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| Topic Started: Oct 8 2009, 01:33 PM (106 Views) | |
| redsrock | Oct 8 2009, 01:33 PM Post #1 |
Jefe el Heffalump
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I couldn't come up with a title, but then I realized the one above fits more than any other could. I don't know how bad/good this story is, but I just wanted to write something complete. It has meaning to me, but that's not the reason I wrote it. I wrote it because a good friend of mine opened up my eyes to the world around me. * * * When Aaron’s eyes finally open he thinks he is in heaven (or at least dreaming about heaven, at any rate). Bright lights shine all around him, nearly blinding him. It takes not but a few seconds for them to adjust, however. Once they do he knows that he isn’t in heaven after all, for no God stands before him. No beautiful, majestic gate to behold. No singing birds or harp-strumming angels. Just a girl in a pink hoodie, her head resting on her knees as she sits curled up on a stone bench. Aside from the girl, the bench and he, there is nothing but whiteness all around him that seems to shimmer from a sun that isn’t even there. He realizes there no lights, but rather a sea of white that stretches for an eternity in all directions. Even as he looks up into the sky he sees that there is no such thing. Only that continuous white. The most vast and emptiest place he’s ever seen. Where am I? asks he. Am I dead? Dreaming? Yes, I must be dreaming. I have to be dreaming. He has no recollection of how he happened to arrive in this world of white. The last thing he remembers is lying down in his bed. A dream is likely. Surely it can’t be reality. Yet, it doesn’t quite feel like a dream, either. And the girl... who is she? He walks over to the girl with slow and reluctant steps. Now he hears a song coming from her, though all he sees is the back of her pink hoodie and the strands of her blonde hair. She seems familiar to him, but he can’t figure out why. Something about the way she slouches. Something about the pink hoodie. Something… She sings in a soft whisper. And what a sweet voice it is! He even recognizes the tune, an old depressing song from the 70’s. Nostalgia begins to sink in. Three straws, hidden in red Three lies, under the bed Upon her cheeks, a tear is shed I think she’d rather be dead instead And the voice! He recognizes the voice as well! It sounds just like… no, that can’t be. Can it? “Ka-… Katrina?” The girl turns around and looks at him. Indeed it is her. It is his Katrina. But how can this be? It can’t possibly be her. “Yes, James,” she answers, smiling in spite of the tears that run down her face. “It’s about time. I’ve been waiting for years.” “Huh? What do you mean?” “I’ve been waiting years and years for you to come, Aaron.” “How… is this a… a dream? Yes, it has to be! It has to be! Because you can’t be here! You’re… you’re…” “Dead? Ah, now you remember! After years of denial and shame, you finally remember? Why has it taken so long, dear Aaron? Why? Why have you forgotten about me?” He had not seen it before because her back was to him, but now that she is facing him Aaron sees the gaping hole in her chest. Just a few inches to the right of her heart. The bullet hole of a madman. A madman that he chose not to stop. “This is insane,” Aaron mumbles, astounded by what is unfolding before his eyes, “I must be dreaming! But I’ll tell you one thing, Katrina; this is one hell of a dream!” At this, Katrina laughs. The tears still fall down her face, but even they cannot stop the warm smile that spreads across her cheeks. Cheeks as pale as a long forgotten past. A past that has been forgotten for a reason. “It’s funny you say that, James. Do you really believe this is all a dream? Merely your mind’s uncontrollable imagination?” She shrugs her shoulders and sighs. “Well, you always were a little on the dense side. But I always thought that was cute.” “I have to be dreaming,” he repeats. “There’s no way you can be alive right now. This is all a dream.” “And what makes you think I’m still alive? Or a dream, for that matter?” “Umm… because you’re here talking to me?” Katrina laughs once more and pats the empty space on the bench next to her. “Come, sit. There’s much to discuss.” Aaron walks over and sits down next to his dead girlfriend. Or is she alive? It’s hard for him to tell. But in the end does it really matter? It’s all just a dream, though it’s certainly a strange one. The most interactive, detailed dream he’s ever experienced. “How’ve you been, James?” she asks. Her smile is warm and true. How can she talk to me like this after what I did? How can she be smiling? How? She looks just the same as he remembers. Same beautiful blonde hair. Same gorgeous blue eyes. Too familiar, though, for Aaron’s taste. Too vivid. This is a dream. Dreams aren’t supposed to be so clear. Then again, there were lucid dreams one could have. Still… this particular dream topped even that. “Alright, I guess. Just trying to get by.” Aaron feels foolish for going along with everything. That’s another aspect that bothers him. He seems to be able to control what he thinks and says with perfect accuracy. None of that makes sense in a dream. What is going on? Katrina puts a hand on his left cheek and caresses it. He feels the warm and smooth texture. The way she… wait a second. He feels? He feels! But this can’t be. One cannot feel in a dream! Well, on the contrary, one can think that they feel, but it isn’t true. Yet… this is different. There’s no thinking involved with the touch of Katrina’s hand. He knows that he can feel it. “K-Katrina,” he whispers, his voice shaking, “how can I feel your hand? This is a dream.” “James, sweetie…this is no