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| Royale Deception Prologue; Royale Deception Prologue | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 19 2016, 07:01 PM (58 Views) | |
| Sinjun | Sep 19 2016, 07:01 PM Post #1 |
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This is the prologue to a series of novels i am working on that, an alternate history that starts off in France where the revolution doesn't quite go as planned. The first novel is meant as a set up showing the minor alterations that lead to the major one the Duke of Orleans taking over France and returning it to a Monarchy much earlier than our history. This leads to the Next book (taking place after this prologue) with Napoleon Bonaparte escaping France with Madame Royale, Marie-Therese Charlotte and her aunt Madame Elizabeth, the second book planned to be called Napoleon's Legion. There is also a third book planned (more loosely at the moment) which follows Napoleon leading an army of Austrians and Italians leading to the reunification of Italy (after it is invaded by a French Army in the previous book) and also the romance between the Madame Royale and Napoleon Bonaparte during his campaigns in Italy. Thank you for reading this and those who give critiques. I am wondering if i should open like this or if i should keep it hidden since the first book is mostly about how the alterations add up and how the replacements for Madame Royale and Madame Elizabeth are trained to fool the captors of the real versions. intertwined with that it is the story about William and Charlotte. Prologue Temple Tower, Paris, France - 17 December 1793 Torches flickered from the movement, one attacker already withering on the ground as William Grey raised his bloody dagger. One down three more to go, this would not turn out well at all. Behind him Charlotte, the woman was supposed to keep safe shifted. He regretted putting her in such danger. It was supposed to have been a simple mission. Have Charlotte replace Marie Therese so they could bring back the royal family after so much chaos and death in revolutionary France. No time for regret now, only defense. An explosion to William’s right. A pistol flash, a bullet slammed into his side breaking a rib. He had to stop Robespierre here and now, but the man was too far away behind another revolutionary. He tried to lift his right arm, but it didn’t seem to work. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. He was suddenly face to face with Charlotte, blinking his surprise. In her eyes, there was no trace of fear only acceptance, and the words “I know”. She was pressed against him now, pain flaring through his chest, the guard with the sword had made his move… ---------- Temple Tower, Paris France – 31 October 1793 It was a simple plan, perhaps too simple. All they had to do was replace the royal family of France with duplicates trained to fool the revolutionaries long enough for the royal family to escape their imprisonment. In Time the British Empire could return the monarchy to France. France would then owe a great debt to England. This was a simple plan, which is until January 1793 when King Louis XVI was executed despite protests; “The King must die so the Republic could live” was how Robespierre himself framed it. The plan was amended, but perhaps it would work out better. Certainly the Dauphin, now Louis XVII would be more malleable than Louis XVI. They only needed to escape with the Queen and the two children. Certainly easier than attempting to escape with the King, but a worry began to grow about how much time they would have. Then, in October Queen Marie Antoinette followed her husband to the guillotine. They could no longer wait; there was no telling now when the other members of the royal family would be executed. The plan would have to go forward. It had taken months to train the replacements for Madame Elisabeth, Madam Royale; Marie Therese Charlotte, and the Dauphin, Louis Joseph. For the most part, they were ready to take over the role, but how long the guards would be fooled would be another question. William Grey, known to the revolutionaries simply as Francois, one of the architects of the plan would be in the tower itself to keep watch over them. William Grey, the son of Richard Grey, Earl of Bath, had saved the life of Constantine-Francois Chasseboeuf, de Volney a rabble rouser who had gotten in over his head in Rennes five years ago. At the time it seemed like a waste of effort, but province favored Grey that day giving him a way to access the Temple Tower and pull off a great deception. On the eve of the exchange, William wondered if he would be able to get both the remaining Royal Family and his charges out safely. If everything went well, the Royal Family would be safe enough, for a few days, but the situation in France was getting worse and worse with each passing day. They were seeing enemies all around, and killing their own people with rabid abandon. The Escorts with the Royal family would have to go south, and not north like they had originally planned. It was a much longer journey but the revolutionaries were keeping a sharp watch on the English. Fortunately, the city of Toulon was held by Admiral Hood, and would hold on long enough to see the Dauphin to Austria for safekeeping. A Squeeze on his arm brought William back to the plan at hand. Charlotte, a girl he had saved at Rennes was in the dangerous position of impersonating Marie Therese. While she had been a member of the minor nobility, she had been happy, that is until Volney stirred up a fight in Rennes that took away her enough family, everything she had cared about. She jumped in at the slightest chance to stop all the murder tearing apart her home nation. She was