| Not in a Million Years; Yuuki never liked Natsuo, not as a person. But he certainly likes his body. | |
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| Topic Started: Mar 23 2018, 01:06 AM (4 Views) | |
| RainyMemory | Mar 23 2018, 01:06 AM Post #1 |
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Nothing is ever going to happen between us. I've known that for a very long time, and for a very long time, I've been completely fine with it. I've never gotten along with him, after all. I've never wanted to get along with him. Something about him always rubbed me the wrong way, but I could never justify my distaste for him. Sometime I would say it was jealousy that he was closer to my own bandmate than I was. Other times I would say it was because I didn't like his flirtatious attitude. Other times I just found him irritating or too tall or too talented or too handsome... But I never said those ones out loud. He was too straight, after all. So I would never get the chance to press him up against a wall in a fit of irritation and bite that stupid smirk off his lips, or pin him to the ground and watch him struggle underneath me... I'll never get moments like that with him. Not in real life. But I've been fine with that for several years now. Every now and then I'll get a bout of sadness over it, but it doesn't last long. Usually I satiate myself with going to his best friend, my bandmate, and spending a night with him. And usually that's enough. Our sex is so wild and satisfying that I'm content for days after, with no thoughts of that stupid, tall actor plaguing me. But other times...not even that is enough. And all I can do to get over it is to fully accept that nothing is going to happen between us. Or so I thought. We all had the day off from work for a minor holiday, and decided to get together for a few drinks. My bandmate, Takuma, invited me out, though he didn't say anything about who else was going. Figuring it might just be the two of us, I agree, thinking that maybe tonight we'll fool around as usual. It had been a while, after all. We had both been so busy lately, and he had been testing the waters with some secretive dating, that I had left him alone for quite some time now. But currently he was single, so an invitation to drinks seemed like a courtesy before the invitation to his house. However, while that may have been the case, that plan fell out the window when I arrive to the bar and find Natsuo, the tall actor, sitting beside Takuma at the counter. Biting my lip tight, I feel my fist clench, an indescribably feeling, somewhere between jealously and betrayal, starting to bubble up in my gut. Why had he been invited out as well? If Takuma was going to invite the both of us out, why hadn't he invited everyone? Why just us? Stepping up to the counter either way, I can see that Takuma is already a couple drinks in, and he eagerly greets me, a little too tipsy for his own good. But I evade what I think is a kiss because Natsuo is right there, and instead help him back into his seat. Sitting on the other side of Takuma now, I order myself something cheap to start off with, figuring I might as well take it easy to let Takuma sober up a bit before I let myself get in too deep. However, with Takuma mostly gone and the bar rather quiet, this opened up the opportunity for Natsuo to speak with me. And I suppose that's another thing that always annoyed me about the man. Despite all the shit I give him, he's always eager to make nice. No matter how much I express that I dislike him, he turns the other cheek and continues to be civil. Of course, he has his moments of giving up on me. There had been a few times where he would dish out what I give him. But the difference between the two of us was that he was willing to forgive and try again. And it pissed me off. Of course, at the moment that irritation was unjustified as we hadn't really seen each other in quite some time. So there was no reason for ill-will on either party...but still that frustration was there on my part and as he spoke to me, it only grew. But because Takuma was in no place to deal with us fighting, I held back. At first Natsuo just talks about Takuma, and why the man had taken to his drinks so quickly. Apparently he had to break up with someone he was seeing rather recently, which was news to me, and he was quite broken up about it. Another strike against Natsuo: he knew something about Takuma that I didn't. He also asks me about myself, which is another strike against him: genuine or not, he always seems to take an interest in my well-being. Which is only exacerbated by him asking if I'm seeing anyone. I tell him I'm not, and he gives an assuring smile, promising me that I'll find someone soon. By this point I feel awkward and strange, not sure how to take this civil conversion, or where to go with it. So out of desperation, I return the question. And somehow...I feel myself dreading the answer. And somehow...I feel relief when I hear it. "I'm not seeing anyone either. Last girl didn't really work out." "...Oh." "But it's alright, I guess. I'm too busy to keep up a relationship anyway. Wanna smoke?" he asks, offering me a cigarette from around Takuma. I shake my head. "Then how about another drink? You down for shots?" he asks, putting away his own cigarette now as well to wave the bartender