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I looked upon the scene before me - upon the mere house, and the simple landscape features of the domain - upon the bleak walls upon the vacant eye-like windows - upon a few rank sedges - and upon a few white trunks of decayed trees - with an utter depression of the soul, which I can compare to no earthly sensation… - Edgar Allan Poe * There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy - William Shakespeare * No Man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks. - Mary Wollstonecraft * Tell me the news, again, whatever it is... sorrow and I are hardly strangers. I can bear the worst. ― Sophocles






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The Mind is a Plaything of the Mind; Attn: Jason
Topic Started: Apr 1 2016, 01:19 AM (1,494 Views)
Lavinia
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The taxi had left her right in front of the E.R.; the driver had asked Lavinia if she needed any help, perhaps assuming from her impeded gestures that she was somehow injured herself; no other question, anyway, had followed her polite refusal.

She walked in wearing one of her many masks: that of the confused bystander; worried, considerate, not really perspicacious and even less threatening. After a bit of looking around, she headed to the reception desk. "Excuse me", she said. "Oh! Maybe you can help me, would you? The girl... She's a blonde girl, rather young... I found her unconscious, although I don't know if now... They told me they were taking her here, am I in the right place? May I know how she's doing, where she is?". The nurse, a bored middle-aged woman, repeated something that must have been routine; something on not giving private information to unrelated strangers. Lavinia, however, barely registered her words, as she didn't really expect any exaustive question. Instead, she focused on her thoughts*, where among casual words of annoyance and unrelated concepts she could recognize some more distinct image: that of the girl as she had arrived on the stretcher, that of a doctor of some foreign heritage; the two images were closely connected in the lady's mind; not so much to be an evidence, but enough to be a good start.

After some words of apology, Lavinia and her mask walked away from the desk and lingered for a while in the waiting area. Despite her pretense of absent-mindedness, her attention was on the door that gave access to the surgeries... She slipped in at the first reasonable chance (already preparing some excuse on how she'd lost her way; already considering how many minds she was going to control in the following minutes...). Trying to blend in with the relatives, or whoever were the civilians who had a legitimate reason to be there, she looked around, scanning the place for the one face she had fished in the nurse's mind.

He wasn't all that hard to recognize; there weren't many Indian-looking doctors in the E.R. after all. His traits were now real, defined, not blurred as they had been in that lady's thought; but, most definitely, the same person. She observed him more attentively, trying to seize something on his nature, on his mood** - anything, really, that could provide even a small suggestion on how to better approach him. What she saw, however, wasn't expected at all. Nothing was really surprising in the nuances of yellow and pink that surrounded him, nor in the strikes of orange and brown; but their unequivocally pale shade? That - that meant an entirely different course of action.

"Excuse me doctor, may I have a word with you?", she asked, once she had a chance to approach him. The doctor could hear other words, spoken by the same voice but sounding directly in his mind***: I'm Kindred. There might be a problem.

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* Auspex 4: Telepathy
** Auspex 2: Aura Perception
*** Auspex 4: Telepathy
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Dr. Jason Singh Barar
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It had been a busy night at the ER- two cases of bad food poisoning from a less than reputable restaurant, a man in the early stages of pneumonia, a girl catatonic for no medically discernable reason, and a sleeping pill overdose that had involved a number of police officers. Still, trying to keep up had been a relief. Far better to focus on the work, on helping patients with their problems, than to worry about his own.

Now, though, the excitement had died away, and quiet had settled over the ER. Not willing to sit and contemplate his situation, he had gone to fetch some police paperwork to do instead- truly a desperate measure. As he was heading back to his office, he heard a female voice behind him. It said, "Excuse me doctor, may I have a word with you?" Jason turned, seeing a young woman who clearly did not belong in the part of the hospital. He had just started asking who she was when he heard a voice speaking inside his head; I'm Kindred. There might be a problem.

Jason jumped, a brief instant of irrational panic setting in. While voices in your head weren't uncommon for Tremere- you heard them every time a clan member introduced themselves to a new domain- Konstantin had liked to announce his presence with a telepathic message, exquisitely timed to catch Jason off guard.

It took a second for Jason to realize that the voice in his head was the same as the woman's who had just spoken. Narrowing his eyes, Jason focused on her*. He could see her form limned with gold, pink and sky blue shimmers, too pale to belong to a human. He was dealing with another vampire.

Jason stiffened, looking around. The corridor was clear, but just for the moment. Whatever this Kindred wanted, he doubted he could stop her. Talking with her and keeping h the other hospital staff out of her way seemed like the only option. He couldn't keep the strain out of his voice as he said. "Whatever you want, let's discuss it in my office." He began to move down the corridor while looking behind him, unwilling to turn his back on the Kindred. "It's this way." he added unnecessarily, hoping that she would follow him.

---

*Auspex 2- Aura Perception

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Lavinia
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Of course she did. Actually, she was relieved they could have some sort of privacy. So she followed him, walked with him down the corridor and to his room, took a seat if offered. "First of all, let me apologize for startling you in such an abrupt way", she said, not oblivious of her interlocutor's tension. "I just thought it was the safest way to reveal myself. But, I haven't introduced myself yet! My name's Lavinia Alberti, although I go as 'Martinelli' these days", she said, hoping that disclosing her identity would have made her look more like a proper visitor and less like an intruder. "I've got an art gallery here in Turin and, well, tonight there have been a rather unpleasant accident with some visitor; an accident that I'd like to fix in the least traumatic way possible - I hope you'll understand". Well, that was the very short version of the story. Lavinia was ready to deliver more information, but she wasn't in a rush to jusify herself, make up excuses or even clarify her own role in the misadventure; that wasn't the priority at the moment. "I believe a young girl had been brought to you tonight; a frail-looking blonde girl in her late teens or early twenties, that had been found unconscious... Isn't it so?". She looked at the doctor, waiting for a confirmation, then said: "First of all, may I know how she is doing?". Her tone and general demanour were considerate but firm, as someone who either has feelings both gentle and disciplined, or does a really good job at faking it.
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Dr. Jason Singh Barar
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Entering his office, Jason braced for the worst from his Kindred guest- threats, physical coercion, or mental domination. So when the vampire introduced herself politely- complete with an apology for startling him- Jason was dumbfounded. He merely stared for a second before he replied to her introduction. "No, there's no problem. Doctor Jason Barar. Nice to meet you." he managed to say.

As Lavinia explained what she wanted, however, Jason focused on the task at hand. Lavinia wanted to know about one of his patients, the unconscious girl from earlier this evening. The fact was, though, however polite Lavinia was, she was Kindred, and Jason wasnn't sure just how much he wanted to help her. "Miss Alberti- Lavinia," Jason began, preparing his best professional brush-off. "I'm very sorry, but its against hospital policy, not to mention against my professional and personal code of ethics, to reveal information about a patient a complete stranger. So while I can tell you that she's in care and no immediate danger, I'm afraid that's all I can say on the subject. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

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Lavinia
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Lavinia, not unlike Jason, was focused on the task at hand; that, at least, was something the two Kindred had in common. She listened to the doctor's words, to the reasons for his reticence. For what she could tell, the appeal to his personal code of ethics could have even been sincere - although, of course, it could have been the deameanor of a Kindred guarding his domain as well.
"Well, I am probably the one who should reveal more information at this point", she said, adjusting her position on the seat. "When I said there's been an accident, I meant your patient has seen something that was rather obviously supernatural. I can tell you the specifics of what happened, if you want, but what truly matters is that it would be surely better for everyone if she could just forget a few details of tonight. Of course", she said, considering how a vampire who worked in such an enviroment had most likely some experience with mind control, "if you prefer to take care of it personally, that'd be equally fine". The last part was only partially true: Lavinia recognized the opportunity of keeping away from others' spheres of influence, but she wasn't so ready to trust some strange Kindred too blindly, no matter how well-meaning his words and ethereal shades seemed to be. Thus, the arguments that followed were conceived more to test him than to persuade him. "I am not saying the Masquerade will fall apart on our heads if we don't intervene", she said. "However, if she reports what she has seen that'll definitely draw some attention. The attention of some of our neighboring Domains, perhaps. They could take different courses of action, but I am not sure they'd have more respect for medical ethics... Frankly, I would rather not count on that". She frowned for an instant, then continued: "Or perhaps just psychiatric attention... You see, someone would call it a problem that solves itself, but if I were alive I'd be happier not to take antipsychotics I don't really need". Indeed, while she knew little on the science involved, she had heard some horror stories on the matter; Federico, for once, was entirely terrified by the perspective and got a little obsessed with it in the times when he was feeling discouraged. Having said this, Lavinia disposed herself to study Jason's reaction; concentrating on the formal sincerity of his words*, but devoting equal attention to his attitude and body language as well, as those sometimes revealed more than any supernatural power.