dream.” Her hand leaves his face and grabs his own hand. Again he feels the warmness of her skin. And now he feels tears running down his cheeks. Just like hers. And just like her hand, these tears are warm. Warm from the self-hatred that has bottled up inside of him. These tears hold memories that he doesn’t want to remember. “But… I…” He sighs and shakes his head. It feels good to hold her hand once again, but it also feels horrible. The memories come flooding back and there’s nothing he can do about it. “For the sake of… whatever is going on, let’s pretend this isn’t a dream.” “But this isn’t a dream.” “Let’s pretend,” he says, looking into her (dead?) eyes, “just for a few minutes, that all of this is actually happening. Why? Why am I here?” She chuckles and takes her hand away from his. She sits up straight and places her hands in her lap as she stares out into the sea of nothingness, her legs crossed Indian-style. “You mean to tell me you don’t know the answer to that question? It’s quite obvious if you just think about it.” "Well, Katrina, this isn’t the most ideal place to be thinking.” “No? I’d argue the opposite, actually. Is this not the most peaceful place you’ve ever been?” He had to admit, there was a feeling of… serenity. Of calmness. “Maybe, but that doesn’t matter. This is still a strange situation. I’ve been plucked away from reality,” he says. Then he adds, “hypothetically, of course.” She sighs. “Would you like me to just go ahead and tell you what’s going on?” “Yeah, that’d be nice.” “Okay. James, you’re not dreaming. You’re asleep right now back in your world, but you’re not dreaming. This is reality itself… but it’s just different. It’s too complicated to explain. You wouldn’t understand anyway. I brought you here for a reason. I brought you here because you’ve forgotten me. You’ve forgotten who we once were, the love that we shared with one another. We used to love each other more than anything else in the world. I still do love you, James. But… I don’t think you can say the same thing about me, can you?” Aaron looks away and stares down at the ground (the whiteness). “Katrina, I’ve never forgotten you or what happened. Never. I still love you and I always will.” “Then why have photos of me mysteriously disappeared from the house, and everything else that brings memories of me?” she asks, her happy tone having changed to one of bitterness. “Why is it that you never visit my grave? Why is it that you purposely take away reminders of me? The only reminders you have left.” Silence on Aaron’s part. “If you truly love me then why are all these things the way they are? Do you not want to remember me? Is that it? You’d wish to pretend that night never happened?” Still nothing but cold silence. “Answer me, Aaron! Please!” “I’m sorry, okay?” he screams. His cheeks are drenched in tears. “I put everything away because it pains me to think about you! I didn’t stop that man from killing you because I was scared! I was frozen! I… I didn’t mean for all of that to happen! The love and joy we once shared is blocked! It’s blocked by that one hideous night! I don’t visit your grave because I’m reminded of you! I don’t have any more pictures of you because it reminds me of you! But despite all of this I still constantly think about you! How could I not! I let him kill you, Katrina! I let you die!” By this time he’s bawling his eyes out. His head is in his hands as his entire body shakes with misery. Years of depression have finally caught up to him, but in a way he had never imagined it would. He had always thought it would come from a shrink, or maybe Katrina’s parents after they finally forgave him for what he did. But no, it has come from the victim herself. Katrina puts her arms around him and hugs, but this only makes him cry harder. He can’t understand why she’s doing this. She should want him dead, but yet she is hugging him? “But sweetie, you have it all wrong. I don’t hate you! I said I still love you and I meant every word! I just wanted to make sure that you still love me in return. I’ve been waiting years to see something. To see you visit my grave, to see you sit and stare at a photo for hours on end, to call up my parents and talk to them about everything, to talk to a pastor… something! But none of that has happened. You continue to ignore what stares at you in the face.” This really is happening! he thinks. I can barely believe it but this must really be happening! But how? “K-Katrina?” “Yes?” “How… how c-can you still love me? After I let you die. How can you still love me?” She smiles and shrugs her shoulders. “True love lasts forever, and our love was as true as true could possibly become.” The tears don’t come as fast as they were, but he still feels them. He can’t stop them. Doesn’t want to stop them. He feels better than he has in years. Thirteen years, in fact. To get all of these emotions out of him has done a lot of good so far. But to know for a fact that Katrina still loves him is the best feeling of all. “You are a wonderful person, and I love you so much. You deserve so much more.” She reaches over and grabs his face. Their lips lock and Aaron marvels at how much he feels the kiss. The soft touch of her lips and the sweet smell of her delicate skin. He no longer doubts a thing. This has to be real. “No,” she says, after their lips part, “you deserve more. If you love me, James, do me one thing.” “Yes,” he whispers. “Anything.” “Stop living in fear. It’s not healthy and it’s highly unnecessary. I’ve just told you that I love you, and that feeling will never change. That passion will burn for an eternity. Live your life how it was meant to be lived. Forget about the past. What’s done is done and there is no changing that.” “Katrina, there’s