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Major Update; Yo
Topic Started: May 31 2012, 08:01 PM (1,884 Views)
John
JB
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Shu
Jul 23 2012, 03:45 AM
You want real critique, or were you just messing around again?
I'll take real critique on this over that.

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/780866/From%20The%20Sky.mp3
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Masquerade
boy howdy
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random nature sounds sure do make this track deep and tranquil
try making your pads a tad more interesting than just double-whole notes
the problem with your tracks is that you like to repeat motives a LOT. and that doesnt help you in any way - expand upon those motives. jam out a bit with a tiny little tidbit in mind and you'll get a great melody.
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John
JB
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A little piano ballad I wrote today. Feel free to critique, but nothing really serious here.

http://soundcloud.com/soundscape-elegance/back-in-time
Edited by John, Jul 27 2012, 02:10 AM.
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Masquerade
boy howdy
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Those onbeats are seriously discordant, and does it switch time or am i dumb?
...do you have notation for this? it would be very nice to see it if you do.
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John
JB
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Here is the notation:

https://www.box.com/s/e71500658eafd9a5a026
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Masquerade
boy howdy
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ok the problem is that in bar 3 you're playing a d on top of an a major which has an e as the fifth. the rest of the piece is perfectly fine, afaict
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John
JB
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So, I have been rewriting and expanding on this project here:

http://s15.zetaboards.com/TCOTL/single/?p=8342606&t=7199842

It has been rewritten in D, rather than C. I have lyrics and some added things in it.

Here is the current version. Not the best singing I know.

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/780866/Starlight.mp3
Edited by John, Aug 1 2012, 04:32 AM.
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Masquerade
boy howdy
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a crash would have been good after the bass revved up
a bass line would be good
you have GOT to work on a smoother transition for that saw pad
and variation upon the theme it plays god damn
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John
JB
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I do have a bass line. Its just toned down. I don't want bass prominent in this. I am working on a better crash, but I don't people peeing their pants from the sudden jump.
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Masquerade
boy howdy
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i think you should worry more about people peeing their pants from the introduction of the pad than anything
are you recording all this shit live and then piecing it together?
what do you know about theory?
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John
JB
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-djmk-
Aug 2 2012, 02:28 AM
i think you should worry more about people peeing their pants from the introduction of the pad than anything
are you recording all this shit live and then piecing it together?
what do you know about theory?
Do i record it live? HELL NO. I write the melodies by hand. Yes i know theory. I don't how you could compose very good at all without knowing theory.
Edited by John, Aug 2 2012, 05:01 AM.
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Masquerade
boy howdy
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i dont think that
with the repetition and quirky progressions
you're applying that knowledge much
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John
JB
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-djmk-
Aug 2 2012, 06:12 AM
i dont think that
with the repetition and quirky progressions
you're applying that knowledge much
What knowledge? Your grammar isn't making sense.
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Espejo
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You lookin' at me, boi?
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Starlight - Auto. Tune. Why. Do. You. Use. It. The one you use sounds pretty bad, no offence - I'm sure you can sing if you try. :/
Onto the music bits and stuff! The intro sounds really systematic and lacking character due to the lack of velocity effects and such - you need to use them so they come alive! Also, the bass build up could be better - it needs to build up to something as big as itself (with maybe a little solo snare drum roll then get going loud again). Oh, and that saw synth needs to be a bit easier on the ears, and the tuned bass part (if you have one) needs to be (more) audible. Otherwise, good luck with this song! I can imagine in becoming pretty good if you fix these things!

EDIT: May as well show what I think of the other songs.
The Sky: Pretty sweet! Love it, except for the bass drum spam before the synths kick in (which are also a bit sudden). Also, I don't if it's just me, but the intro's a bit too fast.
Back in Time: Back to the Future's song? Haha. The left hand is boring and there seems to be no dynamic or life to the player. It sounds like something you'd play 'perfectly' for a grade 3 piano recital. Just give it some life and make the left hand more interesting - then you'll be on a roll!
Edited by Espejo, Aug 4 2012, 01:35 AM.
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Demonlemon
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MY CHILDREN COMETH
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@Starlight: I'm not really sure what to say here, no real problems just not my cup of tea
Happiness is like wetting yourself, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.
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hey there. i'm surprised you're reading this. but you should get back to the forum. have fun :] youmu > meiling Beep beep boop