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EPISODE I
Topic Started: Jan 5 2017, 05:47 PM (30 Views)
Hale
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Alarmingly fast. That would be just about the only way to describe the velocity in which the obnoxiously bright teal Nissan GT-R hurtles down the hill. At the wheel calmly sits a rather strange looking fellow indeed. Blinding white Nike trainers have the accelerator pedal pushed fully down to the floor of the vehicle, causing the engine to emit a sound similar to that of an elephant sodimising itself with its own trunk. As we move up the figure in control of the blue speed demon, we see that it is a familiar face, yet heavily weathered since the last time we saw it. Long blonde hair, looking slightly damp with grease, and an equally unwashed beard cover the road worn face, and all we can clearly make out is the most defining feature of all - the shit eating grin.

Single H
Fuck ye

Yes, it is none other than former EWE tyrant, Single H. As he continues down the steep hill, he peers down his sunglasses into the horizon. The Golden Gate bridge in all of its red beauty is now visible and the sun is slowly rising behind it. Hmm, yes, a beautiful scene indeed. Well, it's about to be gone. Deal with it. Single H, without slowing the car down at all, takes a sharp left into a side road. The vehicle screeches like a woman demanding 'rights' and skids, leaving tire tracks. The Controller inexplicably shows immense driving skill, however, and manages to keep control of the steering. He pulls up at a rather run down looking block of apartments. The beauty and serenity of the scene that was just witnessed has now taken a turn for the worst. The street is somehow darker than the main road, even though it is still open air and the sun is still in the same place that it was.

As Single H slams his car door shut, he peers down the street. An old member of the African American community is stood on his porch, about three blocks down. The extreme nature of his hunched back makes it so he is literally bending over at a 90 degree angle, and he has turned his hips so that he can stare at Single H, the outsider. Single H takes his glasses off, gently places them in his leather jacket pocket, and stares at the strange old man right back. The old timer, after a few minutes of this, throws up on the ground. Blood and mucus splatter across the pavement, and as he wipes his chin, he yells.

Old Man Wopo
WOLF

After this mysterious exclamation, a white liquid, resembling a kind of watery greek yoghurt, dribbles out of the man's mouth, he turns around and re-enters his home. Single H continues to stare at the porch for a while before he is tapped on the shoulder from behind. Turning around, he is greeted by a man in a grey suit. This man has the kind of appearance where you immediately think 'you might be an alright person, but you look so annoying that if you were kidnapped and murdered, I would feel nothing'.

Steve Whitby
You must be the tenant!

Single H takes his time to respond to this, as well as to complete the handshake that Steve is currently offering to him. Eventually, after some deep thought, he speaks.

Single H
Yep

Steve gives an awkward chuckle

Steve Whitby
Well then great! Just for legal reasons though, I am gonna just need some identification

Single H sighs and reaches into his pocket. He opens up a wallet with no money inside and hands Steve his driving license. Steve looks it over and frowns.

Steve Whitby
Has your name always legally been 'Single H'?

Single H
No, not that that's any of your business, guy.

Single H points at the building.

Single H
And I'm only staying here temporarily, till I find work. I was the EWE World Champion.

Steve smiles.

Steve Whitby
Of course, sir! That was the very first thing you told us on the phone when you called the agency after all...

The two men look at each other for a while.

Steve Whitby
Well the paperwork has all been signed already, all that's left is to give you this and I'll be on my way.

Single H
I'm not living here permanently.

Steve hands Single H (That's his legal name) the key to the room, gets into his car and speeds off into the horizon, the winds billowing into his eye holes. Single H stands with the key resting in his palm for a while, just staring blankly across the street. Suddenly, one of the doors swings open, just a few buildings down. A man has been thrown through it, wearing nothing but a leopard-print bathrobe. He scrambles to his feet and begins yelling "WHORE! WHORE!" A girl of about 15 years old emerges into the doorframe, clutching a rolling pin. She screams out at the man: "I'LL SMASH YOUR HEAD IN". All of the commotion causes Old Man Wopo to dash out of his house and begin galloping around the road. His testacles are fully visible under the bathrobe that he is also wearing.

Old Man Wopo
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Single H watches this for a while before turning to the door and entering.

Single H
Seems like an okay neighborhood...