something that I fear more than anything else, though.” “Hmm?” “I fear that I’ll… that I’ll never see you again. In Heaven, I mean.” “So you do believe all of this is actually happening now?” she says, smiling. “Yes. And that’s what scares me. I want to be with you in Heaven when I die… but I did a terrible thing! No matter how much I pray and ask for forgiveness, how can God give it to me? I could have saved you but my fear allowed you to die! What will happen to me now?” “When I was alive we used to go to church every Sunday. But ever since I died you haven’t been once. Not one time!” “That’s because I’ve been afraid.” “But you don’t have to be, that’s my point! Do you still have faith in God? Do you believe he died for our sins?” “Yes.” “Then that is all that matters! No course of action is stronger than faith! You must realize this!” “But I… I’ve always felt that you have to be a good person to get into Heaven. It’s a bit more complicated than that of course, but that’s the general idea I’ve always had. And I let you die! That isn’t being a good person!” “Faith is what matters most,” she says. “James, as long as you have faith you have nothing to worry about.” “But I-” She raises a hand to silence him. “God forgives through faithfulness. Stay faithful, stay on the right path, and you’ll be fine. You are a good person, James, but that’s not what is important. Some of the best people in life don’t believe in God, and they will never find their way into Heaven. In order to be admitted into Heaven you must accept that Jesus Christ is your Savior, that he sacrificed himself in payment of your sins. If you believe that then you will be accepted into Heaven no matter what you’ve done. And you do believe that, James! Your faithfulness is the key to Heaven!” “Yes… I am faithful. I also need to attend church more often. But what if you’re wrong? What if I die and God tells me that I cannot enter Heaven because I let you die? What then?” Katrina smiles and kisses her lover for the last time. “That isn’t for you to worry about, sweetie. Please, listen to what I’ve told you. Don’t make this meeting a waste of precious time. Stay faithful and everything else will work itself out in the end.” As she says the last sentence, Aaron sees that the bench has been split in two. He on one side, she on the other. She begins drifting away and he realizes time is almost up. “Wait, I have other questions!” “I’m sorry, sweetie, but I have to go now. Now that I know you are still faithful to Jesus Christ our Savior, and that you still love me after all these years, I know that you are still the man that I’ve always loved, and will forever continue to love. Goodbye, James. I love you.” “Wait, wait!” he yells in vain. She continues to drift further and further away until she is nothing but a tiny speck in this world of white. Before she disappears he shouts out four final words “I love you too!” and then the world is white no more. Aaron wakes up to the blares of his alarm clock. He punches it as always and it stops. Getting up from his bed he stretches his arms as far as they’ll go, slipping on a t-shirt and walking out of the room. What a dream he thinks as he enters the living room. He sits down and turns on the television. It seemed so real. I shouldn’t be drinking so much before going to bed. Hours later, just as he’s about to leave for work, he spots a closed cardboard box under the kitchen table. He can’t remember what’s inside so he opens it, dust having built on the top due to negligence. Inside he finds a plethora of old pictures. Pictures of Katrina. Some of just her, some with both of them together, smiling like the lovers they were. No tears follow this find, but he closes the box faster than he intended to. When he’s about to walk out the front door he notices that he forgot one photo. It is a picture of him and Katrina on the night of their wedding, holding hands and smiling wide smiles. He takes the small photo (still in its wooden frame) and sets it on the entertainment stand in the living room. He stands there and watches it for a few minutes, not sure what to think or how to feel. What a dream. |
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| Septim741 | Oct 9 2009, 11:22 AM Post #2 |
Anglophile
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Yes! YES! OMG that was fantasmical dude. I almost [censored] myself reading that. And... ZOMG reds FINISHED something! Kudos! |
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Goodbye TESFU Grand Ayleid Home 1.3 :: Oblivion GC Theme | |
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| redsrock | Oct 9 2009, 11:36 AM Post #3 |
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Jefe el Heffalump
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Haha! Yes, I finished something.  And, erm...... you almost F'd yourself? You're weird, Septim. Very weird...... |
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| Septim741 | Oct 9 2009, 01:26 PM Post #4 |
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Anglophile
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No, I almost $H!T myself... <_< |
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Goodbye TESFU Grand Ayleid Home 1.3 :: Oblivion GC Theme | |
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| redsrock | Oct 9 2009, 01:29 PM Post #5 |
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Jefe el Heffalump
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Yes, I know. Thank you for reading. |
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| Septim741 | Oct 9 2009, 01:31 PM Post #6 |
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Anglophile
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Thank you for writing. 
