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The Conjuring (2013)
Topic Started: Feb 17 2017, 11:07 PM (21 Views)
TyeSays
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Humping? Like that rescue dog did to that little girl at the Rite Aid?
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In 1971, Carolyn and Roger Perron move their family into a dilapidated Rhode Island farm house and soon strange things start happening around it with escalating nightmarish terror. In desperation, Carolyn contacts the noted paranormal investigators, Ed and Lorraine Warren, to examine the house. What the Warrens discover is a whole area steeped in a satanic haunting that is now targeting the Perron family wherever they go. To stop this evil, the Warrens will have to call upon all their skills and spiritual strength to defeat this spectral menace at its source that threatens to destroy everyone involved.

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You’d be proud of me because Carl just mansplained to me how to work a lock box
- I smiled, said, "thank you", and didn’t pull out the vocal chords he used to insult me!
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Repo
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Showering! It's my third of the day; I like to stay extra-fresh in case emergency sex pops up!
I really, really hated this. The movie itself is completely and totally generic, pretty much everything about it has been done before, whether it be the forgettable, ineffective scares or the actual plot (which is basically a genderflipped Amityville Horror with some Exorcist thrown in at the ending). Then everything else sucked just as much. The characters are underwritten and underdeveloped, with the most we learn about them being that the mom had a nice day at the beach one time. So we don't care about them. The atmosphere itself is entirely non-existent, with the director simply wanting to race from one ineffective jumpscare to the next (to the point some of the actors are delivering their lines at rapid fire to simply get the dialogue out, since no one involved actually cared about things like plot or character development)

The only thing that could make this MORE shitty? The part where, if they'd stuck to the reality of the Warrens being con artists, you'd have a movie that's actually original and interesting. Either they fake the entire haunting, which is at least creative and not something you usually see, or the haunting is real and two dumb con artists are trying to handle it, which would give them some actual development and personalities as well as be original. Instead that got thrown out because it's not stupid and generic enough.

I actually got forced away to do chores while watching this piece of shit and it was actually an improvement. Really, really, really hated it
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Look, I'm sorry everybody wants to have sex with me. Newsflash, I'm hot!
Everybody wants to get with this: women, men, animals in the zoo, plants probably.
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firewalkwithme
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bitch, you don't have a future.
I remember a girl farted.
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"Looked dead, didn’t I? But I wasn’t. But it wasn’t from lack of trying, I can tell you that. Actually, Bill’s last bullet put me in a coma. A coma I was to lie in for four years. When I woke up, I went on what the movie advertisements refer to as a ‘roaring rampage of revenge.’ I roared. And I rampaged. And I got bloody satisfaction."
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