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* Auspex 2: An Ear for Lies - http://rpgroller.com/wod/
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Dr. Jason Singh Barar
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Jason took a few seconds to think about what he was going to say. He wanted to make sure his own thoughts and reasons were in order, as much as how precisely to express them. When he did speak, he chose each word carefully.

"Miss Alberti. I very much appreciate the courtesy you have shown me by approaching me so openly. The fact that you decided to do so speaks very well of your intentions and your character. Therefore, I am inclined to believe you when you say that you have my patient's best interests at heart, and I would be willing to give you the benefit of the doubt about the large political ramifications you've hinted at."

"That said, all you've really given me so far are a bunch of vague hints about dire threats, unspeakable sights and the potential for psychotic breaks in the future. But there's no evidence so far that anything you said is true. And I can't in good conscience allow anyone to muck about in my patient's head, unless I was convinced that it would be the best thing for her."

Jason sighed, and dropped his careful pattern of speech, trading precision for earnest emotion. "Look, my only interest here is the well-being of my patient. I'm sorry, but you're going to have to convince me that the best thing for that girl lying there is for you to go in there and dominate her mind. And I'm going to need something a little more concrete than what you've told me so far to change my mind."

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Lavinia
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No, he wasn't lying. Not even when he talked about his patient and her interest. Apparently, he was really that principled - and, as consequence, that stubborn. "I appreciate your concern, doctor, and you have all the reasons not to trust some strange vampire that comes here and asks to play with a patient's mind. We have the same concerns, although from different persepectives. Would it help if I told you more on what happened and what our girl could have seen? I am not sure what difference it should make - a Masquerade breach is ripe of consequences regardless to its details - but at least you'll have a more concrete measure of the events. I don't know if you have the means to test the veracity of my words, but that would be possibly the best guarantee I can provide" Lavinia wasn't precisely happy to involve Edmund in this part of the story, nor did she openly ask every other night to have her words Auspexed, but at that point it seemed the best way to win the doctor's trust - at least without playing with even more minds and feelings, which she was only glad to avoid.

She paused a couple of seconds - to collect her words and thoughts, or to give him the chance to focus properly if he wanted. "As I mentioned, I have an art gallery in the city center. I had a peculiar visitor, tonight: a young man that soon revealed to be Kindred. We were having some polite conversation about art and nightlife, when our girl walked in. That's where my undead guest revealed, how can I put it?, the tragic limits of his impulse control? I don't think his intent was malicious - I mean, I don't think he had any intention at all, at that point. But what happened was that he bared his fangs, his appearance revealing the darkest side of our nature, and jumped towards the girl like a fury. I reached for him, moving at an obviously innatural speed, and offered him a distraction before it was too late. I can't really tell how much else she has seen and at what point she has lost consciousness, because after that I was all focused trying to reason with his Beast and help him regain control. Here, this is perhaps the closest thing to a 'concrete evidence' that I can offer" As she said so, Lavinia put her left hand on the table - Jason could now notice she moved it with visible effort - and rolled up her sleeve. She kept an eye on his reaction, although she assumed a doctor wasn't unaccustomed to grievous wounds. The piece of forearm she revealed was a mess of dead tissue and exposed bone; of course, it could be the result of various events, but it was quite consistent with meeting a frenzied vampire.

"Now, I am not very much into what you call 'political ramifications', but I know enough to see how such a story would be called 'clinical insanity' by mortals, and by Kindred 'a mishap to clean up by the first means at hand'. If it sounds like I don't trust our brothers' scrupulousness, it's because I don't; probably, for the same reasons why you're reluctant to let me in".
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Dr. Jason Singh Barar
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Well, wasn't this a conundrum? On the one hand, allowing a strange vampire access to his patients stood against Jason's strongest principles. Jason had little understanding of the mental powers of some vampires, but he doubted whether any ability that allowed direct manipulation of another's thoughts to be anything but traumatic.

On the other hand, if the patient really had seen a fully revealed vampire, then it really was in her best interest to forget the experience as quickly as possible. The human psyche could be delicate when it came to dealing with things that should not be. Doubtless, the patient would live far more comfortably not knowing that their were fiendish bloodsucking predators in her world. Assuming of course, she lived very long- the Camarilla would go to great lengths to preserve the masquerade. Having the patient leave the hospital knowing about the Kindred might be ultimately fatal.

Of course, leaving someone in blissful ignorance without their consent was a whole different level of moral quandary. Ultimately, Jason decided that, in this case, he must rely on the medical ethics drilled into him during his education and training, ethics he'd always tried to live his life by.

Jason turned to Lavinia. "I agree that perhaps the procedure you're describing- wiping her memories away- might ultimately be in her own best interest. However, my professional ethics forbid me for allowing someone who I barely know and has few credentials- to perform a medical procedure- especially one as potentially traumatic as direct mental manipulation- on a patient without their consent. Unless her life is in imminent danger, I can not and will not allow her memories to be excised without her knowledge or consent, any more than I would allow an amputation under similar circumstances."

"But, I realize that she might not react well to the knowledge, and lacks the necessary information to make an informed decision in her best interest. I need to at least allow her to awaken before you go ahead. Then we can assess what she knows and how she's responding to it, and decide from there. Would that be acceptable?"

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Lavinia
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So she's still unconscious. That meant she hand't spread the word yet, but it also meant she might have been injured more severley than she had hoped. Although, the doctor didn't seem exceedingly concerned about that. "I do see your point", she said - and in fact she did: if she didn't rate a short amnesia on the same level as an amputation, and while she was perhaps more practical on the use of blissful ignorance, Lavinia was all for considering a more respectful course of action, if the doctor had in mind one that was indeed feasible. "I'll need at least some degree of consciousness before I can go ahead, and assessing what exactly she remembers is always the first step", or at least it was if you hoped to do any kind of subtle job, "so there's no issue with that. On the matter of consent... You know, I'd love if we could sit down with her and calmly discuss the pros and cons of forgetting, or of keeping a secret for the rest of her life. Actually, you'd find me very little dogmatic on such matters. However, we're in a public place and we must consider that she could scream, call for attention, ramble about monsters... That'd become too late for her, and possibly a matter of public safety; now, I suppose you'd be less concerned with free consent if, say, a patient wanted to go home with the black plague... or ebola", she quickly added, realizing that a modern example might have been more apt. The comparison was still less than perfect in many ways - what actual the risk for bystanders? Most likely, the girl would have been the one in troubles anyway - but she hoped the doctor understood the valid point, regardless to lengthier distinctions. "So, there are different ways, and different points at which I might influence her. I could 'suggest' she keeps calm and speaks softly, as a first thing; I can put it gently, so her mind would interpret it as a suggestion she accepts and not as an unnatural command; I won't hide that'd be still an intervention on your patient, however, so I'd like to have your opinion on that. We could try to do some explaining, but then we must be ready to react if anything goes wrong". She looked at Jason. Despite everything, a part of her was nothing but happy she could discuss such issues with another Kindred. "I think we both agree on what matters, Dr. Barar. None of us wants to harm her, none of us wants any life to be ruined or terminated. We have to agree on the best procedure, however, and we must do it now, planning ahead as much as possible, because for all that I'm appreciating our talk about ethics, once we're there with her we won't have time to discuss, and will have to act in concert". Then there was the other issue... "But, you haven't told me how she's doing yet. Is she just sleeping, or...".
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Dr. Jason Singh Barar
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Jason gritted his teeth. The situation was complex, with many layers and possible results that could cause innumerable complications. He knew where his professional ethics pointed- to tell the vampire to leave his hospital and administer to the patient as best he could. However, ethics were not dogma- they needed to be tempered by judgement, and on occasion needed to be bent a little. Dealing with a potential Masquerade violation was cause enough to allow a little flexibility. And Lavinia had given him no cause to doubt her beyond what she was. The situation seemed to call for a little benefit of the doubt- at least within reason.

