| Wasting Away Again In Margaritaville; II, Fight Night | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 4 2016, 03:54 PM (44 Views) | |
| Azrael Goeren | May 4 2016, 03:54 PM Post #1 |
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The MegaStar
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So let me get this straight. You’re totally clean now? Like a newborn baby wiped clean of placenta and swaddled in a blue blanket, mein freund. Gross. I don’t believe it. It’s totally true. You would not believe how much drug paraphernalia we ditched in the Boston dump. There was already so much there though. I tried to find some nice impressionable young hooligans to give them to but Michael “Taliban” Robinson over here said that type of generosity would be frowned upon. You’d be back in jail in no time. They do like me there. They call me El Blanco Diablo Polo Loco. That’s my street name. The white...devil...crazy...chicken? Represent, yo! So wait a second. Let’s go back to the no drugs thing. Sure. You don’t do any drugs at all? Nein. ANY? Nein! Not even your psychedelic mushroom morning omelettes? A thing of the past. A good thing too, I was always wondering why those bitches in Family Circus kept laughing at me over breakfast. I caught him having sex with the newspaper...so...many...times… The mom was hot! It was a Garfield comic strip. John Arbuckle was hot! What about coke? I mean, I once watched you make a sand castle out of cocaine on your desk. Ach, ja. Good ol’ Castle Nosecandy. Torn down, stripped of parts and sent away to help underprivileged schools. Allegorically speaking, of course. Man. I don’t know what the world is coming to. When I can’t trust my old buddy Azrael Goeren to snort a line of fire ants while getting a rimjob from a tranny, what can I believe in any more? Believe in yourself, Herr Willamz. Maybe one day you’ll find an “S” for the end of your name and you’ll become a real boy. Despite his affluence, the ability to kick back and relax with friends was something that Azrael Goeren was never able to afford. More realistically, it was never anything he ever wanted. A mind and soul polluted for so long with ambitions of power and material wealth, he never had time to waste away going over pleasantries. Only recently has Goeren realized what he’s missed. Sitting at the famous Tiki Bar at Sullys Pub in Hartford, Azrael Goeren is flanked by two men at the bamboo bar. To his right is Michael Robinson, his longtime friend and business partner. To his left is a man who wrestling fans recognize as Ryan Williamz, a cruiserweight champion the world over and an associate of Azrael Goeren’s dating back nearly 15 years now. Williamz has changed very little since the world last saw him. A bit of a paunch around his stomach these days, but his flowing jet black hair and boyish good looks still make it easy to pick him out from a crowd. After retiring at a young age due to injury, Williamz tried his hand at refereeing in various promotions and even briefly worked with Michael Robinson as a referee in OPW. The three men are the only occupants of the Tiki Bar this evening as a light drizzle coats the patio. A burly bartender, looking completely out of place for this type of island environment, cleans a few glasses under the protection of his cabana. Goeren, Robinson and Williamz huddle side by side at the bar, with two beers in front of Mike and Ryan and a giant, overly complicated coconut drink saddled with umbrellas and pierced fruit sitting in front of Goeren. Its really weird to see you this...sober. It was long overdue. We’re not kids anymore, time to take responsibility for my life and be the fine, upstanding citizen the world needs me to be. Says the man who makes fuck flicks for a living. I don’t star in them, Michael. I simply produce them. Besides, Schadenfreude.com swept the Japanese Adult Video Awards last month. I’d like you to refer to them as “award winning” fuck flicks from now on, if you please. That one with the tentacles...man...I’ll never unsee that one… IT WAS BEAUTIFUL, DAMN IT! SAILOR MOON AND PIKACHU WERE IN LOVE! RESPECT THEIR LOVE! RESPECT IT! I am so happy I retired. Goeren chuckles to himself and grabs hold of his massive drink, trying to finagle the straw to his mouth. You sure you’re done? I’m on great terms with the new/old bosses. I could totally land you a spot on the referee squad. I’d vouch for you with the Dravens. You were the best ref I had working for me. Nah guys, I’m done. Don’t have any desire to get back in the ring. Besides, I’ve got my own thing now. Ja, you told us. Mr. High School History Teacher. Sounds positively thrilling. I don’t get blasted with chairs or dropped off ladders at that job. Well, not at Bristol. You’d have to move to Detroit for that. You know if you’ve really kicked the junk Goeren, I’d love to have you come in and talk to the students at assembly. Haha, Azrael Goeren...Motivational Anti-Drug Speaker. If that isn’t proof of a glitch in the Matrix, I don’t know what the fuck is. Quiet you or you’ll taste the back of my hand and/or scrotum! Herr Williamzezez, I’ll be more than happy to come in and have a chat with the kiddies about the horrors of abuse. I am, afterall, an international sensation and THE most popular wrestler with a penis in the world today. He’s just mad because Laura Seton is still more popular than he is, according to Buzzfeed. Fuckin’ Seton, what’s she have that I don’t have? Breasts? A clean police record? This is the last time I go drinking with two referees. You both barely count as people, you know. Thanks Azzy, you’re a swell guy. Shut your whore mouth and don’t let that word get out. I have a reputation to protect. Another