He enters and approaches the front desk, there is nobody there. After scratching his head in confusion, he decides to just go straight to his room without being officially told where it is, after all, he has been shown around it before. Just as he approaches the elevator, a thin man in a security guard uniform jumps out from around a corner. Single H jumps.

Tim Tinky
I'm the authority in here.

Single H
Jesus Christ, man, you scared the shit out of me.

Tim replies before Single H has even managed to finish.

Tim Tinky
I like to scare new residents just to show them who's boss.

Tim swings his arms, awkwardly, while looking off into the distance.

Tim Tinky
Intimidation tactics... You just make sure to stay in line and we wont have any problem-o's, okay?

Single H laughs.

Single H
You look like a twig.

Tim is at a loss for words at this. Single H barges his way into the elevator. Arriving at the correct floor, Single H exits the elevator and walks to his room. He unlocks the door and walks into his brand new living space. The whole place is furnished horribly. Nothing matches, nothing makes sense. If you made this room in Sims 3, your Sim would get a bad moodlet because they'd be in badly decorated surroundings and this would negatively affect their mood until you changed the way the room is decorated in build mode. But alas... Single H does not have access to build mode.

Single H
This is ok

Single H looks at the olive green couch with bright yellow cushions.

Single H
Once I buy some furniture of my own to replace this shit with, it'll be ok. Once I find work. Let's see here, there must be a local wrestling scene.

Single H grabs a laptop from his backpack and begins to browse the web. Suddenly there is a knock at the door.

Single H
Who is it?

...


Single H
HEY

Single H puts down the laptop and angrily swings the door open. His bags are sitting there.

Single H
Oh cool...

He peers down the corridoor to see who could have knocked on his door and left these bags. Tim Tinky can be seen hiding behind a potted plant.

Single H
What the fuck, man

Tinky reveals himself and replies in a hostile manner.

Tim Tinky
Bad language

The two men stare each other down before Single H slowly closes the door.

Single H
What a dick

Suddenly 'Monster' by Rollins Band plays from Single H's pocket. He rolls his eyes, reaches in and answers it.

Single H
Who's this?

No answer. All that can be heard through the device is the sound of muffled nervous laughter.

Single H
Hey, I don't have time for this shit, I have to unpack. Who is it?

???
Meet me at the Smuggler's Cove pirate themed bar

...

Single H
What?

???
Meet me at the Smuggler's Cove Pirate themed bar

Single H
Why? Who is this? I hate pirate themed bars.

???
Well I don't, and I have some information for you that you'll want to hear about. It could be your ticket out of that crappy apartment you just moved into.

Single H is deeply offended by this.

Single H
Listen you twat. I'm only in this "crappy apartment" until I find work again. I was the greatest EWE World Wrestling Champion in his-

???
Oh I know this. I know all about you. So do me a favour, and meet me... At... The Smuggler's... Cove... Pir-

Single H
Pirate themed bar, yeah I get it, Jesus fucking Christ almighty.

Single H hangs up, irriated. He paces around the room for a while, scratching his chin. After some deep thought, he shakes his head, grabs his bags and wheels them into the bedroom to unpack. The bedroom is equally as distasteful as the living room. Suffice to say, it would have been very trendy if the year was 1973.

Single H
Probably just some douchebag paparazzi trying to get me out in the open so they can take pictures of a former World Wrestling Champion.

He smirks to himself and begins unpacking clothes.

Single H
I'll unpack and then I'll... Look up some local wrestling promotions... Ye.

He continues to unpack until he comes across something sticking out of one of his jean pockets. He gives a confused look and picks it up. It is a poloroid photo of himself holding the World Wrestling Championship while pissing on Matt Hardy's locker room door. He immediately bursts into laughter.

Single H
I rule.

He looks around at the floral wallpaper he is surrounded by.

Single H
At least I used to...

He sits down on the lumpy bed for a while. Voices begin to play back in his head.

Justin Roberts
THE WORLD WRESTLING CHAMPION... SINGLE... H!!!

...

???
Pirate themed bar

...

Muhammad Hassan
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY'RE IN AFRICA YOU FOOL?

...

???
Pirate themed bar

He leaps up to his feet and shouts at his own brain

Single H
ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT... I'll go to the god damn pirate themed bar

He grabs his jacket and leaves the apartment, headed for Smuggler's Cove (Pirate themed bar) As he passes by the reception area, he notices Tim Tinky standing behind the female receptionist, resting against the wall, trying to make himself look cool.

