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| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 25 2011, 06:10 AM (166 Views) | |
| Semi | Apr 25 2011, 06:10 AM Post #1 |
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I AM GLORIOUS
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It's all words, words and words. |
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| Semi | Apr 25 2011, 06:13 AM Post #2 |
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I AM GLORIOUS
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Sometimes I look at my hands and stare really hard at those things attached to my palms before common sense kicks in that those are my fingers. And sometimes I realize that humans are really weird. Are those with mental illnesses really ill or are they just nonconformists of what we believe to be socially acceptable? Teachers told me the thing that makes human different than animals is our ability to distinguish what is right and wrong. But rights only exists if there are wrongs and same goes the other way. What happens when you live in a world of neutrals where there are neither rights nor wrong? One can't simply distinguish one without being given the other. In the end, there aren't really things as "right" or "wrong" since those words are merely opinions and what we hold as true from the beliefs of the masses. I can stand here and easily damage a soul if I was taught that this is simply the way things are and will always be. That this is the "right" thing to do. We wouldn't argue with that logic. I can also easily create a government in which we simply switch the words. Right is now wrong and wrong is now right. Beautiful is now ugly. Will the word be said with the essence of how it was meant to be? Will the word "beautiful" be said with a disgusted and disapproving look and tone or will we stay with the meaning it was made and say it with delight even though what we perceive is different from what we choose to say? It's all about perception. The way we see things. Or rather the way we like to see things. The belief of "THIS is the way it is because everyone says so." And if you were to ask everyone, they simply say the same. Because it is the way it has been. Says who? SO.....do we really have a conscience or are we just chained to the laws that society imposes on us? So in the end, are we really human because we can tell what is "RIGHT" and what is "WRONG"? Is there such thing as "right" and "wrong"? Another thing that my teacher tells me is that we are human because of our greater thinking capacity. A greater brain. Knowledge. While I do believe that this is true, there is a limitation. But why are we at the top of the food chain when we are clearly unstable animals? Thoughts are things that make us greater than others of our ancestors. We can think. Build weapons. Dams. Transportation. But we need tiny beads put in a capsule so we can stay happy and socially acceptable. Medications. Drugs. Antidepressants. Instability within the human mind. Corruptions. Distortions. Useless emotions, paranoia, something is out to get you. Or is it just yourself? My mother used to tell me, "There are people that would fall off a building and die before they hit the ground. Maybe they could have lived." Maybe. An experiment where a monkey is raised with a human child. Why is it that the child acts like the monkey and not the other way around? Maybe unlike them, our brains are unstable. Like an empty CD that has not been burned onto. Other animals, on the other hand, are stabilized. They have a set "codes," a certain "setting" that we do not have. Such as a permanent animal characteristic. We are all born as a tabula rasa. A blank slate. Flexible. A white piece of paper filled heart-warming prose written by an educated Englishman or a tattered piece of paper smeared with the fingerprints and blood of a criminal. Humans are merely an empty CD. Who am I to judge? So are we really the greater species? The self-proclaimed greatest empire in the animal kingdom? Or hallucination as an attempt to reassure ourselves that we are smarter than what is actually true? To maybe hide the fact that we are actually the ones at the bottom of the food chain? Paranoia? So what does it mean to be human? |
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| Semi | Apr 25 2011, 06:17 AM Post #3 |
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I AM GLORIOUS
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I hate war. I hate being in a war. It felt real. Total chaos. The sunken feeling of fear and broken hopes. As if you know the truth, but unwilling to admit it. Clinging onto that thin thread of denial. The city drowns in screams as the planes hover above head. The roar of the engines along with the explosions in the distance. Just running blindly, there's no place to go. The city engulfed in flames. I don't know where I am, or why I am here. I am just running. Where are my family? I don't know. Are they alive? I don't know. I don't know what I am doing. I don't know why I am running. I don't know where they are. I don't know anything. But fear kept me running. Struggling to find the will to keep going with the hope that maybe my family is still alive. Jumping over the dead bodies on the ground as your own survival is what matters most. The dead will be dead. At that moment, I just wanted to live another day. Every second felt like an hour. I just wanted to live. The last wish. I want to live. Even a day. An hour. A minute. Maybe just one more second. But I wanted it to last. I clung onto life. And wished for better days. I am thankful that it was only a dream. That I am still alive. And that I am no longer fighting until my last breath to live another day. I just am....alive. |
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| Semi | Apr 25 2011, 06:39 AM Post #4 |
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I AM GLORIOUS
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Hate the feeling of nausea for no reason. One moment you're there, the next in bed trying to sleep. The feeling of wanting to throw up but the body aches so badly you can't get up and every small movement sends you into vertigo. Breathe deeply because your body is crushed. Crushed under nothing....but the air feels heavy. Hate it. Hate the feeling of manual breathing. Think of breathing. You have to do it. Breathe. Because as soon as you drift to sleep, you stop breathing. Just completely stop. Until the brain finally wakes you up and tells you that you have to breathe. And then drift to sleep. And the process continues. Until your subconscious finally takes over and lets you fall asleep without having to think about breathing. I'm just glad I got some sleep. |
