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The Diabolical Shame That Is The Human Centipede; An Opinionated Synopsis by Jennifer Check
Topic Started: Nov 28 2016, 10:53:21 PM (323 Views)
Jennifer Check
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Doesn't Only Murder Boys, Goes Both Ways
*ahem*

The Human Centipede begins with an IFC Logo strewn across the screen. It flashes before our eyes. The camera opens on a high way, it slowly pans and gives a sort of 80s in the modern day sort of feel. The names of the actors in the film pop out on the screen. They remind us a time when we were actually happy in life, much like the main characters in this fucking movie. The camera curves to the left, revealing a footpath. The camera follows this footpath. On said path there is nothing. Oh wait, A fucking silver car. What? Who the fuck is this Asian dude? No he’s not Asian, what the hell is wrong with me. He looks like an old German Man. He has aviators on and looks like an old man from out in the 80s. He holds a photo and strokes it. It is of 3 dogs in a Dog Centipede. Jesus Mother Loving Henry. That is the weirdest fetish, dude. He gets out of the car as a transport truck pulls up. The driver walks into a set of bushes to take a dump. He shits. The german doctor goes into the bushes and he pulls out a fucking gun? What the hell are you doing man? He aims the gun and the camera changes to a new scene as a gun shot rings out.
Edited by Jennifer Check, Nov 28 2016, 11:03:54 PM.
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Jennifer Check
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Doesn't Only Murder Boys, Goes Both Ways
This movie is a sin. I do not approve one bit!
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Jennifer Check
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Doesn't Only Murder Boys, Goes Both Ways
The new scene shows us the highway again, as if the camera allowed us to not see the act of the man being shot and is deliberately keeping us in the scene of violence without the sight of violence. An interesting, but honestly horrible choice in a movie where analingus is involved. The scene changes again showing a large hotel sign. Cool look at that setting, we’re at a hotel and it looks kinda cheap. Okay, not bad, not bad. Oh okay now there’s a cheap prostitute on a motel bed. I think the “hotel” bit was a straight up lie. She’s on the phone anyways. She is getting directions to a club called Bunker. Another woman was shown in the room, she answers a call from a friend Friend and they exchange pleasantries. They continue to talk about literally nothing for a bit. Her friend calls out “OMG AMY” implying the girl in the phone is named Amy. The girl getting directions seemed peeved. Cat fight, please. They got Amy a present from Holland. They are world travelers. They established that they are in Germany. They both say bye to Amy. I don’t care for this disembodied Amy. The scene changes.
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Beetlejuice
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Ghost With The Most
Im so glad you got this reward!
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Jennifer Check
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Doesn't Only Murder Boys, Goes Both Ways
A car travels along a dark path. The girls are inside. They are clearly lost and they pull over. They turn around and are still confused. What the fuck, ladies. OK now they got a flat tire. And are shocked. Good job, huns. By the way these girls are American. They discover the flat tire. They freak out. They quickly calm themselves and make a pretty solid plan. They wait outside of the car though. They call the rental service, oh this is cool. No signal. Cool. Tropes. They freak out again. They just get back in the car and yell at each other for not knowing how to change a tire. It’s not fucking hard, ladies. They one refuses to walk. The other is upset at this. Oh shit there’s a car! Round headlights illuminate the dark path. A seemingly elder german man, different from the first, says really disgusting stuff to them in German and the girls have no idea what he’s saying. He is just staying parked next to them and saying this shit. What?? She rolls her window up as she realizes what is happening. The man stays and stares. He flicks his tongue at them now. He drives off, seeming slightly satisfied yet slightly disappointed. The girls are arguing again, and they decide to walk and if they don’t find anything, they are running back to the car. The start walking.

They are walking through the forest instead of on the road. Are they fucking thick? They tried to make the girls seem slightly competent, but not they are actually so dumb. Now they are freezing cold. They are yelling and one girl does not want to move from her spot. She is the one that got the directions. This is her fault. The other girl sees a light in the distance! They both investigate further. It is a nice looking house in the middle of the woods! A gravestone pops up and it has writing in German. There is a caption on the screen: “My lovely 3-dog”. Now this director is just fucking toying with us. What the hell? Anyways, the girls run for the house. They search around the house yelling for help. They peek in windows and are now avoiding rain. They run across the driveway. They find the front door and knock loudly and yell. And old man comes to the door. Oh shit, it’s the one who shot the truck driver! He looks absolutely stunned, yet trying to portray being pissed. He asks if they are alone and they say yes, then he invites them in. He closes and locks the door, leaving with an evil look outside the door, seemingly looking for cops.
