| Stunky; {17th Place} | |
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| Topic Started: Jan 20 2016, 03:38:21 PM (416 Views) | |
| Vaporeon | Jan 20 2016, 03:38:21 PM Post #1 |
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Bubble Jet Pokémon
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Ouch. WHY DO THESE ALL HURT SO MUCH
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| Stunky | Jan 29 2016, 08:03:25 AM Post #41 |
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Unsettling Former Mammal
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It should be noted that I'm mostly upset at Dewott at this point for ignoring my concrete undeniable evidence that Mawile was lying to his face. I literally cannot fathom why he did that.
Edited by Stunky, Jan 29 2016, 08:13:32 AM.
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| Stunky | Jan 29 2016, 08:18:38 AM Post #42 |
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Unsettling Former Mammal
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I clearly just don't understand how this game works or how anyone builds trust. How can you trust the kind of person who makes up such lame reasons for a vote over someone who genuinely wants to get to know you on a personal level? It just doesn't make sense to me. And I don't get why Shuppet for instance would even have considered voting for me. Granted he would not have been the most incorrect to do so as I did not actually trust him at all, but hello what is a legitimate alliance? Dewott claimed to like us equally socially as though it's somehow my fault he ignored me for days on end. I just don't know and don't get it but to some degree I'm grateful that this whole experience has helped me to realize I should stop playing survivor. |
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| Stunky | Jan 29 2016, 08:25:53 AM Post #43 |
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Unsettling Former Mammal
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I should really shut up because I feel like I'm the only one being a drama queen, but this still hurts and I'm not as good as I could be at holding in my feelings. |
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| Omastar | Jan 29 2016, 11:04:50 AM Post #44 |
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Sir Helix
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I'm sorry. I know Dewott, Mawile and myself had formed an alliance partway through Falder. (I formed an alliance with Mawile on Lunik and we brought Dewott in). The whole Renbow thing was a sham and overblown, especially since Wartortle was voted out really early in that TC. For me, I knew that: 1) You had interest in targeting me in the past 2) You were lying to me about how much you wanted to keep Mawile while at the same time trying to convince Dewott and Shuppet to boot her. 3) You were targeting my ally (Mawile) who I had no reason not to trust at that point. That's why I was interested in getting you out, the Renbow thing was more of a smokescreen. It's up to you whether or not you want to play survivor again. I commented to many people after your departure that I respected how hard you fought to survive. I thought it was commendable how hard you played to keep yourself in the game. As far as I knew it was actually really close to working. |
You shall address me as "Sir" for of the round table. | |
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| Wartortle | Jan 29 2016, 11:19:41 AM Post #45 |
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#BestTwists
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My attempt to hurry my elimination was to try and get people to see that there was no Renbow group and hope people would see through the lies
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THE HUMAN SQUIRTIPEDE Spoiler: click to toggle
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| Stunky | Jan 29 2016, 06:13:20 PM Post #46 |
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Unsettling Former Mammal
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I totally did want to keep Mawile actually, because I thought his alliance with me was sincere. But I realized eventually that that wasn't an option, and after that I discovered that he's the kind of person who just says whatever the fuck seems convenient at any given moment. I would have loved to target Dewott but I knew Shuppet wouldn't go for it. And my change of heart about you was sincere, though it didn't matter. Edited by Stunky, Jan 29 2016, 06:15:36 PM.
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| Spheal | Jan 30 2016, 10:04:45 AM Post #47 |
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The art of the Spheal
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Skunk! I was really happy when I found you. So so happy! I'm not going to talk about much game stuff here, because I don't really care about the politics and the poor decisions of our water-type starter co-star (not you Squirtle, don't worry~), but I'm going to focus on the stuff that mattered. You may disagree with me either in parts or entirely. You may think I'm being overly sentimental or mawkish. You may have a variety of thoughts but I'm giving you mine and I'm so happy I can finally write these to you. You have been a delight to encounter and each day I looked forward so much to seeing your name online and waiting for those thoughts which were more valuable to me than gold dust. You're such an amazingly interesting person to get to know and I'm so blessed that we have been able to talk so much! You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are a player who I know would give everything for his friends and you are open to talk about every subject under the sun. There aren't many players this game who would entertain a discussion with me over the symbolism of Buddhist temple stairways! xD We didn't always agree on things but I wasn't looking for a robot, sheep or a mirror clone at any point this game. I was determined to not play the over-the-top political game and, though that saw me lose my naturally-formed connections, I am convinced that what is to be gained is of a greater character still.
