Thief and Warrior

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Thief and Warrior
Topic Started: Aug 22 2009, 10:30 PM (90 Views)
Sluijs_br	Aug 22 2009, 10:30 PM Post #1
Darth Obvious Posts: 1,025 Group: Member Member #135 Joined: December 21, 2007	Chapter 1 It was another rainy day on Balmora when Karl went into the South Wall Cornerclub. The place was infamous for being a thieves guild hideout, but that was exactly why he had come here: to hire a thief. Normally he wouldn’t do such a thing, however he needed someone that could pick locks and disarm traps to help him plunder an old tomb he had found earlier. Karl remembered well he had entered the tomb, only to be struck by a lightning trap and be attacked by a club-wielding skeleton. Even after defeating it and getting struck by some other minor traps, he was unable to go further in because of a locked reinforced door. His thoughts were interrupted by a question from a khajiit that was standing next to a corner: - What can Habasi do for the nord? - I’m here to hire someone who can pick locks and disarm traps to help me loot a tomb. - Habasi may know where to find such a person, but it won’t be cheap… five hundred drakes is the price. “Five thousand?” he thought “I could hire a freelance thief for less… but then, I could be stabbed in the back too.” He sighted, then took a pouch from his belt and started to count his money so he could pay for the thief. - Here’s your money – Karl said as he handed the purse to the khajiit. - Yes, this will do nicely… Taelor, get over here! A thin bosmer that was in a heated discussion a the bar turned his head when Habasi called out for him, and slowly approached. - Yes? - This nord wishes to hire you, he already payed the guild’s share, and will give you fifty percent of all you find in the place you’re going to. - Hold on a moment, we didn’t agree on that! - No share, no thief – Habasi replied. - Very well – said finally Karl with a sigh. - Good, good. Taelor here will work for you, you’ll need to tell him what he is going to do. Now go away, this one has business to take care of. – And with that, she went to a far corner of the club, leaving Karl and his new partner by themselves. - Well, as Habasi already said, my name is Taelor. Might I know what is this job you have for me? - Name’s Karl – said the nord in a grunt – and the job is picking the locks on doors and disabling the traps of a tomb we’re going to punder. - Anything else I should be aware of? - It’s full of undead, like any other tomb. - Oh great… why no one tells me things before giving the job? - Be my guest, but the sooner we get there, the sooner we’ll be done – As he said that Karl took a small map of the bitter coast out of his bag and pointed at a X marked on it. This is the place, and we’re leaving now. - Now? Well… er… alright, just let me get some stuff. I’ll meet you outside. As the elf scurried off to somewhere in the club, Karl went outside, sat on a crate and waited for the thief to come out. It took quite some time until the elf showed up, but when he did he was clad in chitin armor and had a lot of daggers, lockpicks and probes hanging from his belt. - I am ready. – Taelor said as he approached – Let’s move out. - Hopefully we won’t encounter any cliff racers on the way And with that both set off on the direction of the Bitter Coast.
	Quisque est Barbarus Alio


vanir90210	Aug 22 2009, 11:13 PM Post #2
Budding Lyricist Posts: 2,794 Group: Member Member #394 Joined: May 19, 2008	Quote: Second, it's best to use quotation marks when writing dialogue. No, it's a subjective thing. I'm pretty sure dashes are a European style. Quote: It's like one of those things you would read if you had nothing better to read. ..... Haven't read the story yet myself, but I thought I'd clear up that little mistake on V2's part. Edited by redsrock, Aug 22 2009, 11:21 PM.
	Spoiler: click to toggle "I look at the eyes, straight to the soul doorway" Redsrock Dammit, Vanir...... I had an awesome daydream of me and Anne Hathaway on a private island. And then in the daydream you came in and murdered her, then asking for my hand in marriage.


redsrock	Aug 22 2009, 11:22 PM Post #3
Jefe el Heffalump Posts: 15,133 Group: Admin Member #54 Joined: December 8, 2007	Dammit..... I accidentally edited your post instead of quoting it. Sorry...



vanir90210	Aug 22 2009, 11:24 PM Post #4
Budding Lyricist Posts: 2,794 Group: Member Member #394 Joined: May 19, 2008	Man, and just when I thought I was getting this criticism thing down, I have no record of it.
	Spoiler: click to toggle "I look at the eyes, straight to the soul doorway" Redsrock Dammit, Vanir...... I had an awesome daydream of me and Anne Hathaway on a private island. And then in the daydream you came in and murdered her, then asking for my hand in marriage.


redsrock	Aug 22 2009, 11:26 PM Post #5
Jefe el Heffalump Posts: 15,133 Group: Admin Member #54 Joined: December 8, 2007	I sowwy.



vanir90210	Aug 22 2009, 11:58 PM Post #6
Budding Lyricist Posts: 2,794 Group: Member Member #394 Joined: May 19, 2008	Aww, don't put yourself down, I'll just have to reevaluate it.
	Spoiler: click to toggle "I look at the eyes, straight to the soul doorway" Redsrock Dammit, Vanir...... I had an awesome daydream of me and Anne Hathaway on a private island. And then in the daydream you came in and murdered her, then asking for my hand in marriage.


The Bean	Sep 4 2009, 01:37 PM Post #7
Forum Kommisar Posts: 1,000 Group: Member Member #503 Joined: February 10, 2009	vanir90210 Aug 22 2009, 11:13 PM Quote: Second, it's best to use quotation marks when writing dialogue. No, it's a subjective thing. I'm pretty sure dashes are a European style. I've never read a book with dashes instead of quotation marks, and having lived in Europe for fifteen years and read an awful lot of books, including many by mainland European authors, I've never yet seen this. It's probably best to used quotation marks, Sluijs. It looks rather scrappy otherwise. That aside, however, this seems fairly interesting, and I'm intruiged to see what will become of this pair. Edited by The Bean, Sep 4 2009, 01:50 PM.



redsrock	Sep 4 2009, 02:04 PM Post #8
Jefe el Heffalump Posts: 15,133 Group: Admin Member #54 Joined: December 8, 2007	You can use dashes. I've seen it before.



Septim741	Sep 7 2009, 01:30 PM Post #9
Anglophile Posts: 811 Group: Member Member #307 Joined: April 1, 2008	"It was another rainy day on Balmora..." In Balmora, I'd think, not on. (You're desciribing the day in the city, not the rain on it. ) Please find a word to replace "went" in the same sentence. It's repulsive (no offense). In the next sentence, not sure if "but" or "and" would be more appropriate in transition. "be attacked" should just be "attacked". I like the dashes in the dialoge. It's unorthodox (I've never seen it before, anyways), but it's effective in organizing, refreshing to look at (Quotation marks are mostly for distinguishing dialoge from the rest of the work), and at the same time not rediculously out of the ball park. Some people will shrink away at this, but it's a score in my book. When denoting the character's thoughts, authors usually use italics OR quotation marks. To use both is odd, and a little excessive in my opinion. "said finally Karl" ... Oh, this brings back memories of reading old books where "said" preceded the speaker's name or pronoun... Score! I can't help but notice that the dialoge favors the direct and blunt as opposed to grammatically correct. Very realistic. Score! In the end, I was dissappointed it was over so quick. Write some more, and quickly!
	Goodbye TESFU Grand Ayleid Home 1.3 :: Oblivion GC Theme


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