Tim Tinky
So is it true about how they say about how girls are attracted to a man in uniform and all?

He looks at the receptionist, expectantly. He gets absolutely no response whatsoever. Single H chuckles to himself and walks over to the desk.

Single H
Excuse me

Tim looks on, in horror

Alison Hayers
Hello! How may I help you?

Single H
Do you know where I may find the Smuggler's Cove bar?

Alison strokes her chin

Alison Hayers
Hmmm...

Single H
It's pirate themed

Immediately, Alison understands what Single H is referring to.

Alison Hayers
OH! Smuggler's Cove! The pirate-

Single H
themed bar, yes!

Tim desperately tries to get in on the action.

Tim Tinky
-themed b-

Alison Hayers
Yes! You can find it at 650 Gough Street, just down the road from here.

Single H
Thank you very much, miss...?

Alison quickly responds.

Alison Hayers
Ooh um- Haysah... I mean, Alison Hayers, my name is Alsion

She gives an embarrassed laugh and blushes. Tim looks like he is about to explode.

Single H
Thank you, Alison. See you later!

Alison Hayers
Bye!

Single H turns his smile to Tim, and converts it from a sweet, flirtatious smile, to one of mischief. Pure mischief. Tim is almost shaking. Single H looks into his eyes and smiles for a few seconds before walking out of the apartment complex. As he walks down the road towards the Smuggler's Cove pirate themed bar, he grabs his phone and makes a call back to the unrecognised number that provoked this whole excursion in the first place. It rings a few times before the voice replies again.

???
On your way?

Single H
Yeah... Yeah, I thought I'd come and find out what the fuck you wanted to talk to me about. I gotta know though, who are you? How will I even know who to look for when I get there? I don't like standing in bars alone, it makes me look like I have no friends.

Laughter from the other end of the line.

???
Don't worry about that, when you see me, you'll know it's me that you're looking for.

Single H
Or you could easily just tell me what you're wearing or something so I know who to-

???
Nah.

....

???
Nah, you'll know.

The phone hangs up again and Single H slides it back into his pocket in a slightly pissed off fashion. After around ten minutes of walking, Single H arrives at the destination. Smuggler's Cove pirate themed bar.

Single H
Well here goes nothing.

He shows the bouncer his ID and walks into the bar. To his relief, the bar shows no real signs of being that pirate themed. There are some seats that are shaped like barrels, but thats about it. Single H looks around the place, searching for the person who summoned him.

Single H
This is dumb

Just as he is about to turn around and leave, he spots a man sitting by himself in one of the booths. The man has slicked back hair and is wearing a bright teal suit with an orange tie. They make eye contact.

Single H
Of course it has to be the freak.

The Controller hesitantly wanders over to the booth and sits down opposite the man.

???
Welcome, Single H

Single H
Oh, so you're definitely the guy I was talking to on the phone, huh? How did you get my number? Who are you?

The oddly dressed man chuckles to himself.

???
Questions, questions, questions. All you do is ask questions these days. What happened to the Single H that would come in here and make some kind of inappropriate wisecrack? I suppose I should introduce myself though. I'm Bint Smith.

Single H just stares at the man sitting opposite him.

Single H
Your name is Bint...

Bint Smith
Motherfuckin' Smith. Correct. I'm your biggest fan!

Single H seems slightly creeped out.

Single H
I don't care about that at all. Why did you call me here?

Bint Smith
It really is an honor to meet you, Single H. You know, a lot of people have said that we're kinda similar.

Single H makes that PFFFTT sound that people make

Single H
Similar how? You ever been a World Wrestling Champion, kid?

Bint frowns and takes a sip of his drink

Bint Smith
No... But that's the thing, Single H. I was hoping you could help me with that.

Single H leans back and smirks

Single H
Oh, so you want me to train you? Why didn't you just say that, why all the cryptic bullshit. You could have tweeted me or something.

Bint Smith
Two reasons. This way is a hundred times cooler, you have to admit that... And second, you don't even have Twitter... And neither do I, cause Twitter is a piece of

Bint & Single H
God damn shit

The two wrasslors laugh.

Single H
Maybe we have some stuff in common after all.

Bint Smith
But it's not just training I want, Single H

Single H
Well I never even agreed to that yet, you cheeky little fuck cunt, but go on.