To give himself a moment to think, Jason answered Lavinia's last question first. "The patient was, last time I checked, unconscious. Not in a coma or anything, but definitely beyond sleep. We haven't made any real efforts to rouse her, not knowing the cause. Now that I know what happened, however, it seems likely that her condition is a stress reaction."

Jason took a moment more, frowning at Lavinia, before coming to his decision. "Very well. This is what I can do. You may be present when she wakes. You may also calm her using your talents, should the need arise. Afterwards, we'll discuss things with her." It would be so much easier to simply allow Lavinia to wipe the patient's memories, but here Jason's code of ethics stuck- excising memories was in his mind little different from major surgery, and he wouldn't proceed here without consent unless the patient's life was in immediate danger. "I will not take away a part of someone's life, even a traumatic part, unless asked to do so. Would that be acceptable?"

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Lavinia
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On the one hand, she liked his stubborness. A lot. He had principles, he cared about his patients - those were wonderful things, and yet they meant less than nothing if you didn't have the spine to back them up. He had principles, and he was a vampire: he was going to need all the strength in the world. On the other hand, his position was very dangerous, for himself and for others as well. Lavinia had come to the conclusion he must have been very young and very little experienced in the many ways things could have gone wrong. Good luck, Childe, she thought with some actual sympathy, before going back to the issue at hand.

"Do you think you can wake her up, now? I didn't try when I found her, as I have no medical experience and I had no clue if it was safe to move her in any way". Which would have been enough to get her staked, under different circumstances, since sending a witness to the hospital was itself a risk for the Masquerade. But that was a risk she was willing to take.

"Once she's awake, I can order her to keep calm, if needed; however, that would prevent her from screaming, but wouldn't make her feel any less scared". Despite her utter lack of medical training, Lavinia felt as if they were discussing some complex and debated surgical procedure. "I have other powers that could influence how she feels... Now, the last thing I desire is to impress her. But if I acted reassuringly while using some personal magnetism, I believe she'd feel safe and more inclined to take my directions as natural, as opposite to being terrified but being compelled to act calmly. In general, even if she had to forget everything a few minutes later, I'd like to keep the experience as painless as possible". Was that explanation needed? To go ahead, it wasn't needed at all. And yet it was needed, because, while she was a supporter of merciful lies in various cases, she thought that the doctor was better off with the truth.

Then, there were a few more things to discuss before going out of that room. "We can try to explain things as clearly as possible. However, what if, after some minutes of lecture on vampire society, she wants to call the Police, or her mother? What if she aspires to celebrity and honestly wants to talk about this story on Tv? Again, I ask it because you might see perspectives that I am missing, and because, as I said, it's something we can't discuss later" - and, while she did believe the doctor himself was missing some perspective, she would truly have rejoyced if he had come up with some better plan. "You know, I am fine with a lucid person who can live with a secret; I just have doubts on how 'informed' an informed choice can be in such cases. And since we are at it", she said, with a tone that, while still calm, was now quite decisive, "I will not, under no request or circumstance, suggest or accept that she should become one of us, nor one of our slaves. That's not something one could knowingly want. Neither after a night of explaining, nor after a lifetime".
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Dr. Jason Singh Barar
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"It might be possible to wake her now, if not through simple means, then with stimulants, though I'd save those for a last resort." For the moment, Jason was faced with problem, and now his thoughts were all turned towards solving it.\

Jason listened patiently as Lavinia explained how she could influence his patient's mind. For the moment, he let the uglier implications of what Lavinia could do pass. "Trying to actually calm her is the best course of action, after all we want her rational." Though it galled him, he added, "Perhaps it might be for the best if she was a little frightened- she should be, considering her situation"

"As far as explaining things go- Frankly it's going to be quite difficult properly conveying the import of what she saw tonight. And telling her too much might be dangerous in and of itself, especially considering what she saw. Are you sure this whole thing couldn't be passed off as something else? A fright reaction or something?" Jason was half-musing to himself, now in full problem solving mode. "I wonder if it'd be counterproductive to make some kind of dramatic display? Show our fangs, or something? I mean, we're not trying to coerce her, but if it carries the point across, it might be worth it. And," Jason added, turning to face Lavinia as she finished speaking, his voice grim, "I agree. We aren't Embracing her."

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Lavinia
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"I think she's going to be more than a bit frightened anyway. It's not like I can or would literally overwrite her emotions". Essentially, she wanted her not to panic, or to feel trapped in her body, unable to scream for some reason.

She listened to the doctor's suggestions, considering whether any of them could be good. "I'll try to understand what she actually has seen, first of all. If it's little, we can claim she's seen some very provocative performer, or something along those lines, and that she has misinterpreted the scene. But if she's seen more, I won't let her doubt of her faculties, let her believe she's losing her mind, or anything similar. Frankly, I don't see it how that'd be more compassionate than letting her believe she's seen nothing at all". Now, she doubted the doctor was really planning to make her pass for insane, but she had seen that trick too many times and it was precisely one of the consequences she wanted to avoid. "As for convincing her that the risk is serious... I know some horror stories on similar cases; stories which have both the misfortune and the advantage of being true. I don't want to threaten her, but I won't hide how things could turn out, if this story reaches the wrong ears". She reflected on the consequences of what she was about to say, all too aware the doctor might not like it. "However, if she's happy with the perspective not only of being killed, but of possibly getting other people killed with her, and to have innocents framed as murderers - then, sorry, doctor, but I wouldn't say she's capable of consent". She looked at him for a long second before asking: "If that was the case, do you feel up to decide in her best interest?".
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Jason nodded as Lavinia spoke. Everything she said made sense, and wasn't too different from what he himself felt. If they could convince the patient that this was just a performance art piece, that would be the best result. But if it didn't work, if she was aware precisely what she saw, and refused to have her memory wiped, that was a difficult situation.

"I think that the plan is the best one we have, even if it means lying to a patient. But if she refuses- well, Cambridge had excellent ethics classes, but they never covered this." Jason smiled weakly. "I realize that we may come to the point where removing her memories is the only option, and that doing so is far preferable to letter her wander about with knowledge of the Masquerade. Sometimes, a doctor really does have to use their judgement, and decide what is best for their patients, and for everyone else. The way I see it, though, this isn't much better than an amputation. We'd be taking away something from this girl's life, something she'd never get back, and the fact that she won't know it hardly changes that." Jason shook his head, then straightened, readying himself. "Let's proceed as you've described. And if all else fails- we can remove her memories of the event." Jason gave a slight shudder, then looked at Lavinia. "Agreed?"

