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| Lamps Ablaze; A story of slavery, freedom, and loss. | |
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| Topic Started: Oct 28 2009, 11:40 PM (203 Views) | |
| vanir90210 | Oct 30 2009, 06:26 AM Post #21 |
Budding Lyricist
  ![]](http://209.85.117.197/static/1/pip_r.png)
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I was going to have him reminiscing next chapter. Would that work? |
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Spoiler: click to toggle  "I look at the eyes, straight to the soul doorway"
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| Mad Commissar | Oct 30 2009, 10:10 AM Post #22 |
Slaughterfish
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Yes! Me wantz moar chapter naow! |
| Once you go black, you never get the chance to go back because you get HIV | |
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| ninja_lord666 | Oct 30 2009, 02:31 PM Post #23 |
Level 21 Wizard
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Did you really expect more, Commissar? This was first posted two days ago... |
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| Mad Commissar | Oct 30 2009, 03:19 PM Post #24 |
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Slaughterfish
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Hmm.. Didn't notice that. |
| Once you go black, you never get the chance to go back because you get HIV | |
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| vanir90210 | Nov 3 2009, 09:06 PM Post #25 |
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Budding Lyricist
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Spikes of pain lanced into N’virr’s back as he laid down on a cleared patch of earth outside of the cabin. His punishment had been severe for his “laziness” as they called it, as if he had even been responsible for it. But who would believe that a stupid slave could have an otherworldly vision. It annoyed him to no end the contempt air with which they beheld him, as if every one of his kind were alike. He had little to no skin left on his lower back. He had been whipped mercilessly, and if it were not for years of lesser punishment, he would not have been able to pull through with his sanity. He had then been deprived of his evening meal, and was being forced to sleep outside to boot. He also faced the scorn of his fellow slaves, whom he had deprived of a fire to bring a small amount of cheer into their miserable lives as slaves. He had to sleep on his side, as anything even touching his back sent him into spasms of convulsion from the pain. He had lost so much blood as well; he had only been allowed to live due to his excellent laboring abilities. The more he thought about it, the more his situation reminded him of the past. He had frequently been punished for misdemeanors by being forced to sleep outside. So many times-(“Why, you little cur! What’s wrong with you, how could you do something like that?”) he had been punished. Tears began to flood his eyes as one particular memory escaped its heavily guarded quarters at the back of his mind. *** “N’virr, would you like to come play?” A short light-tan furred khajiit female asked him through the open window of his family’s clay house. N’virr was startled, but pleased. “Of course, Ahdanji! Let me ask, okay?” N’virr ran through the house, dodging furniture with ease. He arrived in the kitchen, where his mother was preparing meat to be cooked. “Mother, may I please go play with Ahdanji?” He asked with earnest. His mother turned to him, obviously agitated that he was interrupting her. “Yes, of course go ahead. Just be back before dark.” He thanked her quickly, yet with glee, and rushed out the door to greet Ahdanji. They embraced quickly, and dashed away from the village, towards the oasis, which held a small lake and plenty of trees for shade. The sand beneath their feet was hot, blistering, but they moved with enough speed to avoid any damage. The sun was just beginning to dip out of its throne at the center of the sky, and the winds brought cool, moist air to them from the oasis. It was not long before they arrived, panting from running the entire way. N’virr grabbed Ahdanji’s hand and pulled her toward the shade of a group of palm trees. He flopped down, casting cool bits of sand into the air, which settled softly in his fur, and Ahdanji did the same. They laughed, the innocence of childhood emanating from them. They lay there for a while, regaining energy from their run. After a few minutes, N’virr sat up, resting on his elbows. “Ahdanji, let’s go swimming.” He said, his face radiating excitement. Ahdanji turned her head towards him, still laying down, her face troubled. “But N’virr, my father always said never to swim here. He said there’s a creature that lives in the lake.” N’virr laughed, bemused. “Oh, Ahdanji, do you believe everything your father tells you? There’s nothing there, I’m sure of it. It’s just a silly old superstition.” Ahdanji’s mood lightened at this, and she laughed to, slightly uneasy. “Oh, you’re right, it does sound rather far-fetched. Sure, let’s go.” They stripped to their undergarments, so as to not get their clothes wet. N’virr finished first, and ran headlong towards the lake, reaching it in seconds. He jumped out over it, hanging in the air for an almost impossible amount of time, before striking the water with a resounding smack. Water sprayed up into the air, splashing Ahdanji where she stood. She giggled again, before slowly sliding into the water. She looked a tiny bit unsure at first, but grew in confidence as she departed from the shore. N’virr was floating on his back near the center, his eyes