Before Bint can respond, a waiter comes to the table dressed up as Captain Hook.

Captain Hook
ARRRR WE HAVIN' ANY DRINKS?

The duo turn to the captain and fire back

Bint & Single H
FUCK OFF

Captain Hook
Aww...

The captain walks away with his head down.

Bint Smith
Like I was saying... There's a bigger reason why I called you here. I'm doing this cause I was told to by Chris Jericho.

Single H recoils in horror

Single H
What? How does he know you? What does he want with me?

Bint pulls out his phone and shows Single H a photo.

Posted Image

Bint Smith
EWE. One night only. Jericho figured the only way to get you on board would be to send someone who speaks your language. Me.

Single H just stares at the poster in complete awe.

Single H
Is that Shawn fucking Michaels?

Bint Smith
Yep.

Single H shakes his head and clicks at the Captain in a daze.

Single H
G-gimme a quadruple rum and coke.

The captain nods and goes behind the bar.

Bint Smith
So what do you say?

Single H
Well it looks like it's already been booked without my consent.

Bint Smith
Pretty much, ye.

Single H bashes his fist down on the table.

Single H
This is bullshit, man. Fuck Chris Jericho, and fuck you, you errand boy, or whatever you are.

He gets lost in rage.

Single H
Not a chance in getting me to do this.

Bint looks a little sad.

Bint Smith
How come? You need work, don't you?

Single H points a finger into the face of the young man.

Single H
Don't get smart with me, boy.

The captain brings the drink and gives a little pathetic bow.

Captain Hook
I'll put it on your buried treasure tab, sir.

Bint stares daggers at the man before turning his attention back to his idol.

Single H
I've had some good times with Chris Jericho, don't get me wrong...

He takes a large sip of the unfairly strong drink.

Single H
But the fact is, he's a SHIT business man. I've been screwed over by that guy one too many times. He's the reason I'm living in that piece of crap apartment. When you work for him, you don't know if you're gonna be going in to work the next week.

Bint Smith
But this is one night, that's it. One match. One BIG paycheck.

Single H shakes his head.

Single H
It's a matter of principle... And why does it matter to you anyway?

Bint laughs and points at the poster, specificially to HBK.

Bint Smith
Because I want to see my two favourite wrestlers in the world go at it.

Single H looks at the poster again.

Single H
Y'know, Shawn's always been my favourite too.

Bint Smith
RIGHT! Wouldn't you like the chance to wrestle him? He's coming out of retirement for this, he's coming out of retirement to face you in the ring.

Bint points his finger into Single H's chest.

Bint Smith
That's huge. This match is going to go down in history. The building is already sold out. Think of the sheer amount of people that are gonna buy this on pay-per-view to watch.

Single H raises his eyebrows

Bint Smith
You have the chance to go head to head against a guy who many consider the greatest wrestler of all time, period. Throughout your entire career, you've emulated him, you've tried so hard to prove that you're just as good if not better, and now you get the opportunity to prove that once and for all...Win or lose, the money that you're gonna make from this will be enough to get you out of that apartment for the rest of your life.

Single H takes another sip of his drink, saying nothing.

Bint Smith
I know you're better than this, Single H. This shit life you've got going on right now. You want to end your career wrestling in crappy local feds, or in a match against your role model. A match that will set you up for life.

Single H downs the drink and finally cracks a smile.

Single H
You've got a lot of passion, Bint. I like you.

Bint smiles at this like a child at Disneyland.

Single H
And you're absolutely right. It's time to break the heart break kid.

Bint literally screams like a girl

Bint Smith
You're gonna kick that old fuck's ass

Single H laughs at this more than he should, clearly the rum is starting to take effect.

Single H
Yeah! I'm gonna kick his ass straight to heaven!

Bint breaks into laughter

Single H
And then he can... He can KISS God cause he loves God so much, right?

Bint tears up and begins banging his fist on the table. Single H stands upand leaps onto the table, shouting out to the entire bar.

Single H
I'M GONNA CRUCIFY SHAWN MICHAELS!!!

Bint fall off his chair and begins rolling around on the floor. The bouncer walks over to the two men.

Bouncer
You guys better settle down or I'm gonna have to throw you outta here.

Single H
HEY BINT, LOOK! IT'S SHAWN MICHAELS

The bouncer raises an eyebrow. Single H gets in his face.