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Lavinia
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"Agreed", she said. Her voice and her attitude somber, rueful. Yes, she had got what she wanted from him, but there was no victory. What they were about to do was anything but glorious, and even persuading the doctor had been more a necessity than a personal success.

More could have been said on how she agreed and disagreed with Jason, but it didn't really matter at that point. That wasn't the right moment for philosophizing and quibbling about theories - what mattered was that they had an idea what to do.

"There's one more thing where I'd like to benefit of your medical expertise. Odds are she's going to believe she fainted; if in the end I have to change her memories" ...with or without her consent, depending how it goes... "I'm going to make her believe she's been feeling a bit weak lately... or such kind of things, since just dropping on the floor isn't that common for nowadays' ladies". Indeed, an excuse would have been easier when tight corsets had been in fashion, and when fainting was nothing but a sign of femine grace. "Now, my aim is to make the episode as little worrisome as possible, and not to let her think she's got some lethal illness of any kind. Do you have any advice on how to put it?".
Edited by Lavinia, May 24 2016, 12:06 PM.
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Dr. Jason Singh Barar
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Jason thought for a moment. Yet another lie for his patient, but at least that one was easy. "Syncope- that's fainting- can be caused by many things, from diet to stress to posture, and isn't uncommon even in healthy people. That part shouldn't be a problem. Let me worry about that." Jason looked over towards the wall, in the direction where the patient was currently resting. "When we go in, let me take the lead. I'll explain the situation, and you can feel free to add anything you feel might help. And if things don't work out, you can take over.". The last phrase came out in a croak. Having committed to this course of action, Jason would take responsibility of carrying it out to the best of his ability. His patients were his responsibility, and he'd never allow someone else to take over their care if he thought that what he was doing was best for his patient.

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Lavinia nodded. At least that part was easy and of minimal consequence. "I believe you'll be able to reassure her, if later she'd need to ask anything on the matter". As for what followed, it was reasonable. Not optimal, perhaps, but she could see even too well why he didn't want to give up on any more space. "That is fine for me. Now if you want to lead the way...". As she said so she got up, adjusting once more her jacket to be sure no trace of the recent fight was showing.
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Jason nodded, drawing himself up. "Right. If you'll follow me?" He held the door of the office open for Lavinia, then proceeded down the hallway at a brisk pace.

It wasn't very far to the room where the patient was being held. The corridors were mostly empty save for an orderly moving the opposite direction pushing an empty stretcher. When they reached the room the patient was in, Jason motioned to Lavinia to stay back a ways, then poked his head in. Nurse Regina was currently attending the patient, making notations on a clipboard. When she saw Jason, she stood, coming over to speak. Jason took the clipboard, gave the chart a quick glance, then gave Regina a professional nod before speaking with her.

"How's our patient doing? Do we have a name yet?"

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[alias=Regina][avatar=http://images.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/Carla-scrubs-60539_239_360.jpg]"Grazia Berthod. That was on her papers", the nurse explained concisely. "We've not been able to contact her family yet. Anyway she comes from Val d'Aosta, I doubt we'd get anyone here before tomorrow. And she is... She hasn't changed, at all. Last time I checked she was still lying there. Immobile, no reaction". Regina widened her eyes; confused, but too practical and busy to be impressed. "Anything else that you need?" - if Jason had no requests, she had another long list of tasks to take care of.
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"Thank you. I think this might be a stress reaction, but I'd like to check up on her, and go over her medical history. I don't need anything else for now. Let me know if you get in touch with her family." With that, he turned and stepped into the room, listening for Regina's receding footsteps down the hallway. He gave the chart, another cursory glance; Regina had measured the patient's vitals, and nothing seemed obviously wrong. Tossing the clipboard on a nearby table, Jason walked over to the patient's bedside.

Grazia Bethod was young, and, as Regina had mentioned, completely unresponsive. He checked her pulse once again, then shined a light in her eyes, looking for any sort of response. The discussion with Lavinia would be moot if Grazia didn't wake up.

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[alias=Storyteller][avatar=http://www.hdofblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/271887983_TJvA3aFD_c.jpg]Grazia didn't lack physical reaction. Her reflexes, overall, were fairly normal; those, however, were everything she seemed to have left. She opened her eyes like a doll could have done, and not unlike a doll she dropped her head if the doctor let her go. She seemed fine, she seemed healthy, but she wasn't there.
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Lavinia, who had stood behind pretending to pay attention to some poster on the wall (irrelevant news, PSAs against smoking, such things), followed Jason as soon as she could do it inconspicuously. For all that others could tell, she could easily have been a patient's relative on a visit. Once in Grazia's room, she walked close to the bed, to be ready to intervene in the event of a sudden reaction... but her lack of response presented a different cause of concern. The girl had now closed her eyes again and by all appearances seemed at rest, but her colours told a different story*: as she resorted once more to her supernatural senses, Lavinia could see furious swilrs of orange that overwhelmed almost entirely the white core of the girl's aura. "She's not sleeping. She's terrified", she murmured to the doctor.

______
* Auspex 2: Aura Perception
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A quick look* confirmed Lavinia's assertion. Jason stood, nodding. "Physically, there's nothing wong with her. Her reactions are normal but her mind..." Looking to Lavinia, he said, in barely more than a whisper, "If we can't bring her out of this, we might have to resort to plan B. Better that than her remaining like this. Would you please close the door?" Jason sat down at the side of the bed and placed his hand on top of hers. Then, he spoke calmly, and soothingly. "Grazia, can you hear me? You're safe now. I'm a doctor, everything's all right." He continued speaking in calm tones, occasionally checking her aura* to see if his words were having any effect.


---

*Auspex 2- Aura Sight
Edited by Dr. Jason Singh Barar, Jun 2 2016, 01:55 PM.

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While ensuring that the door was closed and their privacy protected, Lavinia considered what plan B implied in that situation. Once again, the simple fact of having what she had asked wasn't met with any pleasure; no satisfaction, no sense of victory - there was nothing there to win. Moreover, the predicament was even more delicate than they had thought; despite all their planning ahead, they were going to need some other talk...

Meanwhile, nothing had changed in the girl, nor in her aura. She appeared to be conscious of something, but oblivious of the doctor and his words. "Do you have any means to read her mind?", she asked, actually doubting that what she assumed to be a young Neonate had any power that advanced. "Otherwise, I can do it and let you see".

Once Jason - arguably with some reluctancy - had agreed to accept her proposal, Lavinia disposed herself to explore Grazia's mind - or, at least, her most immediate thoughts*. What she saw was not unexpected, although its intensity didn't fail to impress her. Bared fangs, a deformed face that resembled only remotely to Edmund. His aggression, enhanced, accelerated and repeated in an unescapable loop. All this pervaded by the certainty of an atrocious, immediate death. For an instant, Lavinia was hit by that certainty, as if she'd been the one facing destruction...

"Brace yourself", she said softly, before projecting an approximation of what she'd seen into Jason's mind*. A copy that was faithful in its content, but toned down in its intensity, like the photo of a photo of a photo.

_____________
* Auspex 4: Telepathy
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Having Grazia's memories- not to mention the telepathic contact itself-proved a highly disturbing experience. He saw the attacking vampire through Grazia's eyes, and felt the faint whispers of the woman's fear. Jason shuddered, and found himself muttering a long-forgotten prayer, "May God's sword help us, may the Khalsa always triumph." Jason looked over at Lavinia, embarrassed. His voice came out in a croak. "What- what happened there?" Jason cleared his throat, shook himself, and recaptured his professional demeanor. "I don't know if we can pass this off easily. Do you think you can contact her directly?" He put a slight emphasis on directly. "Try to calm her down, reassure her, bring her out of this state?"