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| Semi | Apr 27 2011, 07:37 PM Post #5 |
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I AM GLORIOUS
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She was a girl about 8. Small and skinny. Her hair was black and dirty. Ragged. It clung to her face. To each other. He made her clothes. Dresses made from the skin of soccer balls sewn together. Sloppy. But beautiful. She wore ornaments on her head. Just because he gave them to her. She had big eyes and eyelashes that clung together. She loves him a lot. "I'll take care of you," he told her. He was about 8. Small and skinny. With big eyes and black hair. He wore his school uniform and came home to her with beautiful gifts made from the bottom of his heart. The last gift he gave her was an orange dress before he left to fight the war. She had a yellow walkie-talkie kept with her, always. --------- He's 15 now, fighting the war. Second in command. "They came to war knowing how to hold a gun. I came without knowing a single thing about weapons." He stepped onto the ship. "People counted the days to die. I count the days to live." "After the war is over, I can go back to her. " He died with several bullet wounds to the chest. But he helped win the war. It's over. He reached for a nearby walkie-talkie. And spoke in a raspy and quiet voice. "I love you, Rena." So her name was Rena. "I'm sorry these had to be the last words I tell you, but I'm dying." He smiled and closed his eyes. Every beat of his heart weaker than the last. Everything faded. His body propped against the wall in the colorful room. Blood and bodies. Everyone had colorful clothes, as if attending a party. Guns looked like toys. A child's playroom. Purple, blue, green, orange, yellow. Red. ------------------ She looked beautiful in the orange dress. I smiled and said goodbye. I told her I loved her. And I did. |
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| Semi | Apr 29 2011, 03:52 AM Post #6 |
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I AM GLORIOUS
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I like to rant. Because a lot of things bother me. And I would rant inside my head to the "people" inside my mind. I realized that after all my efforts of telling them what's bothering me, all I'm going to get is simply an "ok, that must suck," or something like "I see." A half-assed reply is all I'm going to get. At the end of the day, no one really gives a shit. Why waste time. I'll just be quiet. |
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| Semi | Apr 30 2011, 08:15 AM Post #7 |
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I AM GLORIOUS
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I just came to the realization that I talk to myself more often than I think. Like a conversation between sanity and insanity. But I don't know which is which. |
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| Semi | May 16 2011, 05:51 PM Post #8 |
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I AM GLORIOUS
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My eyes are open but I can't see. It's all foggy. No matter how wide I open my eyes, I can't seem to take in what's going on around me. Every time I walk, it feels like I'm floating. My equilibrium is messed up and I continue running into things. I'm sleepy. My ears are ringing and my throat hurts. The dead skin on my lips are peeling slowly. I can't inhale through my nostrils because it's all clogged up. I breathe through my mouth but the mucus in my throat makes it hard for the air to pass through. I'm tired. All I can do is sit around and stare wide-eyed at every single thing around me. I never thought just sight could be so interesting. Just to be able to perceive the things around me, it's interesting. My toes are gray and my fingernails are purple. It's cold but at the same time it's not. My hair is falling out again, it's clogging the drains. I don't know what to do. I'm just really tired. I cough. A lot. It feels like I'm constantly choking on water. Every time I go into a coughing fit, I can't stop. I don't have time to inhale or exhale. Just cough. It's hard to sleep like this. I'm still sleepy in the morning. I don't want to eat anything, drink anything. The soup tastes rotten and everything else is dry. I ended up eating white rice and soy sauce. At least that's something. So tired. But today is Monday. I have to get through the day even though I'm a bit dead on the inside. Just a little. |
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| Semi | May 25 2011, 05:19 AM Post #9 |
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I AM GLORIOUS
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So sleepy but I can't sleep. I'm always half-awake. And then I would wake up telling myself I should go back to bed. But I keep on thinking and in the end never get any sleep. Fuck. Finals. |
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| Semi | Jun 3 2011, 06:48 PM Post #10 |
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I AM GLORIOUS
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When we first moved to the US, the first house we lived in was next to this old lady, to say the least, she wasn't the friendliest. Due to some conflicts about marriage in the past, she disowned her children and now she lives alone in that house after her hudband's death. We were told to stay away from her, so we did. One day, she called us over as we walked past the garage when she was cleaning it out. Reluctant as we were, we complied. She led us inside the house and told us to take a seat. She left to get something and returned with an old doll in her hand. I didn't know much English, so I could only make out a few words here and there. She told us the doll was her daughter's and she wanted me to have it. It was old, had no shoes, the white dress it wore had already turned yellow from time and its hair was tangled and messy. It wasn't the most appealing and I assumed the only reason she gave it to me is because I happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. She asked me if I liked it, and of course, fearing for my life, I nodded and told her yes. Mom called us back and we left the house thanking her. A few weeks later, she died and her daughter came to pick her up. The time when she gave us the doll was the first and last moment I saw her. I know I didn't make this up because I remember leaving that doll in my closet, and once in a while, take it out to stare at its eyes. I don't know what happened to the doll when we moved here, but nevertheless I wished I kept that doll for the memory. Going to have to ask parent about the doll later. |
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