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| Parenting and working; Personal dillemma, input appreciated | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Mar 4 2007, 03:24 AM (132 Views) | |
| lara | Mar 4 2007, 03:24 AM Post #1 |
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Kopi Luwak
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Well, time for a full thread. I need to write this down and think for a while about what I write. As many of you know, I recently got a new job that translated to less time at home. It's been very difficult; Katya's behaviour has changed (for the worse) and I'm not as good at dealing with it because I don't know her as well as I did. I don't necessarily know what's wrong (and being 3, she rarely does), so I can't figure out what to do to improve the situation. Well, it takes much longer and there are some false tries. She could count on me before to help her sort out her world, and the fact that I can no longer do so doesn't help. It also doesn't help that she's angry and hurt because I'm home less. Well, I found out this week that there's a new four-day job opening at work (I work five days now). Thing is, it's 10 a.m. to 6:15 p.m. Friday and Saturday, and 4:15 p.m. to 12:30 a.m. Sunday and Monday. I'd be giving up a salary top-up if I go on mat. leave (and I'd like to have another child), which would make us quite house poor if I take a full year off (damn big mortgage). I'd also give up getting good holidays; part-timers are expected to cover for full-timers at times like Christmas, not take their own holidays. And I'd be giving up our family time - we'd have five evenings and one morning together as a family, which doesn't leave time for things like day outings. On the plus side, we'd only need child care for one and a half days a week, which would almost make up the salary difference, and I'd have way more time to raise my kid. Three full days, two half days and two evenings, not five mornings and two full days. Finally, I'm only staying on my current shift at work (noon to 8:15 p.m., Monday to Friday) until the end of April, when I'd go on nights - 4:15 p.m. to 12:30 a.m., Tuesday to Saturday. I requested the nights because it gives me six hours with Katya before I go to work, instead of the current three hours. I'd also still get a full weekend day for family time, and Saturday morning for errands like groceries. However, I don't know how well I'd take the sleep deprivation. Any input would be appreciated. I need to think about this. Maybe you guys can think of things I haven't considered. |
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| Regullus | Mar 4 2007, 05:22 PM Post #2 |
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Reliant
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I almost think the problem, workwise, is about solve itself with the new schedule. The part time sounds good in the short term but not the long term. As to Katya (pretty name), it may be more her age than your absence. Three is a tumultous time. I think you would want to stay full time with the planned baby and extended work leave. Difficult choices with no easy outs. :( |
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| Drew | Mar 4 2007, 08:21 PM Post #3 |
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Apparently not Cybersquirt's favorite person
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Personally, I'd rather have more time each day than an extra full day, myself. Count up the hours, factoring in when your daughter is going to be sleeping or otherwise not available, and ask yourself if the new schedule will really give you more time with her. |
| Poor baby. Couldn't find a fight anywhere else so you had to come here, huh. -Cyber. | |
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| lara | Mar 4 2007, 10:59 PM Post #4 |
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Kopi Luwak
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Geez, you guys are smart. I did just that yesterday, Drew, and I realized the real question is: Can I parent and copy edit well while suffering sleep deprivation? Oh, Reg, thanks. Her full name is Katerina, but she insists on Katya by now. |
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| Eral | Mar 4 2007, 11:49 PM Post #5 |
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Kopi Luwak
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If you are planning on another littlie, I would strongly advise you not to go part time, or take on mucky hours. It will be TOO HARD. I really believe the problems you are seeing in Katya are because she is three. She is reaching an age when she doesn't want you to sort out everything for her, she wants to do it herself. Because she can't, you get the acting out and tantrums and all the three stuff. Also, if you are working to provide some financial stability for the future, then keep on doing it. Katya will survive child care: in fact, she will benefit from inter-actions with others, particularly at this age. You are feeling immediate pain, but the long term benefits are really important. Having regular hours is better for you, your husband and Katya. Don't kill yourself trying to do everything. |
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| lara | Mar 5 2007, 02:50 AM Post #6 |
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Kopi Luwak
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Oh, it's the night shift or the part-time work for me, Eral. I can't stand the way things are now. I realize kids go through this, but I know it would be different if I was home more often. I really don't know her as well as I used to, and I truly believe she is little enough that more mom time would be healthy. I also have a very high opinion of my parenting skills, and these nannies make me crazy with their bad habits. Shoes in the house in winter?! Letting my kid and her friends play in her Sunday dresses?! And my sweet kid is saying "Oh my Gos" and "What the heck?" all the time now. Yeah, okay, I'm a bit intense in some ways. It's partly because I want to raise my child, gosh darn it. |
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| Eral | Mar 5 2007, 03:14 AM Post #7 |
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Kopi Luwak
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You should have said it was part of your ob/com disorder. I completely understand. Please go ahead and do it. I am appalled it is not possible for you to negotiate conditions that work for you. And you all need a 38 hour week. This is unbelievably bad. My brother-in-law is contemplating taking on the editor's position at his paper: a 12 hour day, 5 days a week - on call on the weekends. The reason the current editor is leaving the position? Needs some time to fix his wrecked relationships with his wife. This is why I am a commie. |
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| lara | Mar 5 2007, 03:39 AM Post #8 |
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Kopi Luwak
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Well, my work week is 38.75 hours (7.75 hours a day). My problem is that that means, including commuting, 50 hours away from home, which, if I work days, leaves (if I work at it) about 40 waking hours a week at home. I was working a 35 hour work week. It's amazing what a difference those few hours make. I also didn't take a meal break at my old job (we ate at our desks); once you factor in the (unpaid) meal break at my new job, it's 8.25 hours a day. If I work nights, I get (if I work at it) more than 50 hours a week with my kid. My sleep is what gives. If I work part-time, I get (if I work at it) more than 50 hours a week with my kid. My weekends and money are what gives. I think I'll go with option number two - full-time nights - for as long as I can handle it. We'll see. |
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| Eral | Mar 6 2007, 02:20 AM Post #9 |
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Kopi Luwak
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Well, at least they are flexible about you changing hours. I feel you are drastically under-valuing sleep, but it's your life.
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| lara | Mar 6 2007, 03:57 AM Post #10 |
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Kopi Luwak
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Remember, Eral, I still remember the newborn, breast-feeding days. I would have KILLED for six hours sleep in a row back then, and a nap on top? Heaven! |
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| Bex | Mar 6 2007, 05:51 AM Post #11 |
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puppet dictator
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Not being a parent or in a position to try to strike this kind of balance, I really don't have any advice to offer. I do wish you luck though. |
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I belong to one of those families that does not speak to or see its members as often as we should, but if someone needed anyone to fall on a sword for her, there would be a queue waiting to commit the deed. -Min Jin Lee | |
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| lara | Mar 7 2007, 04:10 AM Post #12 |
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Kopi Luwak
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Thanks, Bex. That helps, too. |
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6:59 PM Jul 11