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Lavinia exchanged a long gaze with Jason. No haste to reply - for a second, words seemed inappropriate, even blasphemous. She was still collected, calm by all appearances, but Jason could guess, perhaps, her imperturbability had nothing to do with indifference. She wasn't any less touched - she just know all too well she could bear it. An instinct to reach for him; to offer contact, proximity - but closeness was more often a sign of threat than comfort in their world. When she spoke, her firm voice didn't conceal an undertone of sorrow. "She's seen a frenzied vampire - that's what happened. She's seen an impossible monster out to devour her. A terror she could not conceive, a death she could not escape". She was almost ashamed of her words, as she tried to describe the utter horror that could mean for a feabler mind. "And no, it's not something that could pass. I - I think we risk to forget how overwhelming this can be for the weak and the naive" - because even the most sensitive of them had seen too much - too much wrongness, too much monstrosity, to be ever stupified by anything in the world. Then the other issue they could not avoid: "I can't have a mental dialogue with her - that goes beyond my abilities. I could project some thought or word in her mind, but I am not sure what kind of comfort that could be, especially as she can't seem to get over that one scene we've both seen". Actually, a strange voice resounding in her head was anything but reassuring, from what she could guess. She waited for his reply before saying anything more.
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Jason looked down at Grazia. This kind of mental break was beyond all of his decades of experience as a doctor to cure. Even the best trained psychologist would have a difficult time reaching someone as unresponsive as Grazia. And even if they could, she might never fully recover. In the best case scenario, Grazia could look forward to years of therapy for PTSD, and eventually have a more or less normal life. Of course, she might never recover even that much, nevermind the risk that some Kindred would kill her to preserve the Masquerade.

There were many times in Jason's life when he had felt helpless, especially when dealing with other Kindred. Being under the brutal thumb of Konstantin, the deadly magical attack he'd barely survived at the hotel, and the long chase for the vampire infecting people with yellow fever had all made him feel more or less small and helpless. It still hadn't gotten any easier.

Jason looked up at Lavinia, the only hope for Grazia. In a small voice, he said, "Do whatever you can. Please." Then he stepped back, waiting for the Kindred to begin.

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"I'm going to need your help with this", she said. She had a plan, but not a safe and sound one - because, no matter how old you are, unlife will always find a way to surprise you. She looked seriously at Jason: "I can't tell now if she's just fixated with that terrible image, or if it had produced any additional damage. The one thing I can think of is to remove that one experience from her memory, hoping that's enough. However, I am asking you to check how she's doing once I'll be gone - if she's any more responsive, if she can wake up..." That went far beyond their issue with the Masquerade - a catatonic amnesiac would have been good enough for that purpose - but the Masquerade wasn't neither the only nor the first concern; a fact more and more apparent as they stood close to the unconscious girl. "I have no desire to play with her mind any more than necessary, but I need to know if we must try something else. Now, if you could help me open her eyes..."
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"Don't worry. I'll see to it she receives proper long term care." Jason sounded determined, all doubt gone from his voice. Having an immediate problem to work on was almost calming, compared to the moral vagaries Jason had recently worked through. Certainly, being able to focus on the task at hand was worthwhile.

Jason moved around to the head of the bed, well clear of Lavinia's line of sight. Carefully, he reached down and slid back Grazia's eyelids, taking care to make sure that his hands were out of Lavinia's way.

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Lavinia moved even closer to Grazia. "Grazia, can you hear me?" - there was no need to start that pretense of a conversation; no need to disguise orders among common words - but still, she felt it was due for some less direct reason. "I am here to help you, but you have to keep your eyes open as long as I speak"*. She gave a nod to the doctor. When he let her eyelids go, Grazia didn't close her eyes. Immobile as she was, staring passively at Lavinia, she looked even more like a broken doll. Lavinia took her hand, slightly enhancing her allure while doing so**; "I'll take you out of there", she whispered - and her voice had something magnetic now: she wasn't just a strange woman in the night - she was a strong and reassuring presence; someone you should trust and follow... if just you were able to see her, which in Grazia's case wasn't entirely obvious: if she perceived anything, she gave no sign of it. Lavinia spoke again***: "I'm asking you to go back in time now. This evening - do you remember you visited an art gallery?" - here, Grazia winced silently - "There! That scene you've witnessed there, the one that is still in your mind - you've never seen it, it never happened. Let it go: that, and whatever came afterwards until this moment - it is fading away; it leaves no trace behind. Even now, you may wonder what I'm even talking about. And it's nothing: nothing happened, nothing that you can recall" Lavinia caressed her hand, as the girl looked at her in utter confusion. "Now let's go back again. To the moment right before you entered the gallery. You were feeling weak, dizzy... You recalled being quite tired, lately. You considered going home, but then you opened the door anyway. As you walked in, before you could even look around you lost consciousness. That's the last memory you have: feeling weak, falling down. After that, only a dreamless rest". She let her hand go and dropped her Awe, to leave as few impressions as possible from that moment on. "You won't remember this encounter, either: you haven't seen me, you haven't waken up". She had the impression that Grazia was now properly looking at her, although still too dazed to do or say anything. "Now it's time for you to sleep"*, she said, eventually - and the girl closed her eyes again.

Lavinia stepped back and focused on the surroundings once again. The procedure had absorbed all her attention and now she was coming back to the world. Soon enough, however, she looked at Jason: "I think it's better if we go", she said in a low voice.

_____________
* Dominate 2: Mesmerize
** Presence 1: Awe
*** Dominate 3: The Forgetful Mind
Edited by Lavinia, Jun 6 2016, 05:49 PM.
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Jason took an involuntary step back, as Lavinia began imposing her will on Grazia's mind. Even catching the edge of the effects as he was, he felt a momentary desire to listen to this beautiful, awe-inspiring creature, to do whatever she asked, before resisting. Jason shuddered, suddenly nauseous. If Lavinia decided to try and influence him in the same way, if he became the focus of that irresistible will, he doubted he'd be able to resist. Even in the hands of a Kindred as seemingly benign as Lavinia, that power was terrifying.

And now, that power was being used on one of his patients, while he watched. Jason didn't regret his decision, knew that allowing Lavinia to do this was the right choice, the only choice that might help Grazia. But that didn't make what she was doing any less terrible. He looked away as Lavinia finished her work.

When it was all over, it took Jason a second to recognize that Lavinia was talking to him. "Yes, we'd better. Just give me one second." He made a few notes on Grazia's patient chart in an unsteady hand, recommending bed rest, before leaving. "Regina will be around shortly to check on her. She won't disturb her. In the meantime, would you care to step outside? I think I need some fresh air." With that, he made for one of he small side service entrances, suddenly eager to be away from the hospital's harsh lights and bare corridors.
Edited by Dr. Jason Singh Barar, Jun 7 2016, 04:55 PM.

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Lavinia followed him, without speaking a single word, at first. Despite his professional air - oh what a wonderful defense! - the doctor seemes almost as shaken as the patient. Much stronger, sure, but more deeply wounded as well. She observed him, leaning against the wall at a respectful distance - suddenly aware of her own wounds, of the pain in her flesh, of how it was such a small thing in comparison. She could imagine his thought process, to an extent: probably trying to find a place for all those new disturbing experiences; reassuring himself they'd done the right thing despite his discomfort; looking for a way to live with himself - in spite of being dead. "First time?", she asked. Not so much a question as a way to let him talk. I know this wasn't expected or usual for you. I know, since you're Kindred, you must have seen other horrors. So, whatever it means for you. Tell me what you want.
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It wasn't the first time Jason had seen that sort of mind-altering power in use. Konstantin had delighted in the easy control over other people it provided. He'd even used it on Jason a few times, as yet one more demonstration of the power he held. Jason had felt that power on the worst day of his life, when he'd lost everything. From then on, he'd stayed away from it. Konstantin had tried to teach Jason, but eventually gave that up as not worth the effort. Since then, Jason had seen an endless series of abuses and horrors, petty cruelties and broken minds alike.