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Goodbye TESFU Grand Ayleid Home 1.3 :: Oblivion GC Theme | |
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| vanir90210 | Oct 10 2009, 11:08 PM Post #7 |
Budding Lyricist
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Reds, to put it simply, yes. This is awesome. It almost made me cry. You have a very poignant way of writing, and it just amazes me. One thing, though. The way you have written:
implies that God himself died. If you replace the 'he' with 'Jesus,' it would make more sense. Also, it's common practice to capitalize 'He' or 'Him' when referring to a god of a monotheistic religion. |
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Spoiler: click to toggle  "I look at the eyes, straight to the soul doorway"
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| redsrock | Oct 10 2009, 11:13 PM Post #8 |
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Jefe el Heffalump
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Ah, yes. You see, I'm not very knowledgeable when it comes to theology and religion and all that stuff. It's sooo interesting to read and write about, though. I need to read the Bible, honestly. I'm ashamed that I haven't. And thank you for reading and giving such kind words. I guess my whining in the off topic thread worked, eh?
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| vanir90210 | Oct 10 2009, 11:16 PM Post #9 |
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Budding Lyricist
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Nah, I had read it already, and was planning on replying, but your 'whining' just reminded me that I might as well do it now, with nothing else to do. |
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Spoiler: click to toggle "I look at the eyes, straight to the soul doorway"
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| redsrock | Oct 10 2009, 11:18 PM Post #10 |
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Jefe el Heffalump
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Yes, please do responds. That's why we have a writing forum.
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| vanir90210 | Oct 10 2009, 11:29 PM Post #11 |
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Budding Lyricist
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Yeah, but reading other people's stuff sometimes depresses me. It's like watching someone do a trick that for most of your life you thought you had perfected better than you. |
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Spoiler: click to toggle "I look at the eyes, straight to the soul doorway"
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| redsrock | Oct 10 2009, 11:30 PM Post #12 |
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Jefe el Heffalump
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You act as if I'm a genius writer, and I most certainly am not. Septim is a great writer, Brian is a great writer, W from TST is a good writer. Those people are actually good writers, people that I strive to be like some day. Your words are very kind, but you're not giving yourself enough credit. 
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| VickyD | Oct 11 2009, 12:43 AM Post #13 |
Flying Penguin
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Alright Emo Reds. |
 
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| redsrock | Oct 11 2009, 11:32 AM Post #14 |
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Jefe el Heffalump
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What? What does emo have to do with anything...? |
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| Septim741 | Oct 11 2009, 11:43 AM Post #15 |
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Anglophile
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Please edit that. Now. Honestly, I'm not any better than you. |
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Goodbye TESFU Grand Ayleid Home 1.3 :: Oblivion GC Theme | |
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| redsrock | Oct 11 2009, 11:44 AM Post #16 |
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Jefe el Heffalump
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lolwut? Septim, it's way too early for April Fools jokes. |
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| Septim741 | Oct 11 2009, 11:58 AM Post #17 |
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Anglophile
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I like to stay in practice  But that's beside the point! I won't have any of this silly appraisal of me... And why is W just "good"? :| |
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Goodbye TESFU Grand Ayleid Home 1.3 :: Oblivion GC Theme | |
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| redsrock | Oct 11 2009, 12:02 PM Post #18 |
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Jefe el Heffalump
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He is a great writer too. Not sure why I put "good." *shrug* But you get my point anyway. |
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| ninja_lord666 | Oct 22 2009, 09:18 PM Post #19 |
Level 21 Wizard
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I must say, Reds, this was awesome, up until the whole religious propaganda thing. I mean, it's not that I'm against it; some of my favorite romance stories have religious undertones. However, it just seems that with your story the religion just sort of hijacked the story and took it away from the awesome romantic message. That said, I did like the ending, how even though he seemed to learn and grow from their "meeting," he quickly reverted back to how he was before (mostly). Flawed characters makes it all the more realistic. |
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| redsrock | Oct 22 2009, 09:33 PM Post #20 |
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Jefe el Heffalump
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Yeah, I've been on a religious tear recently. Not a very good one, though. |
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9:16 PM Nov 27