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Don't Want The World To See Them
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Oogie Boogie
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Shadow On The Moon
You're six percent of the way there!
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Jennifer Check
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Doesn't Only Murder Boys, Goes Both Ways
The girls enter a living room. It is well light, but a bit dim. It looks expensive. Her is a man with wealth. There is a conjoined twin fetus painting in the background. It is massive. He asks them who they are and they say they are Americans on a backpack trip through Europe. He asks them if they are relatives and they respond no, that they are friends. He asks to get them some drinks. They seem to think he is odd but probably just a language barrier, maybe? They seem worried when they see that painting. He clearly is drugging these women. He fakes calling a car service from another room. He gives the girls water and they seem slightly calmer. He gets on the couch and said they will arrive in half an hour. He is a creepy motherfucker. Good casting I think. He might be overdoing it, but maybe that’s the point? There is silence and it is broken by the directions girl. The man responds that he doesn’t like human beings and yells at a girl for spilling her drink. He is pissed. He leaves the room and the girls are scared shitless and think they need to leave. They are drugged so lol, not happening.

The old man goes down into his basement, where he has a possible morgue. This may be a killing room. It is now revealed that it is a surgery room. The doctor has something strapped to a bed. He draws a syringe with a strange liquid. The girls are close to passing out when the German man comes in. One girl more so than the other. Now direction girl is right out. The not as drugged girl starts to worry about her friend. The man then almost sticks the other girl with a needle but she has a bad reaction to the drugs and is now crawling on the floor. He drags her by the hair and sticks her with the needle in dramatic fashion. He does this behind her neck. They girls are both out now and he dramatically sits on the couch arm.
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Jennifer Check
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Doesn't Only Murder Boys, Goes Both Ways
This is not pure. This is not righteous. This is filth.
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Pamela Voorhees
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Concerned Mother, Cool Mom
If I google Schadenfreude, I expect Wikipedia to link me to this page.
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Jennifer Check
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Doesn't Only Murder Boys, Goes Both Ways
The scene changes to day, and we see the same house as before from the exterior. It is a nice day. The man eats some break fast and then rips up a piece of paper. He throws it into a can. The camera now shows the nondirections girl waking up strapped to a medical bed. Her friend is in a similar bed next to her. The girls are now both awake and they are freaking the fuck out. They are yelling and the old man comes into the room and turns the light on. A shot of the truckdriver tied to the bed is shown. He is also awake, but also gagged. He is freaking out too. He has nice blue eyes though. The doctor tends to the man, and injects him with something. The truck driver seems to be having a heart attack. The truck driver flails until he is dead. The girls are absolutely freaking out. The old man treats the body with some respect, covering him with a sheet.

The scene changes to exterior where the old man has dug a hole and he drags the truck drivers lifeless corpse into the grave. He covers the body with dirt. A crude funeral for a wayward traveler. The old man pulls up in a nice silver sedan. He pulls an Asian man’s body out of the car and slings him over his shoulder. The Asian man appears to be alive. He is now strapped to the medical table, much like the other two girls in the same room. The Asian man wakes up and freaks out. He seems a bit sketchy to be honest. But anyways, the Asian man screams in a foreign language. He struggles. The doctor throws his lab coat on and looks menacing as fuck. He walks into the dark room and turns a projector on.
The doctor looks scary. He introduces himself as Dr. Joseph [German Last Name]. Here forward he will be Dr. Joe. He starts to describe a medical procedure creating the 3-dog creature. He starts to explain that he wants to do it to them. He points at medical documents on an overheard projector, that detail, very simply, the medical process. The mouth and anus will be grafted together. He is connecting their digestive system. One in front, one in the middle, one in the back. This is the human centipede. Mouth to ass forever and ever. The grafts being described are horrific and scaring forever. He calls this the Siamese triplet. Jesus Christ. May lord have mercy on their souls. The girls are crying and he lets out a guttural yell. The scene changes back to the nice exterior of the house.