Single H
Listen, SHAWN. You think you're better than me? I'm tired of everyone saying you're the best wrestler who ever lived. You're just nothing but a christian cunt

Single H takes a step back and tries to hit a Superkick but he is too nogged. He stumbles over and crashes through a bar stool.

Bouncer
Ok, that's it.

The bouncer goes to grab Single H but Bint saves the day, hitting an actually successful Superkick.

Bint Smith
We gotta get out of here!

He drags Single H up to his feet as more security appear from the fire exit.

Bint Smith
Run!

The two men run out of the Smuggler's Cove pirate themed bar as Single H continues to yell at the bouncer

Single H
WHAT DID THE ANIMALS EVER DO TO YOU, SHAWN? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SHOOT THEM?

Fast forward about half an hour, Single H has sobered up and the two men are standing on the Golden Gate Bridge. The moon shines over the water as they stand there, looking into the distance.

Bint Smith
There's just one thing left to do, and that's to make it official.

He pulls out a contract and a pen. Single H signs.

Single H
If this doesn't go as well for me as you've said it will, I'm going to throw you over this bridge. I'll do it at night, nobody will see me, nobody will know it was me. I'll make it look like suicide.

Bint laughs.

Single H
I'm serious

Despite saying this, Single H also chuckles.

Single H
I gotta say I'm kinda nervous. I mean, this is a guy that I grew up watching on TV. He's the guy that got me into wrestling in the first place. I wanted to be a part of DX. I wanted to desecrate the Canadian flag in front of a sold out Canadian crowd. I didn't want to be best friends with Triple H, though... I've met him and the guy is a total dick... But yeah. It's just going to be a weird experience.

Bint Smith
You're getting the chance to do something that I know a hell of a lot of wrestlers would kill to do

Single H grabs a stone and throws it into the water beneath them.

Single H
Yep. I'm the shit.

Bint laughs.

Single H
But you know... Thinking about it, I kinda feel like if the time comes for me to end it, the match I mean, I wont be able to.

Bint frowns

Bint Smith
Wat

Single H
I mean lets face it, the guy is getting pretty old now. This is bound to be his last ever match. I'm freaked out that maybe when I have him right where I want him, and I have the chance to end it, I'll choke. I don't know if I wanna be the guy that puts the final nail in the coffin of his career.

Bint looks confused at this.

Bint Smith
But back at the bar you were saying how you wanted to crucify him

Single H
Yeah, I know, I know... That's the thing. Everyone else I've faced in that company, I've been able to humiliate them completely and not care a single bit. I basically ruined Matt Hardy's life and I feel no guilt about that whatsoever. I think there's something deeply wrong with me in that sense.

Bint nods.

Bint Smith
Ye, probs

Single H
Right. But with Shawn Michaels, it's just different. I have... Emotion. I honestly don't think I could be comfortable fucking with the guy.

Single H looks down.

Single H
And if I can't fuck with him, who am I?

Bint looks concerned as he lights a cigarette.

Bint Smith
Guess we'll find that out, wont we?

Single H
Guess we will.

The two stare off into the horizon again.

Single H
So I take it you're wrestling in this show too, huh?

Bint takes a drag and smiles

Bint Smith
Yep. Teaming with this guy against every other EWE team in a tables for every team match.

Single H guffaws and points directly into the face of Bint.

Single H
You're FUCKED

Bint just nods, solemnly.

Single H
Anyway, I should head back.

Bint Smith
Yeah, me too. You want to train together tomorrow?

Single H
Gay.

At this, Single H immediately hails a cab, gets inside and speeds away. Bint smiles to himself, finishes his cigarette and begins to stroll home. Arriving back at his apartment, Single H walks back through reception and is confronted by none other than Tim Tinky himself.

Tim Tinky
I've got my eye on you, you'd better not try anything with Alison or I'll have to resort to drastic measures.

Single H
I'll keep it in mind, pal.

Single H smiles all the way to his room. He enters and the apartment doesn't seem as bad now that there are big things coming in the future. He goes to the bedroom and sees a little sticky note on his bedside table. He picks it up and reads it. It is a phone number, and it is signed by Alison. Single H climbs into bed with the biggest shit eating grin of all on his face. As he rests his head down on the rather uncomfortable pillow, there really is just one thing left to say.

Single H
Fuck ye

Fin
Edited by Hale, Jan 7 2017, 12:16 PM.
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