can come get you. You ask him to please, please come get you. You tell him how to get here, and you hang up with him promising to come as quickly as he can. But you know he'll get lost at least once, so you don't get your hopes up for a quick pick-up.
Once he does get there, though, your crying has slowed down and you try to let him help you up; but you feel too heavy and you almost drag him down with you.
By the time you get to the car, the crying is stopped completely, and he takes you back to his place. He doesn't ask anything right away, and you don't feel up to talking yet either.
You pass on eating something, but you take the hot bath he offers, you borrow some of his cozy and clean pajamas, and you want to pass on something to drink; you feel dehydrated and take the tea.

You want to sleep alone, and he lets you have his bed.
You fall asleep, and you pretend to stay that way when he tries to tell you it's time for work. He doesn't persist.
You call your manager and tell him you're too sick to come in today. She tells you she'll handle everything, and that she hopes you feel better, and she asks if the guys know. You tell her one of them is taking care of you, because your parents aren't home right now, but you'll be back home by tomorrow.
You hope you can call in sick tomorrow, too.
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