"Yeah, first time." The lie was easier than the truth. Changing the subjet was even easier. "Will she be alright, do you think? Assuming proper long-term care, I mean? And what about the vampire who did this? Is she in any more danger?"

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Lavinia took notice of his answer and moved on - again, she wasn't there to collect information. As for Jason's question, she would have loved to reassure him, but she had no complete certainties either. "I hope she will. At least, she seemed a bit more responsive at the end, and she shouldn't be affected by a trauma that does not exist for her. But then, I hadn't ever dealt with such a reaction before". It was unpleasant to say, but then she wasn't out to sell him anything; not even herself. "If I leave you a contact, will you let me know how she's doing? If she's able to wake up normally, then she should be fine". She reflected briefly on what to say about Edmund, whom Jason had already seen at his worst. "As for our fellow Kindred... For what I can tell, he wasn't after her specifically; he had just, well, some issues with impulse control". She decided not to mention his accursed taste for innocent people by now... "I took care that he was decently fed before going his way - I mean, I treated him some pigeons, not the girl", she clarified, just in case it was needed. "I plan to have a talk with him, one of these nights. I doubt I can help much, but I'll try". In a way, his predicament was much worse than Grazia's, although she knew better than sharing such consideration with Jason. What she said, however, was a result of the same train of thought: "As for Grazia, hopefully she won't have to deal with vampires anymore. Except for her doctor, that is".
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Jason hesitated a moment. "Yes, I'll let you know how things turn out." Lavinia had earned that much, at least. "I don't think anyone has ever really considered how this kind of memory loss might affect emotional trauma. Only other Kindred know, and they're not writing the medical journals about it."

What she told Jason next was surprising. "Are you telling me that a vampire traumatized someone in your place, requiring her memories to be erased to avoid being scarred for life, and you're going to 'have a talk with him.'" he asked incredulously. "Forgive me, I have no understanding of these things, but doesn't that require restitution of some kind? Something about territory, if nothing else? What if he really hurts someone next time, or reveals himself in public?"

Jason stopped, shaking his head. It really was none of his business, nor was he sure what he'd do in Lavinia's place. "I doubt she'll stay in my personal care for long. I only work the graveyard emergency room shifts. She'll be taken care of by one of the regulars here. I'll definitely make sure she receives the best care possible."

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"Oh, right, territory! I almost forgot about that. Now, it would be quite convenient if I could gain something out of this story, isn't it?" She glanced at Jason, a hint of a bitter smirk on her face. "Of course, there are a few creative ways in which I could exploit this accident to make him my thrall. Or at least to get some free stuff for myself". She shook her head. She understood where he was coming from; she could guess what education he had got. "I could ask him favours, I could get some advantage, but would any of this make him a better person, or even simply a less dangerous one? Or would I just speculate on his misfortune, while he plots his revenge and learns to commit worse crimes with more discretion?" She had heard people advocate the educational role of prestation, but for what she could tell it mostly created resentful Neonates, and Elders all too eager to make them fail even more. "Sadly, no kind of boon could prevent him from hurting someone else. He's the only one who can pull himself together. Can I help him if I talk to him, if I listen and try to give advice? Maybe not so much, but it's still less useless than any power game".
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Jason stared at Lavinia for a long moment before remembering his manners. "Who are you?" he asked, a question, not a challenge. He continued as if working out a puzzle. "You seem to be an old hand at Kindred politics, and yet you've devoted your evening to helping out a mortal, while injured no less. You claim not to care about your domain, and yet you take especial care to respect mine, despite being perfectly capable of solving this problem yourself, with me none the wiser. It's true," he added quickly, forestalling an anticipated counterclaim, "You didn't need me at all. Why, you could've erased her memories before the ambulance arrived, and she would have gone into long term care with nobody the wiser. For all I know, you could've hurt her yourself, as part of some scheme. No offense."

Jason paused, scratching his chin as he ordered his thoughts. "So, why are you here? It could be to get in touch with me, but I doubt it, since I'm a nobody and not hard to reach anyways. If could be there's something else you needed in the hospital, but Maria Vittoria isn't exactly a bank vault. I imagine you wouldn't have trouble getting anything you needed. It could be a part of some larger scheme, but for the life of me I can't imagine what it is." Suddenly, Jason smiled sheepishly. "Or, you could be a decent person, who decided to help someone in need, and to respect both her boundaries as a patient, and mine as her doctor. Which seems highly unlikely given what we are, but seems the only conclusion I can draw from what I know."

Jason frowned soberly, shaking his head in disbelief. "Somehow, you still care about people. I don't know how that's possible, but there it is. Whoever did this is, unfortunately, your problem to deal with. I wouldn't wish Kindred politics on my worst enemy, but hopefully you can keep him from hurting anyone else." Jason's gaze shifted downwards, towards where Lavinia's mangled arm was being hidden by a sleeve and a glove he didn't remember her having. "Is there anything I can do to help with that? I can repair the damage, but it'll put you down for a couple of weeks afterwards. So maybe just a bandage, then?"
Edited by Dr. Jason Singh Barar, Jun 17 2016, 03:35 PM.

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"Who am I? Perhaps, just someone luckier than most", she said with a small shrug. She had listened to Jason's long reasoning, vaguely amused by the way he threw around hypotheses more or less pleasant. "I'll let you draw your conclusions, since no matter what I tell you, believing it or not would be up to you anyway. However, on one thing I must say you're wrong: because actually, I needed help tonight. You see, I'm no doctor; I couldn't tell how Grazia was doing, physically. I had no idea if shaking her or moving her in any fashion was safe. So, here you see why I needed help. Other things might be a matter of opportunity - disrespecting one's Domain is not a smart move if you're looking for any kind of cooperation. As for your other point...", she said, and here she looked straight to Jason: "...why do you? How is that possible? You seem to care about your patients - is it only because you're young? A sign of immaturity, one could even say?" In a lower voice she added: "You don't need to answer". That was a question he had to ask to himself, although she suspected he was familiar with such doubts. "And thanks, but really, I'm quite sure I'll be better tomorrow. Some blood and rest will do". Albeit curious, she didn't inquire what technique Jason had mastered, that could affect the body of Kindred. She had known someone with healing abilities, but those didn't take weeks; most importantly, it was not a topic to mention recklessly - or at all.
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Jason nodded, willing to accept Lavina answers, even if they didn't satisfy his curiosity. For better or worse, he'd decided to trust Lavinia, at least so far as present activities were concerned. He did opt to answer her question. "I am rather new at this whole Kindred thing, I must say. 'Immature', as you might say. And it's easy to care for people when it's your job." he said, jokingly. "Really, it's just a matter of continuing to do what I was doing before- well, before." That thought was straying dangerously close to areas he'd rather not talk or think about, so he cleared his throat and changed the subject. "This art gallery of yours- Where is it? I must confess that I've not got much of an eye for art, but I've been under quite a bit of stress lately, and I could use a chance to relax. Do you happen to have anything from India in there?"