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Jennifer Check
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Doesn't Only Murder Boys, Goes Both Ways
The scene then goes to the medical laboratory room. It is a sterile room, yet it still have a menacing look of oldness. He takes care in his work. He is precise. He is calculating. He will basically fuck your shit up (get it? Because he’s gonna sew them ass to mouth. Literally fucking your shit up). He brings a cart over to the girls and injects one with…something. I suspect it is a sedative. The other girl is chewing her way out of her restraints and it works! The is running, but the needle hooked to iv in her arm rips out! She still runs out and upstairs, travelling around the house. She bangs on doors and runs around, blood rushing from her arm. He finds a closet, and locks herself inside. She is hidden from this mean, but he comes slowly to find her. He rattles the door handles and yells for her to Open Up! She pleads for mercy. Then she moves to anger. She is pissed right off. He rants at her angrily. In English. He wants her to know what he is saying. OPEN THE DOOR OPEN THE DOOR OPEN THE DOOR, he repeats it over and over. Then he…stops. It’s silent. She is bleeding. Weakly and quietly she stands. The grabs a lamp to protect herself. She goes for the curtain of the room to only reveal THE MAD DOCTOR COME TO TAKE HER! He bangs on the glass with the presumed dart gun from the trucker scene! Menacing! He bangs on the window until it shatters glass throughout the room. She yanks at the door handle and just heaves on it. It does not open. She unlocks it with a key she finds and runs out of the room as the man chases her, but she runs right into a pool! She is bleeding in a pool. Fuck this bitch is dumb. She begs the man as he walks around the pool’s edge. He watches her and she just keeps pleading. She wants to live but is a fish in a barrel and he has the gun. He aims at her. She pleads. He explains what the rifle is. He assures her it is not death…yet. He aims and…she ducks underwater, staring at him through the water. She has no where to go. Drown or go up. She goes up and begs for her own death. He does not give her such a gift. May God have mercy on her soul.
He walks over to a large black crank button thing and turns it on. The pool begins the close on her. He gives a creepy speech. Generic. Creepy. Etc. I just had fries, and to relate that to this movie, they were not great. She decided to go under the cover. Maybe this is suicide. Maybe this is an actual attempt. The pool continues to close right up until it almost covers the entire pool. THEN. The power cuts out? Wow ok. Deus Ex Machina much? He says SORRY and then walks off sternly yelling but never overtly so as an unseen thing. Maybe he talks to himself. The girl swims and gets out of the pool. She is still bleeding. She walks down a hallway, drenched. She find the room with the broken window from before. She thinks she can escape there. But can she really? No. She has morals. She has a friend. She makes this decision silently and decides to be a hero and a friend. She sneaks to the basement and finds the medical laboratory. She undoes her friend’s straps and tries to wake her up, tugging at her body, but nothing happens. She is dragged off of the bed. The door has no man’s shadow in it. The girl who has escaped runs around the room in a fucking frenzy, not like she’s about to die at the hands of this fucking lunatic. Jesus Christ, person. Get your shit together.
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Jennifer Check
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Doesn't Only Murder Boys, Goes Both Ways
She hits a metal piss tray, and makes a fucking racket. What the god damn shit is that kind of thinking you irrational fuck. Gosh. Y’all need some survival instincts, damn girl. She goes to the doorway and stands there watching for the old man inevitably coming for her. Why isn’t she doing anything else? I don’t know. I really don’t know. Okay now shes dragging her friend again. She is struggling and it obviously hurts quite a bit. She actuially manages to bring her friend upstairs. What kind of bad guy is this? Letting this shit happen. It’s careless. I’m disappointed. Anyways, they actually get to the broken window room and she is actually able to drag her friend out of the fucking house. What the fuck. They are getting away but it is so obvious they can get away like this.no way. He’s gotta be right there. Yep look at that, she’s shot in the back with a dart. She begs for her life, and he continues to aim until the shot rings out. Wow. What an ‘escape’. There was no hope in this escape. None. It was not meant to be hopeful but only to give us falseness in our lives. They dangled what hope could have been but they take it away. Even the notion of hope. This act is going to happen. It was always going to happen. The human centipede will be made with these girls and the other man downstairs.

