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The official Christina Aguilera thread; New album in 2018
Topic Started: Jan 8 2008, 04:23 PM (22,173 Views)
Riverwide
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She's doing "Not Myself Tonight" at the MTV Movie Awards on sunday. :manson:

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=105282139
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bulgar
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:jflop:
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FuckBuddy
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i hope her company bothers to distribute the deluxe edition of this fabulous modern classic case of utter floppage to this miserable shitehole of a flop country that greece is in order to purchase my very own copy of it -disguised, of course. i wouldn't want to cause more riots from starving people that are offended by such an immoderate act of expenditure.
Edited by FuckBuddy, Jun 3 2010, 11:42 PM.
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bulgar
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FuckBuddy
Jun 3 2010, 11:41 PM
disguised, of course
:rotfl:
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FuckBuddy
Jun 3 2010, 11:41 PM
i hope her company bothers to distribute the deluxe edition of this fabulous modern classic case of utter floppage to this miserable shitehole of a flop country that greece is in order to purchase my very own copy of it -disguised, of course. i wouldn't want to cause more riots from starving people that are offended by such an immoderate act of expenditure.
:lmao:

Fuckbuddy races to his local record store to be first in line for a copy of Bionic!

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bulgar
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he's gotten so skinny :drama:
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bulgar
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updated ratings: :sadbitch:

01. Bionic 9/10 :dance:
02. Not Myself Tonight 8/10 (such a grower)
03. Woohoo 6/10
04. Elastic Love 7/10
05. Desnudate 9/10 (so good for lap dancing :drama: )
07. Glam 5/10
08. Prima Donna 6/10
10. Sex For Breakfast 2/10 :zzz:
11. Lift Me Up 9/10
13. All I Need 9/10
14. I Am 9/10
15. You Lost Me 9/10
16. I Hate Boys 4/10
17. My Girls 2/10
18. Vanity 6/10 (shame about the godawful lyrics)
19. Monday Morning 8/10
20. Bobblehead 2/10 :scared: :vomit:
21. Birds of Prey 9/10
22. Stronger Than Ever 9/10
24. Little Dreamer 9/10

LOVING the ballads and most of the bonus tracks. but the tracklisting is so fycked up and there's so much filler. this could've been such a strong album.

my itunes tracklisting:

01. Bionic
02. Not Myself Tonight
03. Woohoo
04. Elastic Love
05. Desnudate
06. Lift Me Up
07. All I Need
08. I Am
09. You Lost Me
10. Monday Morning
11. Little Dreamer
12. Birds of Prey
13. Stronger Than Ever
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:wowwow:
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4 out of 5 from The Times

http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/cd_reviews/article7143316.ece

Christina Aguilera: Bionic

Sounding older and more confident than early, effortful works such as Genie in Bottle, the singer puts the X in Xtina

The transition from teen stardom to something less ephemeral isn’t easy at the best of times. For the Mickey Mouse Club alumnus Christina Aguilera it’s a transition that has inevitably involved the jettisoning of clothes for high-profile video shoots. “I nearly died when I saw she was wearing so little,” said Delci Fidler, the singer’s grandmother back in 2001, on seeing Aguilera perform Lady Marmalade wearing make-up whose total weight exceeded that of her clothes.

Semi-naked album shoots (Stripped in 2001) and Rolling Stone covers followed. But with Back to Basics in 2006 Aguilera seemed to turn a corner. Addressing her marketing executive fiancé Jordan Bratman on the album’s final song, The Right Man, Aguilera’s formidable pipes cannoned their way through a wall of choral harmonies and right into the chapel where her future husband awaited her.

If nothing else, you imagine Fidler must have been delighted to see someone make an honest woman of her granddaughter. Should she want to keep it that way, it’s perhaps best that Aguilera avoid offering her gran a copy of her fourth album, coming with what must rank as some of the singer’s most explicit songs to date.

Admittedly, there are no profanities on the digitised hump-tempo beats of Woohoo. But with such lines as, “All the boys think it’s cake when they taste my woohoo/ You don’t even need a plate/ Just ya face,” she’s clearly not talking about Kelloggs Rice Krispies Squares. As a marginally less silly companion piece to Flight of the Conchords’ horny ragga-pop explosion Boom, you really can’t fault it.

