| Neglected; For some reason, people have been ignoring Yuuki for a while now and he's fed up with it. | |
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| Topic Started: Mar 23 2018, 12:09 PM (2 Views) | |
| basketkitty | Mar 23 2018, 12:09 PM Post #1 |
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When I was eight, I got into a fight with my parents. It wasn't one of our first fights, but it was our biggest. It started with my friend. We were inseparable for the first half of third grade, up until, well, we had a fight of our own. Like my parents, we'd fought a few times before, but this was our first big one. And as a result, it ended up as the last. And the last of our friendship, as well. Like any little kid, I was devastated. Not at first, of course, but it didn't take long for me to realize that our falling out meant no more sleep overs. No more racing around the house together. No more rolling down hills and building dirt mounds. No more playing video games together. No more staying up late to watch dirty movies behind our parents' backs. No more pranking neighbors. No more scrapes and bruises and laughs and smiles... No more friendship. I don't even remember what our fight had been about. It was so inconsequential, it didn't even leave an impact. At least, not on my memory. And it seemed to be the same case for him. Though maybe in a more severe way. He, too, didn't seem to remember the fight. But as a result, he also seemed to have forgotten about me. Maybe it's more common for third graders to move on from friendships quickly. Jumping from kid to kid, never having much time to grow proper bonds... But I guess I'm just too quick to attach to people. Or maybe I just clung to him because I didn't have anyone else to cling to. Either way, it broke my heart. My mother was the one called to pick me up from school that day. She was mad, and rightly so. But her methods of scolding me, combining with her attitude towards me losing my best friend...it was simply too much for my shattered heart to bear. I locked myself in my room for the rest of the day. Then at night when my father got back from work, I was dragged out so that they could find out what happened at school. Again, my memory fails me for what I could have said to them during that time. Maybe it's less that the fights are so piddly, and more that I simply get so worked up that I lose my short-term memory. I'm not sure. But a phrase sticks out to me, when I think back on it, as cliche as it is. And I am more than certain that it was one I said. "I hate you." After that, at eight and a half years old, I tried taking my own life. I was convinced that my parents hated me back, and that if I died, they'd regret ever treating me so poorly. I believed that my friend would be the same, and cry bitter tears over my death. I held strongly to that idea, and rode my bicycle into the street. However, by some miracle, or by some curse, I lost grip of my handlebars and crashed just by the sidewalk. I yelled in a panic, and the car tires screeched against the pavement as the vehicle came to a stop, a mere meter away. The noises alerted my parents, of course, and my mother was the first to rush out, followed by my father. I cried. Not only because it hurt...but because I'd failed my only chance. Several years past since that incident. My parents had me take piano lessons, and my eccentric teacher introduced me to a slew of new music that I was never allowed to listen to on TV. She bought me CDs and a special MP3player of my own, and I hid them like porn under my pillows and inside my socks. I realized I loved music and sang to myself every chance I could get. I sang ballads and blues. I sang to heavy metal, and tried my hand at screaming at the top of my lungs like the lead. I sang country, and pop, and rock'n'roll, and punk; every single genre I could get my hands on. But my absolute favourite was rap. It was a new thing by then, of course. Rappers and gangsters were just starting to fully come out of the wood-works, and I hoarded any piece of information I could get about them. My allowances were quickly spent on magazines and DVDs, nice headphones, sunglasses... I eventually started to convince my parents to let me buy my own clothes, resulting in a complete overhaul in my closet and drawers. It infuriated my parents, of course. But I didn't care. They already hated me enough, so what was a few more hits against me? I finally had something to love. And then I discovered something even better. And something that changed my life even more. I sigh and shut my book, standing up to stretch. I don't know how many times I've written and rewritten that story, telling about the turning point in my life...but I just can't seem to figure out a good way to word it. This draft is too flowery, that draft is too concise and empty, that attempt is too medical, that one is too emotion driven... I have considered just given up on it and telling the others about that point in my life face-to-face, but... Actually, that hasn't been a possibility for a while. I still can't figure out what is going on, but the past few days have been nothing short of weird. I try to take it in stride, but it's...difficult. I chew my pencil and pull out my phone. For the twentieth time, I bring up Mamoru's number and call him. "...Hello?" "Mamoru! Are you going to finally talk to me now, or wh--" But before I could finish my sentence, he hangs up. Again. This has been happening ever since a few days ago. I keep trying to remember what I might have done to have caused this, but I come up with nothing. That day had been completely normal. It was a Sunday, if I recall correctly. It should have been a day off, but instead we went to work and had band rehearsal at the nearby studio. Afterward, we got dinner together, then we separated to our respective homes. I can't remember ever saying anything that might have upset anyone. There weren't any fights. It was just a...normal day. But then Monday morning came around. While getting ready for school, I had called up Takuma to find out if anything was happening after school, in case I didn't have time to come back home to get ready for it. He didn't answer his phone at all. Even when I called him several times. Eventually I gave up on Takuma and called the others as well, but...again, there was no answer. By then, I was at school, so I couldn't make anymore attempts at phoning my friends, and it was starting to stress me out considerably. School wasn't much better. None of my classmates said hi to me, none of my teachers said anything, either. They all passed by my desk, not even so much as glancing to me. It...it was weird. It is weird. Everything feels so heavy, it's suffocating. Every time I raise my hand for an answer, I'm ignored. Even when no one else is trying! I