| Chapter One; The Majestic Gerald | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 24 2016, 05:19 AM (53 Views) | |
| Admin | Nov 24 2016, 05:19 AM Post #1 |
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Rules and THE SHIZ: 1 - This is better than Nig's story, hands down. It's not subjective. Get over it you sour little shit. 2 - You can confer with each other, but you must directly PM me, your host, your answer to the major decision (the gold one. Seriously, Nig, orange and yellow? That's the best you can come up with? What a prick.). Other people should not know what you're choosing to do, or it may influence their decision, which is FORBIDDEN. 3 - See rule #1. I'm fucking serious, bro. This is the XPlosion to Nig's disgusting bottom feeding Genesis. 5 - The answer to the minor decisions (the blue ones) should be posted in reply to this chapter, below. 6 - Don't be Joey. You'll get killed off. I warned you. 7 - Read everyone's arcs and chapters, not just your own! I'll know if you do this, 'cause I'll sneak shit into other people's chapters that you wouldn't otherwise know about the story. Ye. Chapter One The Majestic Gerald "We move." +1 Decision making +1 Risk taking +1 Eyebrow raising Reluctantly, but respecting Shawnie, the rest of the group do their best to fight their horrible hangovers and/or random memory loss. They follow him. After all, he was indisputably the only member in the group used to the kind of heat they had to put up with. Shawnie wanted to survey the surroundings. He wanted to see if they were indeed stranded deep in the desert. He was more worried about finding out what to do, where to go, and how they could save themselves, than he was about remembering or discovering what had happened the previous night. They moved. And they moved. And two whole days went by with only a few stops for rest and a few hours of sleep. B00Bz collapses. "Shit!" - Perry exclaims! "What happened!?" - Blackie intervenes, rushing to B00Bz's fallen body. You could tell that some of the other group members had been half-expecting something like this as, instead of panicking, they take this as an opportunity to rest some. They weren't by any means less worried, only drained. "B00Bz, come on, man! You gotta fight this!" - Blackie exclaims, with a tear running down his cheek. "It's okay, Blackie... It's okay." - B00Bz replies. "It's not okay, B00Bz!. You can't..." "It's okay. It's not your fault." There's some silence. "It's not your fault." "Wh--What?" "It's not your fault." "What are you talking about?" "It's not your fault, Blackie." "...Are you Good Will Hunting me?" "Blackie. Blackie, listen." The rest of the Steed stand, or sit around, looking on. There is nothing they can do. They must witness their friend's passing. "Blackie..." "Yes, B00Bz, I'm here for you." "...Tell football..." "What?" "Tell football I love it." B00Bz's head falls back, over Blackie's forearm. One last breath escapes his lips. How does Blackie react? 1 - Stroke B00Bz's cheek and gently say: "Why you disappear, B00Bz? Why you disappear?". 2 - Lay B00Bz's body down lightly, look down, close his friend's eyelids. 3 - Look at the sky and cry "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" 4 - Poke B00Bz, trying to wake him up by tickling his sides, while crying. +1 Dank EWE memz -1 Happiness Blackie looks down at his fallen comrade and resolutely tells the group: "We have to bury him." "Bury him? Are you insane? We barely have the energy to walk!" - Chris replies. "Well we're hardly gonna leave him to get eaten by vultures are we? We can take turns while others rest." - Shawnie chips in. "You." - Blackie responds. He gets up and turns around, then grabs Shawnie and throws him down into the sand with a devastating STO! - "This is all your fault! You didn't even bother coming up with an actual plan. 'Walk'. What kind of fagbag plan is 'Walk'!?" Shawnie gets back up. How does Shawnie react? 1 - "I get that you're hurt, Blackie. He was closer to you than any other one of us. But it's not my fault he died!" 2 - Slap Blackie across the face. "Nigga you ain't thinking straight!" 3 - Get up and push Blackie harshly in the chest. Starting a fight 4 - Get up. "I'm sorry man. I didn't know better." +1 Backbone +3 Slappin' bitches "Come on, guys, this is the last thing we need." - Dyldo asserts. - "We gotta make a decision about the body, not mindlessly argue about whose fault this is.