down. From there we start to drink a little more heavily, buying each other drinks or rounds of different shots. Or at least I'm drinking heavily it seems. I want to rid myself of this uncomfortable atmosphere Takuma had put me in, but I can't tell if the drinks help as the night progresses. Eventually we move from the bar to a round booth, where the seats are more comfortable and we can lounge back without worry of falling over. Takuma cries to us about his breakup as he leans over the table, and we console him with pats on the back and more drinks. At one point, he tries to kiss me again, but again, I find myself avoiding it. And every time I can't help but glance to Natsuo, wondering what the man might be thinking about it. He's straight, so I know he's not jealous that Takuma wants to kiss me instead of him... But a part of me wonders if he would be jealous if I grabbed Takuma right now and went to town on him. ...But I know Natsuo wouldn't care. He would just smile that stupidly sad smile and comment something like 'I'm glad you two found someone tonight'. And that might be the only sort of jealousy I can drag out of him...but it's not the kind I want. I don't want to see him sad. I want to see him pissed. I want him to be so angry and furious that he wants to pin me up against the wall. That he wants to bend me over a table, with a hand in my hair, working desperately to get his anger out. But that's never going to happen. And I don't feel like having drunken sex tonight. Not with Takuma. And while I would also say I don't want to be used as a replacement...I also don't want to use Takuma as a replacement. Not anymore. The night eventually starting to wrap up, as Takuma was now passing out too much to justify staying any longer, Natsuo and I help him out of the bar and into the actor's car. Just as I had predicted, we do end up going to a house...but instead of Takuma's, it's Natsuo's. Which makes sense, since Takuma is in no state to be alone...and the same can be said for myself. Which prompts Natsuo to offer to let me stay as long as I'd like, to avoid driving home drunk. Yet another strike against him. He offers to let me use his bathroom and shower, as Takuma had gotten sick on the way to the house, and I could use the shower to help sober up better, and he gives me a robe to wear afterwards. I spend a long time in that shower, feeling too uncomfortable and overwhelmed to do much but stand under the stream. I try to not think about how many showers he must have taken in that same space. How many girls he pressed up against the cold tiles, or how many times he got off with just his hand alone... And my mouth is dry at the thought, and against my better judgement, I spend a majority of the shower just picturing him standing there with me, his warm arms around my waist, juxtaposed to the freezing tiles on my chest... But I can't get off, because I can't get it up all the way. I'm still too aware of my position, of my situation, of what's going on... I know better. Maybe when I get home I'll indulge. But for now, I know the guilt would kill me. I couldn't do it. Not here. Eventually coming out of the shower after a long while, I bundle myself up in the plush white robe Natsuo had given me, and I step out of the bathroom. In the hallway, there's a door that's opened a crack, and upon peeking in I see Takuma tucked in bed, asleep. Figuring Natsuo was in there as well, I continue on into the livingroom, deciding to just doze off on the couch as my clothes wash and dry...but I'm rather taken by surprise when I find Natsuo already there, lounging back, with a leg propped on the coffee table. Again, my mouth dries and I think back to my fantasies all evening. How easy would it be to just drop this robe off my shoulders and climb onto his spread out lap? I could easily blame it on the drinks I'd had. And in the morning, neither of us would talk about it to spare both our prides. ...But I know better. "Mm? Oh, Yuuki. Don't just stand there, come." Shamefully, my breath catches at that word, and I adjust the bathrobe around me again, but I know what he's really referring to as he gestures towards the seat beside him. "Come on, sit down. Don't be scared. I don't bite," he chuckles. 'I wish you did,' I silently whisper to myself as I give in and take a seat on the other side of the couch. He offers me another beer, as if we hadn't drunk enough already, but I accept either way. He gets up to fetch it, and as he walks off, I stare a little too hard at his backside, undressing him rapidly. His legs are so long...and I can't help but wonder what sort of positions would be possible with limbs like his. Would they get in the way? What benefit was there to being so tall? Did his lankiness affect him in any other way as well? When Natsuo returns, I have already turned my attention to the television across the room, but I nod in thanks at the cold beer he hands to me. But to my misfortune, he doesn't take his previous spot on the far end of the couch, and instead sits right beside me. We sit in silence like that for a bit, just sipping our beers and watching the quietly playing program until he finally speaks up. "Hey, Yuuki... Is something bothering you? You've been real quiet this whole time. Is everything alright?" "Mm? What do you mean?" I ask, glancing to him out of the corner of my