keep wanting to throw my books aside and jump on my desk to get someone's attention, but...a part of me feels like this might be a test. Like if I act out, I'll be exempt from trying for Keio. Or worse, that I might be pulled out of the agency. Those thoughts alone are keeping me from doing anything but taking this whole ordeal in stride. But I don't know how much I can handle. It's Thursday now. Thursday evening, to be exact. Maaya hasn't called me for dinner ever since Monday evening. She hasn't come in to clean, either, which she was always doing despite me telling her not to. But I figure, it must be a ploy with the school, or the agency still. My parents must be in on it, as well as Maaya. After all, that would explain their complete silence when I sit at the table with my own prepared dinner, right? Even if we hate each other, my folks still usually talk to me about what's going on in my life. Or they just talk about theirs, but...instead, they just sit there and eat in silence, then leave in silence, ignoring everything I say to them. For once...I actually kind of miss them. Friday ended up passing about the same as Thursday. The same as all week, really. I wake up, make my own breakfast, then go to school where everyone ignores me. My homework isn't even graded, and I feel just about ready to burst with just how finished I am with this whole 'test'. But no matter how many times I call my manager, all I get are impatient 'Hello? Hello?'s, ending with a 'You damned prank callers better stop this right now before I really get pissed!'. At the very least, that was different. But it just makes me feel more sick. However, not as sick as I felt on the way home. A flier caught my attention, mostly by the people surrounding it. I shouldered my way through, and felt my stomach freeze and dissolve away. 'Tachiiri, Disbanded' I wasted no time in running to the agency. I threw open the doors and went straight to the secretary. "I'm here to see the head!" I say to her, but she doesn't respond. I slam my hands on the counter and lean forward more. I wave my hand in front of her face and pull her hair. Finally, I smack her. She simply shudders and adjusts in her seat. I give up. Upstairs, I help myself into the company head's office, panting slightly from the sprint up the steps. Inside, he's sitting at his desk, sighing dismally at the papers in front of him. I slap my hands on his desk, and he doesn't look up. "Hey! HEY!! What are you doing disbanding Tachiiri without saying about it to me first, huh? HAH?!" But nothing. Nothing. At all. Not even a glance. I consider hitting him as well, or ripping his papers...but even if Tachiiri is gone, we might still regroup, and I can't risk being kicked out. So all I can do is fight back my hot tears and storm out again. I can feel my world falling apart around me, crushing me under its weight. Through the thickening fog of destroyed hopes and dreams, however, a small beacon of light peeked through in the form of four familiar faces. Tachiiri. "Guys!! Hey!! GUYS!!" Yelling at the top of my lungs, I dash towards them, pulling Mamoru as I try to hold onto him to stop my momentum. I hadn't seen them all week! Every since Sunday! Though it was no surprise, considering we all had school and they refused to answer their phones or talk to me when they did. But...as happy as I was to finally see them again, they didn't seem at all happy to see me. If they...even did see me. "Mamo? Mamoru, what's going on? Why are we disbanded? Did I do something wrong? You guys have to tell me! Come on!" Shaking the boy, I feel tears starting to brim in my eyes in earnest...but nothing. "Izo? Izo, come on, you can't keep this up, can you? Look, I'll give you my entire allowance this month if you please just say hi!" I say, turning to our guitarist. But even at the bribe, he doesn't say a thing. His expression is blank. Almost all of them are, aside from their eyes shining with...tears. Ryouta's jaw is set, though a few streaks are seen on his cheeks, and he refuses to even look down at me when I tugged hard on his shirt front. "Please, Ryou! Ryou, come on! I-I'll play baseball and soccer with you tomorrow! Today even! Come on, please! Please, say something!" By this point, I am in hysterics, crying openly in front of my best friends, who just...don't notice. I turn to Takuma. Out of any of them...he had to notice, right? He had to. He...he had to. "T...T-Ta-chan... Please..." Standing in front of him, tears running down my face in messy streams, I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my face in his chest. But there's no warm hand on my head. No break of character, or tensed muscles to indicate him hardening. There was nothing. Just him walking along, stepping on my feet that are in the way. The others catch him, patting his back and making sure he was really okay with continuing like this. I pull away and realize we've already left the building, and are walking down the street. Silently, I fall behind and follow them. We stop at a flower shop along the way, and each member buys a small bouquet. I try to buy one myself, but my money is ignored. I don't even know what the flowers are for, but I feel left out enough as it is, so I leave the money on the counter and head off with my selection. We walk a couple blocks further, eventually stopping to take a train. I can't buy a ticket, but I refuse to stay behind, and no one stops me as I slip in between Mamoru and Ryouta. I have to stand, however, and people keep bumping into me. More so than usual, I feel... But at this point, things are starting to not surprise my anymore. At least. Until we arrive at our destination. ...It was a graveyard. And I finally take notice that all four Tachiiri members are wearing black. Silently, I follow them. It...feels surprisingly calm here. I remember being scared of graveyards before, but now it's nice. The stress and unease I've been feeling for the past week is gone now, and I feel inexhaustibly tired. But I carry on behind their heels. Over their shoulder, I see a couple standing by a grave. We seem to be going towards them. The couple are my parents. They exchange pleasantries, condolences... Hell, they even act civilly to Izo! But they don't stick around, and I watch as my folks walk off, my dad wrapping an arm around my mom's shoulders as she pulls out a handkerchief. My stomach is twisting in knots at this point, my body seeming unable to decide if it wants to feel at ease, or unease. The others bend down and lay their flowers on the fresh dirt in front of the grave. Finally I also notice how new the headstone is. And finally I notice the words on it. 'Yuuki Shunya, 1990-2008' And I make the final realization that the date on it is ten years off. |
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6:42 PM Jul 11