The man steps on the girls face, treating her like a trophy, like he owns her. He looks on proudly but sternly. He looks at the grave of the 3-dog. The scene changes to Dr. Joe in the laboratory. He is holding surgical equipment. He is sterile and ready for surgery. His patients are prepped and knocked out cold. He is cold. He is emotionless. He is excited. He marks their bodies up with a marker, for incision lines. Her starts with both girl’s mouths. After he is done that, he grabs a large pair of plyers. One by one he begins to pull hero girl’s teeth from her mouth. He yanks. He tugs. He pulls. POP. Tooth comes out. Yanks. POP. Tooth comes out. He is slow, he is meticulous.
He begins the cutting with a scalpel. He digs in to the one girl’s cheek. Slicing her cleanly. A patch of skin he peels back, almost like a flap. He is slow and he is very methodical. He is an expert at this. This is his greatest accomplishment and our worst night mare. He is slow in the surgery. It happens over days. The doctor is well rested and confident for the next day. He works and her works, creating his monster. We see a large blue medical surgery sheet cover a large, three bodied blob. It is undoubtedly his beast, his victims, our pain to watch. We sit as bystanders to this horrible thought. To this horrible act. We are cruel for allowing this to exist. This is a danger to society and I do not approve. I will be insane by the end of this film. I will admitted by the time I am complete the third. But I continue on. I shall see the abomination that is to come.
The man is dressed up. He is very serene, he is excited, yet emotionless. He is fascinated. We see a large body on the floor. Three bodies lie there, we only see the head of the Asian man who is at the front of this chain of people. The two girls are seemingly attached at the buttocks of each other, the hero girl in the middle and attached to the man. The overly drugged girl in the back, sowed to the end of the middle girl. This is the Human Centipede. It now exists and it is this man’s handiwork. Congrats director Tom Six. You’ve created this and I hope you’ve made a sufficient amount of money on it. Good day to you SIR.
The man examines his work. He is proud and he speaks softly, as if to a pet. Man, this is some shit. This man has the worst fetish. He inspects the creature and he is happy with it. He examines the scars he made. He admires his handiwork. They are healing nicely. The people are awake and he tells them they may be in a lot of pain but it will heal. The Asian man just looks like he’s having a drugged out nightmare. He is starting to realize what his situation may truly be. The doctor smacks the Asian man in the face, blow after blow. They are soft smacks, but firm. They are professional. He encourages the man to get up. He pushed him to get to his knees, and he is in much pain. As he rises, the girls are coaxed into rising as well. This human centipede stands, all three members slowly rising to be in an upright position. The doctor yells and screams and is proud. “I did it!” Yes you did Doctor. The Asian man speaks, he calls the man out and tells him he is not god. This doctor seems to think otherwise. Dr. Joe grabs a camera and waves it around. He takes many pictures of this creature. It is a nice camera and you can tell this doctor wants to make a good impression with these photos. After all, every psychopath needs some trophies, right? I guess so according to this plot.
They all cry. All of the victims. They are in misery. They are in hell. They are shown a mirror. They see the monster they are. This is hell. He is the devil. Such a cruel punishment no person deserves. The doctor is crying too. He is so very proud. He is kissing himself in the mirror. Hardcore and full on. He hold the mirror high and laughs maniacally into it. The scene ends abruptly. This climax is over. I have made it through, but I can only imagine the horrors that await.
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Christine
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Vroom Vroom
This is so painful to read but I. Can't. Stop.
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Jennifer Check
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Doesn't Only Murder Boys, Goes Both Ways
Scene is not exterior, night, raining. On a cold, dark, stormy night… The human centipede rattles the cage that it is locked up in. They are all trying to scream, but the Asian man is the only one actually able to. They are all crying, they are still in utter misery. They are sewed ass to mouth, ass to mouth. It shows much more of the finished product here. Dr. Joe is no where to be seen. The girls hold each other’s hands, like that’s going to do anything.
The doctor stands outside proudly the next day. It is nice out. Soft classical music is playing. The human centipede stands outside, the people seem to have given in to their misery. The doctor gives the man in front a news paper and urges him to walk. The man in front drops the news paper, he puts it back in his mouth, he drops it again. The doctor is not angry, but he stands over the standing centipede and rocks back and forth. He urges them to move in an almost playful, fatherly way. God this is awful. Okay, so the Asian man yells at him to die. The scene changes.
