His Face

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His Face; A Poem of Age and Regret
Topic Started: Oct 21 2009, 10:34 PM (49 Views)
Marcion	Oct 21 2009, 10:34 PM Post #1
Mudlobster Posts: 15 Group: Member Member #557 Joined: October 21, 2009	I'm not certain if there is a board or topic specified for poetry, so I shall give this its own topic and pray I commit no sin. I consider a lack of the former a travesty, and the lack of the latter a boon, for what its worth, dear chaps and fellows. Enjoy (and please be honest -- I haven't written nothing in a looong time, so I may be rusty). I stand and I see in the small acts of a man the disposition of a generation, the broken dreams of childhood. A muttered word, an insightful curse, and he stumbles away, eyes weeping silent and unseen tears. What cause does he mourn? What thing makes him cry? I shamble ever closer to that spot, and see in shattered glass a reflection. When did I grow so old so as not to know my face?



Septim741	Oct 22 2009, 12:57 PM Post #2
Anglophile Posts: 811 Group: Member Member #307 Joined: April 1, 2008	No worries, we post poetry here. You have not sinned thus far. The poem was nice, if a tad dull. I think you captured the element well, but not as well perhaps as you could have if it had been a narrative poem (I'm sorry guys, I'm all about narrative poetry.) This reminds me a lot of A Raisin in the Sun (we're reading it right now in my english class... I'm suprised to say it's one of the best books I've ever read. I want to see the play). Keep posting, but if you're going to post a lot of poetry make a thread for it all, perhaps?
	Goodbye TESFU Grand Ayleid Home 1.3 :: Oblivion GC Theme


Marcion	Oct 22 2009, 06:35 PM Post #3
Mudlobster Posts: 15 Group: Member Member #557 Joined: October 21, 2009	Thank you for the read and critique, Septim. As for whether or not this would do better as prose/narrative poetry, I feel inclined to disagree strongly (you'll have to forgive me: I normally don't tell people I disagree with them in regards to writing, but I've bad memories of prose poetry and the like from my college days -- all the profesor ever asked us to write :(). I think, in regards to some things, the art of not saying much trumps the art of saying a lot at all, and if anything, in retrospect, I would make this poem much tighter and not give it the more prosy touch. But again, thank you, and my apologies for firmly disagreeing (it is rude to talk back, especially when you've just joined a sight and are trying to make good first impresions and all).



Septim741	Oct 22 2009, 06:58 PM Post #4
Anglophile Posts: 811 Group: Member Member #307 Joined: April 1, 2008	Haha you're fine, I just find that narratives have better impact than regular poems.
	Goodbye TESFU Grand Ayleid Home 1.3 :: Oblivion GC Theme


vanir90210	Oct 22 2009, 07:02 PM Post #5
Budding Lyricist Posts: 2,792 Group: Member Member #394 Joined: May 19, 2008	I find writing narrative to be a frustrating process that I would rather bypass and whip up a song/poem in ten minutes.
	Spoiler: click to toggle "I look at the eyes, straight to the soul doorway" Redsrock Dammit, Vanir...... I had an awesome daydream of me and Anne Hathaway on a private island. And then in the daydream you came in and murdered her, then asking for my hand in marriage.


Septim741	Oct 22 2009, 07:23 PM Post #6
Anglophile Posts: 811 Group: Member Member #307 Joined: April 1, 2008	But if you're good, your poem IS a narrative. ^^
	Goodbye TESFU Grand Ayleid Home 1.3 :: Oblivion GC Theme


redsrock	Oct 22 2009, 07:38 PM Post #7
Jefe el Heffalump Posts: 15,129 Group: Admin Member #54 Joined: December 8, 2007	I think poetic poems are better because poems are supposed to be poetic. That said, I'd rather write a narrative poem.



vanir90210	Oct 22 2009, 07:51 PM Post #8
Budding Lyricist Posts: 2,792 Group: Member Member #394 Joined: May 19, 2008	redsrock Oct 22 2009, 07:38 PM I think poetic poems are better because poems are supposed to be poetic. That said, I'd rather write a narrative poem.
	Spoiler: click to toggle "I look at the eyes, straight to the soul doorway" Redsrock Dammit, Vanir...... I had an awesome daydream of me and Anne Hathaway on a private island. And then in the daydream you came in and murdered her, then asking for my hand in marriage.


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