shut, clearly pleased with the coolness of the water. Ahdanji slipped beneath the top, planning to surprise him. Silently, she glided beneath the surface, and drew near to him within seconds. Just as she smoothly slid to a stop beneath him, he paddled out of the way towards the shore. Ahdanji flew to the surface, letting her breath out violently, and began hyperventilating. She regained her breath and looked toward the shore, where N’virr leaned against a palm tree, laughing intensely. Ahdanji pouted, and began swimming to the other side. N’virr’s laughter drifted off, and he got back into the water, swimming after her. He caught her, and gathered her into his arms, embracing her with the love of an old friendship. “You’re so funny,” he said softly, and she let go of her disappointment, and hugged him back. “I hope we stay friends forever,” she whispered, her affection evident. The broke apart, and began a complex dance beneath and above the water. Neither of them noticed as the sun began to dip beneath the horizon, casting ominous shadows across the landscape. |
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Spoiler: click to toggle "I look at the eyes, straight to the soul doorway"
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| ninja_lord666 | Nov 4 2009, 12:30 AM Post #26 |
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Level 21 Wizard
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Hooray for character development!  It's looking good V.
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| redsrock | Nov 4 2009, 12:48 PM Post #27 |
Jefe el Heffalump
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Meh... that was sort of like a mini-infodump.  Too much description at once. You can drop in descriptions little by little. For the most part it's better that way.Very nice chapter. You developed that friendship quite nicely in such a short time. The only problem I have is that he's an Argonian and she's a Khajiit. I'm not saying that can't be friends, but it's no surprise to anyone that the two races ate one another. Perhaps you could've mentioned something about his mother not liking their friendship, or something? It's quite odd for two hated races to be living amongst each other. |
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| ninja_lord666 | Nov 4 2009, 02:16 PM Post #28 |
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Level 21 Wizard
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No, N'virr is a khajiit. Also, "ate" one another?  Are you sure you're not missing a letter in there?
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| redsrock | Nov 4 2009, 02:18 PM Post #29 |
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Jefe el Heffalump
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*facepalm* ....... *sigh* Jesus, I'm just not into it the past few days. Again, ignore me. Sorry, Vanir. Your chapter is fine. |
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| ninja_lord666 | Nov 4 2009, 02:21 PM Post #30 |
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Level 21 Wizard
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It's ok, Reds. You bring fun and laughter to us all. ...We're laughing with you not at you. 
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| Illydoor | Nov 4 2009, 04:11 PM Post #31 |
Slaughterfish
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Two races eaten by each other! I don't think Bethesda's confused and troubled minds could deal with that plot twist! And oh, was a well-written chapter Vanir. I like how the transition went from present to past so smoothly.
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| vanir90210 | Nov 4 2009, 05:00 PM Post #32 |
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Budding Lyricist
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Thanks, all. Reds, I think you might be thinking of the argonian that lives in the same barracks as N'virr, 'cuz yeah, he's a khajiit. But yeah, with, not at. |
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Spoiler: click to toggle "I look at the eyes, straight to the soul doorway"
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| redsrock | Nov 4 2009, 09:10 PM Post #33 |
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Jefe el Heffalump
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Yeah, I just mixed things up. My bad. |
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| Mad Commissar | Nov 9 2009, 05:24 PM Post #34 |
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Slaughterfish
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It was very good the second chapter. Write more crying out load!!!1!11!
Edited by Mad Commissar, Nov 9 2009, 05:25 PM.
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| Once you go black, you never get the chance to go back because you get HIV | |
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| vanir90210 | Nov 9 2009, 05:49 PM Post #35 |
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Budding Lyricist
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Dude, I have school to deal with too. |
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Spoiler: click to toggle "I look at the eyes, straight to the soul doorway"
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| Illydoor | Nov 11 2009, 12:07 PM Post #36 |
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Slaughterfish
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Same. School can be a bummer when it comes to the whole writing business. 99% of my energy goes into homework now, I haven't even touched Dawncaster in like a week  .
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2:41 AM Nov 25