It is night and they are being fed. The man eats his food immediately. He is starving and he feels as though he has no choice. The doctor is distracted. The Asian man lunges, and he bites the doctor. He leaves a cut and it bleeds. The doctor kicks the Asian man in the face. He is knocked out immediately. The doctor calls him a kamikaze. Not very PC, doctor man. Not at all. The girls cry. They are helpless.
The doctor begins eaching a steak. He is completely dissatisfied with what he has in front of him. He looks disappointed. The scene switchs to an exterior in the back yard. The doctor has long boots to protect his legs on, and he is tapping them rapidly with a long leather covered mallet. He overlooks the human centipede and he is more forceful in his training. He expects slaves. He is close to getting his goal. He starts making chicken noises at the front man. This is weird. The Asian man begins to walk on a curved angle. Oh no. He has tgo shit. The man is shitting into the girl’s mouth. She hate is she is in agony. The Asian man is praying for forgiveness. The doctor yells “Feed her FEED HER” over and over he chants this. The girls are suffering. The man is suffering. Nothing is okay.
Interior and in the cage, the Asian man seems to be in shock. Complete shock. And he cant function. But he looks upon the doctor with anger and hate. The doctor comes to the centipede and begins to explain there may have to be a follow-up operation and to be careful how they act. Jesus Christ. What the fuck is this shit. The scene then goes to the dude swinging naked in his fucking pool. The centipede is standing besides the pool. As the doctor swims, the Asian man leans down and tries to unscrew something from a lawn chair next to the pool. He is successful! The centipede then begins to crawl along the length of the pool. Slowly the crawl, they are careful not the make noise. The doctor doesn’t seem to notice. This is untrue, the doctor knew the whole time. He got out of the pool and softly scolds them. He is thinking he’s some kind of kind owner. He hold the door open for them and urges them out of the pool room. Once out, he picks up a whip, leaves the room and all we see is a shadow in the doorway whipping something, and the screams of the victims of his evil. He yells at them. He whips them.
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Jigsaw
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Cuts His Wrists And Blacks His Eyes
I appreciate the centipede training montage, like something out of Rocky.
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Jigsaw
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Cuts His Wrists And Blacks His Eyes
Jennifer Check
Nov 28 2016, 11:51:43 PM
Dr. Joe
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Jennifer Check
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Doesn't Only Murder Boys, Goes Both Ways
Scene in the laboratory. He is doing a check up on them. He ntoes that the Asian man has a strong heart beat and feels health. He also compliments the middles girl. She is in good health…for whatever good health is here. The final girl the doctor shosws a bit of worry with. He squeezes at one of the sutures on her face, and bright yellow puss pools out onto his finger. She has an infection. The doctor is quite worried about her condition. He thinks she is dying and needs replacement. Replacement in the chain. The phone rings in the laboratory. This phone is seemingly connected to an intercom at the front door of the house. Who could be here? He answers the phone. The centipede screams, but the doctor holds his hand over the phone. On the phone a man claims to be the police. Oh boy. How do you not hear that scream? The centipede yells as the doctor goes upstairs. The doctor peers through a window at the police officers and then changes his clothing to seem like something more night time worthy (even though it’s the morning, it is meant to seem like his previous night’s wears. He answers the door and the policemen are invited into the home. He leads them through some hallways, and seemingly wipes his finger on a slightly dusty shelf. They go to the room with the fetus painting. One cop sits on the couch, the other stays standing. The doctor takes a seat and asks how he can help. The police mention the missing girls. Obviously the car was found near his place. The doctor explains lamely, and offers them water. They reluctantly accept. The doctor goes to fix the drinks here. Of course he is drugging these men. He dissolves the pills and brings it out to the men. They are snooping around a bit. The policemen are suspicious.
The centipede still screams in the basement.
The policemen do not hear it.
The policemen treat the man with respect for his career, understanding he was a surgeon. The policeman asks about the cage. The doctor gives a shitty response, and fluffs off the cop. He also denies seeing these two women even though they were reported as seen on the property. The police men start to accuse him more. The doctor absolutely freaks out. He demands the men drink their water and leave immediately. The standing policeman knocks the glass out of the doctors hand. Silence. The doctor is insulted. He is threatening a law suit. The policemen don’t care. The doctor apologizes. He now begs forgiveness saying he is busy with his work and stressed.
