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Women re: men in positions of "authority"
Topic Started: May 8 2007, 05:28 AM (560 Views)
Joe
Coffea Canephora
Is it easier for females to become attracted to men who occupy roles that are "above" them? I'm not really talking about bosses or that kind of thing, but more about tutor/tutee, teacher/student, mentor/protege, pastor/churchgoer.

Do women have a particular vulnerability to men they feel are helpful, or "taking care" of them in some way?
In the shadow of the light from a black sun
Frigid statue standing icy blue and numb
Where are the frost giants I've begged for protection?
I'm freezing
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Eral
Kopi Luwak
My initial response is that it's an over-generalisation or simplification, but perhaps it is described by transactional analysis best: a parent/child aspect to the relationship, where one person provides security or nurturing or abdication of responsibility to the other. I don't believe it is particular to women: although we are presented with more examples of women seeking an older/stable/wiser partner. Freudians would say women with a father-fixation choose authority figures: but it pains me deeply to give any credit to Freud.

I read an article not long ago discussing the different needs men and women have in a relationship, and while I accepted some things, others seemed bogus to me.

Women:
affection
conversation
honesty and openess
financial commitment
family commitment

Men:
sexual fulfillment
recreational companionship
attractive spouse
domestic support
admiration

I think the difficulty for me is perceiving any of these needs as gender-based. Also, these ideas are predicated on the notion of relationships as static, not fluid: and that doesn't sit well with my experience or knowledge.
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Bex
puppet dictator
Oh sweet merciful crap.

Depends on the individual. It also depends on the individual whether this is healthy, some kind of psychological fixation, or just a coincidence.

It's no more fair to ask this question about women than to ask if all men are looking for someone they can dominate, or even someone they can "take care of." Because they're obviously not.
I belong to one of those families that does not speak to or see its members as often as we should,
but if someone needed anyone to fall on a sword for her, there would be a queue waiting to commit the deed.
-Min Jin Lee
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Joe
Coffea Canephora
But I didn't ask if all women are looking for this, I only asked if it was easier for them to be in that situation.

I am wondering if they are more *susceptible*, just like men are more susceptible to other situations.
In the shadow of the light from a black sun
Frigid statue standing icy blue and numb
Where are the frost giants I've begged for protection?
I'm freezing
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Regullus
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Reliant
Be more specific. As the question was asked, no, I don't think some women (girls) are particularly susceptible to a helpful teacher/mentor type relationship.

An individual may be suspectible to certain types of relationships for a variety of reasons.

Here's a male situation that Hollywood insists the male is susceptible to:

The pretty young babysitter enters the employer's study and erotically removes her dress offering her nubile nakedness to him. The man is so overcome with desire her forgets his wife, his children, statutory rape laws, societal disapprobation and ravages the willingly offered succulent morsel.
tempus_teapot
 
I'd like to add that at this point I have taken my Spider Jerusalem action figure and tied his wrist to my Cassidy (from Preacher) action figure just so I can work out which positions are feasible with them and which aren't.

Read that and weep, internet. Weep!

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Bex
puppet dictator
Easier? More susceptible? Again, it's too much of a generalization, I think.

From my personal perspective, I consider the circumstances you outlined awkward, and even inappropriate. My preference is for an even footing.

While I may admire an individual from whom I feel I can learn something, such feelings are unlikely to be combined with romantic impulses.
I belong to one of those families that does not speak to or see its members as often as we should,
but if someone needed anyone to fall on a sword for her, there would be a queue waiting to commit the deed.
-Min Jin Lee
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Joe
Coffea Canephora
You're right, I was too general.

Say the woman is emotionally vulnerable.
In the shadow of the light from a black sun
Frigid statue standing icy blue and numb
Where are the frost giants I've begged for protection?
I'm freezing
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Drew
Member Avatar
Apparently not Cybersquirt's favorite person
Getting promoted and trying to find out if it'll get you more tail, Joe?
Poor baby. Couldn't find a fight anywhere else so you had to come here, huh. -Cyber.
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Joe
Coffea Canephora
OH YES
In the shadow of the light from a black sun
Frigid statue standing icy blue and numb
Where are the frost giants I've begged for protection?
I'm freezing
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lara
Member Avatar
Kopi Luwak
I'm inclined to say this is a question of socialization - of the women in question and/or of our perception of such things.

Women take young men in hand and have relationships with them, but the young men don't tend to be seen as looking for someone to take care of them. Like as not, the young men's peers congratulate them, and the women are seen as sexual educators.

I would guess that in many ways, the psychology of the women/boy relationships isn't all that much different from that of the men/girl relationships.
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Eral
Kopi Luwak
I am extremely upset that I wasted my energy being very calm and measured when I could have given in to my first impulse and said
Quote:
 
Oh sweet merciful crap.
:lol:

If you are asking are we pathetic and needy and clingy and lacking in self respect, I think we can resoundingly say "no." I think it obvious none of us were going to ever say women are, at all. I am wondering why you are asking us, but don't tell me, I don't really want to know.