Brother I completely know your feelings here. The physical feeling in the stomach and the incessant psychological restlessness. What I'm going to write out below I hope will explain why, for me, you played the most perfect game I could have asked for, and how I hope you can see that sorrows and shame can be traded for joy. Firstly, I'm sorry that in the end things did come down to "unexpected dichotomies." So tragic that our little joke there was exactly how things turned out. But looking back was there anything I'd change? Probably not. You let me see that friendship and memories aren't validated by how far in a game one goes. That doesn't prove at all how close you are to someone. Dew will go far but invariably fall short or win alone. ELOs change and survivor winners are forgotten. Sure there is a design to which we are to follow though. Playing survivor I suppose is like baking a cake with a friend. It doesn't matter how far into the recipe you get; if you stopped at step 4 and just ate the cookie dough and played games the rest of the time that doesn't mean you did things wrong; only that you didn't need a guide to determine your success and fun after all. Actually I wish I hadn't had an argument with you over the secrets we kept about eon links (though we never went into explicit terms) but I feel that was just me being dumb and anxious. Char had just left at that point and I was more restless than I had ever been this game. I knew if Char was mortal then so was I. But if we never disagreed then how would we know our partnership was strong? Even to Chimchar at the start I (half jokingly) said I would need to fall out with him at some point just for us to be strengthened and galvanised through the crucible of affliction! But we did and those last PMs we shared I knew I didn't need to prove anything to you anymore. But despite all this why do I care so much? Especially as our time together was so transient. You weren't my first ally You weren't my longest ally You weren't my most secret ally You weren't even my ally with the best team pun (Sphealix Fossil wins this) But none of those things mattered. Why? Because we were never allies in the first place. I never asked you if you wanted to ally. In fact we never were allied politically or ever voted together once. I just asked if you wanted to be friends. Alliances are broken by names and votes, but that's exactly why we never were allied. Why would I want what we were and are to be confined by pieces of paper or other people? Our parameters aren't like little buttons found in this game that make us feel happy and sad. So it was a massive success over all! We did everything we wanted, and more fool those who remain chasing after the prize in this game which instantly becomes in the past as soon as it is obtained. What we wanted was more living, and even a death cannot overcome that. This to you might all sound like me being quasi-deep or some kind of pop philosopher. And I don't mean to sound so dismissive of the way this game panned out. I totally feel your pain and will never understand how crazy some of the factors and decisions in this game were. I've felt this before and it's through my 17 year old self that I remember the sickening feel of a first loss and the thought that I would be forgotten and unwanted way back after my first ever elimination. But we know it isn't about being remembered. Or an ELO number. Or a table cell in a wiki page somewhere with our names in. It wouldn't matter if we were completely forgotten, as beautifully welcoming as our co-stars have been here. There is no fame that lasts and no throne that endures. No effort on our own part that can truly save. No other song remains but that which is truth and the reason why we care in the first place. Not to win but to live. In Augustine's Confessions he writes "Thou hast formed us for Thyself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in Thee." which entirely touches on how our hearts for something more, the powerful longing of something beyond ourselves. Intuitively, we know that we need something to complete our broken hearts, minds, and spirits. All I will say is that we don't find peace in the past because history is imperfect and because by definition it is past. But remember again the Chernobyl divers who we discussed at length. Who today ever knows about them? Where is history's rightful cry of remembrance? What they did and have is something of the most beautiful end to all actions in life. But it was by no means glamorous in and of itself. If the bravest men who ever lived can be forgotten, then why do we need a perfect game and the opinions of 7 bitter jurors to validate us by? I don't know what else I need to say other than that I'd happily join your in survivor retirement now, having played the "perfect" game. I have nothing I'd change. I don't say that because I'm wishing to take the moral high ground of any kind nor because I want my own niche ideas of success to be seen. But because I don't need to be remembered anymore. In my first game I was determined to have the highest postcounts, the most alliances, constantly seeking to prove myself, and the praise of others was my drug. I'm clean now. You're my friend. It is finished. I'll let you have the last word. Partly because I've talked enough. And your words are exactly what I've missed for what truly feels like years and years.
I think so too Thanks for being a true friend <> |
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| Stunky | Jan 30 2016, 01:39:40 PM Post #48 |
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Unsettling Former Mammal
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Thank you for everything. I might post more here later, but for now, let it be known that if I feel down about this more/again, I think all I'll need to do is come back here and read this. I'm so grateful to be your friend. I noticed that we had never technically agreed to an alliance, and that didn't bother me at all. Friendships are far more than alliances could ever be, and we happened not to need that intermediary step. It seems so silly to come around to "it's about the experience" once more -- the place where I started, really, and then lost sight of -- just as I hopefully say goodbye to this game as a factor in my life. But I knew that all along somewhere. You have a point, though. The only thing I would change about this whole experience is that I'd happily untake that stupid vote penalty, or not tell anyone but you about it. Other than that, I played true to myself, and I didn't have to do anything I might regret later. I probably was able to take the whole thing more in stride because the adventure was shorter. As you well know, thank you for everything, and I'll continue to catch you on the flip side. Thank you for being so genuine, so soulful, and so goodhearted. I don't need to write a whole essay, really, because this isn't goodbye ![]() <> |
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