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deep dark secret; see above
Topic Started: Apr 10 2008, 05:53 AM (168 Views)
lara
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Kopi Luwak
Folks, I feel darned close to you guys, and I probably talk more to you folks than anyone other than my kid and my husband. Well, about things other than these *$%# writers and this *#@% computer equipment.

I talk to my sister and I just started talking to people at a fertility forum about the fact that I have been trying to get pregnant for three years. Other people might know, but I don't talk to them about it.

My best friend in Toronto knows I want to get pregnant. Her eldest is five months older than Katya, and she's pregnant with her third. She hates being pregnant and hopes it's a boy so she doesn't ever have to get pregnant again. (They have two girls and her husband wants a boy.) I love her dearly and she's a great mom, but God, it's hard to be around her. She's a complainer at the best of times and when she's pregnant, there's not a lot else she talks about, although she tries not to go on to me.

I just had to get that off my chest. I just needed to tell someone other than my husband how sad I am.
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Inky
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Thai
*hug*

I don't claim to understand, but I feel for you. That sucks. I'm sorry.
_____________
Jobbar du naken?
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Bex
puppet dictator
What Inky said.

We are here for venting.
I belong to one of those families that does not speak to or see its members as often as we should,
but if someone needed anyone to fall on a sword for her, there would be a queue waiting to commit the deed.
-Min Jin Lee
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LizDiggory
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Breakfast
My sis is in your situation, only she doesn't have a child yet, this would be her first and probably last one. She's 29 and my brother-in-law is 45. And she wants a little girl so bad, only she didn't want to start trying until she was able to get off of some medication that she had to take for her epilepsy that had a high risk for a certain birth defect. <_<

Oh and more hugs and a pint of B&J. :console:
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Eral
Kopi Luwak
:( :tp:

I'm sorry your friend is so self-absorbed: that is very tough to sit through. Maybe let her know how lucky you think she is, and how happy you would be in her position. That might help her be a bit more sensitive.

Do you know what's causing the problem? Can it be fixed? Or is it something that you just have to grieve over?

I hope that the joy Katya brings you helps ease the pain a little.

:console:
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Regullus
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Reliant
Ah, lara, I am so sorry. :(

I knew you wanted to have another child but I didn't realize you were having difficulties.

What are they saying?

Are you taking care of yourself?

As to Iamgloriouslyfertilebuthateit friend, honestly, I'd tell her.

I've been in a similar situation with my best friend. She tried for years to get pregnant, she did fertility treatments, sperm donors, she never did implantation but otherwise everything else. She once was pregnant but miscarried in the second month. I got pregnant semi-accidently and looked pregnant from inception.

She was very excited for me, very supportive, I tried to keep it low key. I was honest but I didn't or tried not to rub her nose in it. I don't know how successful I was, (it's difficult to pretend you're not pregnant when you weigh a 180 and wear overalls :rolleyes: )but I at least tried to be tactful.

I know how she felt, month after month, it's very stressful, disappointing and draining. :tp:

On the bright fertility side, both my sister in laws got pregnant late, one had her first child at 43 and the other had her second child at 41.

My s-i-l with the 2 children had gotten her tubes tied (I know, how elegantly phrased!) when she was 30 because she had really bad ovary problems and never thought she wanted children. She met my brother, got them untied at 39 and was pregnant within 4 months.

There's plenty of time. Don't stress too badly. :)

tempus_teapot
 
I'd like to add that at this point I have taken my Spider Jerusalem action figure and tied his wrist to my Cassidy (from Preacher) action figure just so I can work out which positions are feasible with them and which aren't.

Read that and weep, internet. Weep!

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lara
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Kopi Luwak
You guys are the bestest.

I am so happy with my little girl, we are so happy, Gordon and I have decided we're not going to go the fertility treatment route. What will be, will be. I guess I was in denial, because I only recently started charting, and I'm in the process of gathering data to take to a doctor (i.e. figuring out how often (or if) I'm ovulating). (Should this be in the icky girl stuff thread? ;P ) I just find the process depressing, because my cycles have never been regular, I've been pregnant once in my life and it's all just so scientific. :P Ah, me, at least I'm learning more about my body.

I'm just trying to find out what's going on at this point. I only have one irregular thing so far in my charting (an unpredictable luteal phase), but I've been sick often enough and not charting long, so even that's not sure.

If this is all Greek to you (it was to me), feel free to ask questions about what the hell I'm talking about.

Ruthie does her best, but when you feel like crap all the time, it's hard not to mention it. I understand that.

And Reg, I'm sleep deprived and I've been ill a lot, so no, I guess I'm not taking good enough care of myself, but there's nothing I can do about it that I'm willing to do, other than being more conscientious about taking my vitamins, trying to get more exercise and trying to force myself to bed earlier (which isn't that early anyway).

The fact that I work nights and Gordon works days doesn't help the sex life, either.

Another reason I don't want to work full time.