[/bracketcenterdylanjames]" "Yeah. We either bury it or eat it." - Hale utters. "What?!" - This seems to be a collective response. "Don't look at me. We're starving and lost in the middle of the fucking desert. We don't have water. We don't have food. I'm not sure we even have a choice!" For a second there, they actually seem to consider it. This isn't completely irrational after all, as every day that goes by their chance of finding salvation seem slimmer and slimmer. "Well we're hardly gonna eat it raw, are we?" - Chris asks. "Good point." "What? What's the difference even!?" - Blackie asks. Confusion and anger, but also desperation in his voice. "I dunno. What if he gives us mad cow disease or something? There's a period of silence, before everyone actually seems to come to their senses. "Guys, what the fuck? We can't be seriously discussing the idea of eating B00Bz's body minutes after he died!" - Perry exclaims, almost as if throwing water in everyone's faces. Heads are shaken. Deep breaths are taken. "Let's just dig. I'll go first." Perry begins digging while the others rest. A few hours later, with the sun now having faded away, the grave is finally ready. Nig climbs out and wipes his hands on his jeans. "I'm not sure it's six feet deep but I think it'll do." "Gosh darn it! I am so doggone done with this fucking sand!" - Herman erupts, with some weird Texan-like accent. - "It's all sand everywhere! One takes a shit, one wipes one's ass with sand! You dig a grave, you wipe your hands on more sand! I can't friggin' take this any more!" Everyone turns their heads to look at Herman, after his random rant. "What was that?" - Chris asks. "Wha--I don't know what just happened... Did I speak in accent?" "Yes...?" "What the...I'm sorry. Just...Just disregard that, I guess." Herman had no idea what was going on with him. This wasn't even the first time this had happened. Earlier in the day he had felt an unusual craving for barbecue and pork rinds. This couldn't possibly bode well. 'Maybe it's got something to do with the hat?', he thought to himself. Maybe it was just dehydration. Maybe he was hallucinating. As Blackie, Shawnie and Perry all carried B00Bz's body into the freshly-built grave, Herman couldn't stop thinking about how maybe they should have eaten him. With some barbecue sauce, too! Herman takes off the hat and just leaves it on the sand next to him. The dark thoughts fade away and he seems to be normal again. "What the fuck was that?" "You tell us, mate." - Nig answers. Herman just shrugs it off. He seemed to be back to his old self. All he wanted now was to be at home, being harassed by his dog while drowning in a sea of Japanese wrestling and UK politics. A sea which he could explore without even leaving his room. Ah, you truly don't appreciate the little things until they're gone. "Should I say a few words?" - Chris asks the group, as they all stand up and gather around B00Bz's grave. Nig looks down, then elbows Hale in the side. "I wish I could have a three-shot salute, right now, know what I mean?" "...Not the time, dude." "Sambuca, tho." "Shut up, man." Blackie cries in Perry's shoulder, like a grieving widow on her lover. After ceasing to be distracted by this vision, Chris finally looks down at B00B'z corpse and begins to say a few words: "Johnny B00Bz... Jackoff... He never was the sharpest cheese in the shop. But he didn't need to be. He had heart. No one had heart like he did." "He looks so peaceful... You'd never know he's burning in Hell right now." - Shawnie interjects. Chris continues: "I came up with a poem for you, B00Bz. 'You're like Jesus Christ on the cross. You're a rolling stone with no moss. You had perfect teeth, 'cause you flossed. You were a gift from the gods, you overcame all the odds, you kicked life in the pods. Your heart was huge and pure, you were as strong as eighty oxes. You were gentle and kind, you ticked all the boxes.'. From now on, whenever we see something weird in the sky, we won't wonder whether it's a bird or a plane. It's just you B00Bz, being awesome again. Rest in piece." "Bless this mess." - Blackie completes. Tears are shed, claps are clapped. Once more, the group pooled their efforts and filled the grave with sand. Before walking away, Dyldo semi-respectfully draws a pair of boobs on the grave, and again, they move. Soon enough, as if fate decided that the group hadn't had enough punishment for their fiery night out in Leeds yet, differences in the group members' finesse become apparent. This seemed to mostly be influenced by the alcohol they had that fateful evening. Nig had now been dragging behind for days, slowing the group down. Jake, Chris, themselves, seemed more and more tired by the minute. Dyldo and Shawnie, not suffering from the effects of dehydration as harshly. lead the way. Fast forward to the night. Everyone is resting, at least as much as their empty stomachs allow them to. Blackie and Shawnie stand aside. "We're not gonna make it anywhere unless we split up, Shawnie." "How can that possibly make sense to you? If we stay as a group, we might find somewhere. Splitting up will help