right; he had been studying the door to the apartments where the revolutionaries kept Marie Therese and her aunt under lock and key. He looked to Charlotte and the woman with her, Annette, who would replace Madame Elisabeth, they were ready. He opened the door walking in quickly followed by the two, their faces hidden under a hooded cloak. Guards were all the time intruding on the two women in captivity. “Madam Royale, Madame Elisabeth please put on these hoods and be ready to leave, we will conduct you to safety in Austria.” With that, he turned to keep watch at the door allowing Charlotte and Annette to remove their hoods and explain the situation to the shocked women. William knew that he could trust the two to explain things, already he could hear their soothing words, speaking to the two royals as if they were speaking to children who needed to be herded. The guard who was supposed to be freeing the dauphin was back far too quickly, and alone. “Where is he?” “It was bad; I don’t think anyone has checked up on him in weeks. I don’t know how long he’s been dead, but from the stench… he may have been dead for weeks. It is filthy in there.” William felt another headache coming on; the plan kept going from bad to worse. They were only able to get to two of the royal family, now giving Duc d’Orleans a stronger standing to become Louis XVIII. If that were the case he would be considerably harder to influence, the man did work with the revolutionaries, but it was clear to everyone that he wanted to rule. “Nothing changes, it is likely then we are the only ones who know about him now. Take the body, don’t let anyone else see it and give him a proper burial. He deserves that much.” As the guard marched off, William checked into the room to see how things were going. He wondered how much Madam Royale even knew about how many of her family members she had lost. The escort would get the women to Admiral Hood, he would have to trust nothing else would go wrong. “Outside is your escort Charles Francis Comte de Tourien, he was a loyal soldier to your father and will make sure that you make it to Toulon and then arrive safely in Austria. “Where is mamma and Louis?” “Your brother will be going along a different path, for both your safety.” Technically true. “the Queen... I am sorry” The shock in the young woman’s face was enough, the other women reached out touching Marie Therese’s arm lending their strength. “Things will be difficult in the next few days, but things will work out believe me. You will reach safety.” With that Charles, Comte de Tourien was at the door waiting to escort the two women. After so long in captivity it was easy enough to motion the two to the door, long days of complying with their captors took away several complications. Charles already knew he had fewer people to escort perhaps that would make the journey easier. If the Revolutionaries found out they would be looking for not just two women but the dauphine as well. Really Louis XVII would be of paramount importance, they could ill afford him released in the world. As Charles escorted the two William could almost feel the questioning looks from both Charlotte and Annette before he turned to them. He could see the question in Charlotte’s eyes ‘Why? I thought you would be escorting them?’ “Did you really think that I would abandon you?” “It’s not that it’s… “ He could see she was struggling with what to say. “Speechless mon petite?” Charlotte’s face flushed and William could hear Annette laughing about the situation. “Thank you.” ---------- Temple Tower, Paris, France 17 December 1793 He could see her face again, looking up at him. Charlotte smiled one last time, the light already fading from her beautiful eyes as she laid her head on his chest one final time. He could feel her breathing lessen. Not long now. William looked up again in time to see an officer execute the guard for killing who he assumed to be the Madam Royale, now there was a clear shot at Robespierre. It couldn’t be wasted. With strength, William did not think he had left his left arm raised holding on to his pistol. One shot, I have to make this count. Hidden by the body of Charlotte, Robespierre never saw the pistol until it was too late. The Pistol fired, another flash ---------- Temple Tower, Paris, France 16 December 1973 William had been asked away when It happened, something to do with Robespierre and the safety of the city. The Guards had kept them more informed than they had the original royal family, and there was word that Duc D’Orleans was causing trouble after avoiding his scheduled execution. It was enough to panic the normally unflappable Robespierre into transferring some of the guards he trusted from the temple tower to where they were needed. He could not turn to Napoleon so far away in Toulon in a long siege attempt to take back the city. They entered the apartments fully armed and with a purpose. This had happened enough that even Charlotte and Annette were desensitized to the guards barging in whenever they felt the need. “Madam Elisabeth… make your peace and come with us” The guard ordered as both Charlotte and Annette acknowledge their existence. “May I have a moment with my niece?” “No, there is no time… bring your hat… you will not be returning.” Annette stood up and whispered while she leaned over to reach her hat, “Don’t say anything we both knew it might end like this. Be strong, he’ll be back for you… I know it.” As Charlotte watched the guards escort Annette out of the room she felt very much alone. Annette had joined the deception after her husband and sons were murdered last September. She remembered the woman had been alive physically, but it was only the idea of stopping Robespierre and the revolutionaries that brought