But I'm grateful for what I have and I refuse to let things ruin my life, so there. And now I'm going to go make another thread about my weird and wonderful life.
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Bex
puppet dictator
This is totally icky girly stuff, but with the charting, are you just measuring your temperature, or are you doing daily swabs for cervical mucus? Have you looked much at fertility awareness?
I belong to one of those families that does not speak to or see its members as often as we should,
but if someone needed anyone to fall on a sword for her, there would be a queue waiting to commit the deed.
-Min Jin Lee
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lara
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Kopi Luwak
Hey Bex. I'm temping and trying to remember daily checks of CM, although my fertile CM tends to be fairly obvious. :P I joined a website called Fertility Friend that has all kinds of charting info. on it. One of these months when I'm not sick I'm going to do ovulation strips, too, but with my unpredictable cycles, that could be expensive. I just want to see what information I get. Then I'll take all that to the doc.

Fertility friend is fairly awesome. It does a chart and a calendar, rates your intercourse timing, tells you when you should first test, tells you about any concerns, etc. It's about $20 for three months after the first three-month trial period, though.
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Bex
puppet dictator
lara
Apr 10 2008, 12:02 PM
my fertile CM tends to be fairly obvious. :P

Yeah, mine too.

There's a locally-based organization that promotes fertility awareness, but they have at least one listing for a practitioner in Toronto. Could be worth checking out, if only to talk directly to somebody about it.
http://justisse.ca/
I belong to one of those families that does not speak to or see its members as often as we should,
but if someone needed anyone to fall on a sword for her, there would be a queue waiting to commit the deed.
-Min Jin Lee
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Inky
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Thai
I'd venture a guess that all the stress you're under with work and trying to juggle that with home life and a zillion other things isn't helping matters. Here, take two of these magic stress-dissolving jellybeans and call me when you're knocked up.
_____________
Jobbar du naken?
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LizDiggory
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Breakfast
lara
Apr 10 2008, 02:02 PM
Fertility friend is fairly awesome. It does a chart and a calendar, rates your intercourse timing, tells you when you should first test, tells you about any concerns, etc. It's about $20 for three months after the first three-month trial period, though.

Can you give me a link that I can give my sis? :-*
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lara
Unregistered

Fer sher, Liz! It's easy: www.fertilityfriend.com
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lara
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Kopi Luwak
Inky
Apr 10 2008, 07:32 PM
I'd venture a guess that all the stress you're under with work and trying to juggle that with home life and a zillion other things isn't helping matters. Here, take two of these magic stress-dissolving jellybeans and call me when you're knocked up.

Delicious!

You may well be exactly right, Inky. I got pregnant with Katya after working part-time for five months (relaxed) and then landing a full-time job (stress goes bye). In fact, I'm next to positive I got pregnant on my first day on the job, although I didn't get pregnant at the job.

It's another thing I "blame" on my job, on my mortgage, and (sometimes) on my husband (who likes to spend more than I do and isn't happy in a humble home).

:badmood:

Well, not really in a bad mood right now, although I'm tired.

Hugs to your sis, Liz. Hopefully it just magically happens for her someday soon.

Tuesday is my test day (if I haven't already mentioned that). Just remember one thing, please: don't ask. You know you guys will hear.
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lara
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Kopi Luwak
BFN as they say in the fertility circles: Big Fucking Negative. Actually, didn't even get to that. Tuesday was already Day 3 of my cycle.

So I'll vent here again when I need to.
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Nibsi
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Te zijner tijd
Sorry for hijacking Lara, but something incredibly weird and amazing just happened, and I thought this thread would be perfect to share something I should be quite discrete with, for now.

Meaghan and I have sort of decided that well... we want to share our days together. I realize we've been an item for well, less than a month, and apart from chatting using a webcam, we haven't really met each other 'IRL'; but the ways we connect are so amazing and indescribable, I can simply not believe we were not meant for each other. My legs have never been so shaky before; I thought I was going to have a heart attack, and I had to put my hands under the warm tap for five minutes.

Seeing as how young we still are, and how much there still can happen once I visit her in Canada; I realize that people are going to be sceptic about it. I wish I could just show how serious I am about this.
And yes, it's also going to be a long time until we finally do manage to go live together in a place of our own, but I'm having a hard time not imagining it happening.

I am over the moon. For now this is my deep secret, and I thank you for letting me share.
-Nibby
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Eral
Kopi Luwak
:grouphug:

:-*

:)
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Bex
puppet dictator
That's sweet. I wish you all the best. Conduct yourselves with patience and good sense as you try to work out the logistics, and go easy on each other (but not too easy).
I belong to one of those families that does not speak to or see its members as often as we should,
but if someone needed anyone to fall on a sword for her, there would be a queue waiting to commit the deed.
-Min Jin Lee
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Regullus
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Reliant
I'm glad for the two of you, Nibby. Very sweet. :grouphug:
tempus_teapot
 
I'd like to add that at this point I have taken my Spider Jerusalem action figure and tied his wrist to my Cassidy (from Preacher) action figure just so I can work out which positions are feasible with them and which aren't.

Read that and weep, internet. Weep!

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lara
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Kopi Luwak
Nibby, I am happy you are so happy. I'm also glad you will take time. I certainly don't mind about it being in this thread. Secrets stay here.
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