eye. "Well, I mean... You know, Takuma vented to us all evening, and I had my say here and there...but you didn't really get anything out. If there's something bothering you, you can tell me you know. I know you...don't really like me all that much still, even after all these years... But I would never use what you say against you. I can at least promise you that. Hurting you would hurt Takuma just as much, after all. So...if you want to get anything out there... I'm here to listen," he offered, taking another sip of his drink as he looks at me. Giving a soft snort at that, I take another long sip of my beer and purse my lips, weighing his offer in my mind. Again...I could so easily use the beer in hand to play things off as something I don't mean. Granted, there are the cases to be made that alcohol doesn't plant ideas in your mind, it simply grows them...but it can also mutate ideas. So I could take that route. ...The opportunity is so clearly there, too, so why not go for it? Plus, Natsuo was a good person. He wouldn't let me do too much. He would stop me. And, again, he won't speak nothing of it. He just said so himself, even. Hurting me would hurt Takuma, so he won't let anything unsavoury get out. And I want him really bad. Wetting my lips after another minute or so, I finally speak, taking another sip of my beer before I do. "Have you ever...really wanted to be with someone...but you know you can't?" "...Can't?" "Yeah. Like...you know they have no interest in you at all. You weren't even rejected, you just know there's no point in even trying because you'll just get rejected. But you can't help but...want them anyway? Not even for a relationship, just...just for a night?" He frowns at me now, as if thinking, and he sips his beer and mulls this over. "I...I want to say yes. But usually I want a relationship. If it's just a one-night stand, it can be with anyone, really. If I'm focused on a person, it's usually for a relationship." "But that's the thing, though. Other people don't fill that void. But you can't stand the thought of dating this person. You just kinda wanna...fuck them to see what it's like. You've never had that?" "I...I really don't remember. Probably, though. Most likely, honestly. Is that what's bothering you? You want someone, but you don't want to be rejected?" I set my jaw and swallow, sitting back a little more. "...Yeah. Like I said, I know...it's pointless, so why bother, right? It's just a fantasy that's never gonna come true." "But it bothers you." "...Yeah." He purses his lips apologetically and glances to me. "Does this person know?" "...I don't think so." "Well...what do you want to do?" "...I wanna fuck them. Obviously." Natsuo laughs at this. "No, no, I mean... Do you want them to know?" "Why would I bother? Like I said, I'll just be rejected." "Well... I don't know. You might be surprised," he said, giving another smile and a small shrug. "...No, I definitely know," I say, shaking my head. "Well...then do you...want to let go and move on?" At this I pause. It would be great, to let go of this feeling. To move on from it, to be around him without wanting to jump his bones every second. But at the same time, I rather enjoy the feeling. There's something addicting to wanting something you can't have, and a part of me feels rather weird to lose that. But...that was the greedy side of me speaking. So with another pause, I nod. "...Yeah. It's never gonna happen and fantasy doesn't do it anymore, so... But without getting them, I can't think of any way to let go of it." "...Then that's a reason why you would tell them." "What?" At this, Natsuo finishes off his beer and sets the bottle aside, before adjusting on the couch to face me better. "If you don't tell them, Yuuki, you'll never know for certain that it's a no. Even if you tell yourself it is, there's still a sliver of hope that it's a yes. The only way to get rid of that is to tell them and be rejected. That's how you let go. Get it off your chest, let them confirm what you think and in the end...that's closure. So...I think you should tell this person you're interested. Plus, since it's only one night, they might not see the harm in it. So, who knows? You might get what you want without the pain of rejection." He smiles. I stare. Then I finish my bottle. "...Alright then," I say, staring up at the corner of the ceiling. "You think I should tell them?" "For your sake, yes." "...What about theirs?" "...Theirs?" "Yeah. They won't like it when I tell them. I know. I know them. It'll upset them. That's why it won't work out." "...Why will it upset them?" "Because they're straight. ...He's straight." "Oh." At this, I glance back to Natsuo, who frowns in thought again. "Well...either way, I think you should tell him then. Like I said, it'll give you closure. And maybe this guy wants to experiment or something?" "But it'll definitely change our dynamic. The way we interact will change a lot if I let him know I'm interested in that way." "You guys are adults, though, right? I don't see why it should change, unless he's not mature enough to handle it," Natsuo shrugs. Yet another strike against him. "...So you really think I should tell him?" I ask again, setting the bottle aside. "Yes." "Really?" I ask, starting to edge closer. "Yes--!" His lips are soft and warm and I gasp for breath in between