life back into her. To stop them before anyone else had to die. In the time they had trained too many people passed away from paranoia, or a desire to rule in the place of a King. They called it a republic, but it seemed nothing like what the colonist in the Americas had created. They both knew that they would likely die in this deception, but if only it would stop all of the killings, maybe it would be worth it. Charlotte knew that Annette was walking to her execution, and would not say anything. To do so would only put other people in danger. She felt guilt rise up in her throat, but she knew that her words would have no meaning. The current guards did not know her, and would not believe her story. Even if they did believe her, it would only mean a quick execution. Charlotte held onto her rosary praying that Annette would not suffer and would be with her family again. She knew that the plan may very well be undone now. It was one thing to fool guards that thought they knew better but were in fact quite foolish. Someone on the outside probably would see through Annette’s disguise. She hoped that William would be safe and that she and Annette would buy him enough time to get away. It certainly would take them time to figure out Annette was not Madame Elisabeth and even more time to return to the temple tower and confront her. The Days of safety, however, was over now. She wasn’t sure how long she sat looking at the window, certainly, one day had passed into the next, it was surely midnight when the door swung open with full force and a tall man with an upturned nose stepped into the room, Robespierre. “Who are you? Where is the Madam Royale?” four guards followed l’incorruptible, what a joke of a title. William followed behind them, why had he returned, she thought, he’s in danger. As Robespierre reached toward her she saw William ready a dagger and pistol stabbing the guard next to him, and knocking Robespierre behind another one of his guards. There was no more time. Heard a pistol fire and saw William flinch, it felt like the bullet had hit her heart as well. As William struggled to raise his weapons and continue the fight another guard raised his sword. Before she could even think about anything else she was already moving placing her own body between the man she loved and her enemies. She looked into his eyes speaking a silent message, “I know” there was a flash of pain, but the only thing she saw was William’s eyes. The world began to get dark and she was tired, but she felt free and safe. With that thought, she laid her head on his chest and slept… free. ---------- Temple Tower, Paris, France, 17 December 1793 Robespierre stood there transfixed, his view of François unblocked as he held onto the Marie Therese impostor with one hand and in his other outstretched hand a pistol. Before he could even think about defending himself another loud shot echoed through the room deafening him again. Something had hit him, but he couldn’t move, his entire body felt sluggish almost instantly. Something was trickling down his face, something very sticky but he wasn’t able to lift his hands to remove the substance, both his arms felt heavy. He was now looking at the ceiling when that happened; thinking was becoming difficult as the room seemed to get darker in places. There was the face of a man looking down on him that he didn’t recognize. A man with a full white beard who looked very disappointed…. ---------- Temple Tower, Paris, France, 17 December 1793 William saw Robespierre fall, and hoped that the others had enough time to escape France, by now it was too late to go after them. I am sorry Annette; I hope that you are with your family again. I am sorry Charlotte, I had sworn to keep you safe, I should have protected you more, you deserve more than this. The pistol slipped from his hand lowering his arm around Charlotte. His last thoughts were of the beautiful girl he saved five years ago… in Rennes… |
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| Vick | Oct 15 2016, 08:25 PM Post #2 |
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I can certainly say that I didn't expect to see a story like this here. You definitely have a great control on tension as the back and forth between the past and the current situation felt natural. For an alternative history story, this is a really good skill as that means you are able to convey important information effectively while still having the story move at a decent pace. Even as a prologue, this is a pretty fleshed out short story within the narrative you are trying to set up. As a prologue though, it definitely does its work to rope the reader in. I will say, personally, I'm not sure if I would read the rest of the story as such accurate alternative history, which it seems that you are going for, are typically my sort of thing to read but you at least would make me read two more chapters to see if it is worth it. I can't say much on the accuracy, which is always something that needs to be discussed in these sort of books, but from my knowledge of French history what is occurring does make some sense in that context. I do take issue with some of your writing though, in that you definitely need to re-read it a few times to fix a few basic mistakes. If you do see this, I'll be happy to help point what I think are mistakes but I trust that you can do it on your own yourself. Again this was a decent surprise in a genre that I didn't expect to see nor really am a fan of so I hope you continue your work. |
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| Sinjun | Nov 12 2016, 01:45 AM Post #3 |
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thanks for commenting Vick
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