nobody." "You don't get it..." "What do you propose? We all go in different directions until we find something and then come back for the rest? By the time one of the groups finds a safe haven, the other group will have kept going. And going. A rescue mission would be in vain." "I didn't say anything about a rescue mission." There's silence. Confusion is visible on Shawnie's face. "What the hell are you suggesting?" "Listen, Shawn. You can be in denial all you want, but the reason I'm past killing myself mourning over B00Bz is because it's been pretty obvious that we're not all gonna make it, if any of us make it at all." "..." "I hate myself for saying this. I do. Perry, Herman and Dyldo are fine, but carrying the rest of them behind is slowing us down. You know this. You know they won't make it. We need to leave them behind and make our own pace if we want to cover enough distance that could possibly allow us to find some shred of civilization." "These are our friends, Blackie. Have you forgotten that?" "B00BZ WAS MY FRIEND, TOO! THERE WAS NOTHING WE COULD HAVE DONE FOR HIM, AND THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO FOR THEM! WAKE UP SHAWNIE!" What does Shawnie say? 1 - "You're right..." 2 - "Let's get some sleep. Neither of us are in the right frame of mind right now. We'll go over this later." 3 - "You've changed, bro. You've changed." 4 - Shake head in disgust and leave Blackie to his own devices for the night. - Overhearing Blackie's burst of anger and frustration, Perry, the only one still awake, makes the decision to stand up and walk east, rather than south, as they had been walking. He felt fit enough to help the group get through this, and maybe he'd find signs of life throughout the night. Shawnie, approaching the group, sees him leaving: "Where are you going?" What does Perry say? 1 - "I need to make a poo." 2 - "None of your business, buddy boy." 3 - "I'm not too tired. I'm going to see if I can find anything this way. I'll come back, don't worry." +1 Backbone -1 Relationship with Shawnie Shawnie looks on, suspiciously, and then lies down as Perry walks away. Blackie keeps looking at the stars, where he sees a constellation that vaguely resembles B00Bz. A tear runs down his face. He lies back and gets to sleep. Around three to four hours later, Perry returns, red in the face, and in an urgent tone he wakes up the group: "Guys! Guys, wake up! I saw a village!" Grunts are grunted. Moans are moaned. "Whatchu talkin bout, Willis?" - Shawnie questions. "I'm telling you, I saw a village!" Half the group's eyes open wide with shock and relief, while the other half remain skeptical. "What? Where?" "To the East! Where I wandered off to. Holy shit, we're saved!" Herman, Chris and Dyldo all leap to their feet, ecstatic. Jake and Nig's jaws have dropped. "It didn't look like much, but they've gotta have food and water, at least, right?" "Perry, calm down. Look at me." - Blackie grabs Perry by the shoulders and shakes him. - "Did you see people?" "Are you sure it wasn't a mirage or something? Shit like that happens in the desert." - Chris chips in. "Dude, it's not a mirage. I saw people, I saw fire. I saw huts. There's life there!" "Well, in that case, I suggest we head there immediately." "All in favour?" - Shawnie asks, as the appointed leader. A unanimous "Aye!" is heard. They get up and make their way, following Perry, now at a more brisk pace than before. Their desperation and excited anticipation fuelled their step. Their lives might be saved after all! However, it was almost dawn, and after about an hour of walking there was no sight of any signs of life on the horizon. "I swear, I saw it!" How does Jake react? 1 - "I think you might very well have just fucked us, further. Fucking prick. No offense." 2 - "I think you might very well have just fucked us, further. Fucking prick." 3 - "I think it's safe to say by now that we are royally fucked." +1 Remarky remarks Of course, with the whole group in different states, their speed could not compare to that of Perry on his own. It could be that Perry was right, or it could have been just a mirage, indeed. "It doesn't matter which way we're going, anyway. None of us can read the bloody stars." - Blackie adds. - "There's no real difference between heading South as we were, or East as we are." And then, on the horizon, they see a silhouette taking form. Blurred by the heat and the wind, but definitely a real silhouette. "That's gotta be it." - Chris affirms. A smile forms on Perry's face, as he drops to his knees. "I've saved us." "Let's not jump to conclusions just yet, mate. C'mon." Chris helps Perry up and the group walks, and walks. When they finally reach the village, hours later, the sun is at its peak, and the heat is unbearable. The group are