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| My very first Sonic story; please...don't bash my story T_T | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 5 2007, 04:15 PM (74 Views) | |
| Deleted User | Jan 5 2007, 04:15 PM Post #1 |
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I worked hard on this story last night I know its OCxFC but if you don't like it then DON'T BOTHER POSTING! Chapter one It was a beauitful day in Station Square after the whole Space Colony Ark and Shadow thing happened.The hereos were relaxing.Tails was at his workshop working on what he dose best....building planes.Sonic on the other hand was attacking Eggman's base when he came across a holding cell.Sonic stoped to take a look at who was in the cell it didn't take him to long to realize it was a girl. SONIC'S STORY While my friends were relaxing I was attacking Eggmans base when I came across a holding cell that has someone inside.I took a good look seeing it was a chained up wolf girl I looked arround finding the keys unlocking the door.I went up to her to see if she was alright everything appeared to be normal she was just sleeping.I started to wonder why and how long she has been a prisioner here in Eggman's base.I unlocked her shackles, picked her up, and got right out of there getting her to safety of my buddy Tail's workshop. END OF SONIC'S STORY Sonic made it to Tails place and told Tails what happen as he brought the girl inside and set her gently on the bed when she started to wake up. "Hey! Sonic she's waking up!"he said. The wolf girl was awake her eyes were completly open and sat up."Where am I?" She asked looking at Sonic and Tails."Who are you guys?" She asked alittle nervously and alittle scared she was shaking abit not knowing if she can trust them and because she didn't know them. Sonic smiled"I'm Sonic the Hedgehog I saved you from Eggmans base." He looked at her. Tails smiled"I'm Miles Prower but you can call me by my nick name Tails and this is my workshop whats your name?"he asked her. "My name is Serenity but you can call me Serena for short its nice to meet you.Thank you for helping me out of that base Sonic I have tried to escape but Eggman wouldn't let me alone no matter how hard I tried to get away,But it didn't take long for him to catch me and locked me away."she said looking at them."how long were you trapped there Serena and why did he held you haustage?"Tail's asked her she looked down and was unshure if she could trust them,but since Sonic saved her she knew they could be trusted."Its my silver crystal's and my powers he wants but I refused to give it up so he was gonna make a mashine to steal away my powers to use in his world domination."She started off with her story."I have been there for about a month but I knew when he was to buzy to pay attention to his origional plan,mainly me I was alone lucky to have lived without food or water for a whole month.Its still amazes me that I am still alive but I wish I wasn't once Eggman finds out I am gone he wil hunt me down when his project is complete"she said sounding abit scared. Sonic smirked"Don't you worry Serena we won't let Eggman hurt you ever again we will protect you and you can hideout here ."he said to her.She smiled and started to feel better and safer."Thank you you mind if I go out for a run I love to run alot and I have to make up for lost time I have been itching to run for along time."She said sonic looked at her"Well I can run with you besides you never know if Eggman is arround I think its best you stay here."he said friendly but sternly.She sighed"ok I will stay here I have been waiting for this long to enjoy freedom and I can wait a while longer as long as I wait can I have something to eat I am starving." She said as her stomache growled. She felt happy that she made friends since she never had any friends she was always alone. please review and comment one little thing:this has no special love relationships between the FC and the OC ok this story is not about that so don't think it is like that cause it is not! |
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| Speed-X | Jan 5 2007, 04:35 PM Post #2 |
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Amazing how I'm still changing in outwards behavior.