The policemen are not stupid.
The centipede screams.
The doctor prepares syringes. He is desperate. He is close to being caught he will do anything. He stands over his creation, knowing this might be his last hurrah. He explains that he wants to make it a quadruplet. He wants to go further. He is evil. Pure evil. He walks off.
Everyone cries. They are defeated and they are accepting their ever worsening reality. The Asian man has an idea. He looks around intently. He starts to walk them forwards and he reaches for something… He reaches for a scalpel. He is successful! The doctor is still with the policemen. He is trying casual conversation but the policemen obviously don’t buy his shit. They press to see the cellar. They get angry and demand to see it. The doctor drops a cloth he was concealing a needle in. The policemen see it and he says it was nothing. The policemen then say they will be back soon with a search warrant. They leave angrily. They know he’s fucked up.
The doctor runs back to his creature. He doesn’t have much time. Oh shit the centipede is gone off the table. The doctor is scared. She walks slowly and quietly down the hall way. The Asian man stabs him! In the foot and the leg. The doctor falls down. The scalpel in his leg. The Asian man bites the doctor in the neck and tears out a chunk of flesh. He seems partially incapacitated. The centipede then begins to walk and try to escape. They are met with the challenge of the stairs. It is a struggle but they slowly make their way up this spiral staircase. The doctor still on the floor, but no! He jumps back to life. The girls are moving as fast as they can. Ripping their stitches out, blood is pouring from their mouths. They are all determined. They all know this is their only shot.
The doctor can only crawl up the stairs. He has lost blood. He licks the blood on the staircase left by the women and it invigorates him. He finds new power, and holding his scalpel he comes for the centipede. The centipede now reaches a bedroom. This is the one with that broken window which is now fixed. They plan to escape here but they have failed. Thwarted. The girls point the front in the direction of a lamp to break the glass with. He smashes at the glass. It is not fully breaking. The doctor has arrived.
The doctor crawls across the floor, the Asian man brandishs a small weapon. This is a showdown. They approach each other slowly ready for combat. The Asian man has a glass shard. They come for each other. The doctor looks absurdly stupid. Wait. The Asian man laughs in the doctors face. The doctor looks dumbfounded. The Asian man asks if he is God or just a puny insect. The Asian man tells of how he was a bad man in his life, but nothing like him. He continues to compare to god. He is begging to god and accepting his punishment. He is still a human being. He kills himself by slicing his own throat. The doctor is shocked. The girls are scared shitless. What can anyone do?
Nothing. They can do nothing.
The policemen ring again. The doctor is fucked now. The doctor closes the door to the bedroom and goes to addess the policemen, but he is much too frail to do so. The doctor escapes to the pool room, still crawling. He crawls slowly, but its as fast as he can muster. He now just sits in his pool room. Laughing. Maybe our girls can be saved yet. The policemen come into the house, guns drawn. The walk through the house looking for the doctor. One policeman seems to be sick. Drugged? Probably. The other finds his way into the basement where he finds the laboratory. He is appalled. The puking cop gets himself together a bit. The one in the basement steps in blood. He hears a bang and runs. He aims his gun, bursts into a room and sees the human centipede. He is shocke but he runs determined. He finds his partner shot in a pool. The doctor than shoots the officer. The officer hits the doctor in the head with a bullet. The doctor is dead. The policemen are dead. The two girls remain.
They writhe in agony. It is a kinda serene moment though. There is some hope. They see each other in the mirror and hold hands. The back girl succumbs to the infection. She passes away. Only the middle girl remains. She is the only survivor, and she is stuck in the middle of the human centipede. Who knows when help will arrive. If she is save, she will never be the same again. This is a fate worse than death. She has suffered. She didn’t quit. She kept trying to save herself, but in the end she lost.
The camera pans up and out of the house. The screen fades to black. The credits roll as we listen to her cries. This is the end of the film.
Thank you.
I hope you enjoyed this.
I sure didn’t.
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Hannibal Lecter
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Having An Old Friend For Dinner
Is it possible this punishment is worse than all the ones I received?
Does hannibal like well-oiled skin?
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Jennifer Check
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Doesn't Only Murder Boys, Goes Both Ways
I had dreams about this all night. I honestly just had the worst sleep i have had in a couple years.

How are there 2 more to watch...

Kill me :(
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