bedevilled by headaches, stomach aches, ball aches, all kinds of aches. They can't handle any more heat, and the thirst has reached an unbearable point. Knowing that salvation is so close but still unreachable only makes it worse. In the centre of the small village is a large group of black people. Naked, holding pointy sticks that they use to, I don't know, bang the sand with, apparently. They poke their sticks in and out of the ground as they intently watch a fight going on between two other naked black men in the middle of the circle formed by the villagers. The Steed approach the group of people and see the fight going on inside. "Is that Titus O'Neill?" - Dyldo asks, confused. One of the black dudes looks behind his shoulder and shushes them. He doesn't seem surprised that they're there at all. Blackie whispers: "Shit, that's Don Cheadle fighting him." Don Cheadle is, indeed, fighting Titus O'Neill. "What the fuck is going on?" - Chris asks the black dude who previously hushed them. "Dammit white man. Will you be quiet?" "Why is Don Cheadle fighting Titus O'Neill?" "Mr. Cheadle and Mr. O'Neill are fighting to see who the best dad is. It is a ritual. We have it every month. Mr. O'Neill has been Dad Champion for almost a year." All the guys in the Steed group seem beyond confused. What the fuck is this? Why are they all naked? "You see, white man. Robert Downey Jr. is the cool family friend that Mr. Cheadle's kids consider an uncle. Mr. Cheadle made that happen. This makes him a great dad, as well." "I need water..." - Nig falls to his knees. - "I need water, now." Chris and Perry pick up Nig and hold him up, before addressing the black man once again. "I'm sorry, what's your name?" - Perry asks. "Tiki-Tiki. Now let me watch the fight, please." "You don't understand, Tiki-Tiki. We've been in the desert for days. We need help. We're dying. We haven't had water in days." "After the fight!" Perry sighs and shrugs. "I need water." - Nig whispers faintly. Mainly because he can't muster the strength to speak in any other way. As he says this, Don Cheadle dodges a Clothesline from Titus O'Neill, and turns around to punch him. But Titus slaps his fist away and kicks him in the gut. The World's Longest Running Greatest Dad grabs a stick from one of the villagers and spins it in the air as Cheadle regains his composure. Titus throws it at him like a spear, and pierces him through the face. Bits of skull and brain fall to the sand behind Cheadle, followed by his body. The villagers go bananas! The reaction from the Steed group is quite different: "Oh, God" "What the fuck?" "Jesus, I'd be sick if my stomach wasn't so empty." "I don't want food any more." Nig falls to the floor, passing out. In the background, the villagers are throwing Titus into the air and picking him up. Lemme just remind you that this is all happening while they're all buck naked. "HELP! PLEASE!" - Herman yells at the group of Negroes. Titus notices this from atop his impromptu black guy pedestal. He looks on, surprised at his own villagers, before shouting orders: "What are you waiting for! Help them!" The black people gently put O'Neill down and he proceeds to put on a belt with a cloth that horribly fails to cover up his massive elephantine dick. Maybe it's the title belt? "Water! We need water!" - Blackie exclaims, but the villagers seem confused. "...What? I know you people speak English." "We do, but what is this 'water'?" - Tiki-Tiki questions, confused. "Oh, I'm sorry friends." - Titus O'Neill interjects. - "We don't have water in our humble village." The group look around as Titus moves his arms around to show the village to his left, and then the right. He takes quite a while to do this, and if the situation hadn't reached rock bottom in comfort levels, it would've become even more uncomfortable. They notice all the houses seem to be built from literal shit. "Get these boys some Dad Juice!" - Titus claps his hands and his villagers rush off. "Dad Juice?" - Chris mouths to Hale, who just shrugs and shakes his head. "So, how did you guys end up here?" "We don't really know." - Blackie answers. - "We were in England having a night out and suddenly boom, we woke up in the desert." "Must have been some night out, eh?" "Right..." Suddenly, that one Pina Colada song start playing inside of Nig's head, as a naked girl, about his age, makes her way to the group, with a tray of mugs that seem to be sculpted out of, also, literal shit. But Nig doesn't care about anything any more. He is too focused on love at first sight. "What's wrong, Nig?" - Shawnie asks. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing..." How does Nig follow his statement up? 1 - "She's the one." 2 - "I'll drink all the Dad Juice in the world if I can have her." 3 - "I think I'm in love..." 4 - "I haven't felt this way since the pikey." +1 Nig being Nig -1 Nig being Nig The naked girl kneels next to them, with the tray, and they all pick up a shit-mug. It's filled with exactly what they feared, a white liquid substance. They all look at it, and Blackie sighs: "Right...Dad Juice." They just stare down at their mugs, and Titus starts getting suspicious. "Why aren't you guys dri--OOOOH. NO." - Titus breaks into laughter. - "It's not THAT kind of juice! It's milk!" They all instantly start downing all the milk on the tray, which also seems like it's made of shit. They drink and they drink until there's no more Dad Juice left. This pretty much exhausts them, and Dyldo asks Titus, panting: "So...Why do you call it...Dad Juice?" "Because it's milk directly from the World's Greatest Dad! Hahahahahah." Their eyes open wide. "WHAT!?" "Oops, I did it again! I mean, I squeeze it from the cows, myself!" A cumulative sigh of relief once again. "And where are these cows?" "In the back." No one gets what "the back" is supposed to be, but they all seem to agree on not looking further into it, and just relishing salvation. "WE SHALL HAVE A FEAST!" - Titus declares! Fast forward to the night and everyone in the group is finally satiated. Two entire cows and one Don Cheadle were served. However, everyone in the Steed crew was too full by the time that latter entrée came along. As an honour to the village's tradition, Nig took all his clothes off and joined the dance, where he once again met the girl from earlier. Watching from afar, Perry and Blackie sit on a bench seemingly made of shit, and talk. "So what do you call one white guy surrounded by a shitload of black guys?" "Like Nig?" - Perry asks. "Like Nig." "I don't know, what?" "Warden." They both share a good laugh. "I heard you and Shawnie talking last night." Blackie takes a deep breath and measures his next words well: What does Blackie say? 1 - "The intention wasn't to leave you behind." 2 - "I don't know what I was thinking. I don't think any of us were in the right frame of mind last night. I didn't mean it." 3 - "I know what I said. And I stand by it, proudly. Go and tell everyone if you want to." 4 - "I can't pretend I didn't say what I said to Shawnie, last night. But if you tell anyone else, I will end you, myself, Perry." - Perry nods, understanding Blackie's point, then stands up and joins the weird black people dance. Meanwhile, in one of the shit huts, Dyldo, Chris, Jake and Herman make themselves comfortable. While Shawnie stands at the door, admiring Nig's antics, as he dances naked with the girl. "So, what's your name, ladybabe?" - Nig asks her. "Chastity." "Uh-oh, that can't bode well!" - Nig laughs, still dancing like a fucking moron. "Yes! Do you want to play badminton tomorrow? When?" "What? Sure, but I'm thinking more about tonight" From inside the hut, Jake smells bullshit. He had heard that badminton question before, and it hadn't made sense either. He didn't hear it this time but he felt it. He felt it in his innards. Shit was about to go down. And I don't mean the hut imploding. "The funny part is they're dancing to just bongos." - Dyldo shares with Herman, who isn't even listening. Instead, he's staring at the white cowboy hat, at the end of his "bed". There's a scream, and the drumming stops. "HOW DARE YOU!?" - They hear from the outraged voice of Titus O'Neill. Shawn looks into the group of people, aghast, and the rest of the guys in the hut rush out. "Hey. Hey I didn't do owt!" - Nig replies. "You touched Tiki-Tiki's daughter with your filthy white man hands. HOW DARE YOU?! I FED YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS. I GAVE YOU DAD JUICE! HOW...DDDDAAAARE YOU!? ARREST THEM. ARREST THEM ALL, IMMEDIATELY!" The black guys start chasing the white guys. Some try to fight it, others, used to Nig's shenanigans, just accept the outcome, as they get thrown into the one thing in the village that seems to be made of steel, instead of shit. The cage. "Get in the cage, NOW!" The last one in line, Dyldo, gets poked in the back with the blunt end of a stick and falls into the cage, as the door is locked behind them. Titus approaches the cage and addresses the group: "I trusted you people. You disgust me." He pauses and stares down the one naked member of the group, frowning in disgust. Then, he addresses the whole group at once, again: "You must pick a champion. Tomorrow at noon, he shall face the village lion, Gerald." How does Jake react? 1 - Laugh. "You named your lion 'Gerald'?" 2 - "That's a great name. I love it, also I don't know these people, can I leave?" 3 - "Titus, let us go. You were always our favourite Prime Time Player. You're the Prime Timest of all Prime Time Players." 