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umm... It's nice, but it could use better grammer & stuffz. from this:
to this: Chapter One It was a beauitful day in Station Square... after the whole Space Colony Ark and Shadow thing happened.The heroes were relaxing. Tails was at his workshop, working on what he does best-building planes. Sonic, on the other hand, was attacking Eggman's base until he came across a holding cell. Sonic stopped to take a look at who was in the cell. It didn't take him to long to realize it was a girl. SONIC'S STORY While my friends were relaxing, I was attacking Eggman's base until I came across a holding cell that had someone inside. I took a good look, seeing it was a chained up wolf- girl. I looked around until I found the keys to unlock the door. (After it was unlocked,) I walked up to her to see if she was alright. Everything appeared to be normal- she was just sleeping. I started to wonder why and how long she has been a prisioner here in Eggman's base. I unlocked her shackles, picked her up, and got right out of there, getting her to safety: my buddy, Tails' workshop. END OF SONIC'S STORY Sonic made it to Tails' place and told Tails what happened. As he brought the girl inside he set her gently on the bed. She started to wake up. "Hey, Sonic! she's waking up!" he said. The wolf- girl was awake. Her eyes were completely open. She sat up."Where am I?" She asked looking at Sonic and Tails." Who are you guys?" She asked a little nervously and a bit scared. She was shaking a bit, not knowing if she could trust them, also, she didn't know him. Sonic grinned. "I'm Sonic the Hedgehog! I saved you from Eggman's base!" He looked at her. Tails smiled as well. "I'm Miles Tails Prower, but you can call me by my nickname: Tails. And this is my workshop. What's your name?" he questioned her. "My name is Serenity but you can call me Serena for short its nice to meet you.Thank you for helping me out of that base Sonic I have tried to escape but Eggman wouldn't let me alone no matter how hard I tried to get away,But it didn't take long for him to catch me and locked me away."she said looking at them."how long were you trapped there Serena and why did he held you haustage?"Tail's asked her she looked down and was unshure if she could trust them,but since Sonic saved her she knew they could be trusted."Its my silver crystal's and my powers he wants but I refused to give it up so he was gonna make a mashine to steal away my powers to use in his world domination."She started off with her story."I have been there for about a month but I knew when he was to buzy to pay attention to his origional plan,mainly me I was alone lucky to have lived without food or water for a whole month.Its still amazes me that I am still alive but I wish I wasn't once Eggman finds out I am gone he wil hunt me down when his project is complete"she said sounding abit scared. Sonic smirked"Don't you worry Serena we won't let Eggman hurt you ever again we will protect you and you can hideout here ."he said to her.She smiled and started to feel better and safer."Thank you you mind if I go out for a run I love to run alot and I have to make up for lost time I have been itching to run for along time."She said sonic looked at her"Well I can run with you besides you never know if Eggman is arround I think its best you stay here."he said friendly but sternly.She sighed"ok I will stay here I have been waiting for this long to enjoy freedom and I can wait a while longer as long as I wait can I have something to eat I am starving." She said as her stomache growled. She felt happy that she made friends since she never had any friends she was always alone. please review and comment I didn't finish correcting, but I think you get it already. Umm, sorry if I made you look stupid, and came barging in here like this. I didn't mean it as in a bad way or anything. I like your fic so far, but It'd be easier to read if it had better grammar. |
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| Deleted User | Jan 5 2007, 04:53 PM Post #3 |
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T_T its ok I am starting too loose faith I know I have a few errors I rushed in my typing... I don't even know why I even botherd trying to make a good story. I have a feeling no one is gonna like it becase they think there will be love and romance between FCxOC because that is not intened to happen. Because another FC will be in the story to do the romance things there is no relationship with the FC and the OC besides being just friends nothing more. I might as well give up now T_T |
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| Speed-X | Jan 5 2007, 05:06 PM Post #4 |
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Amazing how I'm still changing in outwards behavior.
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...I can see that your sensitive to that. Don't worry. I feel the same way about a lot of things as well. Don't ever give up- just keep at it until you get their attention. And even if it is only one person, be thankful that at least they posted that they liked it. umm... no one really cares if it's a OCx FC thing. Almost every fanfic here is like that. That's mostly why people write that all in fanfics. Just keep trying. I learned that the hard way. take my sprite topic for example. it usually doesn't get any posts very often, but it's still very popular, even though it's mostly just updates. Usually, one or two people reply within each update, but, i'm just thankful that they at least posted. |
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| Deleted User | Jan 5 2007, 05:17 PM Post #5 |
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I am not senstitive...well maybe alittle I just haven't been myself lately. EDIT:I might have OCxFC in the story I am not shure yet how ever I feel I will make it anyway I want. |
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| Deleted User | Jan 7 2007, 02:04 PM Post #6 |
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ok I know its a doubble post but here is Chapter 2 of my story Later that day Serena went out for a run she had to do something after eating almost all of Tail's food and she was bored. On her run she spotted a gem that glowed and she started to remember what the gem was. It was a Chaos Emerald that was purple like her fur and glowing she smiled and took it back to the hideout to show the others. Once she returned she made it before the others got back she was relaxing and hid the jewle under her pillow. She herd the X Tornado land and her new friends enterd the room "Were back Serena no luck with finding a Chaos Emerald." Tails said as his ears folded down.Sonic nodded"Yeah and no sign of Egghead either so I guess your safe...I bet you were bored being here all alone." Sonic said looking at her. She looked at him and smiled "Nah. I wen't for a run and don't worry I was careful speaking of a Chaos Emerald..." She trailed off pulling the gem from under her pillow. "I found this while I was on my run before you guys got back." She showed the jewle. "No way! you found a Chaos Emerald out here!?" Tails seemed shock to here the Emerald was not far away this whole time. Sonic gave Serena a thumbs up "Great work Serena now we have one of the Emeralds." She smiled and blushed. "It was nothing really I just found it lying on the ground its a good thing Eggman wasn't arround to find it." She said looking down at the gem she was holding. She didn't know much about Chaos Emeralds nor did she ever see one before, She liked it all she knows that it has magical powers. |
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12:33 AM Jul 11