round of laughs and a few swigs of the booze. Goeren leans back in his tiki chair and motions for another round for his companions. So, you like what you do these days? Molding minds and shaping futures? Yeah, I really do. It’s honestly a blessing considering how badly things were going for me for awhile. Good for you, man. Like I’ve always said, it takes a special sort of lunacy to want to be a professional wrestler in the first place, Herr Williamz. You’re proof positive that we can all make it out of this crazy world in one piece. It wasn’t easy, that’s for sure. You turned out far better than Slynn did. Jimmy? Goeren nods, tearing away all of the peripherals of his drink and just tossing back the boozy goodness. What’s he up to these days? Last I heard, closing down his wrestling school. Good riddance to pathetic bullshit. Really? Fuck. He wanted me to help train there after OPW closed. Smartest decision you ever made was not involving yourself with that man. This whole night wouldn’t have been nearly as pleasant if you sided with him. It’s the little decisions in life that make the biggest impacts, huh? You have no idea, old friend. Poor Slynn. Poor Slynn. Fuck Slynn. He brought it all on himself. Some guys just don’t know how to turn it off when their careers are over. They still think every day is a fight. It’s not? Not for you. For me, maybe. I’ve still got one last ladder to climb. But you got out. Good on you. Goeren slams the drink down victoriously, motioning the bartender for another one. The look of apathy in the bartender's eyes screams volumes from across the bar as he slowly...very...slowly...starts to prepare another ridiculous drink for the crazed German Megastar. Suddenly, the muffled yet melodic tunes of “How Will I Know” by Whitney Houston fill the empty patio as Goeren grabs his phone. After peering down at the name who is calling him, Goeren stands up and leans over to Williamz. Entschuldigen sie, mein freund. I have to take this. Azrael answers the phone with a genuine smile and slowly walks away from his two companions, leaving Michael shaking his head. Ryan nudges him with his elbow, staring off in Goeren’s direction. Let me guess...a prostitute? Or a stripper? Man. You have no idea how close you are. Same old Azrael. No. That’s the scary part. This one is different. He's...better...when he's with her. Say it ain’t so. Glitches in the Matrix, man. I don’t know what to believe in anymore. Drink up. Now that I can believe in. *clink* ********************** Lou. Its funny how far I’ve come in my career. A few years ago, I would have gone out of my way to make sure that you never even made it to this match. That’s not a veiled threat or anything, just merely reflecting on how things have changed personally for me. Lucky for you, I do things far more honorably these days. When you and I meet at Fight Night for the right to advance in the Path of the Warrior Tournament, you have my word as a German and a gentleman that I’ll wait for you to get in the ring before I systematically take you apart and dissect you. I know, I know. I’m far too nice. But never mistake my pleasant demeanor and jovial attitude these days for weakness, Lou. Far too many people have done that in the past and to underestimate a competitor’s tenacity is beneath you. You’ve built a career on being a phenomenal in-ring talent and tag-team competitor, but this is a different world. I wonder if you truly understand the scope of what you and I are about to embark upon. This isn’t just a chance to win the greatest prize in our business today, this is about putting an entire company on your back and moving forward because you know you are the best person for the job. Can you say that about yourself, Lou? Can you handle the responsibility? Because I can. I was born for this role. Whether people hated me in the past or cheer my name in the present, I was always ready to pull the banner from the mud and wave it proudly, regardless of the target it put on my back. I thrive in situations like that, knowing the future of professional wrestling is in my hands to shape as I see fit. I’ve had those opportunities denied to me by pig fuckers like Gates in the past, but now that he’s out of the picture I have no obstacles standing between me and the World Heavyweight Title aside from you and the rest of the EWA roster. Compared to how the deck is usually stacked, I’d say I finally have caught a fair deal, or about as fair as it can be in our business. So my dear Lou, I desperately hope you are up to the challenge. There are no tag-team partners to rely on here, only talent and luck. And I’ve got both in spades. ********************** The next day. ...and that was the third time that I ever visited the Philippines but definitely not the last time I experimented with ecstasy and horse tranquilizer-laced fruit smoothies. Let me tell you kids something. When you’re in the alleyway of a Filipino opium den, guzzling a strawberry drug concoction out of a soiled Dunkin Donuts thermos and getting a handjob from a 63 year old grandmother, you MIGHT think you hit rock bottom. But let me tell you about a little place called Amsterdam… Azrael adjusts the microphone in the school gymnasium, his captive audience of naive teenagers reacting with mouths agape and wide-eyed looks of horror as they squirm uncomfortably in their auditorium seats. Off to the side of the stage is Ryan Williamz, dressed in his professional shirt and tie, shaking his head in disbelief. Michael Robinson is at his side, chuckling to himself as he whispers quietly over to Ryan. Same old Azrael, huh? I am so getting fired for this... |
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10:52 AM Jul 11