The good news is that, on what ranks as the most straight-up enjoyable album of her career, it’s not so out of place either. Whatever she’s baring on the mechanised hook-and-pull of the title track or the warped robo-pop of Elastic Love — the latter featuring the line, “If I was a ruler I’d set you straight” — it’s not her soul.

Far from being a problem, that might be the key to what makes them so likeable. If motherhood has relaxed her, then the maternal, mawkish sopfest of Lift Me Up is a small price to pay for what surrounds it. Percussive whip-cracks vie with mariachi horns that seem to ape cries of pain on the Latino sado-disco of Desnudate, while My Girls pays host to an alliance between Aguilera and celebrated Canadian gender-transgressor Peaches. Tempting as it is to imagine that Aguilera freighted in the creator of F*** the Pain Away and Diddle My Skittle for extra shock value, the fact is that Aguilera needs no help in that regard. The singer who famously sang, “I am beautiful/ No matter what they say” on her 2001 hit Beautiful, casts those sentiments in a more literal light on Vanity, a song about being “lawfully wedded” to the sight of your own reflection.

Presumably written for anyone who still didn’t know quite what she was getting at with Woohoo, Sex for Breakfast is better still — eliciting a gauzy post-coital performance from Aguilera as great in its way as the songs whose DNA it seems to share: Smokey Robinson’s Cruising and TLC’s Red Light Special.

For the measure of her progress, it’s worth contrasting the effortlessness of the execution here to early singles such as Genie in a Bottle. As early as 1999 Aguilera’s voice sounded as if it was straining to be more substantial than mere pop. By contrast, Bionic is the sound of a woman having far too much fun to give a stuff what you think. Which, needless to say, compounds its allure.
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3 out of 5 from The Mirror:

The era of rinky-dink robotic sex is here and the Dirrty girl wants to celebrate it with repetitive rumpy pumpy and body worshipping synthesised orgies ago-go. There's 23 tracks on the deluxe version of this album (18 on the standard) and an ever-frisky range of flavours. However, the overcooked Caligula on techno toast theme will have many making their excuses and leaving.
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Jun 4 2010, 01:50 AM
The era of rinky-dink robotic sex is here and the Dirrty girl wants to celebrate it with repetitive rumpy pumpy and body worshipping synthesised orgies ago-go.

However, the overcooked Caligula on techno toast theme will have many making their excuses and leaving.
:rotfl:
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3 out of 5 from The Guardian:

She's got her flashy new robot image, but Christina Aguilera's relentless dirty talk is a bit of a joke now, writes Alexis Petridis

You can't fault Christian Aguilera's desire to reinvent herself. Last time out, on 2006's Back to Basics, she was decorously modelling herself on Jean Harlow and purveying vaguely retro soul. Four years on, it's all change again. On the one hand, that means the reappearance of our old friend Xtina, scantily clad vocalist obsessed with telling the world she likes having it off in that bullish way peculiar to artists who began their careers forced to project an impossibly squeaky-clean image. The CD booklet features a diverting photo of Aguilera naked save for heels and rubber bra, a cartoon of a cat covering her nether regions. In the past, she has collaborated on her image overhauls with David LaChapelle and Ellen von Unwerth. Here she appears to be working with Mrs Slocombe of legendary design agency Grace Bros.

But Bi-On-Ic's image shift isn't as straightforward as a return to what you might call Dirrty waters. Given that it also features fizzing synthesisers, songs that celebrate narcissism and the ephemerality of fashion, and photographs in which she pretends to be a robot with the aid of futuristic sunglasses and eyeliner out to here, a cynic might suggest that Bi-On-Ic bears the influence of Lady Gaga in much the same way that the Bootleg Beatles bear the influence of the Beatles.