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"So, habits aren't entirely a bad things, or are they?". She smirked. For what she could tell, habits weren't, indeed, a bad thing; they were, however, a rather fragile barrier, if you had nothing else. "Don't get me wrong! I never meant it's immature to treat people like, well, like people; it's just the kind of concept that you'll hear repeated so often, so many times that you could even mistake it for common sense". She dropped that sentence there, even though she could guess he wasn't entirely at ease with the topic. You couldn't always find refuge in comfortable talks - on the other hand, more lighthearted diversions were equally needed! "My gallery isn't far from Via Po. Do you know that area? Not a bad one to go for a walk. Here", she said, taking out a business card. "Of course, you can come and take a look whenever you want. No Indian artist at the moment, though. We usually deal with Italian and European ones; emerging artists, mostly, and some more famous name... Is that your homeland? I wouldn't have guessed so by your accent".
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Jason gave the business card a quick read before slipping it into his pocket. "I haven't had as much time to explore the city as I'd have liked, but I think I know where that is. I'll have to visit sometime when I have a night off." In response to Lavinia's second question, he chuckled. "Homeland? No, my grandparents left there the same time the British did. Like my parents, I was born in the UK, although they tried to instil a sense of their parent's culture in me. As for the accent, well, I have Cambridge to thank for that. There weren't many Indian doctors when I was being educated. Speaking and dressing in a 'proper' manner was the best way I could think of to be accepted." Despite the dull emotional ache from dredging up memories of his family, Jason found that he was fine having this conversation. The old wounds didn't seem as fresh, right now. "How about you? I don't mean to presume, but may I ask where you're from, originally?"

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"I was betting on British!" - well, that or any other English-speaking Country; nuances weren't so easy to recognize as he was speaking Italian. "Of course, saying it now is definitely unfair...". She smiled, by all appearances enjoying the conversation. "As for me, I was born in Cremona. It's not far from Milan", she promptly specified, aware that a foreigner wasn't likely to know her hometown. "As you have guessed, however, I come from a different time", she said. "It has something in common with coming from a distant land. Including learning new habits and mannerisms; way of speaking, too". She wouldn't have mention her age if the talk that had been in any way controversial; but there, as they were telling their experiences, she could even use her real identity, for once.
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"A different time" could mean anything; Jason said, "Well, you seem to have adapted well enough. I wouldn't have been able to tell if you hadn't pointed enough. Still, it must be disturbing watching the world change around you. I was only Embraced thirteen years ago, and already I'm starting to feel like my life is slipping away. Some old colleges have started remarking on how gracefully I'm aging. I can't imagine what it's going to be like ten, twenty, fifty years from now. I'm not sure I can continue to be a doctor for much longer. The credentials you need, the constant need to learn new methods- I'm not sure it's sustainable, long term." Jason trailed off. He'd worried about this a lot, lately. What was going to happen to him when he lost his last mooring to his old life, the old Jason Barar? Who would he have to become to get by in an unknown future.

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Thirteen years. Even less than she'd supposed, and yet enough time to gain some insight on their existence. "You know what? I've been around for roughly half a millennium, and yet I can't always imagine what will come next". She looked at him, checking for any reaction of note. As for her, she appeared to be musing, serious, but ultimately serene, in the face of all that she mentioned. "All that I know is that I'll lose what's now familiar and I'll live in a new world. I'll have another name, meet other people, build other habits" - if she was still around, of course, but she felt that Jason could do without that additional reminder. With a small shrug she continued: "I'll see whatever awaits; I'll love and I'll lose again, because it's how it works - if there's a lesson I learnt, is that nothing is less precious just because it's fragile... Yes, it can be disturbing, but there isn't much we can do about it, right? We can't stop the world, and raging against the Heavens is precisely as useful as it sounds". A small, bittersweet smile. "That's why earlier I asked you if what you do is only a matter of habit", she whispered. "I know it's a terrifying question, but it's probably the same thing you're wondering anyway". She paused. She decided it was better to move to more contingent issues. "I don't know much about your profession, so I can't tell how one would get credentials under an assumed identity. Although, I have seen con artists pulling off stranger schemes, and for shadier purposes! The good news, if nothing else, is that we don't stop learning. You could refine your knowledge, rather than losing ground. If you'd been Embraced earlier, now you'd be amazed by what modern medicine can achieve". She didn't want to encourage him too much, since in the end she couldn't promise he'd have a chance to be a doctor under different circumstances. "I'm not saying it's easy. But, I'm functionally living in the analogue of a space opera, so I guess everything is possible".
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Dr. Jason Singh Barar
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Jason stood, listening to Lavinia's insight. He couldn't stop his eyes popping a little when he heard her age- five hundred years!- but proper schooling in self discipline kept his mouth from hanging open. When she was finished, he could only smile wryly. "I can definitely see how time can strip away the all of the distractions and self-delusions, and really focus on what matters most to us. What's really in our hearts. I almost wonder if so many of us are so monstrous because rooted self-interest is all that's left once societal mores are gone."

Jason paused for a moment, considering his own situation. At this point, he'd mostly come to terms with the fact that he'd studied medicine for the wrong reasons, money and respect, and had preferred pursuing his own personal research projects over helping anyone. But Jason knew he wasn't that person anymore. Enduring the horrors Konstantin had visited up him had made Jason double down on the practical side of medicine. He'd fled his nightmare and found comfort in helping other people. IF that was where he found true comfort and happiness, the world would have to do a lot worse to Jason Barar into a monster.

When Jason spoke again, he seemed a little more confident, a little more at peace with the situation. "Thank you. Your words mean a lot to me. And the fact that you've managed to hang in there so long gives me hope. I realize this is a very personal question, and you don't have to answer, but- what've you held on to, for so long? How've you managed to keep yourself from falling into cynicism and despair?"

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Lavinia
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Lavinia listened, nodding and smiling subtly when he talked about self-interest; about what's left once the veneer is gone. She didn't comment, however: his wondering and wandering was by far more precious than any metaphysical summation.

Then she smiled more broadly. "So, you're asking whether a Toreador would mind talking about herself?", she said, with an air of amused self-deprecation. "But, seriously, there's no short simple answer to the how's and why's. I mentioned being lucky - I was lucky, first and foremost, to be born with some resolve, and to meet the right people on the way" - the first part wasn't something most people would have called 'luck', but that awareness prevented her from being too harsh with others' shortcomings. "However, each story is unique, and I suspect that mine started very differently from yours. You see, when I was your age I wasn't really asking myself such questions. Or, if I did, I was quick to push them away. I was quite happy in my gilded cage... sure, my Sire and I had share more blood than anyone should ever do, so that helped making his shiny depiction of vampirism much more credible. But, whatever it was, I spent a long time ignoring very obvious issues. Until I had to wake up". She paused. There were facts, memories that required their silence, their gravity. Not for her, not for her feelings - but for sheer, simple respect. "When I did, I hadn't got healthy habits or delusions of normalcy. I wasn't struggling to preserve what I had - I was seeing our world from the inside; I could tell what it was and I knew all too well that a part of me could learn to love it. That was the scariest discovery, believe me. From there, it was less about avoiding the fall and more about crawling out of hell, if you forgive me the trite metaphor". A wry smile as she spied Jason's reactions. "So what kept me going? I could say hope and compassion, as those are beautiful things. But no - most likely what saved me was the pure horror for what I was, together with an equally strong survival instinct". Which was, at its core, not different from what made them monsters, although she would have rather skipped that part by now. She waited to see if Jason had anything to say or to ask, aware her talk wasn't entirely clear, as it wasn't meant to be so.
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Dr. Jason Singh Barar
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Jason stood silent for a long moment. Even without details, Jason could imagine the subtle manipulations, the slow descent into depravity. And though he was reluctant to delve to deeply into this sordid part of Lavinia's past, he had to ask; "What happened? What made you realize where you were heading?"