kisses, my hands clinging tightly to his face and neck. With the force of my attack, I've pushed him back on the couch, his head against the arm, his feet knocking over my empty beer bottle on the other side. But I'm relentless. After years of repressing my urges, it's like a great dam has broken and I can't enough of his soft lips and warm tongue. But before I can go further, he manages to break away, pushing me up at arm's length. He gasps, staring wildly up at me, confused and surprised, and it just makes my condition worse. "Y-Yuuki?" "It's you," I whisper, panting as well as I look down at him. Adjusting now as well, I straddle him, allowing the robes to open up a little more, revealing my desire...though instead of making him flush with need as it does to Takuma...Natsuo pales. "M-me?" I nod. "Y-Yuuki... I-I'm flattered, I...I guess, but... I-I'm sorry. I can't." He gently pushes me back up to sit, and I comply, and I start to hate my body. If only because sitting on his lap with him sprawled out underneath me has excited me beyond measure. And it takes every fiber of my being to not grind against him to make him just as hard. But I don't get up. "...Please...Natsuo... Just for tonight? L-like I said, I'm not looking for a relationship. Just one night. We can say the drinks did it. Please... At least let me suck your cock," I beg, starting to lean down again. But he stops me again. "Th-that's just it, though! Y-you have been drinking. I can't take advantage of that!" "So...if I wasn't drunk, you'd let me?" I ask, wetting my lips. This causes him to sweat now, and the sight thrills me more. "N-no, I mean--I..." Stumbling over his words and stammering, Natsuo shakes his head before pushing me up once again, this time sitting up along with me. And the friction this causes makes me gasp out a moan, but in turn, he flinches back in surprise. And after a moment more of adjusting, he manages to escape and stand up, backing up away from the couch. My whole body flushed and needy at this point, I manage to pull myself to a stand, letting the robe fall open completely, just barely holding onto my shoulders. "Please, Natsuo... For my sake? You said experimentation might be okay. And no one has to know we drank or did anything," I say, starting to approach him. And this time he doesn't back up. Maybe it's the request on my behalf, or maybe it's the quip about experimentation, but he lets me take his hand...and he lets me guide it between my legs. "Just pretend it's yours...?" I suggest. But as I let out a moan as he touches me, Natsuo has a much different reaction. Pulling away quickly and wringing his hand, the man shakes his head. "I-I'm sorry, I can't. I...I don't like the feeling at all," he says, backing up from me. And that alone is almost enough to solidify just how...straight he really is. But still, I'm desperate, and I try again. "Th-than...you don't have to touch me! Just...let me suck you off! You don't have to do anything," I say, kneeling on the ground now to show how ready I was. But he still shook his head. "I can't!" "Why not?" "You're Takuma's friend!" "S-so?! What does Takuma have to do with this?" "It's the principle of the matter! I...I can't," he said, shaking his head more furiously now. "I-I'm sorry, Yuuki. I...I want to help you, I do. I don't know why you're interested in me...but I'm sorry, I can't return the feeling. I...th-there's nothing wrong with you, though, I promise! I just...I really only am interested in girls, I'm sorry. M-maybe if I did swing both ways I would take you up on the offers but..." "Please, just let me try!!" Shouting now, I bow to him, my head on the floor as he stands in front of me. "You can close your eyes, you can put on anything else you want to listen to, you can watch porn, whatever! Just...just let me see your dick, please. Let me suck you off! I wanted to so badly for so long... Please, there's nothing wrong with it! There's no harm in it, I promise! Let me try!" "Wh-what...are you guys yelling about?" The both of us jerking around now, I gasp at seeing Takuma leaned against the wall, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and an irritated, exhausted air seeping off him. The two of us apologizing profusely, I wrap myself up again while Natsuo brings Takuma over to the couch before excusing himself to get water and check on my laundry. And I sit on the couch with Takuma, my arms wrapped around my bandmate's shoulders, our heads leaned against each other. "...You're hard..." "Oh...yeah..." "Want help...getting rid of it?" Takuma asks, looking up now to kiss me. "Maybe in a little bit," I murmur, lightly pushing his hand away from my lap for now. But I accept the kisses, until I hear Natsuo starting to come back with water before excusing himself again. Watching him go, I don't remove my eyes from the man's back as Takuma speaks again. "I love you, Yuuki..." "I know, Taku... But you know it's not gonna work out between us..." I whisper as my eyes meet Natsuo's once more before he turns the corner and leaves again. "I know... I just wanted you to know. I want you to be happy, Yuuki... I wish I could make you happy..." "...Thank you, Taku... Get some sleep now, okay? Good night..." I whisper as I close my eyes and lean my head against his again. |
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6:42 PM Jul 11