4 - "We are going to fuck you in the face, Titus. And then we're gonna shit ON YOUR SHIT VILLAGE." +1 Remarky remarks - 1 Relationship with everyone, what a prick "Jake. Shh." - Chris replies. "High noon, fellas. If your champion wins, you can all go free. If he loses, you will all face a destiny that'll make you wish for a quick death like Don Cheadle's. Enjoy your night." Titus walks away. "Nig. FUCK YOU." Chris punches Nig in the jaw, making him fall to the floor, but he quickly jumps back up and pushes Chris against the cage. They are swiftly pulled apart by their friends. "Calm down, guys!" - Blackie exclaims. "We were all on the face of death last night. We were certain to die. Now we're alive and fed. All we need is a good plan. Fighting among each other will help nobody." - Dyldo adds. "YEEHAW!" - Herman exclaims, diverting all the attention to himself, once again. He removes the cowboy hat and just drops it onto the floor. - "Fuck's sake. I meant to ask what bloody plan do you guys suggest?" "This is no time for jokes, Herman." What does Perry say? 1 - "Shut up, Dyldo." 2 - "Actually, Dyldo, you're wrong. We have every reason to be happy and enjoy ourselves tonight. We're alive." 3 - "You're right, Dyldo. We need to focus and draw up some sort of escape plan." 4 - "I'll fight the lion. It's my fault we're in this." - "Your courage is appreciated, guy whose name I don't know. But I think drawing sticks is a better option than making such a hasty decision." - Shawnie infers. - "I think we can all agree no one here is more apt than anyone else to fight a friggin' lion." "And where do you suggest we get sticks, Shawn?" - Blackie asks. Shawnie looks at Nig. "NO. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO CHOP--" "Whoa. Calm down there. We're all friends here, pal." - Shawnie cuts in. - "I was going to suggest you ask your lady friend for some sticks. She is right there after all." Shawnie points to an area behind Nig, and the latter eagerly turns around to see Chastity. "Chastity!" - He whispers loudly, with urgency. She pretends not to hear, but he calls for her again: "CHASTITY!" Chastity reluctantly makes her way toward the cage. He grabs her hand and holds it firmly. "Chastity, my love. Love of my life. Remember all those times together. All those walks on the beach. The Billy Joel concerts. Do you remember? Do you remember our first time?" "What are you talking abo--" Nig interrupts, pressing his finger to her lips. "Shhhhhh, my love." The rest of the group look on, in horror. "You have to do me one last favour. For all the good times." Whispers are heard from behind him: "The keys! Ask for the keys!" "Ask her for weapons, we can take them on!" "Tell her to talk to Titus. She can get us out of this!" Instead, Nig does as previously instructed: "Bring us some sticks, love. So we can pick a champion." She nods, rolls her eyes and leaves. Everyone groans and complains. "What?" - Nig questions, confused. "Did you not hear any of us?" - Blackie answers with another question, like he's fucking Dr. Phil or something. "I did but I thought I was supposed to stick to the plan, right Shawnie?" - Nig Dr. Phils. "To be honest with you, their suggestions were pretty good." - Shawnie responds. Nig sighs: "Can't get anything fucking right with you people." "Whoa there, exactly what racial group are you addressing?" "Shawnie, shut up." The sticks are tossed into the cage and Chastity turns around to leave, when Nig grabs her ankle. She turns around once again: "What do you want?" What does Nig say? 1 - "Remember me. I would've married you. I love you. I will always love you." 2 - "You have your mother's eyes." 3 - "I'm sorry for this mess. I really am." 4 - "I want to be the Alice in your Wonderland." - Chastity leaves, and Nig turns around. He sighs, and then he sees the rest of the guys staring at him with the most judgemental looks you can possibly imagine. "What now!?" "You literally could have asked her for all the shit we mentioned before, again." - Chris replies. "Oh god dammit." Shawnie bends over and picks up the sticks. He counts them, and gets rid of a couple surplus sticks. He shuffles them in his hand, and without saying a word, he extends them, all looking like the same length. Everyone pulls away a stick. When they're done, they compare sizes, like impressionable sixth graders during a joint wanking session. "Shit." - Herman says, as he realizes he has a pretty short stick (but what's new?). "Mine's shorter." - Jake says, as he approaches his stick to Herman's. (... ::: [I n N u E n D o] ::: ...) Jake's is smaller. "I'm sorry, Jake." - Shawnie says. - "Our lives are in your hands." Jake looks down, dropping his stick. He shakes his head, before noticing a glare from Chris, who's sitting at the corner of the cage. "In the