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"The short answer would be: I was a loyal servant of the Ivory Tower. I feel, however, you deserve a better explanation". She wasn't smiling now; her face was serious, her voice plain and sober. "I told you I lived in a gilded cage, at first - that was the time I spent with my Sire; a time when I was deluded, but protected as well. When he died - because we're all immortal in name only - I lost the comfortable role I had in our society, and I couldn't see any better option than looking for a new one. I was still good at blending in with mortals, I knew a few tricks and had a few friends - I tried to use all this to make myself useful. Collecting gossip, at first; then spreading voices, playing with reputations - whatever the Court demanded". She spoke matter-of-factly, without looking for sympathy. "I understood it was wrong, to an extent, but it didn't seem so terrible; less important than my own popularity, at least". A short pause, then she continued: "All this led me to a unique opportunity: I was involved in a larger scheme; a coterie meant to cover a few Masquerade breaches and, at the same time, to do away with a lady who had somehow displeased the Prince. More concretely, a scheme to have an innocent woman framed and executed for witchcraft - a masterplan, indeed, and it worked all too well". As she spoke, Lavinia observed an empty spot in the air; she betrayed no pain or turmoil, she allowed no space for narcissistic drama. "I did my part telling myself I had no alternative, even though I knew it was a lie - there's always an alternative; it might imply your disgrace, even your death, but it's still an alternative. The measure of what I'd done struck me when we were celebrating our success. And you know what? If someone had given me a shoulder to cry on; if they'd told me it was a tragic necessity, then perhaps I could have continued. But we were cheered. We were nothing but praised. While I was recoiling in horror and useless guilt, I was complimented and celebrated. I was given some stupid title, too - and despite everything, a part of me was enjoying that praise". She looked at Jason again. "So, this is what happened. If I could wish anything for you, I'd wish that nobody else ever had to pay for your lessons".
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Dr. Jason Singh Barar
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"That realization- it must have shaken your world," Jason said, automatically. He was truly engaged in Lavinia's story. To realize how far you've fallen, while the people you considered closest reveled in the depths you sank to- that was a nightmare. But now that he'd heard her tell her story, Jason felt an overwhelming urge to speak. He settled down on a concrete step, heedless of the voice in his head screaming at him to stop, and began speaking. "My master was and is very ambitious, even for a kindred. For him, nothing else matters. I'm no psychologist, but I suspect he's a true sociopath. Always, he looked for ways to push the boundaries of his blood thaumaturgy, and sought out anyone whose skills or knowledge might be used to broaden his understanding. That's why he chose me.

At the time of my Embrace, I was a rising star in the European medical community. My work on genetic blood disorders was considered groundbreaking, if not precisely revolutionary. In a decade or so, I might have really made a name for myself as a hematologist. Then, my master came."
Jason shuddered, and continued in a hoarse voice. "As I said, my master's entire being is focused on his own betterment. He felt that his 'assistants', like himself, should be totally focused on their tasks free of any distractions." Jason's voice fell into a whisper. "When he found me, I was on leave, introducing Anna- my fiance- to my friends and family."

Jason closed his eyes for a second, as red blood welled up to fill them. He managed to keep from shedding any tears, but it took half a minute before he could speak again, in a dead monotone. "I'll spare you the details- the torture, the sadistic mind games, the final, merciful ending. My master had made his message clear- nothing was more important than him, or the work I did for him. Any distractions would be dealt with. And then he bonded me." Jason's face twisted, suddenly furious as blood-red tears fell on his pristine white lab coat. "That bastard killed everyone I've ever loved, and I can't even truly hate him for it! Because however much of a monster he is, right now he's the closest I have to family." Settling back down, Jason wiped away bloody tears with the sleeve of his coat, heedless of the stains. "I'm sorry. I don't like to talk about this usually, but tonight, after hearing your story, I just had to speak." He looked straight into Lavinia's eyes, speaking quietly once again. This time, his voice was tinged with traces of fear and hope. "That's the fear, isn't it? That as the years go by, and the horror weighs down on us, that we become like that, heedless of anything beyond ourselves, and no longer caring about the lives we destroy. But if you're as old as you say, and you still care- then it's possible to hold on to yourself. It can be done."

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Lavinia
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Oh, for what kind of tragic irony are now the Tremere embracing doctors, of all people? - Lavinia hadn't thought too much to what Jason's clan could be. The discovery didn't really change her view of him; it did, however, shed some different light on his situation.

That was a small detail, however. Lavinia's attention had been mostly absorbed by his story; tragedies were the rule rather than the exception, in their world, but that didn't make his own any less heartbreaking. She was sitting next to him, now; despite her composure, apparently more pained by Jason's memories than by her own. She let him speak, she let him cry, only shaking her head when he said he was sorry - there was nothing to apologize for, no shame in suffering, no strength to prove; not there at least, not that night. She gently grabbed his forearm (in case of rejection, she'd just ignore it) and remained silent for a while. There were no words that could make his story any less excruciating; any comment seemed redundant, inappropriate; as for what she felt, it was conveyed much better by silence.

When finally she spoke, her voice was, as usual, both firm and gentle: "It's us, Jason. It's us all along. It's not time that washes away our feelings, it's not some haunting force that twists our souls. Not the blood in our veins, not that of our masters. It's us. We choose, we measure how much we can endure. Horror doesn't crush us - horror is, and we can revel in its depths, or keep on walking on the hardest path. But it's up to us. That's the one true power we have".

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Dr. Jason Singh Barar
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Jason had regained his composure, mostly- his voice was still thick, however. Lavinia's words had been what he needed to hear, especially coming from someone with her experiences. For her, while the horror wasn't surprising anymore, it was no less horrific. "Yes. I know, it's just- the sheer callousness of it all. How emotionally dead would a soul have to become before life holds so little value?" Jason stood, brushing off the back of his lab coat. Doubtless the cement had left a smudge. "As long as I can find purpose and comfort in doing the right thing, I don't think I'll ever become like my sire." He stood there awkwardly for a second, unsure of what to say. It was hard to go back to small talk after baring your soul. Looking down, he noticed the bloodstains his tears had left on the coat. He removed it, folding it carefully so the stains weren't visible, He'd clean it before the night was over. He looked around and met Lavinia's gaze. "You've been a great help to me and my patient tonight, in many ways. I'm not sure what I can do to return the favor, but if you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask."

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Lavinia stood as well. How emotionally dead would a soul have to become... - there would have been much to say about that line and what followed, but the exchange had been intense enough. "By now, it'd be enough if you give me your phone number", she said; smiling again, as it was clearly not a deal of any kind. "I'll need to know how Grazia is doing, right?". Then she added: "One more question - I'd like to know how much you care about your privacy. Soon enough, I'll be meeting another Kindred and talking about tonight; I don't need to tell how exactly I got in, if you prefer not being mentioned".
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"Of course," said Jason, pulling out his phone, "I should get yours too, if I'm to contact you."

Jason smiled wryly at Lavinia's question. "It wouldn't happen to be the same Kindred Grazia met earlier would it? I can't say that I'm enamored of the idea of being drawn into vampire society. If it's someone who you think might need my help with anything, by all means, direct them to me" Jason stood for a second, fidgeting. The conversation hadn't been unpleasant, per se, but the emotion of it made him glad to see it over. He extended a hand to Lavinia. "Well, I should probably get back to work. I'll let you know how Grazia is doing, as soon as I hear anything. I'll be sure to stop by your gallery sometime. And, don't ever hesitate to call."
Edited by Dr. Jason Singh Barar, Jun 29 2016, 05:01 PM.

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Lavinia took out her phone as well, dealing promptly with the contact-exchange. Now, talking about space operas.... "Thanks!", she said once it was done. "And - yes, it'd be him. You're preaching to the choir when you talk about vampire society, really... I don't plan to make you famous, I'm just asking in case you had any additional concern" - and there she dropped the topic; she was all too use to secretive people; solitary people; people who were hunted; people on the run; but, it didn't seem the case for once, so there wasn't much else to add. "So, time to say goodbye! Oh - Just one thing - when around mortals, please keep in mind I go as Lavinia Martinelli, these days" - because, being suddenly called like a minor Renaissance artist would have been... odd, especially in some art-savvy circles. Then, after final greetings, she called a taxi and went her way.
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