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Understand
Topic Started: Mar 22 2018, 04:18 PM (2 Views)
RainyMemory
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Maybe I'm scaring Yuu-chan lately
Maybe I'm too clingy and my feelings are too strong
I guess one could say he bit off more than he could chew
Though I don't really think so, I'm not any different
He fell in love with the same Me that I am now
I remember something like this with Ii
I loved... well love doesn't really cover it
But my feelings for Ii then and my feelings for Yuuki now
They're not different

Ii I understand
Ii's past binds him and being tied down scares him
He thinks that I'll change if we stay together so long
So when he said we needed to break up, I let it happen
I didn't think I'd change, but he's been through enough
Ii and I can remain close without dating, I understand that
It's different with Yuu-chan

Yuu-chan doesn't seem to understand me
I think he heard me tell Takuma how I felt
"It's not love and it's not like...
If I were to tell the truth, something like...
Murderous intent?"
That doesn't mean I will kill Yuu-chan or do anything scary
But I want Yuu-chan to be only mine
That includes when he dies, what he looks like when he does
Those things should belong only to me

I love Yuu-chan so much, I want to kill him
With my own hands, I want to kill him
Although love probably isn't the best word
I want Yuu-chan to feel the same way
With his own hands, I want him to kill me
But I don't think Yuu-chan gets it
I don't know why, though
Yuu-chan isn't stupid, he should understand the best
He doesn't have a past to chain him down like Ii does
He doesn't seem to think I'm going to change after too long
I think he thinks I did change already

"I think... we should break up."
"Why?"
"Because it's better for Tachiiri, you know?"
"I don't."
"Well, you see, if the agency finds out, we'll be in trouble."
"Why?"
"Because they won't want us to be gay or anything like that."
"Why?"
"It'll upset the fans."
"Why?"
"I don't really know, but it's for the best we end it."
...
"Mamo?"
...
"No, don't cry, it'll be ok!"
I don't like it when Yuu-chan lies to me.

Yuu-chan told me this the day after sex
When I pushed him into the bed, I think he got confused
I sat on his stomach and looked down at him blankly
"Why don't you understand?"
I said that
And I grabbed Yuu-chan's throat
And I squeezed
And I pushed
And I leaned into it
"Yuu-chan is the most important to me."
And he thrashed around as best he could
And he pulled as best he could
And his strangled sounds filled the empty space in the air
And he coughed when I let go
And I engraved his faces into my head
And I didn't let him shove me off
And we struggled and fell off the bed together
"MAMORU, PLEASE NO! NO! NO! STOP IT! PLEASE!"
And I grabbed his throat again
And he fought harder

"I want Yuu-chan to be mine."
And I kissed him
And he gasped and struggled for air inside my mouth
And I pulled away when he started getting weak
And I watched him take his final breaths
With drool falling down his cheek
With his red eyes relaxing after being squeezed shut
With tears fallen past his temples
With scratch marks all over me
With bruises coming to form
I held him still
After another minute, I let him go
And I leaned down and I kissed his cheek
And I shut his mouth
And I cleaned his face
And I got us both dressed
And I sat and watched the bruises form on his throat
And I layed down next to him

And I curled up against his cold corpse
And I laid there for another hour
And I got up and got a knife
And I moved Yuu-chan onto the bed
And I cut open his wrists
And I cut open mine
And I let our colours paint us and the bed
And I curled up next to him again
And I sang to him until I got so tired I couldn't
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