It's a stereotype. The young woman is viewed as being "taken care of" by the older man, because women are meant to be vulnerable and innocent and to avoid learning experiences because it is only youth that is attractive. The young man is viewed as being "educated" because men are meant to be strong and in charge and age and experience adds to their value. :rolleyes:




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Regullus
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Reliant
It's an individual thing or even in some societies, a societal thing but otherwise it's not specific to gender. I also think while it's a gender stereotype it's a rare gender stereotype in the West at least in my experience.

People do all sorts of things.
tempus_teapot
 
I'd like to add that at this point I have taken my Spider Jerusalem action figure and tied his wrist to my Cassidy (from Preacher) action figure just so I can work out which positions are feasible with them and which aren't.

Read that and weep, internet. Weep!

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Bex
puppet dictator
Eral
May 9 2007, 02:47 AM
I am extremely upset that I wasted my energy being very calm and measured when I could have given in to my first impulse and said
Quote:
 
Oh sweet merciful crap.
:lol:

Your restraint has been admirable. I'm proud.

"Sweet merciful crap" is a phrase I gleefully appropriated from an older bottomless scroll case mod for BG2, made by some guy named Craig(?).
I belong to one of those families that does not speak to or see its members as often as we should,
but if someone needed anyone to fall on a sword for her, there would be a queue waiting to commit the deed.
-Min Jin Lee
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Joe
Coffea Canephora
I don't understand the hostile replies. I really don't.
In the shadow of the light from a black sun
Frigid statue standing icy blue and numb
Where are the frost giants I've begged for protection?
I'm freezing
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Drew
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Apparently not Cybersquirt's favorite person
As the only other dude here, I would feel remiss not to point out that I understand the hostility.......

But I have no real desire to explain it to you. In fact, I think I'm just going to grab some popcorn and watch the :spank: until you figure it out on your own.
Poor baby. Couldn't find a fight anywhere else so you had to come here, huh. -Cyber.
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Joe
Coffea Canephora
I never said or implied that women are pathetic, or that they are more pathetic than men.
In the shadow of the light from a black sun
Frigid statue standing icy blue and numb
Where are the frost giants I've begged for protection?
I'm freezing
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Drew
Member Avatar
Apparently not Cybersquirt's favorite person
Drew
May 9 2007, 11:59 PM
But I have no real desire to explain it to you. In fact, I think I'm just going to grab some popcorn and watch the :spank: until you figure it out on your own.

:D
Poor baby. Couldn't find a fight anywhere else so you had to come here, huh. -Cyber.
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Joe
Coffea Canephora
Alright.
In the shadow of the light from a black sun
Frigid statue standing icy blue and numb
Where are the frost giants I've begged for protection?
I'm freezing
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lara
Member Avatar
Kopi Luwak
Joe
May 9 2007, 11:20 PM
I don't understand the hostile replies. I really don't.

I don't think I saw any hostile replies.
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Joe
Coffea Canephora
You must not have read the thread, then.
In the shadow of the light from a black sun
Frigid statue standing icy blue and numb
Where are the frost giants I've begged for protection?
I'm freezing
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Krazy
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I haz powah!
Drew
May 10 2007, 12:59 AM
As the only other dude here, I would feel remiss not to point out that I understand the hostility.......

But I have no real desire to explain it to you. In fact, I think I'm just going to grab some popcorn and watch the :spank: until you figure it out on your own.

Well as another dude, I didn't post in this thread, because quite frankly I didn't have anything to say on the matter.

I have been quite content to sit back and see how the women reacted though. :D
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Bex
puppet dictator
"Sweet merciful crap" is not, and has never been, a hostile phrase. In case there was any question about that.

Much of hostility is in perception, unless someone is actively trying to stab you in the kidneys.
I belong to one of those families that does not speak to or see its members as often as we should,
but if someone needed anyone to fall on a sword for her, there would be a queue waiting to commit the deed.
-Min Jin Lee
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lara
Member Avatar
Kopi Luwak
Joe
May 10 2007, 04:42 AM
You must not have read the thread, then.

I was thinking about it after I posted that, and perhaps Drew's posts could be taken as hostile. I just thought the rest were discussion. Heck, by my family's/friends' standards, Drew's posts aren't hostile and the rest of us are downright jocular.

Was I perceived as hostile?
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Joe
Coffea Canephora
No.
In the shadow of the light from a black sun
Frigid statue standing icy blue and numb
Where are the frost giants I've begged for protection?
I'm freezing
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Krazy
Member Avatar
I haz powah!
I haven't seen anything I would class as hostile either.

But I would ask what got Joe to ask in the first place. Seems a fairly abstract thing to just ask out of nowhere, so I'm guessing something initiated this. Of course I could be totally wrong, but that's my thoughts on it and it might provide some context for the discussion.
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