meantime, I think we should all get some rest." - Shawnie continues. Even though it is a momentous occasion, the imminent battle of man versus lion doesn't keep almost anyone from falling asleep. They are much too tired after these most taxing few days. At least they were finally fed and hydrated, and if this was to be their last night, then they would have their strengths back to face the morning. "Jake, wake up." - Chris whispers, shaking Jake's shoulder. "Uh...What?" "Shhh, be quiet." Chris covers Jake's mouth with his hand, then removes it. "The guys are asleep. So are the guards. We can dig our way out. It's only sand after all. If it's just two of us the villagers won't notice we're gone, and they won't see us leaving." "Shit." "Right?...As long as we're careful digging, we can get out of this and you won't get mauled by a fucking lion tomorrow." "Alright. Let's do this." They reach a corner of the cage farthest away from the sleeping areas of the rest of the guys, and they start clawing into the sand. "Thanks, Chris." "Don't mention it. There's no point in us all dying tomorrow anyway." "Who knows, maybe whoever fights the lion will get lucky." "No point risking it. Fuck lions." They both chuckle quietly, and keep digging. They finally produce quite the decent rut between two humps, underneath the cage. "Let's go." Chris slides into the rut, and manages to squeeze himself out on the other size. Jake follows suit. Also manages easily, not being much different in body depth in comparison to Chris. As soon as he reaches the other side and they stand up, they walk away. "Guys?" - Dyldo looks up from his sleep. His glasses are off, and he doesn't know exactly what's going on. He puts them back on and sees the hole. What does Dyldo do? 1 - Leave and follow the tracks. 2 - Stay and tell the guys in the morning. 3 - Fill in the hole to cover up for Chris and Hale. - 'What they did was smart', he thought. 'If we had all escaped we'd surely have been hunted to death, by now. Fighting the lion might be our only choice, but that doesn't mean some of us can't save ourselves.' "It's time." - Tiki-Tiki says, hitting the cage bars with his stick. The guys wake up, they groggily look up at the sky and notice the sun. They had slept in. Of course, they were too tired to even be physically able to wake up early. In fact, their bodies were probably in need of twenty more hours sleep, but you can't always get what you want. They look around and notice Jake's not there, and he's not the only one. "Well, who is your champion? Do not make me choose." Herman stands up. It's time to spin the Herman Wheel. He decides to face up to his responsibilities and obligations. He decides to be a man about it. His was the second shortest stick. He wanted Scotland back. He wanted Japanese wrestling back. He wanted Brexit to be the biggest evil in his life again. And when you want something done right, you do it yourself. "Spin to win." He looks over his shoulder at his friends, and near the place where he was sleeping, he sees the hat. What does Herman do? 1 - Wear the hat to battle. 2 - Don't wear the hat to battle. - Jake and Chris sit on a dune, observing the shit village from afar. "So, what now?" What does Jake propose? 1 - Cause a distraction during the lion battle, allowing everyone to escape except whoever is fighting the lion. 2 - Jump into the battlefield, three guys against the lion is three times better odds. They never gave us rules after all. 3 - Attack Titus and Chastity, hold them hostage until they set everyone free. 4 - Leave. - "Alright, then." - Chris nods in agreement, putting his faith in Jake's plan. They stand up and look at the village. END Edited by Admin, Nov 28 2016, 10:27 PM.
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| Blackie | Nov 26 2016, 02:56 AM Post #2 |
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1 - Stroke B00Bz's cheek and gently say: "Why you disappear, B00Bz? Why you disappear?" |
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| Admin | Nov 26 2016, 11:25 PM Post #3 |
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Administrator
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4 - "I haven't felt this way since the pikey." |
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| Perry | Nov 27 2016, 12:40 AM Post #4 |
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2 - "None of your business, buddy boy." |
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| Hale | Nov 28 2016, 09:10 PM Post #5 |
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3 - "I think it's safe to say by now that we are royally fucked." 2 - "That's a great name. I love it, also I don't know these people, can I leave?" |
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7:07 PM Jul 11