That's not entirely a bad thing. While the shadow of her old collaborator Linda Perry looms over chunks of Bi-On-Ic – she contributes one of her patented self-help ballads called, with a certain inevitably, Lift Me Up – the desire to play the former Stefani Germanotta at her own game has led Aguilera to seek out some genuinely fascinating co-workers. Most of the album's highlights come as a result. While her intriguing collaborations with undervalued scouse electro-poppers Ladytron are relegated to the bonus disc, Australian singer-songwriter Sia contributes two ballads infinitely more subtle and original than you'd expect ballads on a Christina Aguilera album to be, while My Girls, featuring feminist- and LGBT-friendly synth-punks Le Tigre, is an improbable triumph, a fabulous slab of shouty electro-disco. Drafting in MIA has yielded Bi-On-Ic's best moment, Elastic Love. The Sri Lankan rapper has not only come up with an incredible pop melody and set it to an off-kilter backing of squelching electronics and sub-bass, she has also uniquely managed to calm down Aguilera's usual attention-all-shipping vocal approach into something weirder: dead-eyed, thickly smeared with dubby echo.

Alas, what none of her collaborators can do is divest Aguilera of the desire to go on and on about sex. If you're going to do a five-minute song about cunnilingus, it's a good idea to enlist foul-mouthed rapper Nicki Minaj, whose bug-eyed contribution lends the proceedings an air of gripping abandon. It's a less appealing idea to refer to your vagina throughout as your woo-hoo, perhaps the worst euphemism for the female genitals since R Kelly's Zoo, on which he bafflingly called his amorata's privates "Jurassic Park". If you do refer to your vagina as your woo-hoo, you're going to deflate the atmosphere of commanding female sexuality the rest of the track works so hard to create – "Hurry up!" she barks at one point – partly because it's infantalising, but mostly because it's a phrase that makes you think of Blur, and, with all due respect, the image of Dave Rowntree is not one a gentleman should ever have to conjure with when pleasuring a lady. As it turns out, the woo-hoo is but the first in a series of off-putting genital euphemisms. On a boring R&B ballad called Sex for Breakfast, she refers to her lover's penis as his "honey drip", which doesn't sound right at all: there's something about the image of a penis dripping a honey-like substance that suggests he'd be better off skipping sex for breakfast and heading instead to the urologist. The most off-putting of all comes before the woo-hoo song is done: "All the boys think it's cake when they taste my woo-hoo." Battenberg? Swiss roll? Let's hope they don't think it's a stollen. They're full of yeast.

It all underlines the weird disparity at the heart of what Aguilera does: her desire to sing about sex isn't matched by an ability to do so without inadvertently making you snort with laughter. Furthermore, the stuff about dripping phalluses and her self-raising woo-hoo sounds a bit weird and uncomfortable next to things like My Heart, which features her two-year-old son being encouraged to "sing like Mommy".

In fairness, this is a subject Aguilera has addressed in interviews, although it's hard not to feel her conclusions verge on the unsatisfactory. "He's going to hear the reasons I did what I did," she recently told a journalist. "And I take pride in that. What does Ozzy Osbourne say when he explains to his kids eating the heads off bats?" Well, presumably he says he was pissed out of his brain and on loads of coke. You might want to re-think your role model for that particular parental chat.

If nothing else, it all proves that Aguilera is a woman of many parts, which may be the point of this occasionally brilliant and brave, occasionally teeth-gritting and stupid album. In any case, you can hardly say you weren't warned about its worst excesses. Anyone examining the cover diagram of robot Xtina might note that the part labelled "good taste gland" is about half the size of the voice box.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2010/jun/03/christina-aguilera-bionic-cd-review

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That Guardian review is hilarious!!! Really great writing. :lmao: Spot-on too! :clap:
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bulgar
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omg, she is DOOMED :lol2:
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bulgar
Jun 4 2010, 02:05 AM
omg, she is DOOMED :lol2:
Well the reviews so far are actually pretty decent. I thought they'd SLATE it, but 3s and 4s out of 5 isn't bad at all.

Like us, they recognise that there's a lot of really good stuff amongst the drivel.
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bulgar
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i think the worst is yet to come though :drama:
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great review! I just read a review in a Danish newspaper (3 out of 6) and he didn't even mention You Lost Me, isn't it like the best track on the record?
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FuckBuddy
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artsy fartsy delirium :drama:

i feel the strange urge to get this goody as soon as possible. xtina has awaken my bionic inner self
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I'm off out to the shops right now to get my copy of the deluxe edition!

Just as soon as I put this on of course..

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